


meet me on the fire escape

by panicmoonwalker



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, im sorry????, there are many tropes but mostly, this might be one of the slowest burns in the history of the world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2020-07-23 16:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 131,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20011684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicmoonwalker/pseuds/panicmoonwalker
Summary: Amy Santiago meets her best friend on her 6th birthday.The fire escape outside her window used to be her peaceful solace from her annoying brothers, but when Jake Peralta moves upstairs, it becomes so much more.





	1. you can count on me, like one two three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from count on me by bruno mars
> 
> _If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,  
>  I'll sail the world to find you  
> If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,  
> I'll be the light to guide you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updated chapter notes! i have chapter titles now!
> 
> thank you to becca and jo for all your help 
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

On Amy Santiago’s 6th birthday, a new family moves into their apartment building. She’s the first one to notice the uhaul truck on the curb, a taller lady helping her child with fluffy curly hair out of the truck. The boy is holding tightly onto a toy car, breathing heavily from what she can see - he’s upset. 

She is first treated like royalty at the breakfast table before her pregnant mother demands that Amy and her brothers go offer their new neighbours some help with the move. The woman introduces herself as Karen, and mentions that she’s moving into the apartment a floor above theirs. The boy is hiding half behind her leg, still clutching tightly to his toy car. 

“These are my children. Luis, Tony, Benji, David and Amy.” Victor announces, pointing to each of them as he speaks. He nods his head down towards the boy, “And who might this be?”

“Come on, introduce yourself Jakey.” Karen runs her hand through his wild hair, stepping to the side.

“Hi… I’m Jake.”

Amy steps forward eagerly and puts out her hand, “I’m Amy Santiago, pleased to make your acquaintance!”

Jake takes her hand and shakes it lightly with a soft smile, holding it for a moment before David pushes her to the side to introduce himself. They find out that Jake is a year older than Amy, but a year younger than David - so the whole day is them arguing about whose best friend Jake will be. 

He doesn’t talk much in return; he takes a box at a time and tries to keep the toy car he has with him at all times. He’s polite as well, thanking them all once everything is moved from the truck before running away to his room. 

At dinner, their dad tells all of them to be kind to Jake, the table shocked silent when they are told that his father had recently abandoned him and his mother. Their family is so close and large that the thought of a family member leaving with no reasoning is a complete shock to their family.

The pull she had felt towards Jake since she first saw him felt stronger than ever now and she can’t understand it, but she wants to run upstairs and hug him to make sure he’s okay. Later that night, on the fire escape, she gets to do just that. 

They live in a four bedroom apartment on the third floor, it’s the only larger apartment in their building. Her oldest brothers, Luis, Benji and Tony share a room, while her and David are stuck in a room together. It had only recently changed; Luis and Benji were together, and Tony and David were together while she had her own room. Since her parents had discovered they were having twins, everything had to be shifted around. 

Amy was thrilled for two new siblings to join their family (she’s hoping for at least _one_ sister) but to share her room with her least favourite brother is exhausting. Every night she escapes to the fire escape outside their room to have exactly 30 minutes of peaceful reading before her mom forces her to go to sleep. 

But when she climbs out of her window, on the cool summer night of her 6th birthday, she doesn’t expect to hear the cries of the boy from upstairs. Her head flies upwards to find Jake clutching on to his toy car that never left his side today.

She climbs up the staircase quietly, and when Jake notices her he clutches onto the car tighter and seems to shrink somehow. “Hi.” His voice is soft, and she barely hears him over the sniffling.

“Are you okay?” She moves to sit next to him, holding her book in her lap.

“Well I’m crying, so no.” Jake mumbles, wiping his cheeks with his pyjamas sleeve, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a fun neighbour so far.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s good to cry.” Amy shrugs, “Is it about your dad?”

Jake nods but remains silent, tears sliding down his cheeks once again. He takes a few shaky breaths before he finally speaks again, “It’s my fault he’s gone.”

“I know I only met you today, but I know that isn’t true.” Amy frowns as she watches him begin to curl up again. “He made his own choice.”

“I was getting in fights at school so they made me see a _therapist_ but then it made mom and dad start fighting.” Jake is breathing heavily as he speaks, trying to keep his obvious anger under control, “And then 4 days after I turned 7; he was gone. My mom cried so much, he left her a note and she couldn’t afford to keep our old apartment and now we’re here. It’s my fault. If I hadn’t gotten into those fights then no therapy, no fighting and no disappearing dad, right?”

“I don’t know.” Amy answers honestly, she doesn’t understand why this was happening to him and she won’t for years to come. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Isn’t it your birthday? I think I heard my mom mention it...” Jake suggests, finally removing the toy car from his own tight grip. “It was my birthday present from my dad. I don’t want it.”

“It is but… You haven’t let go of it all day.” Amy scoffs, “If it brings you comfort then keep it.”

“It doesn’t.” Jake puts it on the ground below them, “It would make me happier if you had it.”

Amy nods quietly, picking it up and observing the dark green surface. “Thank you. My brothers never let me play with their cars, they say I have to play with the girl toys.”

“That’s dumb.” Jake scoffs, visibly relaxing as he becomes more comfortable talking to Amy, “Toys are toys. Me and my best friend Gina used to dress up in tutus and tiaras all the time.”

“Maybe I can join sometime?” Amy asks shyly, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Gina has been saying we need a third friend to play the cook.” 

~

From that day forward they are basically inseparable; spending everyday left of summer vacation together. A huge part of it is that his mom has to find extra work to make sure she can pay the bills, so her parents offer to let him spend the days with them. The rest of her brothers join in sometimes to get to know Jake, but for the most part it’s only them. 

One Thursday morning, she has barely woken up when she hears the rattling of the fire escape stairs and soon Jake’s feet come into view in the crack of the blinds. The tap he gives is very light, but still enough that David groans and throws one of his pillows over at Amy. She rolls out of bed, throwing David’s pillow back at him before opening her blinds to find Jake wide awake and beaming.

She quickly opens and tumbles through the window, taking in the warmth of the rising sun behind Jake’s head before he starts talking, “Hey I’m going to Gina’s house today, wanna come with?”

“Yes!” Amy squeals, she’s heard nothing but hilarious things about Gina, but- “I don’t think my parents are going to say yes… We’ve never met her _or_ her parents.”

“So what?” Jake shrugs, raising his eyebrows.

“My parents are _Cuban_ , Jake. Very protective and strict, I thought you would have heard my mom yelling at me to come to bed every night we’re here.” Amy crosses her arms with a huff, “I guess I can _try_.”

Tony and Victor spit out their cereal when their mother agrees straight away so long as she meets the parent. 

“You haven’t even let me sleep over at Jason’s, and you’re letting _her_ on a playdate?” Tony groans, dropping his spoon dramatically into his bowl. 

“Well, Jason’s mother is rude and her car is messy so she’s clearly irresponsible,” Camila replies snarkily, before composing herself, “Besides, despite me not understanding Karen’s art style at all; I trust her, and she likes this Gina and her mother.”

“Are you sure, Camila?” Victors questions, finally having recovered from the shock.

“Absolutely!” Camila expresses brightly, “Jake seems to be a good kid and I trust our Amy to be a good girl.”

“Ahh thank you mama! Can I go tell Jake?” Amy hugs her mother when she agrees, and sprints out the door - hearing her mother yelling at her about getting ready first before she ascends the stairs.

She gets to dance with Jake for 20 seconds before her mom comes in and drags her back down to get ready, but her and Jake are still giggling through it all. Once she’s ready in her pink shorts, t-shirt and hair tamed into braids; they return to wait upstairs.

They can hear the loud chatter of Gina and her mom before they can see her. Gina towers over Jake slightly, and her hair is straight and slightly darker than his. When she walks in with her mom, Jake is hugging Gina so tightly with the brightest grin gracing his face. He acted nothing like when she first met him; now he was exuberant and the most confident boy in the whole room, and she likes this version of him much better. 

Jake immediately spots Amy and somehow his smile grows brighter. “Amy!” He separates from Gina, “Gina, this is Amy, my downstairs neighbour and friend.”

“Hey does your dad suck too?” Gina asks, sparing a glance at the mothers talking, “I want to start a club for kids with bad dads.”

“Nah, her dads really cool. He’s a cop.” Jake tells her, “We’re gonna have to think of a different crew name.”

“We’ve been at this for a year, Jake. We need a _name_.”

Amy is about to interject with her own idea before all their parents interrupt. Her mom grabs her face and begins ranting in Spanish about behaving while with her friends and not giving Darlene a hard time. Gina and Jake look completely terrified of her, but her mom turns to them with a warm smile and bids them goodbye.

“If she gets word of us misbehaving once, she’s never going to let me hang out with you guys again, by the way.” Amy tells both Gina and Jake once they reach the outside steps. “We need to obey all the rules.”

“Rules, Amy!?” Gina groans, “Jake why did you make friends with such a goodie goodie!?”

“Hey I can break rules! I just choose not to…” Amy scrunches her nose and looks down at her. She really wants to make a good impression with Jake’s best friend.

“Gina we just need to earn her mom’s trust then we can sneak extra candy from the pantry during movie time.” Jake shrugs casually, “ _Trust me_ Gina, Amy is the coolest.”

~

Following the rules works out very well for them - so much so that Amy’s mom invites them to do school supply shopping followed by lunch with them the next day. Jake and Gina are in the same grade as her, so they need all the same things. Out of her brothers, only David joins them because he loves stationary almost as much as she does and it’s one of the many things they fight about.

Amy trails slightly ahead with Jake and Gina, rambling on about all the pens she’s going to get. She zones out of the conversation when they arrive, dazzled by the high shelves of stationary and office supplies in front of them. They all take turns steering the shopping cart, attempting to ride it a few times but quickly being thwarted by their parents’ scolding. 

She ignores the friendly teases from her friends when she takes five minutes to pick out which gel pen would be the most practical for her second grade experience. Her explanations paid off when Karen ends up picking the same pens for both Jake and Gina not a minute later. 

When the shopping haul is complete, they take it back to their respective homes before leaving for Sal’s. Camila decides to remain behind to rest before she begins sorting so that it was just Karen with Amy, Gina and Jake off to get lunch. Amy falls quiet in the short bus ride to Sal’s, only speaking when someone mentions her directly.

She can feel Jake watching her most of the time she’s lost in her thoughts. Once they’re settled down on their stools with their giant slices of pizza, Jake finally speaks up. “What’s wrong, Ames?” He asks after a huge bite of his food.

“Nothing, just nervous.” Amy nibbles on her bottom lip instead of her pizza, avoiding contact with everyone at the table. 

“What are you nervous about sweetie?” Karen jumps in softly, placing her hand on her back.

“Second grade…” Amy mumbles, “I skipped the first grade so none of my friends will be in my classes… And what if we just _thought_ I was smart enough for second grade and I’m actually not.”

“Amy _that’s_ the stupidest thing you’ve ever said.” Gina laughs off, “First off, Jake and I are your friends so _if we can think of a good group name_ , then we’ll probably be the most popular kids by the end of the first week!”

“Stupidest isn’t a word.” Amy interrupts quickly. 

“Gina, we don’t need a name!” Jake rolls his eyes, throwing his napkin at her before looking back at Amy, “And also, you’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met. You read books, _every night_.”

“What they’re trying to say is that they’re here to support you no matter what, right guys?” Karen adds, nodding at them all with a soft smile.

“Yeah Ames, you’re gonna kick second grade in the butt!” Jake cheers loudly, “I’m already sure you’re gonna be the smartest kid in the class.”

“Yes let’s go Gina and the DOGS!”

Jake and Amy’s groans are completely in sync, “No we aren’t your _DOGS_!”

~

Two and a half weeks into the new school year, Amy is collected from her math class with the news that her baby siblings were born. She was no longer the youngest Santiago in her family. 

“Make sure you get my homework, Jake!” Amy whispers, gathering her things.

“Good luck meeting your new brothers!” Jake crooned with a smile.

“Sisters!” She sticks her tongue out at him as she runs out of the room, “Pay attention.”

Amy is wrong. 

Her brothers let her go first since she was the youngest, and when she spots the blue hats on their head she quietly groans to herself. Jake had started a bet a week earlier and she had been so sure she was going to get sisters; and now she has to give Jake all the money in her piggy bank. 

“Meet your new brothers, Mateo and Carlos.” Victor is speaking softly and encouraging Amy to come closer. 

“They look squishy.” Amy mumbles, pouting up at her dad.

“You were squishier.” Luis adds, poking her shoulder, “Still are.”

“Shut up.” She rolls her eyes at her brothers who begin to tease her and climbs on to the bed next to her exhausted looking mother, “I’m not the baby of the family anymore, tease them!”

“They’re babies, Amy, why would we tease innocent babies?” Tony scoffs.

They get to take turns holding their new brothers for about an hour before Karen arrives, Jake trailing behind her quietly. Victor begins to tell them how Karen will be taking them home where their Tia Isabella will be looking after them until the babies can come home. 

Amy’s eyes go straight to Jake, who’s trying to hold back his mischievous smile and he walks closer to the babies. “That’s Carlos and that’s Mateo.” Amy points to each of them, rolling her eyes when he begins rubbing his hands together, “Did you get the homework?”

“You are the best babies ever.” Jake whispers down at them, “I can tell I’m gonna like you.”

“Did you get the homework, Jake?” Amy hisses, impatient.

“Of course, I know you’ll need _something_ to cheer you up now that you’ve lost.”

One of them sneezes suddenly, and it makes Jake and Amy giggle softly. “I guess I have to pay up when we get home.”

“Nah forget it. Keep your piggy bank savings.” Jake shakes his head with a smile, “It feels great just knowing I won.”

“Don't be smug, I'll get you next time, Peralta.” 

“Wanna bet?”

~

The fire escape is their obvious hang out spot, always spending a few nights in a week hanging out there before bed. Sometimes they won’t even talk; she’ll be reading a book and he’ll observe the streets below him, or they’ll play a game. After the twins are born, the visits become nightly and Amy doesn’t deny that it’s to escape her new brothers.

The ever constant screaming wakes all of the Santiago children up so they’re all sleep deprived. Even as it gets colder, Jake is there with her every night. “Today I told my mom that I want to buy you a Christmas present even though we don’t do Christmas she got me a piggy bank-” He stops talking when he sees her trying to wipe the tears away from her face, “Ames, what’s wrong?”

“My parents don’t want me.” Amy mumbles down at her hands, and she can tell that Jake barely hears her.

“I’m sure that’s not true Ames.” Jake replies, unsure of himself, “Your parents love you all so much.”

“Ever since Mateo and Carlos were born they pay less attention to me.” Amy sniffs loudly as more tears begin to fall, “My dad doesn’t have time for cuddles between work and all of us and mom is too tired to do homework with us.”

Amy cries earnestly into his shoulder as he brings her in for a hug. She knows he’s struggling for words, just like she had when he was crying about his dad leaving. “I’m sorry Amy.”

“I wish they weren’t born.” Amy continues, “Then I would only have to fight for attention with four brothers not six.”

“You don’t mean that… They’re babies now but they’ll be cool eventually!”

“So you like them more than me, like my parents do?”

“Are you kidding me?” Jake scoffs, surprise clear in his expression, “Amy you’re my _best friend_. More than Gina and I’ve known her forever.”

Amy lets out a strangled sob as she jumps to properly hug him, her tears promptly soaking his pyjamas. Jake holds her for the few minutes that she cries, and it makes her feel safe and _loved_. Her parents do love her, she knows that. They remind her every night but it doesn’t stop what she’s feeling. 

“You’re my best friend as well, Jake.” Amy sniffles as she sits back down against the metal grate, “You’ll always be my best friend, right?”

“Always.”

“Will you make a vow? I-”

“What’s a… vow?”

“I was going to explain!” Amy huffs, “A vow is a promise but a bigger promise. Like how you promised Gina you would _never_ let anyone touch her VHS tape of Fantasia.” 

“Ohh so it’s a huge deal if you break it?” She nods in reply, “I’ll make a vow then.”

“Great! Now put your pinky out, and your other hand in front so you can’t jinx it...” Amy smiles shyly, holding her pinky out for him to link, “I vow to always be your best friend, Jake Peralta.”

“Amy Santiago, I vow to always and _forever_ be your best friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	2. let me fill your heart with joy and laughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from i'll be there by jackson 5
> 
> _And oh, I'll be there to comfort you  
>  Build my world of dreams around you  
> I'm so glad that I found you  
> I'll be there with a love that's strong  
> I'll be your strength  
> I'll keep holdin' on_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages since I've first posted but i've been working very hard to make sure its as perfect as possible! I will try to make sure I don't take so long for future chapters. But for now, enjoy!

Second grade passes them by like a cheetah. Really fast; that’s how Jake describes it anyway. Amy of course is the top of their class, and no one would be surprised if she even skipped to the fourth grade. Amy likes where she is though, she has her two best friends with her. Gina, Jake and Amy mostly keep to themselves; not wanting to add anyone to their circle until they come up with a decent name for themselves. 

Jake and Gina always end up fighting about it and Amy is always breaking it up with a stupid suggestion for them to laugh at. The closest they get to a name is when Amy gets giant glasses and some of their classmates try to tease her; and in an attempt to cheer her up Jake suggested the Golden Glasses Girls. Gina quickly pointed out the obvious flaws: only Amy wore glasses out of the three of them, and that Jake was a boy. 

Nevertheless it gave her confidence to wear the big nerdy looking glasses that she so desperately needed. She had told them at the time only the two of them can tease her about her glasses; Gina was thrilled.

The first two and a half weeks of summer vacation, Amy goes down to New Jersey to see her extended family - it had been tradition since Luis started school. This time apart was the longest Jake had gone without seeing Amy since he first met her; the previous record being 6 days for Christmas and New Years.

It’s a hard trip for Amy - her grandparents doted over her 8 month old twin brothers and her oldest brother for finishing middle school. Her jealousy over Carlos and Mateo had improved greatly, and she loves to spend time with them when Jake is there to make them laugh; but when she doesn’t get her five minutes worth of smothered kisses from her abuela, the jealousy comes back full force.

Arriving home to Gina and Jake on the staircase waiting for her brings back every happy emotion her six year old self could possibly feel. She doesn’t feel any remorse pushing her brothers out of the way so she can get to them quicker.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE!!” Amy screams once they’re grouped together in a hug. They continue hugging and chattering loudly until the entire family is out of the car and Camila walks up to the three of them with a warm smile.

“Feliz cumpleaños, Jake.” She hums with a nod towards him.

“Feliz Navidad to you too Mrs. Santiago!” He replied quietly, obviously confused.

“She’s saying happy birthday in Spanish, Jake.” Amy whispers, “I really need to teach you Spanish…”

“Oh, well, thank you!” Jake cheered, “Wait I’ve heard you say this, um, gracias!”

“Very good,” Camila chortles, “Now mija, come grab your bag so you can unpack.”

Jake and Gina have to wait for her to complete unpacking before she’s allowed to hang out with them. Once her mom gives her the all clear, she grabs her present for Jake and climbs onto the fire escape where Jake and Gina are waiting.

“Ames!” Jake shouts happily when she comes into view, “I was just about to tell Gina the plans for my birthday!”

“It’s a bit squishy here with the three of us, can’t we hang out in your room?” Gina groans, elbowing Jake so she can have more space. 

“Yeah let’s do that.” Amy laughs, stepping over their legs to climb the ladder, “Hurry up or you won’t get your present.”

Jake jumps up at that, following and blabbering excitedly as they fall through his bedroom window one by one. “Okay so we’re going bowling and for dinner my mom is taking us to Sal’s for pizza with Brody and Artie. It’s gonna be so much fun! Have you met Artie? He’s in a different school dis-”

“Do you want your present now?”

“YES!” Jake is giddy with excitement as Amy hands him the card and gift.

“Read the card first!” Amy reminds him before releasing her grip.

Gina sits at Jake’s desk out of boredom while he reads the card, and Amy gets to watch unashamedly as a blush rises to his cheeks reading the card. It’s a split second later he’s ripping open his present his smile growing brighter by the second. 

“A rubik’s cube? Amy you are literally the bestest friend ever.” Jake wails dramatically, pulling her in for a hug.

“Wow harsh dude.” Gina drawls, rolling her eyes but turning her attention back to picking her nails.

“I saw you playing with Danny’s a lot so I thought you would want one of your own.” Amy shrugs once they part, “Do you really like it?”

“I love it, Ames. Better than the green nail polish that Gina got me.” Jake snorts when Gina glares at him again, “I’m pretty sure it’s so she can have a stash of nail polish here but I don’t mind. This is great.”

They spend the next hour doing their own things in Jake’s room - Gina paints her toenails, Jake plays with his Rubik's cube and Amy picks a book from her room to read. No one expects the storm that arrives after the hour - literally and metaphorically. The downpour begins suddenly, forcing them to close the window and all breathe a sigh of relief that they went inside earlier.

They didn’t expect it at all, but what threatens to ruin the whole day arrives 10 minutes after the storm begins. There is a knock at his front door, and assuming it’s Brody and Artie, they all run to the front to greet them. The man that walks through the door Amy doesn’t immediately recognise, but she quickly notices how tense Jake becomes and the scowl on Gina’s face.

It only took her a moment to put together that this was Jake’s dad; it’s then that her own frown deepens at the sight of him awkwardly shuffling. “H-hi Dad.” Jake is looking down at his Rubik’s cube, his demeanor similar to the day Amy met him. “I didn’t think you’d make it.”

“I wouldn’t miss my big boy’s 8th birthday!” He cheers, moving past the threshold of the apartment, “Hey G-money!”

Gina cringes and turns her head away from his raised hand, so Roger then turns to Amy, “And who’s this new friend, Jake?”

“I’m Amy Santiago, I live downstairs.” She offers her hand for him to shake out of desire to be polite like her parents always taught her. “Jake is my best friend.”

Roger hesitantly shakes her hand, and she knows he can sense her defensiveness. He turns back to Jake and bends over while bringing a toy from behind him. “Sorry I didn’t have time to wrap it, bud.” 

Once Jake sees the transformer action figure his face lights up and any trace of doubt vanishes - he takes the toy and jumps in for a hug with his dad as if it hadn’t been a full year since he had seen his son.

Amy hears Gina murmur something about this ending badly, and she wants to tell her to have a little bit of faith in his dad but Artie and Brody arrive with their parents so Roger is completely forgotten. He mostly lingers behind the entire group on the trip to the bowling alley which is only 6 blocks from their apartment building.

Jake makes his rounds between his parents and friends on the walk there, so the majority of the walk Amy is talking about the new babysitters club books she had read and Gina loops arms with her while giving Roger snide looks.

“So why are you so against Jake’s dad? Isn’t it good to give people a second chance?” Amy questions once they’re far inside and the music blocks any chance of them being overheard.

“You don’t know him, Ames.” Gina stressed, “We have caught him kissing other women before… And Jake even told me one time he saw Roger and his mom’s best friend naked in the back of a car! They sure as heck weren’t having a bath! They were in a _car_ , Amy, who is naked in the back of a car?”

“Maybe they dropped a slushie on themselves?” Amy suggested, a slight crease forming between her eyebrows.

“Unlikely. I think it’s adult stuff.” Gina explains, “But the point is Roger isn’t a cool dude; and I think Jake is blinded by excitement over seeing him again.”

Jake interrupts them to help them pick out their bowling shoes, and she sees how lighthearted Jake looks with his dad by his side. Amy wants to believe Gina but she has her own issues with her father, so she chooses blindly to trust Roger to be a good dad. 

Her trust seems to pay off; Jake’s entire birthday goes off without a problem, and after dinner and cake is consumed everyone heads off to their own homes. Amy is exhausted from the entire day, and barely has the energy to brush her teeth. Her mind still races with confusion over Jake’s dad - it’s a situation she simply doesn’t understand and isn’t something that isn’t explained in any book she reads. 

Despite her deep desire to climb into bed and pass out, she also hadn’t had her nightly chats on the fire escape for over two weeks and she knows Jake is waiting there for her too. She makes sure to brush her teeth before she forces herself outside with a light blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “Hey Jake.”

“Hi Amy.” Jake’s smile is relaxed and slightly tired as well as she settles down next to him.

“Did you enjoy your birthday?” Amy asks, “I know you’re going to be eating leftover cake for a few days.”

“Today was awesome.” Jake boasted, “I bet my dad in bowling, he really sucks! You were there, you saw him. And your match with Gina was so close I was biting my nails watching your scores.”

“Yeah, it turns out Gina is the superior bowler.” 

“But you’re better at math, you caught the mistake in the point count that made you lose.” Jake teases.

“I just like a fair fight since my brothers are never fair!” Amy retorts, “I think it’s a good quality!”

“You’re the fairest of them all!” Jake jokes with a hand flourish, “But seriously Amy it was probably my best birthday ever.”

“Because your dad was there?”

“And you.” Jake shrugs, his leg beginning to bounce, “But yeah, my dad is staying indefinitely. His new girlfriend is out of town for a trip abroad, I think he said… I think he’s really gonna stick around! He promised he would tell us when she comes to visit him, and he gave my mom his flight schedule.

“Did I ever tell you he was a pilot? It’s so cool, it’s up there in the coolness of your dad being a cop. My dad is a captain, so one day when your dad is Captain, they can make a Cool Captain’s Club. If we were captains I would suggest that as a crew name, but you know Gina says it has to be realistic.”

Jake shrugged his shoulders, looking out past the grates towards the city, “I know Gina won’t trust him because he’s not been great in the past. But second chances are important, aren’t they?”

“Exactly. Especially for family.” Amy nods, “It’s about trust. Do you trust your dad?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Then I trust him too.”

~

July is set to be a slow month for them all. The following day, Gina is set to leave for her two week dance class, and a few days later, Jake is going off to asthma camp. Jake comes back with one full day before Amy leaves for math camp. The last day they get to spend together is conveniently on the 4th of July where there’s a giant block party for them to enjoy. It’s full of different cuisine from the neighbourhood, face painting, music and _so many people_.

It’s overwhelming for Amy when they first arrive, her grip on Jake and Gina’s arms growing tighter as they follow her brothers and parents into the crowd of families. She’s relieved when they reach her mother’s booth, setting up a Cuban and American flag next to each other. The smell of her cooking is overwhelming, and Amy is pretty sure she can hear Jake’s stomach rumble when they get closer.

“Mama, what did you cook?” Tony asks, also enchanted by the smell of the food.

“Bueno, aquí tenemos carne con papas-”

“That’s a meat and potato stew, my favourite.” Amy translates quickly for Jake and Gina next to her.

“-y aquí arroz con pollo .”

“And that’s rice with chicken, also amazing.”

“I understood chicken and I’m down.” Gina rubs her hands together mischievously.

“When can we have some?” Jake steps closer, licking his lips.

“Uh uh, first you have to do a shift for me, Jake.” Camila tuts, “Every kid must do at least an hour serving food with an adult so we can all have a fun day!”

“But we can do our shift together right?” Amy questions hopefully.

“Of course mija, you three are up first!”

The first hour is slow and quiet, it only being the beginning of the day so people filter in and out of the food line. Amy is just thrilled to be there with her best friends before they don’t see each other again for weeks. Gina spends most of the time braiding her hair and rolling her eyes at jokes that Jake spits out every few minutes, gesturing to the paper plates every time someone walks up. 

When their hour is up they can’t escape fast enough, racing to the face painting pop-up while yelling at each other about what matching face paint they’ll get. Gina is set on getting unicorns while Amy wants them all to be tigers.

“I’m telling you, we should be the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles guys!” Jake groans once they reach the line, “It’s perfect, we’ll all have green faces and we can be a character each- OH, DIBS LEONARDO!”

“You’re the only one that likes that show, Jake!” Gina grimaces, “Might as well be the Hulk if we want to be green people.”

“I don’t mind the ninja turtles…” Amy contributes with a shrug.

“Ames, you literally watch it with me every day after you force me to do homework!” Jake scoffs, crossing his arms.

“It’s the only way I can convince you to touch your homework. You never complete it anyway.” Amy mocks his arm movement, sticking her tongue out.

Hurt flashes across his face, looking down at his feet and mumbling, “It’s hard…”

“You know I can help you.” Amy has her hand on his shoulder and he shakes her off.

“Doesn’t matter right now, it’s summer!” Jake laughs it off, “Just admit you love ninja turtles and we can be Cool Ninja Turtle Crew.”

“That’s not our name.” Gina interrupts, “I can live with being painted green but that is. Not. Our. Group. Name.”

“We may never have a group name.” Amy rolls her eyes, “I think we’re better off calling ourselves the Besties.”  
  
“Tacky.”  
  
“Gross.”

“Your butts are tacky and gross, bleh!”

Their day is filled with much of the same, simply spending time with each other creating ridiculous make believe situations or playing with other kids from the neighbourhood. Jake makes an _attempt_ at asking for food in Spanish, blushing the entire time while Amy encourages him. Once they have their food, Benji tells them to meet them later for a special game created by him and Luis. 

It piques their interest enough to have them theorising what they have planned up until they find them later in the evening. All of Amy’s brothers and a few of their friends are standing around with them, with parents lingering nearby to keep watch. “Okay! They’re here, everybody take a seat!” 

“Brothers, sister, friends! We are gathered here today to participate in what I have been planning since sweet Amy was a little tot!” Luis begins dramatically, shaking his fist in the air, “Named after our old neighbour downstairs, I announce the Jimmy Jabs! Just imagine the olympics, but with less fire and gold medals, but with more competitiveness in every event!”

“We will need one volunteer to judge with Luis-” Benji is cut off by Gina very violently raising her hand.

“My mom says I was _born_ to judge people! I’m fantastic at it!” Gina giggles, faking humility.

“Yeah she also has a huge crush on-OW!” Jake groans as Gina elbows him on her way to standing with Luis at the front.

“There will be eight people competing for the first, and hopefully annual, Jimmy Jab Championship!” Luis continues, “We will have four rounds, with two being eliminated each round before the final event, the obstacle course!”

“The prize for the winner of these first Jimmy Jabs will be a big bowl of our mothers _delicious_ and iconic _arroz con leche_ and of course, bragging rights.” Benji says, “She has made this for the purpose of our games this evening so there will be no one else in the neighbourhood with this pleasure.”

There’s a chorus of groans from the Santiago children, muttering about how good rice pudding is. “Now Benji, if you’ll join your fellow competitors and follow me.” 

The group is led to a long table with covered bowls on them, and they all take a seat while muttering excitedly. 

“I’m gonna kick your butt, David!” Amy sang cheerily, sat in between him and Jake. “And after I beat him, I’ll be beating you Peralta.”

“En tus sueños, hermana.” David retorts, quickly poking his tongue out.

“What did he say?” Jake tries to ask.

“Idiota!” Amy spits back before they’re interrupted by Luis again.

“If you’re done with your Spanish trash talk, let us begin!” He announces. 

“Under the napkins are bowls of cereal, with a twist!” Gina laughs evilly.

“They’re filled with salt!” Both Gina and Luis shout this together, their evil laughs growing louder.

“It’s actually not that bad if you eat it quick enough…” Jake whispers, making Amy snort loudly.

“Oooookay.” Luis mouthed at Gina.

“The rules of this are simple: eat the whole bowl of cereal, including milk, without spitting it out. The first two gives up, or whoever takes the longest to eat their bowl of cereal will be disqualified.”

Gina takes the napkins off their bowls one by one as she speaks, her smile becoming more mischievous as she makes eye contact with every one of them. It’s freaky, but Gina has always been dedicated to whatever role she’s put in. Amy can see the dread in David’s face then the excitement in Jake’s face, she’s almost got this in the bag; she thinks she does anyway.

Gina and Luis countdown from 10 before he blows a whistle that came from thin air and everyone grabs their spoons to begin.

“UGH, THIS TASTES LIKE MAMA’S PERFUME!” Tony gags, covering his mouth as he attempts to swallow.

“How would you know what that taste like?” David rasps, cringing as he picks up another spoonful.

One of her brother’s friends spits out the cereal, pushing the cereal away and whining about how disgusting it was. Next to Amy, Jake is happily and quickly eating this cereal as if there was nothing unusual about salt in it. For her; she’s definitely not enjoying it, but she’s doing so much better than David.

It’s over when Tony can’t put another spoonful in his mouth, wailing about his poor tastebuds not deserving this torture. It raises Amy’s confidence in her ability to win seeing that she did so much better than three of her brothers.

The next games are simple compared to their first challenge. First is a spoon and egg race, where Amy comes third behind David and Benji, and both of their friends are last and therefore eliminated. Their last one before the finale is the most difficult, a three legged race. Amy always saw them to be simple in theory, but never has she been able to win one against her brothers - and Benji and David have chosen each other. 

It’s obvious that Jake can sense her panic because he grabs her hand and squeezes tightly. “Just breathe, Ames.” He speaks softly, “It’s just like when you can’t figure out your math homework - take a deep breath and focus. Focus on the arroz c-uhh, I can’t remember… But I’m gonna win!”

This gets a laugh out of Amy and she elbows him, “The rice pudding _I’m_ going to win. It’s my birthright as a Santiago.”

“RICE PUDDING, AMY?!”

“You’ll like it trust me!” 

It’s an extremely close race, but Jake and Amy manage to pull in front of her brothers when they stumble near the end. The both of them are screaming in excitement, squeezing the air out of each other and falling over in the process. “We’re in the finals, Amy!” Jake howls.

“I BEAT DAVID!” Amy gasps, untying her legs so she can begin the victory dance she had been preparing since the announcement of the Jimmy Jabs.

“Whatever.” David crosses his arms and looks at Benji, “This is your fault, you moved too quickly!”

“No idiot, you did!” Benji retorts with a scoff. 

Luis is there quickly to stop them from breaking into a real fight while Gina comes to prepare them for the final game. It’s simple really, there’s three long jumping ropes that they have to jump through which is followed up by a wooden beam placed on two sturdy chairs. Then they have to get through the line of tires without falling before sprinting to where they will get blindfolded and spun for 30 seconds before they have to run through red, white and blue streamers to get to the finish line.

“I mean I beat David, you’re a piece of cake to beat, _Peralta_.” Amy teases.

“Cake is what you’re gonna be eating when you lose because I’ll be eating rice pudding, _Santiago_.” Jake replies snarkily.

Eventually the crowd of children and parents that had been following them catches up to the obstacle course set up, the excited talking almost drowning out the festive music around them. This was Amy’s chance to be on top. Sure, she had already beaten her brothers but the only way they would _really_ respect her is if she came _first_. 

Jake knows this, but he’s just as competitive as she is so there’s no way he will just throw the chance to win away. He’s her best friend, of course, but there is no way she’s letting him win this. Jake is running around the area, hyping up the crowd for the race. She can see her mom holding the bowl of rice pudding in her hand, and her dad is behind her holding his thumbs up as support.

 _She has to win to impress them_.

In the end, it’s her need to impress her parents more than David that’s her downfall. They start off at the same pace, jumping through the skip ropes in no time and she gains a lead at the high beam - she’s taller than Jake by a few inches so she can take longer strides. Jake catches up to her when jumping through the tires, taking the lead when she falls face first into the tire. 

She doesn’t let it stop her though; Amy does her absolute best to try catch up to Jake. She thinks she might have even caught up to him in the dense streamer forest but when she finally exits, Jake is celebrating a few feet ahead of her at the finish line.

Slightly out of breath, she walks to the finish line and wraps her arms around his shoulders from behind. “Good job, P!”

“I must say, Amy, I thought you’d be crying.” Luis laughs, “You did so good.”

“Unlike some of my brothers, I can be a gracious loser.” Amy conceded, “Plus I beat the rest of my brothers so I feel like a winner anyway.” 

“You are a loser-winner, Ames.” Jake began, “That’s what they should call second place, I think, because it’s not like second place is bad! You just didn’t come first, but you still were one of the best players.”

“You are so right, baby.” Karen walks up next to him, kissing his hair softly, “You did amazing, Jakey!”

“Thanks.” Amy doesn’t need to see his face to know that he’s blushing. 

In the (almost full) year she’s known him, she learned that he tends to doubt himself - and she’s now realising that he needed this win just as badly as she did. He was never confident about his school work, even when he did pretty well, and she knows to not brag about her perfect grades because she’s caught him at times comparing their intelligence levels. 

Jake then proceeds to ask their moms then if they can watch the fireworks from the fire escape later, and to save the rice pudding for then, wanting to share his prize with the loser-winner. He spends that time in between that moment and the fireworks bragging about his win, and yelling “ _JIMMY JABS! JIMMY JABS! JIMMY JABS!_ ” 

It’s fun for the first half hour, but after that she’s just _begging_ for the sun to set so they can go back upstairs where Jake might be more humble. She’s wrong about this of course, as he brags all the way up the stairs to her place and right as Amy, Gina and Jake their seats on the fire escape.

“Ahh, time for you two to finally try el arroz con leche de mi mamá!” Amy is sat in the middle of them, holding three spoons for them to dig into it. 

“Since when is there a dessert with _rice_ in it?” Gina grimaces, “Luis didn’t tell me this was going to be disgusting!”

“Gina, we have to give it a chance, _Amy_ said it was good so it _must be_ , right?” Jake says stiffly, as if he’s trying to convince himself of this.

“Ugh, just try it.” Amy groans, taking a spoon for herself and moaning as the warm pudding hits her taste buds.

“I mean it’s pretty nice…” Gina shrugs with a subtle grin on her face, taking another spoonful.

Jake is silent for more than 10 seconds, and it genuinely concerns the both of them to find him looking like he’s choking on the pudding. He pauses to dramatically swallow the mouthful before shouting out, “AGH, THAT WAS AWFUL! DID YOU POISON THIS!?”

“No! You’re just being weird, this is _delicious_.” Amy emphasised loudly.

“No, this is way worse than the salty cereal.” Jake exaggerates his shiver of disgust.

“That’s just crazy talk, Jakey.” Gina objected.

“Okay maybe not worse but definitely up there on the worst foods ever.” Jake gags again looking down at the bowl, “I’m good with just having the title of the _first ever winner_ of the Jimmy Jabs.”

“I guess I deserved to win then,” Amy reasoned, “Since I’m the one eating all this amazing food.”

“In your dreams!” Jake scoffs, “I’m not the one who tripped on the tire.”

“I guess I’m just gonna have to beat you next year!”

They are cut off by the sound of the first firework being launched, which made Gina jump and clutch onto Amy’s arm. It takes a whole minute of the fireworks going off before GIna relaxes. “I didn’t take you as the kind of girl to have a fear of fireworks.” Amy frowns.

“She always has been.” Jake adds, “But she’s fine if she’s with someone.”

“I have _one fear_ , this doesn’t mean I’m weak.” Gina insists.

“I completely agree!” Amy smiles, wrapping her free arm around Gina’s shoulder.

They sit in mostly silence for the rest of the fireworks, Gina and Amy still eating the rice pudding in her lap as Jake imitates every firework explosion with a _BOOM_ or _SKRR...DOOF_. It’s her favourite place to be, on the fire escape with her two best friends in the whole world, preparing not to see each other for a whole month. 

~

As predicted, the whole month is torture. With her two best friends gone, Amy is forced to spend more time with her brothers who she never believes will get any less annoying. In the end she has fun with them, going to a waterpark for a weekend which she knows would make Jake _explode_ of jealousy.

The one day she does get to see him before she leaves they don’t spend a minute apart. He gets to tell all his crazy camp stories, including one where he gets pantsed in the bush then somehow losing his inhaler so he had to run back to camp with no pants and not being able to breathe. It makes both of them laugh so hard that someone on the street yells at them to shut up, which only makes them laugh louder. Amy then gets to tell him of her waterpark adventures; and she’s right, his face goes bright red with jealousy.

Saying goodbye again hurts more than she expected. They’ve grown that attached to each other since they’ve known each other that it’s truly hard to be apart.

But camp is fun for Amy. She misses Gina and Jake intensely, but she manages to make a new friend - Kylie. They’re in a cabin of four girls, and are paired up together to share a bunk. The other two girls fight for a whole hour before settling on who gets the bottom bunk - whereas Kylie and Amy are able to immediately agree on what bunk they want. Amy is at the top because her brothers would never let her on top; so their agreement was the beginning of a wonderful partnership.

The only major flaw was that Kylie lived on the other side of New York, near Albany, while Amy was in Brooklyn. There were obviously letters and phone numbers that could be exchanged for communication, but the likeliness of ever going to each other's birthday parties was low. 

Still, she bonded with Kylie and she knew that they would likely see each other at the same camp for years to come. Amy hopes they will at least.

As much as she had a fun time with Kylie, Amy is thrilled when her dad picks her up and Jake is in the car with him. There’s a lot of screaming and yelling involved, leaving Kylie behind with their bags and running to hug Jake again. Neither of them let go of each other for a whole minute before Jake has to separate to yell some more.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMY!” He’s glowing with excitement, not a care in the world, “I’VE COME TO TAKE YOU HOME _M’LADY_!”

“Why thank you kind, sir!” Amy giggles, grabbing his arm and leading him to where Kylie is standing, “Kylie, this is my best friend and neighbour, Jake. Jake, this is my camp best friend Kylie!”

“So _you’re_ my new best friend’s best friend…” Kylie seems suspicious of him, but with the time Amy has spent with her; Kylie is suspicious about a lot of things.

“Pleased to meet you, new camp best friend of Amy’s…” Jake acts just as suspicious, likely to mock her but it makes her chuckle in approval.

They get to hang out all together for a few minutes before Kylie’s mom also shows up to take her home too. In the car, Victor tells them of the plans for the day; that they’re headed to her abuelos for the afternoon before they head back for New York. Jake had begged his mother to let him go with them to New Jersey to meet them, his finishing argument being that it had been exactly a year since they had met the Santiago’s and that she was his best friend. 

Her mom and brothers were already there waiting for them when they arrive. There are balloons tied to the letter box and her Abuelo is standing on the front porch waiting for them, holding his older orange cat in his arms. “ _Abuelo_!”

“Mi nieta! Feliz cumpleaños!” He says as he puts down the cat before opening his arms for a hug. “¿Cómo estás?”

“Muy bien!” Amy giggles as he hugged her tighter. She separates from him as Jake walks to the front porch with her dad.

“Ay, ¿Quién es?” He bends down to speak to Jake, who looks just as confused as he does when they all start speaking Spanish.

“Ah, Jake no habla español, papá!” Victor is shaking his head with a sympathetic smile, “I know our Amy is going to try to help him.”

“I would like that...” Jake says shyly, shrugging at Amy.

“Of course, Jake!” Amy claps. They finish greeting her Abuelo before walking inside the house, and Amy begins teaching him on the spot. “Okay, when we get to mi Abuela, I want you to say ‘ _Hola, me llamo Jake._ ’ Got it?”

“Me ya-mo Jake?” Jake repeated slowly, “I dunno, Ames. Can’t we start another time?”

“Just say this one thing and that will be all.” Amy pleads, “You’re just introducing yourself then I’ll tell her you don’t speak Spanish.”

It goes down with decent success, her abuela pinching his cheeks and quickly complimenting him in Spanish before Amy cuts in to tell her he doesn’t actually speak the language. “Oh, okay! Well, nice to meet you Jake!” She says fondly, “Amy and her brothers have told us lovely things about you!”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Jake relaxes then, sitting down next to Amy and taking a deep breath. “I did it, Ames.”

“You did it!” 

~

The rest of the afternoon and well into the evening is chaotic, just as it usually is with Amy’s family. Jake is lucky it was just her grandparents in attendance, and not her entire family. They get to play football in the giant backyard, play with her twin brothers and receive presents from her family.

Her parents give her a fancy notebook and calligraphy set, while her grandparents bought her some new clothing for the school year and her brothers put some money together to buy some new books. Jake doesn’t have his present with him, he’s shy and quiet as he tells her he wanted to give it to her later because it was special to him. 

She’s eager to get home from when he tells her that, trying to guess what he got her on the entire 55 minute ride home - Luis and Benji tell her to shut up multiple times, but she reminds them it’s better than being in her mom’s car with fussy and stinky babies.

Amy is right of course - when they get home, David and Tony are just as grumpy as the Carlos and Mateo are. It doesn’t matter because as soon as she’s ready for bed and has permission from her mom, she’s back on the fire escape for the first time in weeks. She’s alone for a few minutes before Jake joins her, and he’s holding a decently heavy looking present. 

“Hey Ames.” Jake huffs as he finally sits down next to her, still holding the package.

“This looks fun!” Amy bounces excitedly, tapping her fingers together.

“Well, I asked my mom because I was really stuck on what to get you and she said that the best gifts were sentimental…” Jake starts, “I didn’t know what that meant but my mom said it means it’s special to you. I feel like our friendship is special, something to look back on with happiness.”

Amy feels her cheeks heat up as he puts the gift in her lap. She almost immediately knew what it was, having spent enough time scrapbooking and making photo albums with her mom and abuela. She tears it open and sees the light blue cover with dark blue glitter lettering on it reading _‘Jake and Amy’s Awesome Adventures’_ with smaller purple writing _‘featuring Gina Linetti and others’_. 

She opens to the first page where there’s a short letter in messy handwriting.

_Dear Amy,_

_You’re my best friend in the whole entire world. You and Gina are everything to me, but you understand and help me like no one else and you always know how to make me happy again. Last year I vowed to forever be your best friend, so I figured I would give you a scrapbook to remember all the fun times we’ll have. My mom and I started it for you, but I think we can do it together from now on!_

_Happy birthday Amy!_

_Love from,_

_Jake_

_P.s. my mom helped me with all my spelling i didn’t just become a spelling genius_

Amy remains quiet as she turns the page, looking at the photos and decorations glued around them. The pages are soft and also blue, the first photo is of her, Jake and Gina on their first day back at school - Amy’s hair in plaits, Gina has hers down and Jake’s is as wild and curly as ever. There’s a few of them just being silly, and then one of her with Jake, Carlos and Mateo soon after they were born.

The last photo before the pages are empty again is of the two of them at the Jimmy Jabs on the 4th of July. Jake’s face is blurred due to his obvious excitement meaning he was bouncing all over the place; he has his arm wrapped around Amy and she’s looking at him with a fake glare, but you can see the joy hidden in her expression.

“Jake, this is the best thing ever!” Amy uttered softly, “I love this so much…”

“Yes, I was worried you would want something else…” Jake sighed, leaning back into the railing.

“Are you kidding? My rubix cube seems lame now.” Amy laughs, covering her mouth.

“I love my rubix cube, it goes everywhere with me.” 

“I wish I could take this everywhere with me.” Amy holds onto it tightly, “I love it so much. I can’t wait to fill it up.”

“I heard there’s an excursion to the aquarium for third graders…” Jake raises his eyebrows, “Third grade is gonna be awesome.”

“We’re gonna kick third grade in the butt.” 

“Yeah we are!” Jake whoops before gesturing down to her lap, “We’ll have this to prove it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next chapter we'll finally get to see some of their school life! I was going to put it in this chapter but then it got so much longer than intended oops
> 
> Thank you to my friends Becca and Jo for all their help x 
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!


	3. only the young can run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from only the young by taylor swift 
> 
> _So every day now  
>  You brace for the sound  
> You've only heard on TV  
> You go to class, scared  
> Wondering where the best hiding spot would be_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha! I didn't take as long as the last chapter and it's twice as long! Now enjoy!

Jake has made it very known to Amy how much he dislikes school. He does his best to disrupt the entire class with his goofy personality, and always tries to distract Amy from their homework after school (the only thing he accomplishes is making her smile). For Amy, she feels the most accomplished when Jake actually completes his homework without attempting to copy her. 

People question a lot why she’s friends with Jake - due to them being polar opposites in most aspects. She always tells them the same thing though; that he makes her laugh and from the day they met they supported each other. Her mom says those are the most important qualities in a friendship. 

Another part of their friendship is Amy climbing through his window early in the morning to make sure he’s awake for school. Sure, his mom could do it, but she’s a much heavier sleeper than he is. She will _not_ break a perfect attendance record to wait for her friend but _she_ is a good friend so therefore there she is, shaking him awake early on their first day of third grade.

Jake does what he always has since she started waking him up for school, grumbling and pulling his pillow back over his head. “Jake, come on! We can’t be late, especially on our first day back!” Amy is shaking his shoulders, his groaning growing louder by the second.

“Amy you say that every day!” He lifts his head from under his pillow, hair intensely fluffy and eyes droopy, “ _We can’t be late, Jake, I need my perfect record!_ Bleh!”

“Jake, you need to get up.” Amy rolls her eyes, ignoring his bad impersonation of her.

“Tired.” Jake grumbles, his head falling back on the pillow.

“That’s what breakfast is for.” Amy teases, “There’s pancaaaakes…”

“Did you say pancakes?” He lifts his head slightly off the pillow again, still mumbling.

Amy nods her head with a knowing smile, _she’s got him_. The following minute is spent watching Jake dramatically roll out of bed and slowly put his dressing robe on to follow her down for breakfast. By the time they reach the table, Jake is alert and excited for her mom’s pancakes. 

“Buenos dias, Jake!” Victor pats his back as Jake takes his seat next to Amy, “Are you excited to get back to school?” 

Jake goes quiet again, grunting in response to his question which earns him a scowl from Amy. He then shrugs and replies, “I’m looking forward to lunch already.”

No one really questions his moody behaviour, it’s early in the morning after all and he hasn’t had his orange juice yet. 

After breakfast he runs back upstairs to get ready, giving herself time to make sure she has everything for the day. _Glasses_ , check. _Notepads_ , check. _Pencil case_ , check. She needs _lunch_. 

_The drama it would cause if_ I _forgot lunch_ , she thought. Jake is obsessed with her mom's cookies, and just about most of the food she makes, so even though his own mom packs a wonderful lunch everyday he stills scavenges through her lunch box. 

She usually takes his carrots or celery out of it when he refuses to eat them as a payment for half her cookies. Once her lunch box is full and in her bag, she hogs the bathroom to tame her bed hair into a neat side ponytail, brushing her teeth and making sure her glasses are in her bag before running downstairs to meet Jake.

His hair remains the same as it was 15 minutes ago - messy. But he’s out of his pyjamas and in cargo shorts and a pacman t-shirt. His mom is attempting to smooth down his hair and kissing him on the forehead by the time Amy and her brothers make it downstairs. 

“I know you like to give your carrots to Amy but you need to eat them to grow big and strong!” Karen tells him sternly, kissing him again on the cheek, “Now I’m off to work, have a good first day at school, baby!”

“Carrots are the worst.” Jake grumbles, scuffing his shoe against the sidewalk in protest as he turns away from her.

“Uh oh, someone is still grumpy.” Amy tsks, nudging him in the side, “I’ll still give you cookies if you eat your carrots.”

Jake groans again, walking ahead of everyone else, holding tight onto the straps of his backpack. “Jake!” Amy laughs, running to catch up with him, “I’m just messing with you, mom gave me extra cookies for you!”

“It’s not the cookies.” Jake mumbles.

“You’re tired?” Amy questions, not wanting to push him.

“Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I promise I’m fine. Just the first day of school jitters…” Jake sighs, a small smile gracing his face.

“Remember what we said? We’re gonna kick third grade’s butt!” Amy loops her arm in his, rocking them back and forth as they walk. “We’re going to be fine.”

“I know…” Jake nods, “Now, I have a few ideas for group names that I _know_ Gina will hate…”

~

“Amy Nerdilia Santiago!” Gina’s voice booms across the playground. Amy is sitting on a bench reading _Peter Pan_ , frowning as she looks up from her book to see Gina stomping towards her and Jake following close behind her.

“I don’t even have a middle name…” Amy rolls her eyes, tucking her bookmark in her book and readying herself for Gina’s dramatics.

She thinks that it’s likely about her agreeing to calling themselves the _JAGgers_ but Jake looks completely freaked out, and looking a Gina’s expression again she seems to be genuinely furious. “What’s-”

“Did you tell Luis that I like him!?” Gina screams.

“What? No!” Amy stands up quickly, “I wouldn’t do that, G.”

“Who would then?” Gina crosses her arms, looking away from Amy.

“Jake? _Any_ of my brothers?” 

“Hey don’t throw me under the bus, Ames!” Jake hisses.

“What _happened_?” Amy asks, clearly exasperated.

“Luis pulled me aside after you guys went inside and he told me I was ‘too young’ and that he liked someone else.” Gina is still not making eye contact, her short pigtails doing nothing to conceal her anger, “There’s no one else that could have told him.”

“He’s 14, he probably figured it out himself.” Jake mumbles, “You weren’t subtle, G.”

“ _Whose side are you on, Jacob!?_ ” 

“Guys! It’s the first day of school can we not fight!” Jake bounces anxiously, looking around at the few other kids that start to look at them.

“Gina, you’re one of my best friends! I wouldn’t tell him!” Amy is starting to get angry too, and Jake whines in discomfort when she stands up. 

“He’s your _brother_.” Gina scoffs, “Of course you would tell him.” 

“I wouldn’t!” Amy shouts, moving closer when Gina finally looks up at her.

“So Jacob, whose side are you on?” Gina reiterates forcefully.

“This is ridiculous, Amy didn’t tell him!” Jake pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to think of how to fix this. _It’s all falling apart_. “...Right?”

“You don’t believe me either…” Amy chin begins to quiver, “We’re friends b-but you don’t believe me.” 

“Go cry to one of your brothers, _tattler_.”

At Gina’s words tears begin to fall and her glasses fog up quickly, she then picks up her book and lunchbox before running off even with Jake calling out to her. Jake then turns back to Gina, exasperated, “Gina that was way harsh you know she wouldn’t do that.” 

“Oh so you _are_ on her side?!” Gina spits, before dramatically turning and storming off, not giving him a chance to grasp what had just happened.

~

The fight lasts a full week before Gina and Amy speak again. They all go to their assigned seating without trying to convince their teacher to let them sit together, lunches are spent in different areas of the school and the worst part for Jake is that Amy stops coming to the fire escape every night. 

He’s trying his hardest to be the mediator - his nana taught him that word when he told her what was happening on his _solo_ trip to her apartment that weekend - going as far as writing fake apology letters to the both of them which he was quickly called out for. Jake is terrified of their friendships ending right there. 

Amy doesn’t feel like that, she sees this as a mini-vacation from her friendship. She spends her entire week binge reading the Babysitters club books and drafting her apology letters to her friends. Jake and Gina were her best friends, and she wasn’t going to let one misunderstanding completely ruin them. 

The letters are in her bag that Monday morning, ready to give to Jake and Gina when she arrives at school (they even walked to school separately now). When Jake is late for their first class, she decides that the letters can wait until their first break of the day. 

It’s 15 minutes into their grammar class and Jake still hasn’t arrived though; Gina makes eye contact with Amy for the first time then, the pair obviously concerned. The class continues on, and eventually Gina gets up to crab scissors from the teachers desk, dropping a note next to Amy on her way back. 

_Have you seen Jake today?_

Amy quickly scribbles down her reply, before going to ask Gina for the scissors while slyly slipping the paper back on her desk. 

_No. Meet me in our spot after class?_

When she sits back down and looks over to Gina, she’s nodding at her with a hesitant smile. 

Amy doesn’t know why she’s nervous about meeting up where they have always met at school, the bench where they had their stand-off a week earlier. She wants it all to be _okay_ , to go back to playing Go Fish or brainstorming ridiculous group names. 

She has her letter for Gina and cookies to share with her as a perfect peace offering, and approaching the bench she can see Gina lost in thought whilst picking at her nail polish on her fingers. The silence remains as Amy takes her seat next to Gina, not knowing where to begin.

“Hi.” Gina murmured, “When did you last see Jake?” 

“Before I left school yesterday.” Amy says quietly, “I’m worried.”

“Yeah, he may hate school but it’s not like him to miss a day if he’s not severely ill.” Gina jokes, laughing awkwardly.

Amy is silent for a few moments, opening her packet of cookies in hopes to relieve some tension before she speaks again, “Maybe you can come home with me today, and we can go talk to Jake.” 

“Yes, good idea.” Gina nods, speaking with her mouth full of cookies. “I gotta go home and tell my mom though.”

Amy nods in reply, her head still moving thirty seconds later, completely unnecessary. They spend a few minutes munching on the cookies together, the only noise around them is of kids playing on the jungle gym several feet in front of them.

“I’m sorry.” Gina says clearly, still looking down at her picked nails.

“What?” It’s absolutely unlikely for Gina to apologise first in a fight, Amy knows that for a fact, and this makes her think she might have _never_ seen her apologise first in the year that she’s known her.

“My mom was really worried about our fight so she made me see her psychic…” Gina drawls.

“Do you mean psychologist?” Amy interrupts, scrunching her nose in confusion.

“No, _psychic_ , listen, Amy. Geez.” Gina is baffled for a moment before continuing, “But she said if I kept being stubborn every day of my life then I would be forever alone and _that_ can’t happen, I love you idiots too much.

“What I’m really trying to say is I should have believed you when you said you didn’t tell him so I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” 

“Awe, _Ginaaaaa_ , of course.” Amy giggles as she pulls her into a hug, “I love you too!”

“Don’t tell anyone we had this conversation.” Gina grunts as Amy squeezes her tighter, “I have a reputation to build, the psychic told me so.”

~

Even the teachers look relieved throughout the day when Gina and Amy are back to begging to sit next to each other before being split up. Amy’s mom is thrilled to see them with looped arms as they exit the school, and is up to visiting stopping by Gina’s house. 

Once they get back to Amy’s, they’re climbing straight through her bedroom window to climb the fire escape up to Jake’s room. When they open his window they notice how much messier his room is than usual, as if things had been thrown around purposefully. There’s a lump in his bed which they quickly figure out is Jake himself from the sniffling coming from it. 

“JP, what’s up?” Gina whispers hesitantly, “It’s me and Amy, we were worried you didn’t show up at school today...”

“Go away…” Jake hiccups from under his blanket, obviously trying to hold back his crying more, “Leave me like everyone does!”

“Jake, we’re sorry for how we behaved this week…” Amy starts before Gina shushes her.

“ _Wait_ .” Gina suddenly growls, “Did your dad leave _again_?” 

Jake whines for a moment before he begins to cry loudly again, and Amy stumbles back in shock. She _trusted_ him, was convinced alongside Jake that his dad wouldn’t just up and leave with no reasoning - there _had_ to be a reason.

“Is this true, Jake?” Amy fumed, kneeling next to his bed.

“Yes.” She can barely hear him, he whispers that quietly.

“I’m gonna kill that man.” Gina rants, pacing back and forth, “If you’re going to ditch your kid, make up your mind and _stay away_ so you don’t cause them more pain - it’s just not fair!”

“Jake, can you come out of the blanket please?” Amy ignores Gina’s continuing rants about eradicating stupid men (a conversation she desperately wants to engage in) to focus on comforting Jake. 

Jake eventually peaks his head out of the blanket and Amy immediately notices how puffy his entire face had gotten from crying. Tears continue to fall down his cheeks as they stare at each other, “I was stupid to think he would stick around.”

“No, you’re not stupid!” Amy whispers, taking hold of his visible hand, “We both fell for it.”

“He’s moved to Canada to be with his girlfriend… A-and he said he’d try to visit more because h-he’ll fly into New York a l-lot.” Jake explains slowly, breathing heavily through it, “I don’t even wanna see him.”

“You don’t have to, I said I didn’t want to see my stupid dad and my mom said okay.” Gina finally joins Amy on the floor in front of Jake.

“I think my mom will make me see him…” Jake groans, “I hate Roger. The only cool dad is Amy’s now.”

“Are you going to be okay, Jake?” Amy asks as he sits up in his bed, his hair messy and still in pyjamas.

“Yeah, sure, probably.” He shrugs, “Are you guys okay?”

“Yep!” Amy jumps on the bed next to him, Gina following a moment later. “Drama over.”

“Not forever, my psychic said we’ll probably fight a lot…” Gina begins to ponder, “She said something about star signs.”

“I don’t care how much you fight, just don’t let it last this long ever again.” Jake finally lets a laugh out, “This week was torture.”

“I agree, it was boring without you dummies.” Gina pushes Jake lightly, rocking him into Amy.

“Oh speaking of ‘ _you dummies_ ’, I thought of an idea for our name!” Amy claps excitedly.

“Ohh, is the wait over?” Jake’s eyes widen.

“What is it?” 

“ _The Indecisive Imbeciles_!” Amy waves her fingers in true dramatic Gina Linetti fashion as a joke but she’s only met with blank stares.

“Come on, Ames, we want people to think we’re _cool_ not _indecisive_ , ugh.” Gina’s head falls into her palms while Jake’s face grows with confusion.

“Wait, what does imbeciles mean?”

~

Things go back to normal pretty quickly after that; Jake gets used to not having his dad around again, Gina continues to be a dramatic being and Amy gets nerdier by the day. The last day of September is spent in New Jersey for Mateo and Carlos’ first birthday party, and Amy was allowed to invite both Jake and Gina to keep her company amongst her entire family. That included her aunts and uncles and _all her cousins_. 

When she tells them that, they are both suddenly _terrified_ of going to the party. “We won’t know what is happening at _all_ ,” Gina whines, “I can’t handle not knowing if you’re family are talking about how awesome I am or not!”

“Yeah, Ames, all I know how to say is _Hola_ and _cómo estás_ and _feliz navidad_ and _adios amigos_!” Jake frets, “I can’t hold a conversation like that they’ll all judge me like last time.”

“ _Idiotas!_ They speak english too!” Amy rolls her eyes, packing a book to read on the drive.

“Aha! I also know idiota!” Jake exclaims.

“And Gina I’ll tell you if I hear anything about you which I _doubt_ since it’s my brothers birthday.” Amy raises her brows to exaggerate her point, “Look, Saturday’s are usually our day and we _just_ made up so I want to hang out but I have to go to this.” 

They finally agree when she mentions all the food they love that will be at the party, and it makes her roll her eyes because it’s always the way she can get them to agree to something she wants to do. It warms her heart regardless when they want to do things with her, because before her friends mostly consisted of her brothers and extended family and _their_ friends. 

Since there’s so many of them, Karen takes Amy, Jake and Gina in a separate car which results in utter _chaos_. Jake and Gina allow themselves to be louder than they might around Amy’s parents so Amy’s reading is interrupted by them screaming the lyrics to some _Queen_ song, and half an hour in Jake begins asking repetitively if they’re there yet which results them hitting a gross amount of traffic which extends their trip by half an hour.

Amy loves them both, but she’s now tempted to leave them alone with her Spanish speaking family so she can go read her Babysitters club in _peace_. She can’t though, since as soon as they arrive they’re forced to help set up with her abuelo outside.

Her abuelo is absolutely thrilled when Jake is able to at _least_ greet him in Spanish before praising Amy for being so kind to help him; this is followed by him teaching Jake how to count while they string up balloons. They lose their minds quickly when her abuelo sucks in some helium and counts to 20 to help Jake by making it entertaining.

Soon Jake is counting to 20 easily; he brags about how much better he is at Spanish than her younger brothers but she’s quick to remind them that they _just turned one_. He emphasises that it’s the reason he is better but is distracted when they’re called inside to taste test the cookie dough. 

The house feels chaotic enough with her parents, grandparents and brothers with her best friends all under one roof. So when her extended family begin to arrive, there isn’t a corner anyone can walk around without bumping into _someone_. Amy had mastered the art of manoeuvring through the crowd of her family by the time she was 3 years old, but she can hear Jake and Gina grunting every time they bump into something with a steady stream of apologies flying out of their mouths. 

Once they reach the backyard again, she turns back to Jake and Gina who are panting as if they had just been sprinting for ages, hands on knees and everything. “I’ll let you catch your breath, but I want to introduce you to my favourite cousin.” Amy tells them, looking through her sea of cousins before spotting who she was looking for and gesturing at the two of them to follow.

"Amy!" The girl in question with curly, boofy hair meets Amy in the middle, crashing into her with a bone crushing hug. 

They squeal with each other for 30 seconds before Gina groans from the lack of attention in her direction. 

"Daniella, these are my two best friends from Brooklyn - Jake and Gina." Amy radiates happiness as she introduces them and watches them interacting. 

It takes them a while to get through all of her cousins before the three of them are able to grab snacks and sit down. The sun is out and there is a slight cool breeze so laying in the grass with her Daniella, Gina and Jake is blissful. Gina and Daniella are getting along insanely well just as she predicted in her head, chattering on about a particular actor from some movie Amy hasn’t seen.

After listening to them for a few minutes, Amy begins to give Jake another language lesson. He complains about already having learnt numbers but she absolutely insists he knows how to sing _Happy Birthday_ so that he can sing along with her entire family when they bring the cake out.

“You’re basically apart of my family, Jake, you have to sing along!” Amy pouts, “Everyone will be super impressed.”

“How long until the cake?” Jake concedes, sitting up lazily in the grass.

“About an hour?” Amy shakes her head, “It’s too easy. My mom will probably give you a big piece of cake for this.”

“Why didn’t you _lead_ with that?” 

Food truly is Jake’s greatest motivator, because within 40 minutes of starting, Jake has the song memorised just so he can get a bigger piece of cake. She’s truly impressed by his improvement and attitude, making sure to remember that for future use. 

Amy’s promises are met after he belts out the lyrics flawlessly, and he barely waits before smashing the huge piece of blue cake (his favourite since _forever_ ) getting icing all over his cheeks. Before Amy takes her own piece, she insists that they get a photo for her scrapbook. Jake stands in between the two high chairs her brothers are in with a goofy grin (icing still covering his cheeks and chin), Mateo and Carlos look close to tears and ready for a nap, while Gina and Daniella go back to back for a _Charlie’s Angels_ pose and Amy is hugging her abuelo tightly around the waist. 

Amy takes the polaroid film from her dad when it’s ready and shows it to everyone. Jake tries to take it off her for a closer look but she snatches it away. “NO!” She yells, “You’re hands are _covered_ in frosting!” 

“Ugh fine, just move it closer to my face then.” Jake squints at the photo when Amy does so, “Haha! Carlos’ face is all scrunched up!”

“What?” Amy brings the picture back to her view, “Jake, that’s _Mateo_!”

“No it isn’t!” Jake rolls his eyes with a confident shake of his head, “Show me again.” 

“You actually can’t tell the difference can’t you?” Amy’s laughter booms through the chatter of her family. 

“ _Look at them_ !” Jake screeches, turning to point at them, “They’re _identical_!”

“Actually they’re fraternal twins,” Luis tells them, popping out of nowhere.

“What does that mean?” Amy asks, confused at hearing something she doesn’t know for once.

“I’m not giving you the birds and the bees talk, that’s not my job!” Luis shivers in disgust, “But warning: it’s thorough, even for a Santiago!”

“Jake, tell me who is who.” Gina tries not to giggle as she says it, holding her mouth over her mouth as her struggle escalates.

“That’s Mateo and that’s Carlos…” He mumbles, pointing lazily just in case he’s wrong.

“Wrong again!” Amy cackles, hugging Jake from the side to make sure he doesn’t feel too bad.

“Oh Jake, don’t worry they do look very similar.” Her abuelo pats him on the back, sharing a sweet smile before laugh, “I’m sure if you blindfolded them and spun them for a bit they wouldn’t be able to tell either!”

“Hmf.” Jake frowns a little, but accepts Amy’s apology hug.

“Speaking of blindfolds and spinning, I think it’s time for the piñata after you guys eat cake, so hurry on!” Her abuelo pretends to sneak off to grab some cake, signalling for the rest of them to join him.

Jake has to take the other half of Amy’s cake when she’s too full to continue eating, and she’s moments from falling into a food coma on the grass when her mom calls out that they’ll be doing the piñata in just a few minutes. Amy groans when Jake nudges her to get up, and he’s babbling on about how the roles had been reversed before rolling her over so she’s facing the sky.

“Get up, Ames.” Jake manages to grab onto her arms and pull her up, “It’s time to beat up some cardboard with a stick for some _candy_!” 

“How can you be more excited about more food?” Amy continues to groan, clinging onto Jake for support, “I just want to take a quick nap.”

“Gotta fill my candy stomach up, duh.” Jake snorts, holding her up as they reach the colourful star shaped piñata hanging from the big tree in the backyard. 

“Not a thing.” Amy retorts.

“I know, dummy, it’s a joke.” Jake mocks her before going silent when Camila begins to put them in line to hit the piñata.

Everyone lining up is around Amy’s age or a bit younger, and the oldest of all the cousins is Luis. In the first round of their line, the only ones to do any miniscule damage to the piñata is Luis and Tony. While waiting for their second turn, Amy is still leaning on Jake’s shoulders while Gina hypes him up to do _some_ damage, and it’s working. By the time it’s Jake’s turn, he’s stretching his arms as if preparing to go into a big fight.

Amy’s laughing at his dramatics, and she doesn’t know when she got too close or when Jake moved back but one moment she’s cheering for Jake and the next she’s back on the grass with an intense throbbing in her head. She’s covering her head with both hands so everyone crowding around her can’t see the tears falling out of her eyes, but the whine that emitted out of her does nothing to hide how she feels.

“Ames, Amy, oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Jake is obviously right next to her, panicking, and he continues to mutter apologies as he helps her inside with her dad. He’s trying to get the both of them to calm down all the while asking for Amy’s abuela to grab and ice pack for her head.

Amy wipes away the tears when she’s sat down on the couch and Jake begins to frantically apologise again, “I feel so bad, that was so dumb of me! I should have made sure I was standing further away from the line. Amy, I’m _so sorry_ , please forgive me.”

“Jake, really it’s okay…” Amy sniffles, leaning into the ice pack her dad places on her head, “It was an accident!”

“I just feel really bad.” Jake pouts, shifting uncomfortably.

“You will make mistakes in your life, boy, but as long as you learn from it then you will only get better.” Victor tells him softly, “And Amy has forgiven you, so just take a deep breath. It’s okay.”

“Yeah, and today has been awesome so I’m sure I’ll forget all about this bump on my head.” Amy teases, cringing her nose while poking her tongue out at Jake.

“Birthdays are pretty cool.” Jake rolls his eyes at her, “I’m sure everyone will be asking how you got that on Monday.”

Amy is about to reply when Gina comes running into the room with a handful of candy, “Okay so Tony basically _shredded_ the piñata but that’s not why I’m here! So I was thinking we take the stick and whack each other on the head so we can get a cool bruise too, then our group name could be _Bruised and Beaten Brothers_ … So… Dramatic!”

“ _YES_ I LOVE THIS IDEA!” Jake balls his hands into fists in celebration before Victor cuts in.

“Nuh-uh, you are not hitting each other with sticks, not on _my_ watch!”

Only Amy goes back to school the following week with a bruise on her forehead, but regardless, the party had been a lot of fun. People try to make up rumours of how she could have gotten such a bump on her head, but they’re in elementary school, so they aren’t very creative. Amy manages to ignore the idiotic comments for a while, but they get to her when they persist as the bump fades away. _It’s nothing_ , she tells herself, _it means nothing_.

~

Jake’s least favourite subject is math. He can understand verbs, adjectives, and he even remembers the order of the solar system. But math makes no sense whatsoever. It’s always been the subject he struggles with the most. Amy is the opposite, always has been - she’s great at school, but especially math.

Jake gets tutored by Luis every Wednesday night. Amy used to join them to do her homework, but Jake would without fail always distract himself by trying to distract her so she had to do her math homework separately. Tonight however, Amy and Luis had to team up to help him. He usually grasps how to do the math to an extent, averages a solid C+ in all his tests, so he’s not _stupid_.

Fractions were a whole new ball game. It was simple enough when he was adding fractions with the same denominator, but then it came to simplifying fractions and then adding fractions with _different denominators_.

“I hate math.” Jake groans, his face buried in the crook of his elbow.

“Come on, Jake, you can do it!” Luis rubs his shoulders, sitting him back up.

“What are you confused by Jake?” Amy asked soothingly, watching as his panic increases.

“All of it.” Jake whines, tears threatening to spill, “I don’t get any of it because I’m dumb!”

“ _Jake_.” Her tone is hesitant but warning; they’ve been through this many times before when he doesn’t understand what they’re learning. “You will get this, you are _not stupid_.”

He holds her gaze for a few moments before wiping at his eyes and continuing with a shaky voice, “Well, uh, I don’t get how you get the same denominators.”

“What you need to do is find the common denominator of both two and four…” Luis says, pointing to the two numbers on the bottom. “Most of the time, the common denominator is each other but not always.”

“So what do I do with the common denominator?” Jake question, biting softly on his own pencil.

“You’re gonna times them to get the same denominator,” Amy explains, “So if you times two by four and four by two, the denominator will be?”

“Eight…” 

“Yes! And then you do the same to the top numbers, so we’re doing one by four and one by two.” Luis continues, watching as Jake pokes his tongue out, writing the answers down.

“Four and two.”

“Now we add the two numbers together.”

“Six.”

“So the fraction is six over eight.” Amy stated, “Now we just need to simplify it.”

“Uhhhhhh…” Jake stares at his paper, obviously lost again, “My brain is dead.”

“You’ve almost done it. Come on.” Luis encourages him.

“How do I do that?” Jake groans.

“So you want to divide the fraction now so that it’s a smaller fraction but still equal value.” Luis explains, “So if we divide six and eight by two, we get three quarters but it is still equal to six eigths.”

“I think I get it…” Jake mumbles as he writes it down. He takes a few minutes to do the next question before having it checked by Luis.

“You got it Jake!” Luis shakes his shoulders in celebration, “I think that’s enough for tonight, you’ve done so good.”

Jake thanks him, his smile grew as he packed up his books and followed Amy out onto the fire escape. He stops at the ladder going up to his level and turns back to Amy, “Uh, thanks for believing in me, Ames.”

“Of course. You’re smart Jake, you just need to believe in yourself.” Amy nods, patting his shoulder. “You’re gonna ace this test.”

“I’m so lucky that you’re my best friend, Amy Santiago.”

“I’m luckier.”

Jake gets a B in their fractions test a week later which earns him a whole packet of sour worms from his mom and his report card being stuck on the fridge for everyone to see. He’s never been more proud.

~

There were solid plans made for Thanksgiving a whole month in advance, they were set and ready to have a wonderful time together as a family despite the separation. But just before Halloween, he calls up to tell Karen and Jake that he’s engaged and won’t be able to make it down to New York. 

Jake tries to hide how devastated he is, even if his dad has let him down multiple times over the past few years, it still gets to him the same. The only major difference is how intense his reactions are, and it's mostly thanks to Amy. He is almost certain that if they hadn't met he would have the most boring childhood _ever_ (that's not completely true, he knows this, he would still have Gina). 

When he told Amy a few hours later on the fire escape, she had suggested him and his mom join them for Thanksgiving. The Santiago’s have huge events for Christmas and birthdays, so for Thanksgiving they always stay in and have a smaller feast with just immediate family. They’re told the next day that as soon as Camila heard of Roger’s plans to bail on Thanksgiving, she invited the two of them to join the Santiago’s.

Days before Thanksgiving arrives, their moms argue for hours about who will cook the turkey. Camila insists that because they’re hosting that they should be cooking the turkey but then Karen will counteract that with it being such a last minute invitation that she should be able to contribute. 

Jake and Amy get to watch most of it unfold before Victor suggests they just do it together. They reluctantly come to an agreement to work together, but Amy is almost certain it will end in disaster because of how uptight her mom is and how laid back his mom is. 

It eats on her nerves at school the next few days, but Jake assures her it’ll be fine, and that maybe it would be a new family tradition for them all. He’d love it himself, to have a family tradition with the Santiago’s since his blood family is tiny. Jake’s nana is getting old, and she hates all holidays except Hanukkah; and his mom and dad are both only children so he has no cousins either.

Amy is still nervous when he arrives in a neat plaid shirt and non wrinkled pants on Thanksgiving morning. He finds it completely adorable the way she crinkles his nose when he asks if she made a plan to make sure everything doesn’t end in disaster, and he’s completely prepared for when she drags him to her room to layout the plan for the day.

The simplified version of the plan is for one of them to always be near the kitchen while they’re making the food to be a buffer if they start getting on each others nerves. All the kids are given arts and crafts (besides Luis who is _old enough_ to cut carrots) to do while the adults begin to prepare. 

The plans falls right into place when they sit at the bench facing into the kitchen to do their crafting, able to make sure no disaster will occur while still enjoying their activity. Jake had thought that her panicky behaviour was over nothing, since their moms are collaborating very well and both of their paper turkeys are looking neat. He’s ready to tease her about worrying before Benji walks to them to see their progress.

“Why is the turkey wearing a top hat?” He scoffs with a laugh.

“What? That’s a pilgrim hat!” Amy screeches, thoroughly offended that he wouldn’t get that on Thanksgiving of all days.

“Where’s the buckle, _dummy_?” 

That’s when the chaos breaks. Jake is too busy watching Amy lose her mind over forgetting the buckle to see that his mom has spilt canola oil all over the vegetables, and Camila begins to stress about running out of time to cut and cook _more_ vegetables. After Karen tells her to _just relax_ , she goes to put a snack in the microwave for them.

Jake watches the face of everyone in the room as they go from panic to horror when the microwave begins to spark and seconds later, the food inside catching on fire. Camila begins to yell about her being a child for putting _aluminum_ foil into the microwave. Victor is standing in between them to try to calm the situation before crying can be heard from a different room in the apartment, signifying the twins had woken up from their nap. 

Victor makes Jake and Amy deal with the twins since they always calm down the quickest around Amy, and he can tell she’s absolutely terrified of the situation escalating with them gone. He’s amazed to see how quickly they do calm down in Amy’s presence, their attempts to climb out of their cribs now to reach Amy. 

Once she let them out of their cribs, a crashing sound sounds from back in the living area followed by her brothers shouting. Amy tenses up at the sound, staring at the closed door with her fists tightly clenched in her lap.

“Ames, I don’t think there is any plan in the world that could stop the craziness that is your brothers.” Jake tells her, Mateo and Carlos crawling over him babbling.

“I know, but all our holidays are out of control!” Amy whines, “I just wanted this one to be fun especially since you and your mom were joining us.”

“But isn’t this how Thanksgiving is _supposed_ to be?” Jake shrugs with a grin, “Like in the movies! The entire family is crazy and yelling the whole time but then you get to the turkey and everyone says what they’re thankful for and it’s all happy.”

Amy turns around to face Jake again, and she’s smiling slightly again but the worry crease is still there. “Or they keep fighting at the dinner table.”

“Isn’t there a fight at dinner every other night with your family?” Jake questions as Mateo pushes his face around, giggling loudly.

“That’s exactly why I wanted to have a plan.” Amy groans louder, falling back onto the floor and covers her face.

“I think we need to just embrace the chaos and it’ll work out for us.” Jake lies down next to her and taking her hands off her face, “Look, I don’t have a big family, but you guys are my family and I think it’s gonna turn out fine, just like the movies.” 

“Aw, Jake that’s really sweet.” Amy turns to him, a genuine smile finally gracing her features.

“Listen,” Jake says quietly, and he’s silent for a few moments so they can listen to the laughter coming from further in the apartment, “See, it’s all gonna work out.”

Jake is mostly right - everyone predicts the fight over the TV remote to watch the football match or the parade, but no one expects the fist fight or the following bruise forming on David’s jaw as their feast approaches. 

Tony is grounded immediately after that and is banned from desert that night, and the beginning of dinner is quiet and tense. It’s only after the turkey has been carved and served out that Jake finally speaks up, “Oh! I have a joke!”

“Go ahead.” Victor nods with a soft chuckle as he places Jake’s plate back in front of him.

“Okay, so why do pilgrims’ pants always fall down?”

“Hm, did they lose weight?” Victor suggests, watching as Jake tries to contain his giggles at the incorrect answer.

“ _No_!” Jake cackles, “It’s because they wear their belt buckles on their hats!”

The entire room erupts into laughter, his own mom almost in tears over the ridiculous pilgrim joke - which he read in a joke book when he was supposed to be doing homework with Amy the evening before. Once the laughter dies down, everyone begins chatting happily again and begin eating the feast. The pure joy he feels seeing her family interacting with his mom so well and vice versa is hard to contain when he looks over to Amy, who is also smiling brightly. 

_Thank you_ , she mouths to him.

In that moment, Jake knows _exactly_ what he’s thankful for. He doesn’t exactly understand his feelings, but he’s never experienced a joy like this with his family. While he was living in the moment, he knew this was his family. His true family.

~

After Thanksgiving, their winter break creeps up on them faster than they expect. Jake gets busy with Hanukkah with his mom and nana, and Amy spends most of her time alone reading books inside where it’s warm (with a few extra blankets to be certain she won’t freeze to death). The time they spend on the fire escape is basically non-existent, more so than the year before. 

So the first time they get hang out after a few weeks is when Victor invites him down to decorate the Christmas tree with them. Jake learns the entire lyrics of Feliz Navidad in that time they decorate the tree. If they didn’t know he celebrated Hanukkah they would probably think he did Christmas every year with his enthusiasm.

A few days before Christmas (before she leaves for her grandparents aka more time apart) they spend time decorating and adding to the scrapbook Jake gave her. This included pictures like when she got the gift (her mom had insisted that they take a photo of the two of them holding it), Amy with Jake and Gina on their first day of school, her favourite photo taken from the twins first birthday, a photo from their excursion to Staten Island. 

Her two favourite photos are from Halloween and Thanksgiving. For Halloween, they dress up as group; Amy as Wendy, Jake as Peter Pan and Gina as Tinkerbell (there was no fighting her on that). In the photo they’re holding their buckets of candy but in a Charlie’s Angels pose (once again, Gina insists on being in the middle).

The photo for Thanksgiving is her entire family including Jake and his mom, and they’re all laughing at a follow up joke from Benji about turkeys pretending to be chickens crossing the road. It feels _right_ to have Jake with his mom in a family photo, and _right_ to call them family. 

That’s why on New Years Eve morning, she’s begging her mom and dad to go back to Brooklyn to celebrate New Years with Jake and his mom since his dad bailed _again_. 

“Also why do we always go to New Jersey for _every holiday_?” Amy complains, “A lot of us live in New York, why can’t they come to us!”  
  
“Amy.” Her mother warns, “I don’t want this tone coming from you, we’re spending New Years with your grandparents like we do every year.”

“ _Daaad_ , please!” Amy whines, bouncing slightly, “Jake is just as part of our family, isn’t he?”

“Mija, I know, but we have our traditions.” Victor shrugs, “It’s very important to the family.”

Amy wants to cry; they simply don’t understand how much Jake is family to her, that she wants to be friends with him forever just like she’ll love her brothers forever. Just when she can feel her emotions swell to its peak, both her grandparents walk into the room, their happy glances immediately changing to concern at Amy’s demeanor. 

When she shares her concerns about Jake not being included, they are both quick to hop on board. There’s some more arguing about whether it’s worth it to go back to New York when they’re already in New Jersey. In the end her abuela decides that they do indeed spend too much time at their house, and _they’re not getting any younger_ , which makes everyone uncomfy enough to agree.

So an hour later, Amy is with her abuelo at Jake’s front door knocking a tune she knows Jake will know. “THE FUNKY COLD MEDINA! IT’S AMY!” Jake shouts a moment after she knocks, his soft footsteps running to the door.

“Surprise!” Her abuelo laughs when Jake looks at them with exuberant shock.

“What are you doing here?” Jake hugs Amy quickly before clinging onto her abuelo for a moment longer, not having seen him since the twins party. 

“Couldn’t do New Years eve without our _whole_ family!” Amy announced, bouncing on her heels from how giddy she feels.

“The entire family is by Brooklyn Bridge Park and we’re going to watch the fireworks!” Her abuelo continues, “Now go get your coats, it’s very chilly outside!”

It starts to snow on their walk to the park, and Amy is suddenly regretting convincing them to go back to New York which meant watching the fireworks _outside_ near the east river. A few minutes into the walk, Jake takes his scarf off and wraps it around her already scarf clad neck.

“Now, you’re a true eskimo.” Jake chuckles, “I love that you came back.”

“You’re family.” Amy says as she loops arms with him for warmth, “Plus I’ve missed you in the Christmas chaos.”

The entire family has taken over a section of the park looking over the East River and the cousins are having a snowball fight when they arrive and Jake runs to join them, already forming a ball in his hand. Once he’s gone Amy snuggles up to her abuelo who’s chatting with Karen.

The hours pass quickly, almost falling asleep near midnight on Jake’ shoulder on a park bench where they had been sitting for a bit. Everyone had begun to sit down and relax to get ready to watch the fireworks.

“Ames, you can’t fall asleep, we’re about to enter the _90s_.” Jake shakes her lightly, “Just imagine, we’re gonna have so much fun!”

“And it’s the last decade of this millenium!” Amy adds with enthusiasm.

“Millenium? How do you know so many words?” Jake is exasperated for only a second before he laughs it off. “I can’t believe Gina got to go to Disney World for winter break.”

“Without us too.” Amy scoffs, “But we’ll go without her as revenge.”

“Good plan, Santiago.” Jake looks down to his digital watch with a sigh, “Just 10 more minutes and we can finally go home to warm beds.”

“Do you want your scarf back?” Amy asks, ready to take it off.

“No, you need it more than me.” Jake replies quickly, “You might actually freeze to death without it.”  
  
They lapse into silence after laughing for a bit, watching the excitement buzzing around them as they get sleepier and ready for the night to be over. Amy is leaning on Jake, who is leaning into his mom but once they’re a minute away they sit up straight, ready for the fireworks. 

The countdown is loud and exciting, and the fireworks and yelling of _HAPPY NEW YEAR_ is almost deafening and definitely wakes them up more than the cold ever could. The fireworks appear over so many buildings and over the East River, and it’s truly a spectacular show to celebrate the New Year.

Jake is watching the fireworks with awe and Amy takes a moment to look around, seeing her grandparents kiss, then her parents as well as some of her aunts and uncles. Amy then looks over to Jake, his eyes were like magic from the fireworks. She could see the pure joy radiating from him. Hesitantly, she leans slightly to brush her lips again his cold cheek. His eyes grow wide at that, and he jumps back into his mom's side.

“AMY! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” He screeches, “NOW I’M GONNA HAVE _COOTIES_!”

“Jake, you know that’s not real.” Karen laughs in disbelief at what she just witnessed, pushing Jake so he’s not leaning into her so intensely.

“What?” Amy blushes, “Everyone else is doing it!”

“Yeah but they _love_ each other!” Jake is blush is growing deeper than what the cold weather had caused.

“We don’t love each other?” Amy asks, slightly shocked.

“O-of course we love each other, Amy!” He’s speaking fast and high pitched, which he only does when he’s _really_ embarrassed, “But like they icky goo-goo eyes love each other.”

Amy rolls her eyes at that, and she decides to push it aside so his voice goes down to a normal volume. She knows that if her brothers heard or saw them, that neither of them would hear the end of it. She promises to never do it again and at Jake’s relief she laughs.

“Welcome to the 90s, Jakey!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have reached a new level of softness writing this, I'm basically goo. 
> 
> I've been struggling with writing them as children and I've loved what I've put out, but after this chapter I will be putting in a pretty big time skip just to get to a more comfortable age.
> 
> Thank you to Nick who helped edit this chapter!
> 
> Thanks again for reading, and kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	4. some day, these will be the good old days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from good old days by macklemore
> 
> _All the love you won't forget  
>  And all these reckless nights you won't regret  
> 'Cause someday soon, your whole life's gonna change  
> You'll miss the magic of the good old days_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quickest chapter I've gotten out so far! Who's shocked? Definitely me.
> 
> Enjoy!!

_August 8th, 1993_

_Dear Diary,_

_I haven’t had a diary since I was eight years old I think. I lost it at math camp, and I just never picked up another one. So with that, I think I’m going to recap some of the big events over the past few years, good and bad._

_First off, I have yet_ another _brother. He was born last year, and the doctor told my mom and dad that it was a_ girl _. Fools, all of them. His name is Manuel but we all call him Manny already. He is just one so there’s not much to say about him at this point. Carlos and Mateo are now three and a half and are major pains in my butt. Mostly because they love Jake more than me, and when I try to play with them they just yell Jake’s name. Rude babies._

 _Next thing is that Kylie moved to closer in New York!!! Her mom got transferred to a branch in Queens for her job so now she’s just a simple half hour drive away from me, and she actually_ likes _to do homework with me._

_Jake is doing good in school though, despite his bad attitude sometimes. He still tries to make it seem like he’s doing bad, and he compares it to my straight A grades, BUT he is doing good. I’m so proud of him. He’s had a bit of a rough time this past year, with his dad meeting another new woman and moving his life around for her. Roger is the real enemy._

_We still always hang out on the fire escape; if one of us has announcement, it’ll be told there, if one of us is mad or sad, we’ll talk it out there. It’s my favourite place in the world. And it used to just be a spot I could use to escape my brothers for some peace but now it’s my hangout spot with my best friend ever._

_My abuela died a month or so after I turned eight. Our whole family was really broken for a while after that. It had been so sudden, just as simple as a heart attack. Jake was there and just as sad with us of course, and Gina helped by making sure to collect my homework at school. I’m so lucky to have them both. I miss her a lot every day._

_I guess that’s all I really need to catch up on for you, diary. Today is also going to be a crazy one! We’re driving up Luis to Connecticut because he got into_ Yale _. He’s so smart and he’s going to be a lawyer which is_ so _cool._

_Jake is coming with because it’s also my birthday. My mom wanted to have a big party for my eleventh birthday but a road trip with my oldest brother, dad and best friend is much more appealing to me._

Outside, Amy can hear the rattling of Jake’s footsteps climbing down the fire escape, likely ready to leave with an outrageous amount of activities for a two hour drive. When he knocks on her window, she opens the blinds to see his backpack overflowing with random items that he definitely doesn’t need. “Jake, I told you that you don’t need that much stuff for a two hour trip.”

“I will definitely use all this stuff in two hours, you know my attention span.” Jake says as he puts his bag on her desk, “Gameboy, Rubix cube, colouring book, a ninja turtles colouring book… I definitely need all of this.” 

“Dorks, are you ready to go?” Luis barges in suddenly, holding onto the door as he slides on one of his sneakers. “We wanna beat the traffic. And my roommate. I need to get a good bed after so many years of the top bunk.”

“Luis, it’s my birthday! You have to be _nice_ to me!” Amy objected, head held high as she puts her diary away, and grabs a book to read off her shelf.

Amy is right of course; so the first half an hour Jake _does_ play with his Gameboy and Amy spends her time reading the latest installment of the Baby-sitters Club, but once Jake is bored of that he turns so that his back is facing the window and he starts pushing Amy’s knees with his foot. Amy looks up from her book to glare at Jake before continuing to read, but Jake persists, using both his feet to nudge Amy to pay attention to him. 

She huffs and puts her book down, “What, Jake?”

“I’m bored.” Jake pouts, still nudging her calf with his foot. 

“You brought more things, just do that.” Amy rolls her eyes, kicking his leg before opening her book again.

“I don’t want tooooooo.” Jake whines, and at that Amy closes her book, putting it in the seat pocket in front of her before turning to him.

“It’s _on_.”

The two of them bring up their legs to meet the middle, pushing on each others feet like they were wrestling. They’re both laughing loudly, Jake struggling as Amy’s long legs overpower him, crushing his legs against his chest. Eventually he has enough strength to push her back, and it goes back and forth like this until their laughter is out of control and Victor shushes them from the driver's seat.

“I won that.” Amy snickered before sitting up properly again and pulling her book out again. 

“In your dreams.” Jake scoffs, “This isn’t over!”

“To be continued.” She pokes her tongue out before she returns to her book. In the corner of her eye, Jake is taking out his colouring books and pencils while humming the song playing on the radio.

Being friends with Jake is truly a rollercoaster; she’s never been on a rollercoaster, she’s too afraid of them, but it’s what she imagines their friendship is like. They go from 0 to 100 in mere seconds, and there’s no way of predicting it. Amy loves him, truly, he’s her best friend. She can be upset about _anything_ and he will find a way to cheer her up, without fail. No fight ever parts them for more than a day, even when about his dad which they fight about _a lot_. 

Nothing will ever change that.

The rest of the trip to Connecticut passes by quickly, even if they did catch some traffic halfway through, Jake and Amy were having too much fun to notice. When they arrive to Luis’ dorm, they all climb out of the car and stared at the buildings around them in awe. Luis is really leaving.

It doesn’t really hit her until that moment, and the past year her entire family had been nonchalantly mentioning how Luis was moving to a different state for university. But she never really thought about the fact that now she wouldn’t see Luis every morning sculling coffee down to deal with the rest of their brothers.

She tries to hide how upset she is while they carry his boxes up to his room but on their last round of boxes, she can’t hide the quiver of her chin or the tears forming in her eyes. As soon as she sniffles and breathes heavily, Jake is immediately next to her in concern.

“Amy, what’s wrong?” Her brother asks as he kneels down in front of her.

“I-I’m just gonna miss you, Luis.” Amy cries quietly, “Y-you’re leaving me with los otros tontos...”

“Peque… They aren’t too bad.” Luis strokes the top of her head, trying to sound convincing, “Look, they’re annoying but you’re going to be just fine.”

“But you always stop them from being mean to me.” Amy sniffles, “I try to defend myself but they _never_ listen to me.” 

“They’re just being silly, princesa.” He teases, “And besides, remember what abuela always said about perseverance?”

“Si caes siete veces, sube ocho.” Amy repeats, breathing still shaky, “If you fall seven times, rise eight.”

“You got it, peque, you’re so much tougher than you make yourself out to be!” Luis shakes her, “You’re such a strong girl.”

“Yeah, Ames! Remember when that new kid Charles tried to take the place as my new best friend so you arm wrestled him for me?” Jake pats her shoulder in comfort, chuckling at the memory.

She remembers that very clearly; it was their first day of middle school and they had to find out a new hangout spot when a boy with short straight hair ran up to Amy, Gina and Jake. He begins to ramble about how they’re in the same art and math classes together and how they seemed _really cool_ , especially Jake. Gina is of course offended and Amy goes through the names she remembers until she gets to him - Charles Boyle.

At first, Amy is mostly uncomfortable with Charles following them around constantly during their breaks but when he tries to say he and Jake are best friends, well it doesn’t go well. Amy gets very defensive immediately, and she’s ashamed to admit it out loud, but she was quite jealous. Not that she had been particularly threatened by him, but no one had ever been outwardly enthusiastic about wanting to be Jake’s friend.

So she challenged him to a measly arm wrestling match which she had won in under 30 seconds (having four older brothers _did_ have its perks, apparently). Charles settled easily for being Jake’s number one guy friend, but third best overall. “Boyle isn’t exactly the strongest though…” Amy rolled her eyes, “But it was pretty fun.”

“The point is, you can kick any of our brother’s asses just as good as they can kick yours.” Luis reiterates with another shake of her shoulders, “Also, don't forget that I’m going to be home for the holidays.”

“Because mom would be so mad if you weren’t there.” Amy hummed, “Like, crazy mad.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Luis adds with his bright smile, “Now let’s go find dad and get some _lunch_!”

~

The rest of their day is listening to music on the radio while helping him shift things how he wants them in his dorm. All three of them have time to get to know Luis’ roommate, Lewis, which genuinely cracks them all up for the entire trip home. 

On their way home they also talk about what it must be like to go to college; what they might study, or if they would get an apartment with Gina or stay in dorms. Victor reminds them to not worry about it, that they’re still only kids, but what he doesn’t know (or does) is that Amy is already up to that part of her life calendar. 

The only person who has seen it is Jake, and he always makes sure to add himself into it because they are definitely going to go to the same college or _at least_ close to each other. 

When they get home, Tony and Benji are still fighting about the rearrangement of their room while David chuckles at them quietly on the couch with a book in his hand. Jake is able to hang out with the twins and Manny before he has to go back upstairs for his supper with his mom. 

It’s when he’s about to leave that Tony pauses the headlock he has Benji in to tell them, “By the way, there’s a new kid downstairs. His name is Alex and he’s about your age.”

~

Later that night, even after spending the whole day together, they meet up on the fire escape to discuss their gameplan (Jake’s words, not hers) about meeting this new kid in their building. It’s when they’re discussing the possibility of this kid going to their school and how cool it would be when there's a sudden noise from the downstairs window.

“I hate you, dad!” The kid screams, “I wish mom were still alive!”

Jake and Amy both go silent at the discerning words, looking at each other before gazing downwards, watching as the window to the fire escape opens and a frustrated looking boy with ashy blonde hair climbs out and curls up against the wall. 

“Should we go see if he’s okay?” Jake whispers, looking back at Amy.

“I don’t know… He seems pretty upset.” Amy murmurs, shrugging.

“You came up to me when I was upset the first day we met.” Jake argues, still whispering and looking down concernedly at the boy.

“Yes, but _we_ had been formally introduced!” Amy hisses, “This would not make a good first im-”

“Who’s up there?” 

Jake pulls his chin back, something he does every time he attempts to do a deep voice, “Uh, nobody, young man. Goodn _ight_!”

Amy snorts loudly when his voice cracks at the end, and she can also hear the kid also laughing slightly. “May we come down?” Amy questions, her voice light and kind.

“Uhh, sure.” The kid coughs to clear his throat, and Amy can see him rubbing his eyes as she climbs down.

Amy kneels down in front of him, putting out her hand from him to shake. “Amy Santiago, pleased to make your acquaintance.” 

“I’m Jake. Amy lives one floor up, I live above her.” Jake introduces himself, hands in his front pockets.

“I’m Alex…” He says, hesitantly shaking Amy’s hand. 

“Are you okay?” Jake asks, sitting down next to Amy also in front of Alex.

“Uhh, yeah, uh…” Alex is visibly uncomfortable about his emotions, squeezing his eyes shut as he continues to speak, “I don’t _hate_ my dad. I just really didn’t want to leave Pennsylvania but my dad had a business opportunity that ‘ _I couldn’t pass up, son_ ’.”

“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that.” Amy sighs, slumping her shoulders.

“I had _friends_ in Philly.” Alex finally opens his eyes, and sighs looking at them. “I’m just scared is all, I’m not great at making friends.”

“Well we’re your neighbours!” Jake cheered, “Amy and I can be your friends of course!”

“Yeah, totally!” Amy agrees enthusiastically, “Also what school are you going to?” 

“Um, I think my dad said William Alexander Middle on… 5th Avenue?” He shrugs nonchalantly, “God, I need to change my name!”

“We go to that school!!” Jake cheers, “Dude, you’ll have even more friends. My oldest friend Gina goes there, she’s real intense but you’ll love her and then there’s Charles as well who loves food more than I do and of course one of Amy’s older brothers goes there!”

“That’s so…” Alex murmurs shyly, looking down at his hands, “Thank you guys.”

It’s the first time they see him smile that night, and it makes both of them beam immediately as they see it. “Amy’s birthday party that her mom insisted she have is tomorrow, you in?” Jake suggests, “All our friends that go to our school will be there and her abuelo is _so cool_ and we’re going BOWLING!”

“I’ll have to ask my dad, but I would really like that!”

~ 

Jake is extremely eager the moment Alex appears at Amy’s apartment the next morning with his dad. Gina’s already there as well and curious about ‘the new specimen’ before them, and while Gina begins her 6 step friendship-personality test, Alex’s dad is getting to know Amy’s parents.

“G, I tell you, he doesn’t need this test.” Jake argues, “I have a really good feeling about him, just look at that sweet smile!”

Alex smiles awkwardly, fear in his eyes as Gina cracks her knuckles. “Oh sweet Jakey, you naive little baby. You said that about Charles too, and he barely passed the test because of his taste in food.” She pauses to dramatically shiver in disgust, “ _And_ as a future global superstar, I need my friends that I surround myself with to be of the highest level of awesome. So no - I do not trust your opinion after you defending Charles, as much as I love that goofball now. This boy _must_ go through the test!” 

“Uh, it’s Alex.” He mutters.

“Zip it!” Gina claps.

Amy can hear Alex’s dad muttering questions about Gina and her loud personality, but she’s glad when she hears her parents defending Gina. “It’s not that hard, Alex, don’t worry about it.” Amy laughs, seeing him relax slightly.

“That’s because you never had to do it, sweet Amy. You were 6.” Gina scoffs, “And plus, I have changed this test to be so much harder!”

“No you haven’t, you didn’t even know about Alex and needing to ‘ _test a new minion_ ’ until 2 minutes ago.” Jake laughs, “Really, Alex, don’t be intimidated by her - Gina’s a huge softie.”

“Fine! I haven’t changed it - _but_ \- don’t you dare call me a softie!” Gina gasps, but Jake is nodding at Alex and mouthing ‘softie’. Gina ignores Jake and at this point, Alex’s dad is done talking with Amy’s parents and walks over to them.

“You have a good day Alexander, be good and make friends!” His dad messes up his hair, kissing his forehead before he’s out of the door and Gina returns to her stalking around Alex.

“First question, _Al-ex_ ,” Gina widens her eyes and gets really close, “What is the best hit song from 1991?”

“Easy, _Where Does My Heart Beat Now_ by Celine Dione.” Alex scoffs, “Should have been number 1.”

“Oh, wow, a boy with _taste_ . I would have also accepted _anything_ by Whitney Houston or Madonna.”

“Basically we’re here for any music made by powerful women…” Jake interjects with a shrug.

“Second question!” Gina announces, “What is the best movie made in the past 5 years?”

“Um, Die Hard, probably.” Alex looks up into space fondly before he jumps at Jake’s reaction.

“YOU’VE SEEN DIE HARD?!” His face is desperate yet intense as he grips onto Alex’s shoulders, “I want to watch it _so_ bad but mom says it’s too violent…”

“I watched it when my dad fell asleep and I put it on super quiet, it’s _so good_!” Alex begins to ramble about it for a whole minute before he’s interrupted by Gina.

“Well, while I appreciate your _passion_ for this action movie, the correct answer is _Pretty Woman_.” Gina tsks, and Amy nods along in approval.

“Julia Roberts is truly one of a kind…” Amy sighs happily.

“Damn straight, Amy.”

Alex passes the rest of the question with ease, and with Gina’s approval he relaxes. “I don’t know why I cared so much.” Alex laughs, rubbing his neck.

“Everyone cares about Gina Linetti’s opinion of them.” Gina drawls, “But you’re a good dude, I can tell.”

It’s weird how quickly Alex begins to brighten up once he’s relaxed around Gina. Especially with Jake, they quickly bond over having only one parent and their sense of humour is almost identical. His blonde hair shines in the sun on their way to the subway to get to the bowling alley, Jake and Alex walking ahead of Amy and Gina. They are both still observing the new boy as Alex tells another story which makes Jake crack up more than anything else.

Amy won’t admit it out loud, but seeing Jake laugh that hard with anyone else other than her makes her the _tiniest, almost non-existent_ bit jealous. _She_ is the one that he usually has to hang on to, by her shoulder. But it’s good, having more friends is _good_ for them. She manages to put it behind her, catching up to them and finding out that Alex is genuinely _hilarious_. Within minutes he also has Gina and Amy laughing as hard as Jake was moments before. 

Unlike Amy, as soon as Charles sees how well Alex and Jake get along, he’s red with jealousy and trying to butt into every conversation they’re having. Gina and Amy have to drag him away to get their bowling shoes. 

“Like more friends at school is just _fine_ but another neighbour!?” Charles whines dramatically, “Gina, he’s gonna forget about us all.”

“Okay, Charles. Number one, Gina is the queen of dramatic and she’s not worried about a new neighbour. And two, I’m his neighbour too.” Amy told Charles indignantly before telling the teenage boy working their shoe sizes.

“Yeah, but what if he forgets _you_ too?” 

“Actually impossible.” Gina snorts, “Jake is the best friend everyone could want, he wouldn’t simply forget someone because of a new kid. _Especially_ Amy.”

“Yeah…” Amy focused on taking off her shoes, this conversation making her uncomfortable, “He wouldn’t just stop being our friend, he’s a good person.”

“Yeah Charles, you’re completely off.” Gina slaps his shoulders in response to how Amy’s reacting, “Now put your shoes on so we can have a fun time for Amy’s birthday!”

“Of course, yes! I want the green ball.” Charles stalks off with his shoes.

As soon as he leaves, Alex comes up to the booth to ask for his and Jake’s shoes before turning to the both of them. “You know, all morning I’ve forgotten to say happy birthday, Amy.” Alex noted, “I know I don’t have a present for you but I just wanted to thank you so much for inviting me even after knowing me a day.”

“I’m glad you could come on such late notice.” Amy beamed as she finished tying her shoes, “Also don’t mind Charles, he’ll warm up to you real quick once he realises how cool you are.”

“Ames! I got your blue ball and Gina yours is purple, right?” Jake yells from across the room, happily holding up Amy’s ball.

“Jake! You don’t have your shoes on yet, let me take that!” Victor scowls, picking up the ball he’s holding before Jake runs to them to grab his shoes.

It’s not long before they’re all ready to go and are entering their names into the machine for the first game. Out of three matches, she only wins one game (and two unofficially against David in the opposite lane), and Jake and Alex win the following matches. After the games, hot dogs and soda are brought to them for lunch. Considering how shy Alex was when they met him the night before, Amy is surprised to see him getting along with everyone so easily. He’s already gotten Charles to warm up to him, which she didn’t expect for a while. 

Jake is still the loudest by far; and when her ice cream cake comes out he makes a bet with everyone at the table about who can sing happy birthday the loudest. She was made the decider of this bet of course since she would be the only one not singing, and the winner would get the second biggest piece of cake. 

Jake of course wins, and he’s whooping and punching his fists as she takes the knife to cut the first piece. Jake only falls quiet once she reaches the bottom of the plate and Benji begins laughing evilly at the other end of the table. 

Everyone follows Jake’s lead as Benji continues his ominous chuckle, the volume increasing as more people fall silent. “You know what happens when you do the first slice correct?” He finally says, voice deep and creepy.

“Uhh, no.” Amy eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“You gotta kiss the closest boy to you.” Benji cawed, still laughing as he looks to Jake, “And that happens to be sweet Jake over here.” 

Jake begins to fluster and scoff as if he’s asking Jake’s great aunt to kiss him in front of everyone. At this Amy rolls her eyes and shakes her head, leaning over the table to kiss Jake’s cheek the same as she did years ago on New Years. She ignores the hollers from the rest of the table and sits down as her mom takes the knife and continues cutting the cake.

Jake has gone completely red, like Charles had been earlier, but for completely different reasons. “It’s so cute when you’re embarrassed.” Alex teases with a nudge into Jake’s side.

This only makes him blush harder, sinking into his chair slightly. “Ames, you promised you’d never do _that_ again.” 

“He wasn’t going to shut up about it, I only kissed your cheek.” Amy smiles fondly at him as she passes his slice of cake, “Por favor, no te preocupes por ellos.”

“Yeah, right, don’t worry about them...” Jake’s cheeks are still red, it makes her wonder if he could possibly get a sunburn inside, but he’s nodding in agreement. He begins to shove the cake into his mouth, and it’s so typically Jake to eat to cover his embarrassment.

It’s very hard to truly embarrass Jake so the rest of the afternoon is spent with her brothers making kissing noises and seeing how red he can get. They make a competition of it up until they get home in the late afternoon, calling Amy his _boyfriend_ and asking when they’re getting _married_. It’s pretty standard teasing but it does what they intend, making Amy laugh even though the teasing is directed at her as well. 

“Just _shut up_ already!”

~

In the weeks leading up to school starting, Alex hangs out with them _all the time_. He goes to the park with them, he comes school shopping with them and some nights he’s on the fire escape with Jake before Amy can even get there.

Amy still won’t admit out loud that she’s jealous of how close they get so quickly but it really irks her when they hang out on the fire escape together. It’s _their_ special place, not Jake and Alex’s but _hers_ and _Jake’s_ ; sure Gina shows up sometimes but she has never spent time alone with him there. 

She definitely _likes_ Alex. He is funny, considerate and very creative; they both have an intense love for stationary that Jake teases them about. What she doesn’t like is that her feelings of jealousy are reaching a _Boyle Level_. 

It’s not like Amy can tell anybody about how she feels; Charles will just go on a tangent on how they’re meant to be (he steals his dad’s romance novels) and Gina would just says she’s being ridiculous - which maybe she is. Amy is used to fighting for her parent’s attention with her brothers but with _Jake_ it’s only her he’s focused on, _she’s_ his best friend with their own special place.

Her breaking point comes two days before the beginning of seventh grade. Manny had been sick all morning so her mom had taken him to see the doctor and since their dad was out at work all day. Benji is 16 years old so she had no problem leaving him in charge while she was gone. It’s a bad choice because as soon as they hear the clicks of her heels fade away, chaos erupts.

There’s fighting and shouting and Mateo hits his head on a table chair while chasing David around 15 minutes into their mom being gone. Amy’s just trying to read peacefully at her desk with her bedroom door shut, but they all barge in anyway. Escaping to Jake’s apartment isn’t an option because he’s gone to his nana’s for the day for Bar Mitzvah lessons (he’s started lessons early because he knows how happy it makes his nana). 

Her mom returns in the late afternoon so the chaos quickly ceases but her nerves are still on edge. She's very eager to hang out with Jake on the fire escape after dinner, she knows he’ll have her laughing again within minutes - just because he always does. 

What she _doesn’t_ expect is to find Jake on Alex’s level of the fire escape, giggling loudly between them. “My dad isn’t home, he’s just left me alone so you can finally watch Die Hard with me.” 

“Jake?” Amy mutters, poking her head over the fence to look down at them, “Aren’t we hanging out tonight?”

“Alex’s dad is gone and we’re gonna watch-”

“Yeah I heard that already.” Amy reprimanded, “You shouldn’t be watching that, Jake. It’s _R rated_ , so it’s _violent_.”

“So it’s _awesome_!” Alex retorts with a light tone, “Come on, Ames, you can watch with us!”

“We’re _underage_ and don’t call me ‘Ames’.” Amy hisses, “I’m not going to turn my brain to mush with violence and cursing.”

Jake sighed loudly before Alex begged, “Please don’t tell on us. Jake _really_ wants to see this movie. Bruce Willis is _so cool_.” 

“Yeah, don’t be a tattle tale, Amy! It’s not cool.” Jake follows, obviously getting agitated.

“Cállate! Both of you!” Amy is very visibly angry and Jake flinches.

“What does that mean?” She can hear Alex mutter.

“She told us to shut up,” Jake responds, fast and quiet. “We should shut up.”

“I don’t like the influence you have on Jake, Alex. But I’m not your mom, so do whatever, just know that we aren’t on speaking terms if you watch it!”

With that she turns away from them, ignoring Jake as he calls out after her. As she climbs through the window to get back inside, she can hear Alex convincing Jake to still watch it.

Amy crawls into bed, still fuming and confused at where it leaves them. _This_ is not what she imagined when the new boy moved in downstairs. 

She didn’t imagine she might lose her best friend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss the sweet angst, don't you? It feels good. Well it will later, I'm sure.
> 
> I feel great!
> 
> Thanks again to Becca for helping and to you all for reading this!
> 
> Thoughts and feelings a greatly appreciated!


	5. and i'll tip toe away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from manhattan by sara bareilles
> 
> _You can have Manhattan  
>  I know it's what you want  
> The bustle and the buildings  
> The weather in the fall  
> And I'll bow out of place  
> To save you some space  
> For somebody new_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beating my own records left and right! Only 4 days since the last update, I'm really amazing and confusing myself.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter of dramatic pre-teens being dramatic because I sure as hell had so much fun writing it!

Jake watches _Die Hard_ anyway. And he _loves_ it. 

Every minute of the 132 minute movie he was hooked; completely addicted to every badass line to come out of Bruce Willis’ mouth. He never wants it to end. Jake doesn’t even touch the popcorn that Alex made for them because he’s _that_ invested. 

Jake almost faints when Alex tells them there’s a _Die Hard 2_. But Jake insists they leave it for another time though. It was almost 10:30PM and Jake knows that’s when his mom comes into his room to make sure he’s asleep because it usually wakes him up. 

“Another time, I promise.” He promises Alex as he climbs through his bedroom window. 

Passing by Amy’s window, a wave of guilt crashed over him. He knows they’ll be fine, she will likely just lecture him for a half hour before she forgives him. That’s how it always goes. 

Amy had never sounded that angry at him though, not even when he lost one of her top 10 books had she been that furious at him (and that was his _greatest_ offence). 

They vowed to be best friends forever though, and _no_ , this won’t break them. Charles would have a total meltdown if they did. Jake has been able to tell how uncomfortable Amy was getting with how much time he was spending with Alex. _It’s just that he’s so cool_ , Jake thinks to himself, _Amy and I_ are _the closest but she doesn’t always understand the issues I have with my dad and with Gina she usually makes it about herself_.

Alex’s mom had died when he was just 5 years old. Jake was lucky in this case, because his dad was still _alive_ even if he was absent _and_ an asshole. They had really connected over that in the past weeks. And who is _Amy_ to be mad at him for making a new friend that lives in the same building? 

Amy should never have anything to worry about though; she was his best friend and there was no arguing it. He’s able to go to sleep that night confident that he and Amy were going to be fine. 

He also dreams of Nakatomi Plaza. 

When David opens the bedroom window the next morning instead of Amy, Jake is confused to say the least. “Hey David, where’s Amy?”

“She told me she’s not talking to you right now. So _vete_.” 

Jake immediately begins to panic as the window is closed again. He’s _never_ been turned away, not once in the 5 years they’ve been neighbours. And he also can’t remember what _vete_ meant. He’s been doing well learning Spanish with Amy, and he usually does best at understanding it over speaking it. Now, as his panic increases he can’t remember a single word of the language.

“Vete, vete, vete, vete…” He mutters to himself, running his hands through his hair, “Oh! _Oh_.”

 _Go away_.

Go away? 

He knocks on the window. David opens. “Didn’t you hear me? She doesn’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to play messenger. Ve-te.”

Jake huffs a few times after he stands up, trying to think of something - _anything_ \- he can do to make this better. He should go back in time and _not_ watch Die Hard - where is Marty McFly with the DeLorean when Jake _needs him_?

His mind keeps going back to the fact that Amy _shouldn’t_ be mad at him over this - he’s done nothing wrong, not really. She’s being as dramatic as Gina is over everything and it’s not something he can handle. Amy was his drama free safe person, someone he could rant to and laugh with - they didn’t fight like _this_.

He can’t go into seventh grade like this. No chance. He’s still pacing up and down when he hears from Alex down below, “Jake! Hey!”

“Uh, hey, Alex. I can’t talk now.” Jake is staring at her window again, considering if he should knock again or leave it a bit longer.

“What’s wrong?”

“Amy isn’t speaking to me. Just like she said she wouldn’t.” Jake says this as he’s climbing down to his level, “Alex, she’s my best friend. Our fights never last more than a day I can’t lose her not over a stupid movie!”

“Hey, Jake, look at me.” Alex grabs his shoulders to still his movements, “If she’s your best friend, then it will all be fine. You both just need to cool off.”

“Yeah, cool off.” Jake shifts nervously in Alex’s grip, “We were supposed to see a movie today. We do it on the last day of summer every year.” 

“ _Well…_ ” Alex drawls out with a grin on his face, “My dad is at work today and I have the _Die Hard 2_ tape…” 

“I can’t, Alex, that’s what started this in the first place.” 

“She isn’t your mom.” Alex groans, “Come on, let’s have fun! Watch a movie! Last day of summer vacation, Jake!”

“I don’t care about anyone's opinion but _hers…_ ” Jake mutters, “She’s important to me.”

“I can’t stand to see you this upset!” Alex says with a deep frown, “I promise, _Die Hard_ will make everything better.” 

It does for the most part; the second movie is just as engaging as the first one. He worries of course about what Amy might think about this later, but then there’s another awesome line and he’s obsessed all over again. 

He’s much more relaxed when the movie is over, and more confident than ever that they’ll work things out. Alex is just as confident as well, and it truly boosts his morale. He’s a good friend. Even as he’s exiting onto the fire escape he’s hyping him up to go make things better. “Let the magic of _Die Hard 2_ inspire you!” 

Jake laughs as he climbs up the ladder and Alex crawls back inside, not noticing Amy sitting on the edge of her window glaring at him. “You know, I was going to apologise. Even though you were rude, and weren’t considerate.” Amy begins slowly, her voice low. “I was going to invite you to the movies anyway. Because tradition is tradition in this family, you know that.”

“Ames, let me apologise.” Jake tries to interrupt but she makes the sign for him to zip it, and he follows.

“But midday came. And it went.” Amy laughs coldly, “Turns out you were watching _Die Hard 2_ with your _new_ bestie, huh?”

“You know you’re my best friend.” Jake scoffs, “No one could ever take that spot.”

“My best friend _knows_ how important our traditions are and to show up _no matter what_.” Amy is breathing heavily at this point, attempting to keep her emotions under control. “I guess you aren’t as good of a friend after all.”

“Amy. You’re kidding me right?” Jake snaps, “We’ve been best friends for 5 years, and you think because of one fight? We aren’t best friends?”

“ _No_.” Amy retorts, “I think that you’ve been prioritising spending time with Alex over me, and we barely have time alone together to rant or just laugh until we cry. How long has it been since we’ve done _that_ , Jake?”

“I don’t know, Ames.”

“Two weeks. We’ve known him for three weeks.”

“That just sounds like you’re jealous. You sound like Charles.” 

“Oh my _god_ , Jake.” Amy looks up to the clear blue sky as struggles to hide her tears, “You’re being a bad friend. I really don’t like the influence Alex is having on you.”

“Well maybe you need to lighten up, _Princesa_.”

He can see her chin quivering and as tears fall down her cheeks, he regrets it all. He wants to take it back but the words seem to fail him immediately as she starts crying. “You’re just as bad as my brothers.”

Jake can only watch as Amy climbs through the window again, and he can still hear her crying even after the window is closed. His heart breaks for her and he’s screwed it all up. It’s his fault.

He pushed his dad away from his mom, and now, he’s pushed the most important person in his life away. 

~

When Benji and Tony spot Amy crying as they walk past her room and find out what happened, they immediately offer to go beat Jake up.

“Only _we_ get to call you _uptight_ and _princesa_!” Benji protested when Amy said no. “He has no right to disrespect you like that!”

Amy just ignores them as Benji and Tony begin formulating their plan for revenge on Jake. Eventually, she yells at them to go away. Alone again, she pulls out her diary from under her mattress ready to vent her feelings in the third best way after talking to her (ex?) best friend or talking to her abuelo.

She writes the date down and taps her pen on the page, trying to find the right words to explain exactly what she feels. Amy feels _hurt_. Jake was _her_ best friend and he just turned on her for his new best friend, like she didn’t matter to him. _But I don’t need him,_ she tells herself, _no I don’t_. 

Amy knows how it’ll be with the others; Gina will be neutral, probably yell at them both for being dramatic and just ignore them until they make up. Charles will probably be thrilled that Amy is out of the picture, so that he can be Jake’s number one best friend. Although Charles will have _new_ competition - stupid _Alex_. With his stupid beach blonde hair, blue eyes and contagious smile that everyone will be so obsessed with that _everyone_ will forget about her like Jake has. 

By the time she’s finished writing, there are tears staining her diary and she feels like the world is collapsing in on her. She can’t lose her best friend. He _promised_.

They made a vow.

Jake made further promises that they would be the oldest best friends in the history of the earth. She remembers asking about twins that are best friends their entire lives, but Jake insists that they would beat them out. 

“ _Our friendship will go to infinity, Ames. Way past death. That’s how much you mean to me._ ”

“ _You mean more to me._ ”

“ _Wanna bet?_ ”

But that’s over now. No more bets on who’s a better friend. No more bickering about whose mom makes better pumpkin related baked goods. No more laughing about nothing on the fire escape. All because she got jealous and pushed him away.

She’s mid spiral when she hears a soft knock on her bedroom door, followed by her dad poking his head through the door. “Oh Amy.” 

“I’m fine, dad.” Amy quickly shuts her diary before wiping the tears off her cheeks, “I just wanna be alone.” 

“I find that talking about my feelings will always get me to the solution faster.” Victor takes a seat on her bed, his hand softly stroking her hair. “Your brothers told me you had a fight with Jake.”

“So?” Amy looks at the closed window, trying to prevent herself from crying again.

“Talk to me, mija.” He urges again, guiding her to look at him again, “What happened?”

“H-he doesn’t care about me anymore, dad.”

“I find that extremely hard to believe, Amy.” Victor scoffs lightly, “That boy is the ying to your yang, the moon to your stars. Inseparable, even if annoying most days!”

“It’s true.” Amy voice is strained to keep her voice stable even though she’s begun crying again, “His new best friend is Alex!”

“Ahh, jealousy. The ugliest emotion.” 

“I’m not _jealous_!” Amy groans, “Alex was being a bad influence to Jake! They watched _Die Hard_ when they’re underage.”

“While I don’t condone that, not everyone will always obey the rules like you do. We can’t control everyone around us.” 

“I guess… But Jake called me princesa like David does in a way that makes me feel bad. It was mean. And he hasn’t been hanging out with me as much, he just wants to hang out with Alex. So he can. Because we aren’t friends anymore.”

“Mija.” Victor tsks with a deep sigh, “Friends fight. You cannot prevent that, unfortunately, and it will likely happen a lot in your lives. But if you put the hard work into your relationships, then they will work out in the end.”

“Like working hard on school work?” Amy queries, the gears turning to understand his message, “If I keep trying, I’ll understand the work in front of me.”

“Exactly, my smartie pants!” Victor pokes her nose softly, never failing to make her laugh. “Now you get a good night's sleep tonight, and I urge you to speak with Jake. I’m sure he misses you dearly already.”

~

The next morning Amy is more nervous than usual to go to school. She has no clue how Jake was feeling about their longest fight in the five years they’ve known each other. Maybe he doesn’t even want to be her friend anymore, and maybe he truly does like Alex more than he likes Amy. 

_That won’t happen, Jake and I are_ best friends _. Alex and Jake are just new friends. He’s allowed to have other friends and do stuff with them. Jealousy is an ugly emotion._

She repeats this to herself as a mantra as she waits outside for Jake so they can talk. Her expectations aren’t known to her until she spots Jake and Alex walking down the stairs together, laughing together, enjoying each others company. He eventually makes eye contact with her and she can feel her chest tighten when he frowns and looks down at his shoes as Alex continues talking.

Amy takes off in a sprint to catch up with her brothers, even more disappointed when she doesn’t hear Jake call out after her like he usually does. But she was right, he doesn’t want to be her friend. It’s really over. 

Despite the constant teasing she faces from her brothers on a daily basis, it feels nice when she catches up to them almost in tears, that they crowd around her so she can be upset without disturbance. When Benji and Tony split off from them, David checks around to see if Jake or anyone they knew was near them before he hugs Amy tightly.

“Don’t tell anyone I care but… If you want I can hang out with you in the library at lunch if you don’t sort things out with Jake. And we can plan your revenge.”

“Oh the sweet blackmail I have right now!” Amy laughs before they separate, “But I might take you up on the offer. He seems to be happy with me gone.” 

“I doubt that.” David dismisses heartedly, “Look, if you need me just meet me outside my science lab at lunch.”

She arrives at her first class filled with dread, knowing she can’t join the table where she would usually sit with Jake (where Charles is also sitting and waving at her to join him). Amy quickly looks away, scanning the room for another available spot. There’s a girl in the front corner table that looks familiar, with an unexpressive gaze and dark curly hair, and Amy is almost certain that this girl is new. 

It’s perfect. She can offer to be the girls guide so she can avoid hanging out with David at lunch time (as uncommonly kind the offer was) and no one will question her over why she’s not attached to Jake’s hip as per usual. “Hi, I’m Amy Santiago!” Amy said as she sat down next to the girl, offering her hand out to shake.

“Rosa Diaz.” The girl says flatly, discreetly peeking down at her hand before her eyes go back to gaze at nothing in front of her.

“Are you new?”

“Yes.”

Amy pauses, waiting for Rosa to continue but she continues to look ahead of her. “And where are you from? New York?”

“Why do you need to know?” 

“I’m just trying to get to know you, become friends or something…” Amy slouches at her desk in disappointment for a moment, “I can switch seats.”

“ _No_!” Rosa stops her from grabbing her pencils almost aggressively, but quickly lets go. “I’m sorry. I don’t really have the making friends thing down...”

“It’s fine, I’m not too great at it either. Especially with other girls.” Amy laughs hesitantly, “I have seven brothers.”

“ _Whoa_. Awesome. Is it just constant wrestling matches?” Amy nods in reply at that and Rosa chuckles so softly she can barely hear it. “I have two sisters. One older and one is a baby.”

Amy is about to reply when she sees Jake entering the classroom with Alex following behind him. They briefly make eye contact and she can feel both their heartaches, and she wants to take it away. She looks away from him, back to Rosa’s questioning gaze, in which Amy responds, “Later.”

Rosa makes a great effort to distract her when notices Amy blocking her ears at hearing Charles repetitively ask Jake ‘what the heck happened?!’. Rosa asks her more about what having brothers is like, and shares a _tiny bit_ of what it’s like for her to have sisters. 

“I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve got your back.” Rosa whispers as their teacher finally walks in with her coffee held in her hand a bright smile on her face. 

Class flies by. Alex and Rosa get introduced to the whole class (which is awkward with Rosa’s reluctance to share anything about herself) and Jake and Amy are respectively set as their guides to help them around school for their first week. The rest of the class Jake attempts to distract everyone as per usual; once spitting paper balls through a straw at everyone, even hitting Amy once which earned a _very_ scary glare from Rosa. 

Alex only joins in, which only adds to her compiling list of why Jake shouldn’t be friends with him. This behaviour then follows on to their next class, which they’re all still together. Amy’s head is basically throbbing by the time they get off for their first break, following Rosa silently as she tries to find a secure spot for them to eat their snacks _and_ she’s offered an ear to listen if Amy needs it.

Rosa discovers a spot that Amy remembers being occupied by older middle schoolers the year before, but seem to have moved spots or gone to high school because the shady area and surrounding space was quiet and empty. Amy sighs inaudibly when she sits down, closing her eyes and enjoying the solace from the chaos of the other kids in their grade. “So what’s up with you and that Peralta kid?”

Amy winces when Rosa finally breaks the silence with that question, but she knows she can’t leave her hanging after being so apprehensive when handing out a worksheet to him during class and vice versa. “Jake is my neighbour… We used to be friends?” Amy questions in a high pitched voice, “It’s all still very unclear, but we’re in our longest fight since we’ve known each other.”

“How long have you two been fighting?” 

“Two days? No, this is the third day.”

“Are you kidding me?” Rosa laughs the loudest Amy has heard her in the few hours she’s known her, “I didn’t talk to my older sister for two months after I found out she ripped my ballet leotard!”

“You did ballet?! That’s where I know you from!” Amy claps, recognition finally clicking in. “You had pink hair! Oh god, you were _so_ cute!”

“You’re getting off topic, Amy.” Rosa warns, “And if you tell anyone about my pink hair, I _will_ break your kneecaps.”

“Ooookay, got it.” Amy laughs nervously.

“But you really think your friendship with him is over because you haven’t spoken in three days?” Rosa sounds extremely skeptical, not understanding the full extent of the situation.

So Amy spends her time going into the details of their friendship and _why_ it’s such a big deal they haven’t spoken in a week. “So he’s prioritising his new friend over you? That sucks, Amy.” 

“It does.” Amy agrees, “I miss him.”

“It also feels like you’re letting your jealousy get in the way. For example, maybe you would spend heaps of time with me, and would he get jealous?”

“I don’t know really… Maybe...” Amy drawls off, picking at the grass below her and getting lost in her thoughts. Would he react the same? Or was she being unreasonable? Even if she was, he had no right to press such sensitive buttons.

“Uh, Amy, who is that boy storming at us?” 

“Oh god, it’s Charles.” Amy groans, prepared for a lashing from Jake’s new number one best friend.

“Amy.” Charles says firmly, “I know this is upsetting as much for you as it is for me as Jake’s number one best friend, but you two need to sort this out. Jake’s hurting, and I can see you are too. So as both your friends, I beg you to get over your jealousy.”

“My _jealousy_? Like you could ever talk, Boyle.” Amy hisses, “How about how he took Alex to the fire escape which is _our_ special hangout where no one else goes. I don’t care that he’s our neighbour, I needed Jake after a hard day and he abandoned me after a hard day to watch _Die Hard_ and he told me to just get over it.”

“This sounds like jealousy.” 

“Maybe I am! But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m hurt and he’s done nothing to try to fix it! He’s only just becoming better friends with Alex until he forgets me!” Amy’s voice only rises in volume as she continues and the fear only becomes more overwhelming. She can see as Rosa ushers Charles away, before coming to comfort her.

“Want to hear how I convinced my mom to let me dye my hair pink?” 

Rosa does her best to distract Amy throughout the whole day and even gives Amy her email if she wants to chat outside of school. Her day _isn’t_ as much of a disaster as she thinks it’s going to be and her brothers were relieved to see that she hasn’t cried because of Jake that day, so they put their revenge plans on hold.

They briefly run into Alex alone on their way home since Jake goes to his Nana’s house with Gina every Monday afternoon. He briefly waves at them with a shy and nervous smile, and Amy almost feels bad that he’s caught up between it all. But then she remembers that _he’s_ the reason behind it and the pity leaves immediately. 

Amy even risks going out on the fire escape to get away from her brothers so she can read peacefully. She gets lost in rereading her favourite _Babysitters Club_ book, not noticing that it was almost time for bed when Jake appears before her.

“ _Kristy for President_ again?” He asks, clearly uncertain about talking to her. “Practicing for when you run for middle school class president?”

“You remembered?” Amy replies, taking in a quick breath to control her demeanor.

“Of course. I promised to be Vice President, didn’t I?” 

“You did.” Amy nods, a small smile fighting its way onto her lips.

They’re silent, Jake looking at Amy and Amy looking between her book and the stars she can’t see because of the light pollution. “Jake, are you coming down?”

Amy looks down to see Alex poking his head through the window, and he says, “Oh, sorry. Don’t let me interrupt.”

“No. Don’t worry. We weren’t talking.” Amy says blankly, standing up and ready to go back inside.

Jake grabs her wrist, stopping her but promptly letting go, “Join us, Ames. We’re gonna watch _Family Matters_ reruns.”

“I’ll pass. I’m tired. Goodnight, Jake.”

“Goodnight, Amy.”

~

Two weeks it had been since school had started and Amy was still not on speaking terms with Jake. They run into each other all the time, at school, the fire escape and _everywhere_. Jake even still comes to her apartment on Wednesday for help with math but that’s all they talk about, and Jake doesn’t even try to distract her. 

She misses him so intensely, but only her diary hears the brunt of how much so. Rosa keeps her company at school, and occasionally complains at how much both her and Jake make sad eyes at each other when they’re not looking. Charles and Gina also come at separate times to to beg her to talk to Jake. She specifically remembers Gina calling them ‘stubborn morons’ which made Rosa snort loudly, agreeing.

Gina wasn’t wrong, they are both stubborn. While Amy _has_ written drafts of an apology letter, she refuses to give it to Jake until he approaches her. She still believes she’s in the right to be angry, and she knows Jake feels the same way on his side. 

At first, Amy was scared her fight with Jake would seep into her school work and cause trouble, but she stays focused and aces everything that comes her way. She’s even confident she can carry whichever one of her idiot classmates she’s paired up with when it’s announced they would be building their own plastic bottle rockets. The only partner she begs not to be paired with is Jake.

So she’s relieved when Jake is paired off with Rosa. Soon after, Amy is paired with Alex.

Amy can’t decide in the short walk to where Alex is sitting if being paired with him is better or worse. How does she work with someone she’s been nothing but cold to? 

It doesn’t matter though, because Alex is just as eager to do well on this project as she is. They had initially bonded over science before she let her emotions get in the way of making a new friend. 

“It’s really a blast working with you.” Alex comments, before wiggling his eyebrows with a chuckle, “Pun intended.”

“Yeah it is.” Amy agrees, nodding happily, “Jake spends his entire time just trying to distract you from the work at hand… And, uh, Rosa just doesn’t talk much and it’s no fun.”

Behind her at the other workbench, Rosa kicks her in the calf which pushes her into the bench with a small ‘oof’. After laughing for another minute, they fall into silence again, focusing on their task. Amy is writing out the method and synopses for their rocket while Alex begins taping things together, agreeing that intermittently they would swap tasks.

It’s a _productive_ two hour class. She truly loves it.

Amy was ecstatic when their rocket goes the furthest distance, earning them the top grade in their class. Working with Alex, she now knows, is a huge success.

She only feels nervous around him again when he asks to walk home with her that day. “Jake has his Bar Mitzvah lessons with his Nana again.”

“Oh… Sure.” Amy nods in surprise. Alex usually follows them home, but hangs around 50 feet back and even further back if he’s with Jake. 

“I just had a lot of fun working with you in science today.” Alex began, “It’s nice when you can just be a giant nerd with someone without being laughed at, even if their heart is in the right place.”

“Yeah, I _get_ that.” Amy stresses lightheartedly, “My brothers tease me all the time, but they love me.”

They fall into silence after that, and Amy is trying pulling up all the conversation starters her abuelo had tested her on to make her more personable. But all she wants to ask about is Jake. How is he? How close are they? Does he talk about her? Will he ever want to be her friend again?

“Jake really misses you.” Alex blurts out, a few minutes from arriving back home.

“What?” Amy’s heart starts beating faster, her questions possibly getting answered in that moment without her asking.

“Jake misses you and he feels so bad.” Alex continues, going faster as he continues. “He wants to apologise to you but he’s stubborn and he also doesn’t think you would forgive him. 80% of the time that we’re hanging out he talks about you, I probably know over half of the best memories you have together.”

“Even the time-”

“ _Especially_ the time you fell off the monkey bars and broke your arm, followed by him falling off the monkey bars and fracturing his big toe because he was laughing so hard.” Alex laughs, shaking his head. “I’m sorry that I caused problems for you two. I just needed a friend, because I was all alone in this big city with only my dad. So when Jake wanted to watch _Die Hard_ , I jumped on it. So I’m sorry.”

“No it’s not your fault _at all_.” Amy refuted passionately, “I’m sure Jake mentioned that I’m also extremely stubborn. And I got jealous because the fire escape with Jake is so special to me so I took that, and _Die Hard_ , as an excuse to be angry at you both. So don’t you dare blame yourself. _I’m_ sorry.”

“I appreciate it, Amy.” Alex nods humbly, “But please, talk to Jake. He needs you, and he misses you.”

“We’ve never gone two weeks without talking unless for camp.” Amy chuckled along with a groan, “I miss him so much. And I need to start campaigning for class president soon.”

“Yes, yes. He mentioned that last night.”

“I’m truly sorry for being so horrible to you.” Amy pouts, her eyebrows drawing up when he pulls her in for a hug, accepting her apology with ease.

“Now want to do homework together before Jake gets back?”

“You bet I do!” 

~

That night, Amy waits on the fire escape for Jake to come down for his and Alex’s planned _Family Matters_ rewatch (which she learns is mostly for Reginald VelJohnson from _Die Hard_ ). Alex told her it was fine that they miss out on one night, and that the next time Amy could join them if she wanted. 

She takes a deep breath when she hears Jake’s window slide open, and his heavy footsteps hitting the grating. Jake stops in his tracks when he sees her sitting there, fiddling with the string hanging from her top. “Hi Amy.”

“Hey, Jake. Want to sit?” Amy offers politely, patting the spot next to her.

“Uh, I, uh. Alex- He-”

“Please, I need to talk to you.”

“Yeah, of course, Ames.”

“Okay so I need to say all of this and you can’t interrupt.” Amy pulls out a piece of paper from her jeans pocket, flattening it out on her legs before she begins reading aloud. “Jake, I need to apologise for my behaviour in the past two weeks. My dad told me how jealousy was the ugliest emotion and he was right, because I was jealous and it was the worst I have ever felt because it meant I wasn’t talking to you.

“That night I was tired out from my brothers and you were going to watch something I didn’t approve of so I just snapped. It was unfair to take out my frustrations and feelings of jealousy out on you like that. And we were both too stubborn to say anything.

“I miss you, Jake. These past two weeks have sucked without you, seriously. Rosa is fun, and you would love her but it doesn’t change how much I missed you. I love you, and I really want to be your number one best friend again so Charles will shut up about finally being in the number one spot. Uh, the end, I guess.”

Amy is almost choking on her words by the end of it, and when she looks up from the paper she can see Jake is feeling just about the same. It’s not long before he’s pulling her in for the longest hug of their lives, and she’s not sure she’s ever felt this happy. “I missed you so much, Ames.” Jake cries happily, “You can’t even begin to understand how badly I missed you.”

“I think I get it.” Amy laughs with him, wiping off the singular tear that’s fallen down his cheek.

“And Amy, I’m so sorry for the things I said to you.”

“Don’t Jake, it’s okay.” Amy shakes her head, still smiling so wide her mouth might fall off, “It’s in the past.”

“No, I shouldn't have called you princesa. It was shit and I know how much you hate it when David calls you that. I should have also made sure you were okay before I went to watch _Die Hard_ .” Jake recited, as if he had memorised his _own_ apology letter. “I don’t ever want to make you sad like that again. I love you too much and I’m _so_ sorry.”

“I love you too, and you’re 100% forgiven,” Amy trails off for a moment before cringing, “But I'm not a fan of the swearing. If my mom hears you cursing she will ground you even if she isn’t in charge of you.”

“Oh your mom has full authority over me! My mom has confirmed it.” Jake nods seriously, motioning to his lips that he’ll zip it up before laughing with Amy. “Sooo, _Amy_.”

“Sooo, _Jake_.”

“Has the future _William Alexander Middle School_ 7th grade president candidate got their binder ready for future vice president?” 

“I thought you would _never_ ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything is alright, no more fighting ever. Hopefully.
> 
> But get ready for more fun middle school shenanigans!
> 
> kudos and comments make me so soft and i really truly appreciate them so please leave me your thoughts!


	6. no matter what the deal babe you know that i'll be there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from nothing else matters by little mix 
> 
> _'Cause nothing else matters like us  
>  And nothing else matters like love  
> I don't wanna fight, not tonight  
> 'Cause we're having fun now  
> And nothing else matters like us_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter keeps on getting more enjoyable to write so I hope everyone loves it as much I love writing it!

Every single one of Amy’s brothers in middle school has been in their middle school government. Luis and David had been the class president; and David had been _sure_ to rub it in her face when the announcement was made. Benji was elected the secretary while and Tony had been a vice president. Amy was determined as per usual to outperform David so when Jake is reading through her binder, she is making sure he’s reading through _every_ detail.

“When did you have _time_ to make this?” Jake continues to flip through the pages, gobsmacked at her consistent attention to detail.

“Oh you know, I had a _lot_ of spare time in the past two weeks.” Amy grins slyly at him, raising an eyebrow.

“It’s been a day and we’re already joking about it?” Jake’s laughter bursts out, earning him a glare from David at his desk listening to his walkman. “Okay so, _whomever is elected to be the class president is able to choose their vice-president, secretary and treasurer…_ ”

“You will be my vice-president, Gina is my secretary and Alex said this morning he would love to be the treasurer.”

“What about Charles?”

“He wants to be the historian, even though it’s not part of the hierarchy at our school. Basically, he’s just joining the school paper.” Amy tells him, flipping the page to show him examples of different school hierarchies.

“Why is this important again?” Jake questions, his eyes crinkling in a typical Jake fashion that she loves.

“I just want to be fully prepared. There’s tough opposition.” Amy insists, tucking her hair behind her ears as he continues to read. “Thanks Jake.”

“I’m not going to screw this up for you, Ames. I’m gonna be the best VP ever.” Jake looks up from the binder with a bright smile, “So who’s the... opposition?”

“First there is…” Amy leans on his shoulders again as she sits down next to him and takes the binder off them, swiftly changing to the right section. “Luca Moretti. He has a twin sister, Rachael Moretti who I’m pretty sure will be his VP - he’s in our grade and he’s on the hockey team. That’s his only extra curricular though.”

“And then there’s one more?” Jake recites, “ _There are 3 candidates allowed from either…_ um, _seventh or eighth grade. Submissions are handed into teachers who then pick their choices._ ”

“Yes, exactly.” Amy applauds him, “The next candidate I am a bit worried about. Sophia Perez. She’s in eighth grade, she beat me for the leader of the debate club last year, remember? Sophia is also apart of academic decathlon with me, and she’s on the cheer squad which gives her a _big_ advantage.”

“Ugh, is this another popularity contest?”

“Yes, always. _Life_ is a popularity contest that Sophia might win _just_ for being pretty.” 

“False.” Jake shakes his head knowingly, “ _You’re_ going to win because of your excellent brain and your ideas… _And_ because you’re the prettiest.”

Amy rolls her eyes at him but she can’t help the blush that creeps onto her cheeks after she throws her pen at him. “Focus.” 

“But you’re so beautiful I can’t focus,” Jake does his best doe eyes, pouting up at Amy, “Can’t we just watch a movie now?”

Amy can’t ever tell if he’s being serious or not, his dramatic personality hard to believe sometimes. She’s told him many times that he could be an actor, but he just tells her how set he is on becoming a cop like John McClane. Amy also knows that this desire is partially to do with her dad and abuelo, who were cops. Her abuelo was retired now, but he still had plenty of stories to tell them both. 

“No Jake.” Amy pushes him lightly to snap him out of _that_ look, “We need to design the posters so they can see that I’m dedicated public servant.”

“Then a movie?” 

“ _Fine_. But only because it’s Friday.”

~

Arriving at school the following Monday, they immediately spot the high quality posters plastered on the walls with Sophia’s face on them. Amy had _told_ Jake they should get there early to start putting posters up but no matter how hard she tried he would _not_ get out of bed until the absolute last second. 

His guilt is obvious the moment he notices them, as he then fumbles to take out the rolled up posters and is ready to get to work putting them up before homeroom. “See, Amy, I told you we should have ditched him. We could have been done _before_ Sophia.” Alex complains, watching as Jake hurriedly takes out his clear tape.

“I had faith he might roll out of bed for this.” Amy sighs, feigning defeat. “How foolish of me.”

“Sweet, deluded Amy…” Alex pulls Amy’s head to rest on his shoulder so he can stroke her head, but they’re laughing within seconds. Jake is glaring at them, but she can see the corners of his mouth turn up.

Rosa joins them when they’re almost done putting up posters in the main hallway. She just stands there, observing the poster with her usual blank gaze. Her mom had taken the photo for her after getting her poster design approved by her brothers. Her hair had been easy to tame that day so it sits neatly on her shoulders and her glasses sit straight. The pose Amy strikes is dramatic, looking off into space in what she _hoped_ would be in an inspiring manner. 

Victor had then blown it up on his computer (when asked how he did it, he responds with _magic_ , but really it was photoshop) and added Amy’s favourite font to say: _Vote Amy Santiago for Class President_. 

“Do you like it?” Amy holds her breath waiting for Rosa’s face to twitch even the slightest. 

“It's good.” Rosa nods, “Bit wordy. I think it should say... ' _Pick Amy Dummies_ ' but yeah, it's good.”

“I’ll _definitely_ consider that for next time.” Amy lets out a humoured huff, still satisfied with her work despite her friends sarcastic (she thinks?) remark.

It’s extremely satisfying when Amy sees all her posters hung out, the background colour helping them to stand out (Jake’s idea). The final poster hung up is just outside their homeroom, so once it’s hung, they happily chat in front of the room and wait for school to start. They’re all laughing at some stupid joke told by Gina so she doesn’t even notice when Sophia walks up to them with a few of her friends.

“Hi there, Amy. Jake. Others.” Sophia is overconfident and it vibrates off her, sending their whole group silent.

“Hello. Can I help you, Sophia?” Amy tries her best to be polite but the level of competitiveness and her need to be better is the same level as David. So it’s _debilitating_.

“I’m just here to talk to Jake, if you would come with me.”

“Anything you want to say to me you can say in front of my friends.” Jake rolls his eyes, defences up.

“I was just wondering if you wanted to be my VP. You would be a valuable member of my team.” Sophia raises one of her eyebrows at Amy before smiling sweetly at Jake.

“What- Why would I be _your_ VP? I’ve already promised Amy.” Jake scoffs, looking away from her intimidating gaze.

“Well, I just wanted to hang out more and I thought working together would be a great way to do so...” Sophia’s confidence fumbles for the quickest of seconds when she says, “I just think you’re really cool and wanna hang out.”

“Oh, uh, thanks?” Jake’s face scrunches up in confusion and his cheeks turn pink, “You’re cool too, but like I said, I’m already Amy’s vice president.”

“Oh sure... Yeah, that’s fine. I admire your loyalty, Jake...” Sophia shrugs, her sweet smile and confident stance returned, “Maybe another time?”

“And let you distract me from helping Amy beat you?” Jake laughs sarcastically, “In your dreams!”

“That’s _not_ what I was trying to do but _whatever_.” Sophia grunts before storming off. 

“Uh, since when does Sophia _like_ you. She’s never hung out with us…” Amy squints, watching Sophia as she turns a corner.

“Our moms were in a book club together _years_ ago, but we haven’t spoken since then.” Jake shrugs, “I had a bit of a crush on her back then.” 

“But you turned her down for me?” Amy’s voice goes soft as she looks at Jake, who shrugs.

“I don’t know, it might be cool to hang out with her again, but I told you I’m not gonna screw this up. Not with your biggest competition _during_ the campaign.”

“Does Jakey have a cruuush?” Gina teases nudging his ribs needlessly. 

“No! Uh, I _did_ but like I said it’s in the past.” Jake shakes his head again, and the first bell rings before anyone else can make a comment.

Jake isn’t as rambunctious as he usually is during homeroom, Amy can tell that he’s stuck in his thoughts. _What if he actually_ likes _Sophia_? Amy doesn’t want to be jealous again and potentially screw up their friendship _again_. She can’t stop them from being friends, or even _liking_ each other like that, it’s not fair of her to do that. 

“You can hang out with Sophia… You know, if you actually like her.” 

“No, Ames, she’s just trying to use me so she’ll win.” Jake tells her seriously, “You’ve read books you know how this works.”

“I don’t want to stop you from having a new friend or even a _girlfriend_ after I went crazy jealous on you with Alex…” Amy elaborates, “I just-”

“Don’t Amy. If she does really like me, she’ll tell me after the election, right?”

“True... Thanks for not sabotaging me over a girl.”

“You’re the only girl I would sabotage anything over.”

~

Jake is shocked at the sudden attention he receives from Sophia from that day on. She always smiles at him when they pass each other in the hallway, puts notes in his locker and makes an effort to sit with him at lunch a few times a week. Jake has _zero_ idea when Sophia and him even talked last - maybe a passing word at school but no more than a few minutes since he moved to Amy’s neighbourhood, resulting in his mom leaving that particular book club. 

“Maybe she saw me in that leather jacket my mom bought me last week and thought I looked like a _bad boy_ …” Jake flexes his seat, sending off a bunch of winks in every direction in the cafeteria. “No lady can resist a bad boy.”

“Uh-huh, _that’s_ the reason Sophia likes you.” Rosa snorts, which sends them all into a fit of laughter.

“I’m pretty sure his mom bought it because he wanted to be as cool as John McClane. He could never!” Alex booms with laughter, wrapping his arm around Jake’s shoulder and messing up his hair.

“Alex, you have the _same_ jacket.” Jake retorts, fixing his hair as best he can. “You’re the last one to talk.” 

“Your butt’s the last one to talk.” Alex mocks, poking his tongue out.

“You are so obviously only children, the two of you are so bad at trash talk.” Amy rolls her eyes at them both, before turning back to her food and trying to get their conversation back on track. “Maybe Sophia is just remembering the good times she spent with you and wants that again. Is that so bad?”

“Not when she could be _sabotaging_ you, Amy.” Alex stresses, “I don’t know how you can possibly be okay with this.”

“Yeah Amy.” Jake agrees with another shake of his head, “ _Sure_ , Sophia might be really pretty, smart and have an adorable laugh but _whose_ best friend am I? Yours.”

“Wait do you actually like her?” Rosa spits, covering her mouth so no water drips.

“I mean, yeah kinda. The notes are really cute, she draws little hearts over her I’s and draws cute little pictures. We did have a lot of fun back when we played together.” Jake shrugs, “I like her. Happy?”

“So happy.” Rosa lets out a short laugh.

“What can I say? You never forget your first love, Jake.” Alex sighs dramatically.

“I thought your first love was Jenny Gildenhorn?” Amy ponders, a smirk sneaking onto her features.

“Ohh, from his mom’s temple?” 

“Yeah the one time I met her he was so flustered he said ‘Introduce want I Samy Antiago’.” Amy lets out another giggle as Jake’s face begins to turn pinker. 

“Shut up guys, I’ve never loved any of them. I just _liked_ them.” Jake plays around with the food on his plate avoiding eye contact.

“Who was your first love then?” Amy asks, still laughing with Rosa and Alex. 

Jake head shoots up abruptly, obviously flustered when he looks at Amy next to hi who is smiling at him while she waits for an answer. But the longer Jake takes to answer, her eyebrows slowly draw together - creating that little crinkle that he adores. His stomach fills with butterflies when she tucks her hair behind her ears, making a face that indicates he needs to answer.

“I’m 12. We don’t know what _love_ is. Also cooties, right?” Jake shakes it out of his system with a shrug, looking back to his food so he can inhale it. 

Amy appears to move on from his awkwardness pretty quick, and he thinks he’s safe from her mind reading abilities (which she totally denies) for now. Maybe hanging out with Sophia would be good. Because there is _no way_ he can have a crush on his best friend. 

He would not love Amy Santiago like that. Not unless he wanted to lose her again.

~

The next two weeks fly by. 

Amy wants to be confident and say that she’s definitely going to beat Sophia, but she can’t.

In that time, all of Amy’s friends rally up behind her to help her campaign. The debate is in the midst of it all, and it’s _close_. Amy doesn’t _love_ Sophia during this competition, but she can admire the good fight she puts on. Luca is basically out of the race, with Amy and Sophia’s percentages so close and _so_ ahead of Luca’s.

The only thing that really worries her is Sophia’s popularity. It was a typical school hierarchy - head cheerleader was at the top of the food chain, so to speak. Amy doesn’t think she’s at the bottom so much, but she is part of the nerdier clubs that people love to make fun of. She has her small group of friends that she’s happy with while Sophia has people begging to be their friend.

Put simply, their school experiences are polar opposite. _Sophia_ gets random gifts and flowers on the daily, and _Amy_ has claustrophobia due to bullies shoving her in a closet and locking it for a whole class.

 _There_ has _to be a solution to make my chances better_ , Amy thinks to herself on her way to her computer class. Cheerleader tryouts weren’t until _after_ the election, even then she probably wouldn’t make it - there was a reason she quit dance. 

She’s deep in thought so she doesn’t hear Jake calling out her name until he’s right next to her, _holding her hand_. Jake is holding her hand and he’s not letting go. The only time they’ve held hands is when they were younger and were forced to when crossing the road and they haven’t been forced to do so since they reached 5th grade. 

“Just go with it, Ames, I’ll explain.”

His hands are so _warm_ and hers are so _cold_ but somehow they begin to sweat from the nerves of the situation. Amy keeps her focus ahead of her but she can hear the snickering and chatter from other students as they walk past, she just _knows_ people are going to be teasing her by lunch time. 

Jake only lets go of her hand once their in line for class, ready to get their computer assignments. She prays that they’ll get separated so she can think clearly, or together so she can interrogate him and _hit him_ for embarrassing her like that. 

Lucky for Jake they get separated, but he’s across from her so she can still see his head when he occasionally pokes his head around to throw a paper ball at her. _First_ he holds her hand with _zero_ explanation and _then_ he spends the first 15 minutes of class throwing paper at her head.

“ _Psst_.”

“ _Amy!_ ”

“What, Jake?” Amy finally gives in with a scowl as she pokes her head around her computer.

“Open the paper.”

Amy groans and does as he says, his messy handwriting saying ‘check email’. With another huff, she checks so that her teacher is happily working at their desk and not paying attention to them before she reluctantly forgets the work she’s supposed to do to open her email.

_1 new message._

**TO:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: hand holding explanation!!**

**Ok so ames i know that was super weird but hear me out. I guess you have to because your reading this.**

**I was thinking about how to make sure that you win this election and then i heard charles and gina talking about lucy and connor were dating for like a week before they broke up and then i was struck with a sudden but brilliant idea.**

**Sophia has her popularity to boost her votes and luca thought having his twin sister on his side would get him some votes but that was lame. But what wont be lame is if WE pretended to date because everyone always talks about people dating in middle school and if we were a (PRETEND) couple then more people will think to vote for you.**

**ps. I think this might get sophia off my back about hanging out with me because its getting annoying**

Amy buries her head in her hands, trying to process what Jake is trying to tell her. _Pretend to date for votes?_ It sounds absurd, truly, but there’s a part of her that is yelling _no_ and then the other part of her thinks it might _just_ work.

 **TO:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: RE: hand holding explanation!!**

**Dear Jake,**

**This is a ridiculous idea. What would FAKE DATING even entail? How exactly is this supposed to get me votes? Also, you really should have talked to me about this BEFORE you held hands with me in front of the whole school because you KNOW David will find out and BOYLE will find out.**

**Let me remind you that David will definitely tell our parents and they will forbid it. Mama has told me before that I’m not allowed to date until I’m 16. And Charles will probably faint or something - you know he’s already planned our hypothetical ‘farm wedding’.**

**I would also like to make a point of not needing a BOY to hold my hand to win an election. It’s very backwards, that a lady such as me would need a BOY to win.**

**There are surely a million other ways to boost my chances of winning without holding hands in front of the entire school.**

**Sincerely,** **  
** **Amy**

**P.S. Just say no to her, stop leading her on.**

Amy shuts off her email with another deep sigh, and again she switches her attention to her project in front of her. 

_Whales: The Different Species and Their Features._

She stares at her blank document as the cursor blinks, waiting for her to simply write something. Amy’s mind is otherwise occupied; she can’t stop thinking about how _soft_ his hands were and how her heart sped up subtly the longer he held her hand. Amy didn’t hate it - and she remembers Kylie tell her that her and her friends at school would hold hands all the time. Friends can hold each others hands without dating - she could squash this rumour easily. 

_Whales come in many species. They range in size from 8.5 feet and 298 pounds to 98 feet and 210 short tons._

She’s honestly surprised when she continues to work for 5 minutes before another ball of paper hits her head. A quiet growl slips out of her as she tightly clutches the paper before throwing it back and hitting him square in the forehead.

“Check. Your. Emails.” Jake hisses, rubbing his forehead with a pout. 

**TO:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: re: RE: hand holding explanation!!**

**Ok so first im shocked that you believe charles was joking about the farm wedding because he definitely thinks its happening. Id prefer a mansion if were talking venues.**

**I dont think its anything to do with me being a boy and its more about people seeing you because no offence ames but you like to fade into the background at school. I know you.**

**Another thing is your brothers dated before 16 successfully without killing your mom so we should be fine.**

**All we would do is hold hands on the way to class, maybe id kiss your cheek once. Its no big deal if we dont make it a big deal. As for david im sure we can bribe him to keep quiet somehow and our families wont find out. Its just for school and im sure this will work amy.**

**I know there could be other ways to win but sophia is SO popular that you just need some attention to make people really consider you. Its like a reading a book where they are interested while reading it but the moment its done they forget the story. I didnt mean for that to be mean but like i said sophia is REALLY POPULAR and you NEED TO BEAT HER!**

**ps. I HAVE TOLD HER NO BUT SHE REALLY LIKES ME????**

Amy really doesn’t want to talk about potentially pretending to date her best friend right now - _she_ wants to write her paper on whales. But she knows she has to reply when she’s hit with yet _another_ balled up piece of paper.

 **TO:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: RE: re: RE: hand holding explanation!!**

**Dear Jake,**

**Firstly, stop wasting paper, I was about to reply.**

**Second, I am offended that you think books are boring and that I’m boring like that. But I also understand the point, they think my ideas are good but Sophia is so popular that once the debate is over they only remember her...**

**I hate middle school.**

**So my answer is yes. We can do this weird fake dating idea. But only on a few conditions:**

  * ****You have to FIRST convince David to not tell on us before we start holding hands again.****


  * **No kissing, only hand holding. And you can carry my books to classes.**


  * **If I lose the election you have to buy me like 5 books as compensation for this hell we’re about to live**



**Sincerely,** **  
** **Amy**

**P.S. YOU’RE IMPOSSIBLE JUST SAY YES AND DATE HER**

Amy rests her head on her desk for a few moments, hoping the nervous throb in her head will go away. This was definitely a bad idea that could _also_ be a good idea. She really doesn’t know, but she knows she wishes she could be writing about whales. When she looks up at her computer again, she’s not surprised to see that Jake has already replied.

 **TO:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: re: RE: re: RE: hand holding explanation!!**

**ILL BUY YOU THE BOOKS ANYWAY I HAVE SOME MONEY SAVED UP AND I PROMISE YOU THIS WILL WORK**

**YOUR GONNA BEAT SOPHIAS BUTT**

**Ok im gonna get back to writing about cheetahs bye**

Amy sighs in relief and makes sure to put a mental note down to help Jake with his grammar because she’s pretty sure it was currently contributing to her headache. But with that she’s able to finish her paper on whales with time to proofread it _twice_ and print it out for her teacher. Jake isn’t so fortunate and is forced to stay for the beginning of lunch to finish his. 

She throws a note his way reminding him to bribe David before he finds her, hitting him in the nose this time before she leaves the classroom. Already people are staring at her and whispering. From what she tries _not_ to hear, they keep on saying her name followed by Jake’s and either _holding hands_ or _dating_.

It takes a lot of focus to drown it out as she gets her food from her locker before making her way out to their friend group’s hangout spot. As soon as the big tree comes into view, as well as her friends, Charles jumps up from his spot and runs towards her, screaming.

“AMY SANTIAGO, ARE YOU AND JAKE _FINALLY_ TOGETHER???”

There’s no chance for her to think of a coherent explanation before Charles has her wrapped tightly in his arms, and she thinks she can hear hear him sniffling as if he were crying. He doesn’t let go until they both make it back to the tree, making the walk awkward and much slower.

Before Charles can begin to barrel her questions, Rosa covers his mouth so Alex can ask her in a calmer manner, “Did you and Jake really kiss in the hallway?”

“ _What_!?” Amy screeches, “No, Jake held my hand for like a minute. How did that rumour spiral so quickly?”

“But you are dating?” Gina continues the questioning, “Since when? Why wasn’t I the first to know? How-”

“I think there’s more to it Gina, let her speak.” Rosa interrupts swiftly, her hand still gripped firmly over Charles’ mouth.

“We’re _not_ dating.” Charles sinks out of Rosa’s grip with a whine when Amy says this, but she ignores him and continues, “Jake suggested maybe if we pretended to date that it might make my chances of beating Sophia higher. So he held my hand.”

“Okay, okay. I can work with this. I’m sure this will make you two realise how perfect you are for each other and then you’ll date for real.” Charles eyes shift back and forth in the distance, as if he’s solving a difficult equation. 

“No, Charles, we’re not-”

“Heeey girlfriend!” Jake plops himself right next to her, and Amy clenches her fist to her chest in surprise.

“Did you talk to David?” Amy tenses slightly when he puts his arm around her shoulders, and he responds to her icy glare with a warm smile of his own.

“Yes, I did girlfriend. So I guess we’re an _item_ now.” Jake leans closer to her, making smoochy noises and Amy backs away from him until she’s fallen on the grass and begins laughing.

“So let me get this straight, this is a publicity stunt so you get more attention aka more people to vote for you.” Alex repeats slowly, realisation dawning on him, “That’s _genius_.”

“ _Thank you_ , Alex!” Jake warbled cheerfully, pulling Amy up off the grass. “I _am_ a genius, but I don’t think Amy will ever admit it unfortunately.”

“Oh shut _up_.” Amy rolls her eyes lightheartedly, “What did David want?”

“Oh, you know, he just requested that you wouldn’t break my heart in the process.” Jake ruminates with a sigh, before Amy wacks his shoulder and he laughs. “I just gotta let him use my Gameboy so he doesn’t have to share with you…”

“I thought he’d demand more to keep such a big secret.” Amy exhales deeply, thinking hard of an ulterior motive David might have.

“He also wants you to take over trash duty for the rest of the year.” Jake follows quickly and in a low voice.

“ _Damn it!_ ” Amy cries out, “Not _trash_ duty! I was so lucky with dish washing!”

There’s not much time to relax before Gina goes into publicity manager mode (it’s one of the careers she _knew_ she’d be good at) and forces them to walk around the school and hold hands to get everybody hyped up about their ‘new relationship’. Amy lets herself fall into the role easily, leaning her head on his shoulder for a short portion of their walk. Jake fills in all the time with meaningless chatter so she would stay distracted from the excessive staring that _he knew_ would make her uncomfortable.

Amy still can’t figure out if this had been a good idea or if it would later explode in her face - but for the time being, she didn’t hate it.

~

From the moment Amy wakes up on election morning her teeth are permanently grinding from her nerves. She jumps when Jake knocks on her window minutes later, and most of her shock comes from her _not_ having to rush to his room to wake him up. 

He crawls through the window and she’s hit with waves of gratitude when she spots her favourite shade of pink nail polish (she predicts that he probably got it from Gina) in his hand. “Never thought you’d see _me_ awake this early, huh?”

“I’m afraid I might be dreaming still.” Amy teases, poking his cheeks and laughing softly. “Good morning.”

“Morning, Ames.”

“Shut up, nerds.” David groans from the top bunk, throwing a random object in their direction.

“You’re a bigger nerd.” Amy pokes her tongue out at him even if he doesn’t see it, gesturing for Jake to join her on the fire escape.

“I’ll do your toes then you can do mine.” Jake tells her enthusiastically, “Need to make the new middle school class president relaxed _and_ presentable.”

“I still might not win.” Amy mumbles in reply moments later after he takes her foot into his lap and begins to apply the first layer.

“That’s crazy talk.” Jake shook his head, his concentration still on making sure no nail polish got on her skin. “That Teddy guy took a school wide poll and you and Sophia are neck and neck, it’s that close of a race.” 

“Teddy Wells? The guy that works in the school newspaper?” 

“Yeah, he’s in our english and math class. Giant nerd, you two would probably get along but he’s boring so…” Jake mentioned but he can see the beginning of a frown on Amy’s face, “Not the point! You’re going to win! All the sticky hand holding won’t be for nothing.”

“It wasn’t _sticky_.”

“Your hands are so cold and sweaty, Ames.” Jake doesn’t hold his focus on a lot of things, but it amazes Amy how he maintains his concentration and still talks to her while painting her toenails - it came with many years of practice with both her and Gina. “ _Sticky_.”

Jake gets on her nerves too many times for her to count, but in times like this she can’t discount all the times he’s been the most perfect friend. How he distracts her from something that might cause her great stress and turning it around so that she has a moment to relax, it’s an artform. They _had_ known each other for 5 years so saying they had mastered how to handle each others emotions was an understatement. 

Her thoughts only strengthen in truth as the morning goes on, when at breakfast he tells her that he had printed out her victory _and_ defeat speeches despite his sincere belief that there was no way that she could lose (which her entire family backs up). Jake helps to prep her things for the school day, going over her checklist so that her nerve induced foggy brain doesn’t make her forget anything important. 

During the school day, holding Jake’s hand becomes more about comfort than it is about deceiving their fellow school colleagues that they were an ‘item’. He knows this too, because throughout the whole time they’re together he’ll periodically squeeze her hand and give her a reassuring smile.

The voting closes at the end of lunchtime, and the last class of the day is cut short to announce the winner. Amy feels light headed on her way to the gymnasium, and Jake has to wrap one his arms around her shoulders to keep her walking as she begins to fiddle with the ends of her hair. 

Alex slaps her hand away when she tries to begin her infamous stress braids - it was shocking that it took her all day to get to this stage - but all her friends rally behind her as they get closer, hyping her up. Amy has never felt more loved and supported than in that moment and she _almost_ (that’s the key word in her mind) doesn’t care if she wins or loses.

The energy in the gymnasium is electric so as she walked in she feels every step builds up more confidence. Amy grabs Jake’s hand once more, before they separate so she can go to the front, and she looks around to make sure others are distracted before pecking his cheek and whispering, “Thank you for everything.”

Jake’s face burns red when she looks at him, but he mouths ‘my pleasure’ before running to catch up with the others. With that, she confidently climbs the short steps to the small stage set up in the centre - ready to face the results. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooooh suspense! Who's gonna win??????? I would love to know who your bets are!
> 
> Thanks to Becca and Joey as always for being perfect people mwah
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	7. just give me a second, that's all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is from talk fast by 5 seconds of summer
> 
> _Talk fast, romance  
>  Won't last, I'm okay with that  
> Burn, crash, romance  
> I'll take what I can get from you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH! I'm sorry it took so long to write this last chapter, had a bit of a slump there!
> 
> But I'm feeling better than ever and I really love this chapter so enjoy lovelies!

Seventeen.

That’s the difference between her and Sophia. Amy loses by _only_ seventeen votes.

Amy concentrates on her breathing to drown out the cheers for Sophia, repeating her concession speech as she had 1000 times over as she insisted doing _just in case_. 

Their plan had failed. They put up with two weeks of gossip and teasing and she _lost_. Part of her wants to go up to the podium and curse them all and run away forever, but she still has a shot. She can still run next year. 

So Amy humbly accepts her defeat, giving the best losing speech in the history of _ever_ (Jake’s opinion, and the only one that really matters). The original plan was to have her victory celebration at Sal’s pizza, but Jake suggests they go there anyway.

“Sal’s is for _all_ occasions! I want to have my wedding there!” Jake insists, shaking her whole body with his arm around her as they walk. It was a habit he had formed during their fake dating stint, and it’s over now, but Amy can’t complain at the comfort it gives her in the moment.

“The only wife that would agree to that is if your wife _was_ the pizza.” Rosa rolls her eyes, a subtle smirk on her face.

“Are you trying to insult Jakey right now?” Charles interjected, nose held high. “Marrying pizza or _any food_ for that matter would be an honour! Personally I would like to ma-”

“Okay, Charles, let’s not go on a food spiral.” Jake’s laugh is almost deafening in her ear, “But yes I would love to marry pizza, so nice try insulting me.”

“But Amy do you really want to get married at a pizza place?” Charles nagged, pushing between Rosa and Amy. 

“ _Charles_ , for the last time! I’m not marrying Amy!” Jake separates from her, Amy holding onto his elbow as his face turns a darker shade of pink.

“All the dating seemed so real these few weeks! Why don’t you just give it a try?” Charles pleads, “You’re the perfect pair and _what_ a meet-cute! You could be turned into a novel or even a movie-”

“ _Charles_.” Amy groans, shoving him and trying to think of _anything_ to change the subject.

“ _Going to the chapel, and we're gonna get maaaaarried!_ ”

Amy hits Charles in the shoulder _very_ hard in an attempt to shut him up but he continues to hum to himself. To avoid more potential injuries, Charles falls back to walk with Alex and Gina easily steers the conversation in a completely different direction for the duration of the walk. “I’m sorry all the sweaty hand holding was for nothing…” Jake looks at her to share a small smile but he looks at the ground again when she returns it, “It was kinda fun though, right?”

“I mean, yeah, but it was basically just like normal except we held hands.” Amy rolls her eyes with a shrug, “It was nice.”

“And you know what? Who made the rules that said friends can’t hold hands?” Jake demands, “Why do couples get that privilege?” 

“Yeah, we deserve to hold hands just because!” Amy agrees, taking his hand in hers once again, smiling at Jake. Behind them, Charles tries to hold his squeal in and Amy immediately pulls her hand away, “Maybe not in front of Charles.”

“Good call.”

The silence between them was thick and _slightly_ awkward as Charles’ muffled excitement calms down, and she feels her hand itching to grab his hand again, but she refrains. Neither of them would want to lead Charles on. 

“Let’s get some display temperature pizza!” Jake breaks the silence a few moments later when Sal’s finally comes into view.

“So gross.”

~

“You had _no_ right, Jake!” Amy yelled, slamming her locker before attempting to get away.

“Amy! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“Oh _I’m_ being ridiculous?” Amy turns on her heels, trying to keep it together when seeing the corner of Jake’s mouth twitch upwards, “Well _maybe_ you shouldn’t have done what you did and we wouldn’t be breaking up!”

“ _Breaking up_!?” Jake stomps his foot with a deep frown, “I didn’t _do_ anything!”

“You did though!” Amy’s voice cracks; the both of them really tapping into their acting skills in that moment.

“What? Tell me what I did and we can fix it.”

“You broke my heart.”

Amy has to focus intensely so that she doesn’t laugh as they storm off in opposite directions. Students nearby them are already staring and gossiping once again.

Successful fake breakup achieved. 

~

They make sure to sit on opposite sides of all the classes they share together. Amy can hear other students gossiping about their “breakup” and it takes some effort but at lunch they’re still able to meet up at their usual hangout spot without being spotted. “OKAY!” Jake yells happily as he jumps to sit next to Amy, “This has all been a miracle in disguise! Ames, you’re the best.” 

“Wh-what did I do?” Amy lets out a confused laugh as he hugs her.

“Okay, so word spread quick and all these girls were there comforting me and then just before I got here Sophia asked me out _again_!” Jake sighs happily, “I told you this would work out for the better.”

“I still lost.” Amy shakes her head in disbelief, “I guess she wasn’t just asking you out to sabotage me…”

“Why are you so shocked that a girl like Sophia wouldn’t be interested in a hunk like me?” Jake begins flexing, sending their small circle of friends into a laughing fit.

“Sure, a _hunk_.” Alex snorts, covering his mouth as he continues to laugh.

“I believe you owe me some books and a big thank you?” Amy says once she’s able to breath without laughing.

“Yes, of course! Thank you Amy, you’re the bestest friend in the whole world and I will buy you books after school!” Jake hugs her once again before jumping up, “I’m gonna go hang out with Sophia now! Bye!”

“It’s okay, the longer you’re apart the better the romance story, right?” Charles says nonchalantly, focused on constructing his food in front of him.

“Charles, move on. It’s never going to happen.” Amy adjusts her glasses with a huff, “Even if I liked him like that or the other way around we- like I- It’s just not happening.” 

Charles makes the safer move of not fighting her. The first day she _met_ Charles he had said to the both of them ‘ _I hear wedding bells!_ ’ and he had been non-stop ever since. Amy thought nothing of it at first, because he was her best friend and that was it.

But recently… Well, they were at the age where everyone was dating. That’s what started the idea of them fake dating which is now messing with her head. Amy doesn’t _like_ Jake like that - it was a farce. This wasn’t a movie and they weren’t going to run into each other's arms once they realise they’re in love with each other. 

The way her heart beat faster when he initially began holding her hand and how comfortable it felt. But it was decided that they could still hold hands, so that meant nothing to him? Amy’s lunch was officially ruined by the headache caused by these feelings.

Jake was with Sophia now, so her new puzzling and heart pounding were going to stay buried deep in her mind. There was no point in confusing anyone else.

~

Joining the school paper had always been Amy’s backup plan. She loves to read the newspaper, whether it’s reading the daily newspaper with her dad and completing crosswords together or the school newspaper weekly. Jake had also been pretty confident that she wouldn’t need to join. But it’s one of her favourite things and Jake always calls her a nerd for loving it so much. 

Alex joins with her, and with Charles already a part of the team, it’s a pretty comfortable environment for them to be in. Charles introduces her to each member one by one and the leader and co-editor she recognises immediately from her campaign interview.

“Ryan!” Amy puts her hand out for a friendly handshake, “Thank you so much for considering me for the school paper!”

“Of course, Amy. I recognise talent when I see it!”

“I agree, I honestly think she was robbed. Amy should have won.” The boy next to Ryan speaks up, and Amy vaguely recognises him from around the school. “Sophia has some good ideas but I thought your goals were more efficient.”

“Amy, this is Teddy Wells. He is my co-captain and co-editor of the paper!” 

“Oh yeah, Teddy!” She remembers Jake mentioning him a few times before and it clicks once she hears his name. “Didn’t you just make the football team?”

“Yeah… Linebacker!”

“Yep, the best writer in our team and a soon to be middle school football _legend_!” Ryan pats his shoulders before shaking him roughly. “Teddy here is going to go over your job while in this club.”

Teddy makes a gesture and Amy begins to follow closely behind him, taking a moment to observe him. She’s only seen him in the hallways and in certain classes they’ve had together. She realises that he’s much taller while walking next to him, and her dad would definitely agree that he has a good build for a linebacker. Amy is taller than all her friends, and she knows they’ll eventually grow taller than her but at this moment it’s weird to be looking up at Teddy.

“So, uh, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…” Teddy scratches behind his ear and looks down at Amy, “I heard you and Jake broke up?”

“Oh! Yeah…” Amy shouldn’t be shocked that Teddy actually knew about her and Jake ‘dating’ since the whole school did know, but she’s lost for words.

“How are you doing?” Teddy asks, offering her a seat at one of the computers. “That’s if you want to talk about it…”

“I don’t know, I just hope we can still be friends since we’re neighbours.” Amy had scripted lines for both her and Jake to say if people asked them, and it rolls off her tongue very easily.

“Well, I’m here if you wanna talk or just hang out or I don’t know…” Teddy offers with a shy smile. “I’m really glad you joined us here, Amy.”

“So am I.” Amy blushes deeply when he smiles at her. “So what’s my job?”

“Well, Charles told me that you _love_ crosswords…”

~

“Amy, there’s no way he’ll ditch _Family Matters_ night.” Alex groans as Amy jumps up from the couch for the third time in thirty minutes to check if Jake was coming down the fire escape. “My reasons are: he would not miss his Reginald VelJohnson fix. Who knows if there’s gonna be a third movie. Also, if he wasn’t coming wouldn’t he have the common courtesy to leave a _note_?”

“Counter argument: he always watches the repeats on Saturdays _and_ he forgets things when he’s excited.” Amy sits back down, pulling her knees to her chest. “This feels like when you first came around and he completely forgot about me.”

“He definitely never forgot about you. All he did was talk about how awesome you were between all the _Die Hard_ talk.” Alex squeezes her knee as an attempt at comforting, “Sometimes he talked about you so much I had to put my hand over his mouth to shut him up but then he told me- Never mind.”

“What? What did he tell you?” 

“Nothing, he just talked about you a lot. That’s it.”

“ _Alex_.” 

“Okay, okay!” Alex pushes Amy, who had inched closer out of curiosity, back into a sitting position. “He told me he liked you.”

“He- What? Jake liked me? Like _like_ like?” Amy takes a deep breath, but she still feels light headed.

“Yeah, like like.” 

Amy sinks into the couch, tucking her hair behind her ears as she tries to process it. Jake _liked_ her. But that was past tense, he was with Sophia now. It’s not like she actually liked him back, Amy only liked the idea of being able to hold someone’s hand. It didn’t _have_ to be Jake. 

“Tell me more…” Amy asks quietly, trying not to seem too eager but she fails for the first time in her life.

“Do _you_ like Jake?” Alex gasps, grasping onto her knee again.

“NO!” Amy shouts defensively, “I’m just… _curious_.”

“Uhm, okay.” Alex snorts, “Well he would always tell me how smart and tough you are, especially when you would fight with your brothers. And once he told me that he liked you he, uh, was saying how pretty you are and that you’re his best friend...”

“Oh…” Amy tucks her hair behind her ears _again_ , despite it being pushed back already.

“What difference does it make? He’s with Sophia now.”

“ _Right_! And I don’t like him, the hand holding just confused me, you know? It felt nice! It doesn’t mean I _like_ him, okay?” Alex nods along with Amy, as if he truly understands her confusion.

Silence falls over them as Amy dives deep into her thoughts again. _Does this mean Jake liked me while we were pretending to be a couple?_ Amy groans at the thought, it was too messy in her brain where everything usually made sense and was organised. 

“Do you want me to hold your hand?” Alex breaks the silence and ultimately makes her do the fastest quick take in her life.

“Why?” 

“We can see if _your_ feelings are for Jake or if it’s just you wanting to hold hands with someone. Put your mind at ease, yeah?” Alex offers his hand palm up near hers.

Amy considers it for a moment, knowing he’s right and it _could_ help her but it could also confirm what she fears. Her liking Jake - liking her _best friend_. So she places her hand in his, allowing Alex to thread their fingers together. He smiles, and she returns it.

“This is… Nice?” Alex’s voice raises a pitch when he speaks before letting out a loud laugh. “You’re hand is really cold but somehow sweaty.”

“Jake said that too.” Amy rolls her eyes with a shrug, “This is nice.”

“WHOA, HOLD UP, ARE YOU TWO DATING?” The window to the fire escape is slammed open and Jake falls through with a loud thump. Amy rips her hand away from Alex immediately and when she turns around, Sophia is gracefully climbing through the window after Jake.

Dread fills Amy as she watches Sophia help Jake up, rustling his hair. In the corner of her eye she can see a similar look of disdain in Alex’s eyes. _Maybe he has a crush on Sophia?_ She thinks to herself, but before she can think about it harder, Jake breaks the silence again. 

“Well? Are you two dating? Why were you two holding hands?” Jake is bouncing impatiently and Amy is staring at Alex at a loss for words. “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? I’M SO CONFUSED!”

“A-Amy’s hand was cold! I was just helping out!” Alex shrugs off with a laugh.

“Yeah! And we were talking about the science behind hand holding being a source of warmth!” Amy shrugs as well, smiling appreciatively at Alex. “You know, nerdy things.”

“Nerdy things, yo!” Alex pokes his tongue out, setting off finger guns.

“Oh… Yeah!” Jake says awkwardly, “The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell! Woo woo!”

Amy and Alex let out a simultaneous and drawn out _uhhh_ before Sophia interjects, “So you’re not dating?”

“No!” Amy is quick to reply this time, “He was just warming me up, honest.”

“That’s a shame, you two would be cute!” Sophia says, dragging Jake by their linked hands to the couch. 

“Uh, no. I’m good.” Alex is scratching his head, eyes flitting between Jake and Sophia. “Amy is basically my sister, I can’t date my sister.”

“Exactly.” Amy scoffs, “It’s _Alex_. I can’t date Alex, he’s… _Alex_.”

“Yeah, Sophia, that’s gross.” Jake shivers dramatically, pretending to gag before smiling again. “But if they did, I would be happy for their gross butts.”

Alex unmutes the TV once they have their snacks ready in front of them and the only way Amy can really think of to describe that evening is _tense_. Amy would be watching the show, but then she’d get an eerie feeling that someone was watching her. She’d look up to find Jake’s eyes on her, but as soon as she would glance at him, he’d turn and look back at the screen. He would clear his throat and stretch his arm up to go over Sophia’s shoulders, that stupid move they always had in movies, and it had Amy rolling her eyes. The movement would cause Sophia to look at him, eyebrows drawn together, then she would immediately glance toward Amy, who would abruptly turn and stare at the TV again. 

This cycle repeated until Amy was unsure about what had even _happened_ in the show because she was too busy trying to figure out what the heck was happening between them, and the entire experience left her much more exhausted than _Family Matters_ nights would usually leave her feeling. 

It doesn’t get any better once Amy’s mom shows up at Alex’s door, demanding Amy come upstairs for dinner. Amy hugs Jake and Alex, but then Sophia opens her arms for a hug. She complies but it’s the worst hug she’s ever experienced.

It kind of hurts, the confusing feelings combined with Jake and Sophia looking happy together. There has to be a solution to get read of these new emotions of… jealousy? Amy thought she felt jealousy when Alex first appeared in their lives but this was a different level of jealousy. 

It doesn’t make sense to her. They’re best friends, and that’s all they would ever be.

Plus, Sophia has made Jake _so_ happy. So if Amy has to, awkward hugs will have to be okay.

~

“So who’s going to this party?” 

Amy is lying on Jake’s bed, flipping through a magazine and twirling the hairs of her short wig with her fingers. At his mirror, Jake is checking himself out and making sure his bright yellow wig is on straight. “I think most of the kids in our grade are going.” 

“I hope it’s not out of control… I still think I’d prefer to go trick or treating...” Amy squirms. 

“Trick or treating is for babies, Ames. We’re not babies!” Jake sighed, flopping down into his desk chair. Jake knows she doesn’t like the big crowds but this was their _first_ Halloween party they had been invited to that wasn’t hosted by her family. “You know whom are babies? Your brothers.”

“It’s who.” Amy jabs, a smirk raising on her lips as she flips to the next page of her magazine.

“What’s the point of who and whom, ugh…” Jake mumbled to himself before gaining his composure again, “Come on, Amy, Frank’s parents are gonna be there and I’ll be with you the whole time to make sure no one annoys you... Because _I’m_ the only one that’s allowed to annoy you.” 

Amy finally looks up from the magazine with a scoff, “Aren’t you precious, Jakey? Come here so I can pinch your cheeks!”

“Hell no!” Jake stumbles out his chair to get further away from Amy, knowing full well that cheek pinching takes them on the long slippery road to full on wrestling. 

The window opens suddenly and as Alex climbs through the window, Jake finally falls to the ground, putting his hands up in defeat even though Amy never moved from the bed. “Why am _I_ Shaggy? I’m so Fred, more than you anyway.”

“Yeah and you wouldn’t even need a wig since your hair is shaggy enough.” Amy laughs, covering her mouth when she looks over to see Alex’s bad wig.

“Well, Sophia wanted to do a _couples_ costume but I promised we’d do something fun this year so this is what I thought of.” Jake tells them simply, “Plus I think I’m pulling off Fred pretty well.”

“Aren’t Shaggy and Velma a couple?”

“I mean, yeah, but I would _never_ take the opportunity for you dress up as a nerd without getting bullied away from you!” Jake winks down at Amy who rolls her eyes in response. “Plus Sophia _really_ wanted to be Daphne!”

“And Charles is Scooby…” Alex confirms, “What about Gina and Rosa?”

“Gina is going as Kelly Kapowski from _Saved By the Bell_ and Rosa is a zombie cheerleader I think?” Amy sits up and stretches, making sure to pull her wig straight again.

“Random, but appropriate.” Alex cackles, “Are we meeting everyone there?”

“Yep, this is gonna be _so_ awesome!” Jake cheers, pumping his fists as he exits his room. 

When they arrive, it’s Frank’s mom whom greets them at the door. She talks to Victor for a few minutes, and he kisses Amy’s head before promising to pick them up at 10.

As soon as they walk in, Jake can feel Amy grip tightly onto his arm and he takes her hand to give a reassuring squeeze. He thinks he sees her blush but the orange lighting is surely deceiving him. It’s all forgotten once when he’s attacked from behind from somebody. 

He begins blushing himself when Sophia giggles in his ear and kisses his cheek as a greeting. He turns around and her wig, longer than her natural hair flows as she bounces up and down in excitement. “I’m so glad you’re finally here, Jake! AJ already got in a fight with Drew over Stacey, it was _insane_!”

“Drew won right?” Alex cuts in, “Stacey likes Drew better, it’s obvious.”

“Who cares? It was so funny.” Sophia waves him off, wrapping her arms around Jake’s middle and staring at him. 

Jake can see Amy and Alex squirm at her affection towards him. They relax again when Charles found them and started doing his Scooby impression, which somehow summoned Rosa and Gina. Since Sophia was clinging so tightly to Jake, Amy has to hold onto Alex’s hand as they made their way through the crowd.

Familiar feelings of jealousy bubble up seeing them so close - it’s ridiculous, because he knows they’re just friends and he wouldn’t have the right to be jealous regardless. They had barely just gotten over Amy’s insecurities over him being friends with Alex. He focuses on the story that Gina is telling - a more dramatic telling of the AJ-Stacey-Drew love triangle - as an attempt to shove the uncomfortable feelings away. 

It’s pretty easy with how fast paced the party is. Stacey ends up storming out halfway, claiming she doesn’t need a boy to be happy. There’s a dance contest that goes on for over an hour which Gina _obviously_ wins. But the real chaos of the night begins when Frank’s parents go upstairs to watch TV.

Once they’re in the clear Sophia shouts, “LET’S PLAY SPIN THE BOTTLE!” 

A group of students gravitate towards Sophia at that, while others back away. Jake tries to back away himself after he sees Alex and Amy hook arms and step back, but Sophia holds onto him and drags him to the floor with her. “Sophia I don’t want-”

“Jakey, we have to!” Sophia takes a moment to pout up at him until he concedes, shifting uncomfortably as Gina puts her empty soda bottle in the middle of the circle. There are only 2 people he would consider kissing in this circle and that was his girlfriend or Gina, but only if he _had_ to. 

It would be his first kiss as well. He wants to kiss his _girlfriend_ first and not in front of most of the kids in their grade. Not in front of Amy. 

Jake still feels conflicted about dating Sophia. He really likes her, and she loves hot wings as much as he does. But everytime Amy is in the same room as her he can’t help but feel uncomfortable. Sure, he had had a crush on Amy for a _second_. But that was before he had reunited with Sophia, who was one of his first friends from kindergarten and who had agreed to be his _girlfriend_. 

Sophia was like, the epitome (he thinks he’s using the word right) of awesome. Still, at the back of his mind Amy was there with her smile and adorable laughter and nerdy glasses. She was there in his dreams with Bruce Willis and the ninja turtles.

His heart starts to thump loudly when Sophia leans over and takes a hold of the bottle to spin it. The world turns into a slow motion action sequence as he watches it spin and eventually land on him. Jake feels two things: relief, but also panic. His first kiss was going to be in front of his entire grade and _Amy_.

Jake can feel Sophia drag her hand down his arm, and as she reaches his hand, he pulls back. “What if we spiced it up?”

“What do you mean spice it up?”

“I’m saying how about we do _seven minutes in heaven_ …” Jake suggests, and it’s mostly as an effort to at least kiss Sophia in private. He’s waiting for Sophia to respond and he can’t help but let his eyes wander over to Amy, who is looking at all their friends before finally making eye contact with Jake. 

Amy looks almost appalled. She must be _disgusted_ that he would suggest such an _adult_ game. God, the lecture Amy will give him later is _not_ going to be fun at all. He manages to finally tear his eyes away from her furious (he’s struggling to gauge her emotions at this moment) gaze. When he looks back at Sophia, she’s grinning and blushing.

“I like the idea.” Sophia bites her lip and takes a hold of his hand again, yelling over to Frank to find out where the nearest closet is. Jake’s whole body heats up as the whole group of students _including Amy_ , follow him and Sophia to the closet in the hallway. 

_Maybe she’s hurt?_ He spots Amy one last time before he’s forced into the small closet with Sophia. She looked as if David had just upped her in a bragging competition, and Alex had his arm around her in a comforting manner. _What if Amy liked him back?_

Sophia pulls the string to the light in the room off, and in a panicked moment, he reaches up to turn it back on. They go back and forth for a few moments, turning the light on and off again before Sophia rolls her eyes with a groan. “Have you never kissed a girl before?” 

“Uh, no…” Jake closes his eyes for a second and scratches his head, hoping Sophia wouldn’t dump him on the spot for lack of experience.

“Aw, that’s so cute, Jakey!” Sophia takes his hands in her again and moves a step closer, “I love that I’ll be your first kiss.”

“Can’t wait!” Jake averts his eyes to the mop in the corner of the room, chuckling nervously. He would rather be _anywhere else_. 

“We can keep the light on if you want.” Sophia reassures, and his heart _does_ warm at her smile. 

But the panic seeps back in when she closes her eyes and puckers her lips. _WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?!_ She wants him to kiss her. Jake has to kiss his girlfriend. He _will_ kiss his girlfriend.

He’s gonna do it.

It takes a moment to hype himself up before he also closes his eyes and begins to lean in. This was it. Jake was going to kiss his-

“NOPE!” Jake takes a large step back, wacking his head into the wall and shaking his head.

“ _Jake_!” Sophia hisses, “Why won’t you kiss me?”

“I, uh, um.” Jake stutters while thinking of a good reason to explain why he pulled away. He barely knows why he pulled away. That’s wrong, he does know, because he can’t see Amy but he knows she’s there. And for some reason Jake can’t kiss his girlfriend knowing his best friend is out there, knowing that he would rather kiss Amy over Sophia.

“Sorry, let me try again. I just got scared for a second.” Jake shakes the thoughts away as he’s used to and licks his lips. Ready to kiss his girlfriend. 

But he chickens out again, and another time after that. By the time he prepares himself to kiss her a fourth time, Gina knocks on the door and shouts, “ONE MORE MINUTE LOVE BIRDS!”

“Oh, crap.” Jake whines, now bouncing on the heels of his feet. “Soph, baby, I don’t think I’m ready.”

“You aren’t losing your virginity Jake, you’re just kissing me.” Sophia lets go of his hands, crossing her arms with a deep scowl.

“I know and I really like you, I just want our first kiss to be special and not in a closet!” Jake says with a shrug, “Definitely not when you’re wearing this fake orange hair.”

“Yeah the yellow hair doesn’t suit you anyway!” Sophia attempts to laugh lightly but it comes out as strained, “Just tell everyone we kissed anyway. We have a reputation.”

Jake shifts uncomfortably at Sophia’s glare and he wishes he had the guts to just kiss his girlfriend. How dumb was he that his best friend’s opinion affected his ability to kiss his _girlfriend_? 

Sophia nudges Jake out of his stupor with an incredibly fake smile as she takes his hand in hers again. He has a bad feeling about their relationship - but he still likes her, so he’ll easily put on a smile and adjust his wig to make seem like they had been kissing. 

As the door opens, he tries his hardest not to find Amy immediately and it’s easier than he thought with a bunch of smelly 12 year olds congratulating him. They keep asking Jake what it was like to kiss the _hottest girl in the school_ and he just wants to run away and _find Amy_. 

Eventually, once Sophia has split off to her other girl friends, Jake finds Amy with Charles and Alex, laughing loudly on the couch. As soon as they spot them, they’re quiet again, and the music seems to dim but that’s only because his heart is beating so loud. His eyes are trained on Amy and every miniscule movement to assess _what she’s feeling_. 

But he can’t. Her expression is as blank as Rosa’s and maybe the hurt or anger he had seen from Amy had been his imagination. Maybe he had chickened out on kissing his girlfriend for the first time over nothing. Jake is still staring at Amy when Charles charges him with questions. Charles doesn’t _stop_ asking questions until he has Jake sat right in the middle of himself and Amy.

“I still can’t believe you did that. Amy, you should have been playing so _you_ would be in there with Jake!” Charles groans, tipping his head back.

“ _Charles_.” Amy rolls her eyes with an even louder groan.

“So did you kiss her?” Alex scoots forward in his chair, just as eager as Charles had been seconds ago.

“Oh, uh, yeah. We kissed.” Jake shrugs, a _fake_ but hopefully convincing smile on his lips.

“WHAT? REALLY?” Amy screeches, her hand flying to his knee.

“Um. Yes.”

“Was it _tender_? _Wet_? _Juicy_?” Charles scoots closer once again.

“Ew, Charles.” Jake cringes, “It was… a nice kiss.”

He can see both Amy and Alex squirm uncomfortably, and Charles is still in his face about it all. All he cares about is Amy’s reaction to the confirmation that he had ‘kissed’ Sophia. He can tell that she’s embarrassed by her own reaction, as she’s begun to sink quietly into the couch and glaring at Charles with all the outrageous questions he’s asking.

Jake thought he wanted to find his friends but now he just wants to go home. 

And 10 o’clock seems to be so much further away than it was in reality. He went back and forth between being tense around Sophia and awkward around Amy. With Victor being one of the first parents to arrive, it takes a moment for them all to say goodbye to their friends. Jake finds Sophia last, pecking her on the cheek only to get the cold shoulder from her. It only gets more intense on the way home.

Complete silence. 

Even Victor looks curiously in his rearview mirror when neither Amy or Jake are speaking the entire way home. Jake wants to say something but he doesn’t even know what he wants to say. That he’s sorry that he kissed Sophia? That he _didn’t_ kiss Sophia?

But Jake couldn’t find the right words to tell her this without sounding ridiculous. Why would he lie about it? He especially can’t say anything in front of Amy’s dad, that would just magnify the awkwardness he’s feeling times a hundred. 

So the only words they speak in the last hour of the night is a simple goodbye at Amy’s door where his mom is waiting. 

Still, as per tradition, he waits for Amy on the fire escape that night, hoping she’ll come out so he can tell the truth or… _something_. Jake just wants his best friend back, not the awkward Jake and Amy they had been all night. He waits a whole hour for her to climb out before yawning himself and realising that it wasn’t happening tonight. They could talk about it another day if he had the courage.

What a Halloween.

~

“Well, are you going to kiss me?” 

Jake thinks it’s Sophia speaking to him; that he’s remembering the night all over again, with every detail, just to torture him. But he opens his eyes and instead of seeing an orange wig and purple socks, it’s a dark short wig and thick rimmed glasses and an orange turtleneck. 

_Amy_. 

But how did Amy end up in this room for seven minutes in heaven? She hadn’t been playing with them, just observing.

He doesn’t care as he watches Amy shyly tuck the strands of her wig behind her ears and push the glasses up her nose as he’s seen her do many times in the past. She’s waiting for him to answer, an expectant look in her eyes as Jake opens his mouth a moment before it snaps shut again.

_Was he really going to kiss Amy Santiago?_

Jake sighs deeply to clear his head - he wants to kiss her. So that’s what he’ll do. He’s going to kiss his best friend because she’s the prettiest, smartest most amazing friend he’s ever had. He doesn’t make the rules.

He doesn’t care about any rules in that moment. Jake wants to kiss her, he wants to hold her hand in public, he wants to carry her books around school and call her his girlfriend.

So he does what he never thought he would have the courage to do. He closes his eyes, leaning in slowly. He knows Amy is doing the same because he can feel her breath breezing over his heated skin.

Finally their lips make contact, and he definitely feels what they describe in the movies. Fireworks, butterflies, the lot.

But in a second it’s all over. He’s back in bed, upright after being shocked awake by the dream. There’s a layer of goosebumps on his arms and his heart is beating faster than he’s ever experienced. 

This was not good. Having feelings for Amy were on the list of things that were not good. 

Feelings for Sophia: Good. 

Feelings for Amy: Very, very bad.

Jake decides instead that feelings in general equalled bad and messy. He didn’t want to have them. Jake felt like a cheater for even dreaming about kissing another girl, and he knows that Sophia wouldn’t be happy. 

He wants to be with Sophia - she is his _girlfriend._ Amy is his girl _friend_. There was a difference.

With a great stubbornness, Jake manages to push the feelings deep down again and passes out again within minutes.

~

Sophia breaks up with Jake right before Thanksgiving. She lists reasons such as her class presidency and school work being important. But he knows that she’s still furious about Halloween, especially since he never kissed her after that either.

Jake had just felt guilty about how much he wanted Amy to be his girlfriend. It was an emotion he was getting over, because they were better off friends than anything else.

It wasn’t like Amy would _ever_ want to be with him anyway. If they were best friends forever and only that, he would be the happiest guy in the universe. He would support her through anything because he loves her. 

Was Amy his potential soulmate? He doesn’t know this, and plus, soulmates were just a crazy idea Charles loved to implant into his brain from time to time. 

He’s 12 for christ’s sake! Romantic drama should be the last thing on his mind. Jake makes a note to think about _Die Hard_ more. 

_Die Hard_ can’t hurt him like a girl can. 

That’s what he tells Amy. The _Die Hard_ part, of course. And she responds with the adorable laugh that haunts his dreams sometimes. Amy, of course, is the ultimate best friend and lends a comforting shoulder for him to ‘cry it out’ if he needs.

“I’m just happy to be here with you.” Jake shrugs, his grin weak but honest. It had been a tiring few weeks, and he was looking forward to putting these feelings past him now that Sophia was out of the picture.

They sit in silence for a while longer, watching as the sun sets over the city. Really, Jake couldn’t ask for a better life. He thought that when his dad left his mom and Jake alone, that his life would suck. That the two of them would struggle to live without him. With the support of the Santiago's and his amazing mom, he’s never been happier to sit in silence with his best friend as the sun set.

“I know the whole relationship ending thing sucks, but…” Amy begins, pursing her lips in the middle of her sentence to think. “At least you got to have your _first kiss_ , and have a _girlfriend_. You’re gonna be a ladies magnet with all that experience under your belt!”

“Yeah, right.” Jake snorts softly, rolling his eyes. “It… It was fun. I liked her a lot. I’ll probably take a break from the romance department for a bit.”

“Are you really _that_ heartbroken over Sophia?”

He has to shift slightly so she can’t see his expression as he shrugs, “Something like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *eyeballs emoji* It's fun to see their feelings develop especially with their angsty teen emotions coming soon!
> 
> thanks to becca as always for being the most amazing human and editing this for me since its 1am currently
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!


	8. and i miss the way you make me feel, it's real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from castle on the hill by ed sheeran
> 
> _Had my first kiss on a Friday night, I don't reckon that I did it right  
>  But I was younger then, take me back to when_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really tried to get this chapter out as soon as possible but i wanted it to be perfect! i really hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> i have a small announcement at the notes at the end.

**TO:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**SUBJECT: funeral plans**

**So its tragic news i have for you. This is my final will and testament and the good news is you get everything i own. Including my comic book collection you probably dont want but just promise me you wont sell it to the kid in the locker next to me!!! Hes been trying to steal whatever comic i keep in my locker. If graham crackers hadn’t moved in with his wife before we met you would even get him. Side note i hope he’s happy.**

**Whatever so yeah its really tragic that i, Jake John McClane Peralta, have died of boredom at the age of 13.**

**I mean coming to 8th grade should be exciting but after our summer, this sucks. We had the BEST summer. From the heartbreak at my bar mitzvah that was jenny gildenhorn to me absolutely DESTROYING everyone at Jimmy Jabs VI, it was truly a final summer for you to remember me by.**

**And you? That 1st mathlete camp trophy looks so good on your shelf. You absolutely destroyed teddy and alex and that other person and i could not be prouder. Then there was the road trip to Washington with your grandpa was so cool, and that picture of all of us in the smithsonian is probably my most treasured item besides the cool dinosaur figurine i got.**

**But no more memories shall we make together as this has been my final hurrah as i have died of braineous melteous at the young sweet age of 13. I know you will miss me greatly, but you and alex and gina and charles will survive so long as you stick together. Make sure you tell Bruce Willis how much i love him...**

**I love you all,** **  
** **Jake the dead**

“You know, with all that typing, I thought you might actually be doing your school work for once.” Amy teases with a roll of her eyes, closing her emails without replying which causes to Jake to gasp with pure shock.

“I’m _boooored_.” Jake whines, leaning over her desk with his elbows joined and head resting in his hands, “Why can’t we just _leave_?”

“Because we’re in class.” 

“But it’s so boring! I’ve _died_ of _boredom,_ how can you just not care!” With a scoff, Amy slaps her hand onto his chest, feeling his heartbeat at a regular pace.

“You feel alive.” Amy snickers, before focusing back on her work in front of her. “Also, question, who is Graham Crackers?”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHO IS GRAHAM CRACKERS?! I- HE WAS MY TURTLE! AMY HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW?”

“Jake! Amy! Eyes on your computers!”

“Thanks for getting us in trouble on the _first day_ , Jake.” Amy grumbles, looking back to her computer with a glare.

Amy manages to focus on the task in front of her but eventually she’s distracted by how fast Jake is typing next to her, and she _has_ to see if he’s actually working for once. “What are you- STOP WRITING FUNERAL EMAILS!”

~

“Amy, I told you computers was a _bad_ elective. It’s so boring.” Jake groans, leaning on his locker next to Amy’s.

“You only think that because you don’t get to play minesweeper the whole time.” Amy huffs, trying to keep her smile hidden. “Plus, like Mr. James said, computers are the future so we might as well know how to use them now!”

Jake begins dramatically going about opening his locker, pieces of trash tumbling out as he rearranges his books. His locker was already a disaster and they had barely been at school for a full day. Amy has to look at her own _neat_ locker to keep herself from losing her mind at his mess. This was the first time their lockers had been assigned right next to each other, and while she was excited when she learned this information, she was regretting it now.

Amy closes her locker with a huff, leaning on it as she waits for Jake to finish rummaging through his calamity of a locker. Amy immediately notices when Teddy enters the hallway. He had grown taller since she had seen him and looked much more comfortable with the rest of the football team. Amy thinks about it, and she doesn’t think she’s seen him since the end of math camp. 

She remembers the late night fires, and the fun they had testing each other’s memory skills for hours before the counsellors forced them to go to bed. Amy never expected to enjoy spending time with him as much as she did with Jake, but Teddy made her laugh (maybe not _quite_ as hard, but he did his best) and it had made things more confusing for her. 

But now that her and Jake were _truly_ in the past, her heart pounds when Teddy waves in her direction with a huge grin on his face. She waves back casually, making sure Jake doesn’t see so he wouldn’t tease her. Jake slams his locker shut, effectively ripping her from watching as Teddy continues down the hall. 

“I can’t believe they got rid of minesweeper… It’s the only thing that brought me joy in this hellhole!” Amy raised an eyebrow with a pointed look before he says, “Besides you and friends, and whatever…”

“Yeah, whatever.” Amy mocks, “You need to stop sending me emails during class. It’s so unproductive.”

“I think you mean not productive, Miss Amelia.”

“What? Jake, unproductive is a word and Amelia is _not_ my name! You know what- I can’t be bothered, we’re going to be late.”

“Amy Santiagooo! Don’t walk away from meeeeee!!” 

Things don’t change much between Jake and Amy. It’s not that her feelings _change_ , but she has the common sense to know their friendship is more important. That and after Jake’s relationship with Sophia, albeit short and somewhat meaningless, Amy figures that he’s over the small crush that Alex claims he had on her. Not to forget the newfound feelings she had developed for Teddy since math camp. 

So they remain best friends much to Charles’ disappointment - and he makes sure to let them know, at minimum once a fortnight. 

It’s easy to ignore and push down any potential feelings. Her brothers have only received one lecture on her and Jake being _only friends_ and have since let it go. She’s not so naive to believe that they _don’t_ believe it won’t happen, possibly even her parents are in on it. 

It’s easy to accept that friends is all they’ll ever be. Amy loves him, and Jake loves her. They don’t hide that from each other, it’s a bond she knows will be there forever. But it’s not necessarily a romantic bond; life isn’t like the movies where the main character ends up with their best friend. 

The only person not accepting is Charles, but again, it’s easy to ignore. 

~

They had finally reached the age Amy’s brothers had been warning her about for years. The dreaded 8th grade health class with Ms. Landon. Amy’s mom had the period talk with her a few years back but had _insisted_ on keeping her innocence for as long as possible. 

Her brothers always hyped this class as being the most intense and wild ride of their lives. Sure, they were fortunate enough to _have_ sex education in their school, but that didn’t change how awkward it would be. Apparently, Ms. Landon was _eccentric_ with her approach to making sure all the kids were properly educated on safe sex at 13 years old. 

Amy was already settled at her desk next to Jake, with Rosa, Charles, Gina and Alex sitting on the other edges of the square table. She had potentially chosen the worst people to sit with during a class as _crude_ as sex ed. 

She begins to really blush when she notices Teddy Wells walk into the classroom, his eyes instantly connecting with her and hers snap shut. _Teddy, please, don’t sit next to me during the cringiest class we’ll ever have to sit through._ But after opening her eyes again and adjusting her glasses, she sees Teddy’s slightly blurry figure standing in front of her. 

“Mind if I sit with you guys?” Teddy says with the friendliest of smiles. 

There was a particular _thing_ with Teddy. Amy spent a lot of time with him on the school newspaper, and she had a spectacular time with him. She spent many afternoons that year with Teddy, writing and editing and just having a very different version of fun with him. With the new school year, she wasn’t able to rejoin the paper as she had planned to run again for class president. She didn’t think he would actually want to sit with her. 

Not only that, she had enjoyed herself so much at camp with him that she may have developed a _slight_ crush on him. No one knew, not even Jake. There was no reason for him to know besides them being best friends. It’s not like they had dated and broken up, they didn’t have to be cautious about dating other people. 

Jake doesn’t even know about her _fleeting_ feelings towards him. So if she told Jake about the butterflies she felt while hanging out with Teddy, there would nothing to be guilty about or for Jake to be jealous of. As if Jake would be jealous over Teddy anyways, he had never seriously _liked_ Amy. 

“Sure, you can join us.” Alex says after a few moments of their whole table looking at each other and staying silent. Amy has to rip her head out of the clouds before her head explodes from her curse of overthinking. 

“I’m really excited to have this class.” Teddy tells them as he sits down, “A lot of schools are less fortunate and don’t get a sex ed class so we need to appreciate that we are going to know how to perform safe sexual intercourse.”

“Uhhh..” Amy whips her head to look at Jake as she can hear him begin to chuckle. Jake is saved by the bell (literally) and Ms. Landon walking into the room holding what seems to be a bag of cucumbers. 

“Okay! Boys to the right of the class, ladies to the left!”

“Darn, that’s a shame.” Teddy sighs, frowning towards Amy. “Maybe I can join you on your walk home?” 

“I-I would love that.” Amy’s sure she looks like a tomato, especially after Jake nudges her as he slides out of his seat to move to the opposite side of the room. 

It takes a few more minutes of shifting and chattering between classmates for them all to settle into silence again, and when Amy looks up on the board, Ms. Landon has written ‘SEX’ in giant letters surrounded by squiggly lines.

“ _Sexual intercourse_ is what happens when two individuals join together with their genitals.” The reaction of the class is split into two, half are groaning and the other majority break out into fits of giggles. “In this class we are going to delve into the _ins and outs_ of sex, protection, reproduction and STD’s!”

Internal conflict arises as Ms. Landon explains what the class would entail. She’s stuck between being her usual _teacher’s pet_ self and wanting to sink lower into her chair so she can ignore the stupid faces she _knows_ Jake is making at her.

In the end her eagerness to learn wins out, and she couldn’t care less if her classmates cared. Kind of. 

She is _less_ intense about how frequently she puts her hand up to ask or answer questions - doesn’t mean she doesn’t get picked because all teachers know she loves to answer when no one else does, but she tries.

It doesn’t take long before Ms. Landon is pulling out the cucumbers from her grocery bag on her desk, followed by a large packet of condoms. Of course, the class breaks out in laughter and general immaturity once again and Amy is praying that _just this once_ she won’t get picked to do a demonstration in front of the class. 

There’s not enough praise from the teacher that is worth the humiliation of this demonstration. _I am invisible, I am not here, I will not get picked to put a condom on a vegetable in front of the whole class._

“Amy! Why don’t you come up front to demonstrate what you’ve just learned?”

Amy groans silently as a chorus of scandalous _oooooohhh_ ’s and more giggles filled the room. She gets out of her seat slowly, avoiding all eye contact as the chattering gets louder. She isn’t able to avoid Jake’s eyes, and Amy can tell that he’s holding in his laughter with all his strength.

She frowns in concentration, drowning out her immature class, and opening the condom wrapper. _Why me?_

Halfway through her task, one of the girls grunts out, “Take _longer_ to put it on, will you?”

“The longer it takes, the better!” Amy replied sarcastically, still frowning. 

“ _The longer it takes the better!_ Good news everybody, we found the name of Santiago’s sex tape!” Jake shouts as an obvious jab, and the class erupts into laughter. Jake was a true class clown. 

Amy’s eyes flicker to Teddy, who’s only slightly laughing along, before she turns her head to send an icy glare to Jake. He has _totally_ ruined her chances with Teddy. 

Suddenly, she’s very glad that this was their last class of the day so she didn’t have to wait so long to beat him up over embarrassing her in front of her crush and the _entire class_. 

“Well, Jake! She’s not wrong, if you take your time then you guarantee _no_ tearing in the condom which means _no_ surprise babies for you youths!”

The rest of the class drags on slower than when her brothers locked her in a cupboard for an hour (yet _another_ reason she has crippling claustrophobia), but the moment the final bell rings she sprints out of the classroom. Furious at Jake, nervous about Teddy walking with her. Jake isn’t far behind her, still laughing about Gina throwing a cucumber at one of the boys in their class when he started mockingly moaning. It astounded her still how Ms. Landon gave out _zero_ detentions.

By the stairs outside the school, Teddy is chatting with Alex as they wait for both her and Jake. It warms her heart because she really does like Teddy, and to see him laughing with Alex is a dream come true. “Hey Teddy, what’re you doing here? Don’t you usually catch the bus or your parents picking you up or some... crap?”

“Jake, be nice!” Amy smacks Jake’s shoulder with a scowl, “Teddy is walking with me today to chat. _You were there_ , idiota.”

“Lo _siento_ , princesa!” Jake mocks, bowing as deep as he can before snickering. Amy raises her fist, _so ready_ to punch him but she luckily remembers that Teddy is standing right next to her. So she lowers her clenched fist and smiles at Teddy before jumping down the rest of the stairs to join him. 

Jake joins Alex in walking ahead of her and Teddy. The first few minutes are spent in shy silence, just smiling at each other and Amy is rattling her brain to think of any topic to discuss. “That was one heck of a health class wasn’t it?” 

“Oh yeah!” Amy hates that it’s the only thing she can think of to talk about, but it’s so fresh in her mind and she’s so _nervous_ . But Teddy doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all, “I’m shocked Ms. Landon didn’t give Jake a detention for the crude joke, and Don making those _noises_ in front of everyone.”

“I agree about Don, but I think the teachers are used to Jake’s class clown behaviour by now so they just ignore it.” 

“I mean, still, you’re really awesome and Jake shouldn’t have made the joke because I don’t know about you but I’d be super embarrassed.” Teddy cuts off his own nervous rambling so he can look hesitantly down to her. “Sorry…”

“No, it’s fine! I appreciate it.” Amy shrugs, tightening her ponytail. “Jake is my best friend, and he has never _once_ in the time I’ve known him, wasted an opportunity to make a joke.”

“As long as it doesn’t upset you.” Amy is internally beating Jake up for making the joke still, but that’s information Teddy doesn’t need. “How was the rest of your day?”

The rest of the walk is nice; the sun is still shining and Teddy makes her smile a lot more than she expected. He was putting a lot of effort into their walk and it made her really happy to know how much he cared. When they reach her apartment building, Jake and Alex have already gone inside, and Amy stands there - slightly awkward, true to her personality - with Teddy. He’s just _smiling_ at her.

“So, uh, I was wondering if you might want to go out this Saturday? Like, on a date?” Teddy looks at the sidewalk, scratching the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle and Amy can feel the consistent blush of the past two hours deepen.

“I, uh, yes!” Amy giggles, “I mean, yeah of course, I would like that. I will probably have to clear it with my parents, or something, but yes! I’ll email you!”

“That’s awesome, Amy. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes! See you tomorrow.”

Amy feels like she might faint from excitement as she runs up the stairs. She has so much to _do_ and she’s too excited to properly process it all, dumping her bag on the floor and sighing as she falls onto her bed. _Teddy Wells asked her out_. David was wrong, she wasn’t going to end up a loner hermit with four cats.

“Ames.” Jake is halfway through her window when she finally responds, sitting up properly on her bed. “Weren’t we supposed to do our homework together?”

“Oh, right!” Amy straightens her ponytail, opening her bag to grab her books, “Was it math, or was it english?”

“Uh, Amy, are you okay?” Jake steps closer, laughing nervously. “You know we have the english discussion questions due tomorrow.” 

“Yes, _of course_.” Amy laughs, she’s trying desperately to shake off the awkwardness she was feeling. “I was just thinking about… About how much you embarrassed me in front of the class today…And my _crush_!”

“Oh! Yeah. Of course. Sorry, Ames.” Jake shifts in place, “I’m sorry it made you uncomfortable- _Wait a moment_! Who exactly _is_ Amy Santiago’s crush?”

“Apology accepted.” Amy rolls her eyes at his sudden interest but she continues. Because Jake _is_ her best friend who she tells _everything_. “Well, he has brown hair… And he makes me laugh and he’s really smart as well. I never dislike spending time with him.”

“Oh… Cool cool. That’s cool.”

Amy sighs in relief when he doesn’t speak of it more, she just hopes she was obvious that she was talking about Teddy. But it’s easily forgotten once they climb out onto the fire escape. They don’t often do their homework there, but it was finally cool enough that they weren’t sweating enough to fill a bathtub and it was just _nice_ to sit outside to do anything.

It was also rare for Jake to quietly do his homework - part of her wants to question _why_ he’s so silent but she didn’t want to distract him by asking why he was actually focused for once. So they’re both done in record time, before the sun even began to set. Amy has to pinch herself to make sure she didn’t fall asleep on her bed earlier, it was _very_ dream like. 

Jake remains quiet as they watch the beginning of the sunset, and this part was very normal, it’s always the time they spend together in silence. Once the sun sets is usually when Jake gets very hyper and spits out jokes or stories left and right until Amy is ready for bed. 

So as the sun sets, Amy gets lost in her thoughts. She was going on a date with Teddy. That Saturday. She had to somehow convince her parents to let her go, or, she could tell them she was just going out with her friends for a movie and _then_ tell all her friends to keep up the lie. It was complicated but Amy really wanted to go out with him. 

Then her thoughts drift to whether Teddy had his first kiss already, because she was still lacking in experience. The closest she had been to having appropriate ‘experience’ was kissing Jake on the cheek a few times. If Teddy hadn’t kissed someone before, then there was nothing to worry about and they could be awkward together, but there was no way of finding that out.

Jake had been lucky, he had his first kiss already so whoever his next girlfriend is wouldn’t have to worry about that. She’s jealous that he probably didn’t worry as much about his first kiss as she was, he was probably cool and naturally good at it. Because he was just good at things she wasn’t. 

_Maybe_ , just _maybe_ , Jake could teach her? She always helps him with his homework so really he _owes_ her. He had experienced kissing a girl, so if she kisses him, she’ll be ready to kiss Teddy. It’s her best friend, they made a vow to be best friends forever and _she_ would do anything for him, so why shouldn’t he? Amy knows would kiss him if the roles were reversed.

“Jake?” Amy turns herself to face him completely, and her hands have the slightest shake to them even just rested in her lap.

Jake hums in reply, his face relaxed and happy. _This was a good idea_.

“Kiss me.” 

Jake freezes, his eyes growing wider as he processes what she said. “Uhh, I’m sorry. WHAT?”

“I said kiss me. On the lips.”

“Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool… _cool_.”

“So?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll kiss you, sure.”

“Okay… Let’s stand up?” Amy mumbles, smiling a little as Jake stumbles getting on his feet.

“So how do we do this?” Jake messes with his hair nervously, his eyes jumping all over her face.

“You’re the one who’s kissed someone!” Amy giggles.

“Oh _right_ , yes. That’s true.” Jake’s laughter is subdued as he takes her hands into his. He shakes his head with a smile before he slowly leans in.

“When did you get taller?” Amy questions, baffled by how much he had to bend down to reach her. “Sorry, _sorry_. That was just weird.”

“You’re right.” Jake shrugs it off, letting go of her hands and instead tucking the loose tendrils of her ponytail behind her ears. “Is this better?”

“Yeah…” Amy nods, and she feels short of breath as she closes her eyes and waits for him. “Jake?”

They had been standing like that for a few moments and when Amy opens her eyes, he’s just staring at her, a mixed look of complete awe and fear that he might have pooped his pants. “Sorry, Ames. This is just- Weird? No, it’s cool, just uh, weird? Nope, that’s not the word I’m looking for!”

His hands fall down to his side, groaning as he tries to think of the _right_ word. It’s adorable. So Amy’s hands find their way to his cheek and suddenly she’s on the tips of her toes, kissing him. His lips are soft, and the kiss lasts less than a second before her feet are flat on the ground again.

“Whoa.”

“Yeah.” 

Before she can say anything else, his hands are back at her jaw and he leans down to kiss her again. It lasts a few more seconds. Amy gets to take in how soft his lips were on hers, and how Jake can probably hear how loud her heart is beating. Maybe this wasn’t her most genius idea because she finds herself not wanting the kiss to end.

But it does, and Amy untangles her fingers from his curls and Jake takes a step back, fingers to his lips. He’s got the dopey look that she mostly sees when he’s just woken up, or after the one time she went to the dentist with him and was as high as a kite. “That was…”

“That was _perfect_ practice.” Amy sighs happily, “I really needed that, I was freaking out about my date with Teddy this Saturday.”

“Wh-what?” Jake takes another step back so he’s leaning on the railing, his face crestfallen. Amy doesn’t notice his change in demeanor, feeling so relaxed that she was _ready_ to go on a date with Teddy.

“You’re seriously the best friend ever, Jake. I’m so lucky to have you.” Amy goes to hug him, and he responds just like normal. She didn’t think about the potential of this messing up their friendship, but the way he’s hugging her so tight, she _knows_ they’re fine.

“So, Saturday…” Jake says softly, looking down at his hands once they separate. “A date with a football man!”

“Yes! It’s so crazy he asked me out. I didn’t expect it.”

“Are you serious? Of course he asked you out.” Jake shakes his head, now looking at Amy again. “You’re literally the best person and you’re so pretty. He’s so lucky to go out with you.”

“Thanks, Jake.” Amy looks down this time, tucking the hair that hadn’t moved from before tightly behind her ears. 

“Seriously, you’re the coolest.” Jake blabbers, blushing when she looks back up at him, “And the best kisser. Real natural talent.”

“Oh! By the way, I’m telling my parents that we’re going to the movies with Alex and Gina on Saturday so they don’t know. Can you cover for me?” Amy is blushing at the compliment, but she doesn’t know how to respond.

“Uh, yeah. No doubt. Nooo _doubt_!” Jake crosses his arms awkwardly.

“You’re the best, I love you!” Amy jumps happily, kissing his cheek quickly.

“Dumb dumb, it’s dinner time.” David’s voice comes from the window, and he looks as grumpy as ever when she turns to look at him. “Jake, my mom said you can join us since your mom isn’t home yet.”

“Oh, that’s fine. My mom promised we’d get pizza tonight so… Yeah. Night guys.” Jake shuffles awkwardly to the steps before Amy stops him.

“Goodnight, Jake.”

“Goodnight, Amy.”

~

Amy is confident about her date when Saturday finally comes around. She knew that if kissing felt that good with Jake, then she wouldn’t have a problem with Teddy. Amy was ready to kick the date’s butt with how good she’ll be at dating. Looking at herself in the mirror, she knows she looks good. Putting effort into her appearance isn’t something she does often. She’s happy with how she looks, wearing a light pink dress with sleeves down to her elbows that her mom had bought while pressuring her to care about her appearance.

The only thing she was unsure of was her stupid glasses. They were big and chunky, it makes her want to curse her parents for giving her such poor vision. At the same time, she really needed them. Jake never exaggerated when he told her she was blind (he wasn’t that much better, he just didn’t need his glasses all the time). Amy takes her glasses off with a huff and puts them on her desk. Being blind on a date shouldn’t be the end of the world, it’s not like it was some important test.

Amy jumps when her window open, attempting to lean on her desk casually so Jake doesn’t think she was conceited for looking at herself in the mirror. “Hey, Ames.” Jake says as he lands on the floor easily.

“Hello glasses.” Amy laughs when Jake adjusts his own glasses.

“I know, I’m _reading_ for once. Crazy, right?” Jake exaggerates his surprise, not mentioning that _she_ was the reason he was reading for once. “You look really good.”

“Really?” Amy asks quietly, “I’m conflicted. My glasses look bad in this outfit, but I need them, but I want Teddy to say _that_ too.”

Jake takes a few steps towards her before picking up her glasses, placing them carefully on her face before examining her again. “Just as beautiful. Maybe more. Plus you’re blind as a bat, you need them.”

“I guess…” Amy sighs, “I just want the date to go well and I don’t want these glasses to ruin it.”

“It will and they won’t. Trust me, Ames.” Jake reassures her, squeezing Amy’s arm softly. “Let’s go, I’m sure being late would make the worst impression.”

“Why would you say that to me!?”

“Just preparing you for the worst, like a _good friend_.”

“I hate you.”

“In your dreams, Amy.”

~

Jake sits at the computer at the library. Jake went to the _library_ to feign being out with Amy for her to safely go on her date. He _is_ a good friend. Now, instead of playing minesweeper, he watches the cursor blink in the subject of his email. He shouldn’t write this, he knows it, but he can’t get his feelings of jealousy to go away. And the thought of how soft Amy’s lips were won’t stay buried like he wants them to be.

It will likely be suspicious with a blank subject title, but Jake continues anyway.

 **TO:** [ **a.santiago@aol.com** ](mailto:a.santiago@aol.com)

**FROM:** [ **jakethediehardfan@aol.com** ](mailto:jakethediehardfan@aol.com)

**SUBJECT:**

**This is the dumbest thing im ever gonna do probably. I just need to say this but everytime i think about talking to you in person my butt starts sweating so bad.**

**Basically i cant stop thinking about kissing you again. I told you last year that i kissed sophia but that was a lie, i chickened out. You were actually my first kiss and it was so much better than i could imagine. And when you were talking about your crush i was so sure it was me because you know i have brown hair and i make you laugh and im smart in my own diehard way and we always have the best time together. Weve been friends for so long that i thought maybe it was a meet cute like charles said, that we had this big important story and we would end up together.**

**I think im in love with you. This is stupid I know im only 13 and i dont really know what love is blah blah but thinking about loving you is something that makes more sense than math. Maybe i always loved you like that is that stupid? But you like teddy and youre on a date with teddy. I feel like im about to explode from jealousy every time you talk to him or about him and its such an ugly feeling. I would do anything to make you happy of course so if that means i have to go through with the stupid marriage pact i made with gina so you can be happy with whoever else you chose. Just dont choose teddy.**

**Youre my best friend and i love you ames. This email is dumb and im not gonan send it because it might ruin our friendship and losing you would be the worst thing to happen to me**

**Maybe itll happen one day**

Jake clenches his fist and closes his eyes so tight that the colourful spots show up. He hates _feeling_. Opening his eyes, he makes the final decision not to go through with it, he’s got to delete the email.

**Would you like to save a draft?**

 **NO** **_YES_ **

He hovers the mouse over the **NO** button for a moment. Amy should never see this email. She wouldn’t feel the same, not now or ever. She had used him to simply practice kissing to calm her nerves about going out with Teddy and it was nothing more. Amy was his best friend, and this email risked everything, even just sitting in his drafts. It would be on his list of bad ideas forever.

**_Draft saved._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) feelings am i right? there's more where that came from!!!!!
> 
> so my little announcement is that im going on a holiday to japan this month! i'll be gone for three weeks so this is the last chapter i can post before then and i really hope this chapter makes up for the time i'm gone! but worry not, i have quite a few ideas for whats coming next so there will be nothing stopping me from writing when i get back!
> 
> please leave your thoughts and feelings in the comments i really really love it


	9. it started with a whisper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from everybody talks by neon trees
> 
> _Hey honey you could be my drug  
>  You could be my new prescription  
> Too much could be an overdose  
> All this trash talk make me itchin'  
> Oh my my  
> Everybody talks, everybody talks  
> Everybody talks, too much_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I think/say this every time, but this might be my favourite chapter! I'm happy to have time to write again because December apparently makes my imagination wild with the other things I've posted!
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

Jake hates Teddy.

Exaggeration? No. Jake doesn’t exaggerate. He’s a supportive best friend so he only shares his disdain for Teddy with Alex. If he told _Charles_ then he’d be forcing him to share his feelings, or worse, _tell Amy_. Alex is really his best bet, he won’t laugh at him and he’ll make snide comments with him when Amy isn’t around.

Jake spends a lot more time with Alex. Amy doesn’t notice, because _she_ spends more time with _Teddy_ . His jealousy goes beyond liking her, Jake just wants his best friend back without her talking about the supposedly great times she has with _stupid Teddy_. Jake made a promise, that he would be Amy’s best friend no matter what, and that means supporting her when she asks if she looks good for her three month anniversary with Teddy.

She looks _beautiful_. Jake never cared about her appearance, really, she was beautiful even before her mom got her contacts and before she started experimenting with lip gloss at Gina’s influence. But her navy shirt dress, embroidered with cherry blossom flowers on the bottom with her mary janes and black stockings had him at a loss for words. It doesn’t happen often, so he has to recover quickly so she’s not suspicious.

“You look dope, Ames.” Jake shrugs, leaning against the window sill. “You always do.”

“Can you believe I’ve been with Teddy for three months?”

“ _Three months_? I thought this was your three week anniversary, you need to be way fancier.” Jake jokes teasingly, “This must be a middle school record! How long was I with Sophia???”

“A week and a half? Two weeks?” Amy laughs, resting her head on his shoulder when she joins him on the window sill. She takes her hand in his, _platonic hand holding_ , that’s their thing. It doesn’t _mean_ anything. _It’s just friendly, Teddy._ Amy had told Teddy when he had walked in on them holding hands a month ago, _We’ve been friends for so long, it’s platonic hand holding_.

He later found out that it meant it was _not romantic_. He understands it - but it doesn’t change the way his heart beats faster when her fingers laced together with his, her other hand gripping his biceps as they walk home from school during the colder months. 

“You never told me why you guys broke up…” Amy sits up straight again, eyebrows scrunched in curiosity that melts his heart. 

“Uhhh, you know, I don’t really remember…” Jake shrugs, “It was a while ago now, you know, and it’s in the past. I heard she’s head cheerleader at her highschool already.”

“Yeah, David told me too, I was there.” Amy tells him, an eyebrow raised. “And you’re lying.”

“ _Right_ , you _were_ there.” Jake brushes it off with a flick of his wrist, “It’s not important, so I clearly don’t remember. You know I’m a goldfish, Ames.”

Amy’s about to question Jake again when there’s a knock on the door. “Amy, your boyfriend is here.” David opens the door, Teddy behind him, “Oh look, your boyfriend is here too! Hey Jake.”

“I’m not doing this again. Jake, can you lecture him?” Amy huffs, moving quickly to Teddy to greet him with a soft kiss on the cheek.

Jake boils with jealousy, _stupid Teddy_. “Hey Jake, bye Jake.” Teddy says with an unbearably annoying grin before he takes Amy’s hand and leaves with her.

“Don’t bother, I know. _Girls can be friends with boys without being boyfriend and girlfriend, this isn’t the 1800’s…_ I get it.” David groans, “Now piss off so I can do my homework in _peace_.”

“Nerd.”

“Sick burn from the guy hopelessly in love with my sister!” David says blandly, sitting at his desk and opening his work. Somehow he’s still able to catch the pillow Jake takes from Amy’s bed to throw at him before climbing out, mumbling to himself.

Climbing now into Alex’s room, he groans as he slides to the floor. “Teddy sucks. David sucks. I _suck_.”

“Title of your sex tape?” Alex snorts, before spacing out to think about his joke. “That was bad.”

“That _was_ bad. Leave the sex tape jokes to me.” Jake shakes his head, before snorting himself, “Title of _my_ sex tape? I can’t keep track anymore.”

“You must have spiralled hard to not be able to crack a good sex tape joke.” Alex says, “Title of your sex tape? You know what, I’m gonna stop trying.”

“Good plan.” Jake rolls over so he’s facing Alex again.

“You owe me ten bucks.” Alex drops to the ground so they’re lying down together. “You lost, dude.”

“I only have seven fifty, Al, and I need money to get Amy’s gift can I _please_ owe you?” Jake groans again, resting on his elbows.

“I’m gonna regret this but okay.” Alex laughs, “What do you want to do?”

Jake only shrugs. Preferably, he’d like to curl up in a ball and think about what Teddy might have planned for their _stupid_ anniversary. What can a 14 year old boy possibly do? Jake knows what he would do. Jake would first take her to get potato pancakes and hot chocolate from her favourite Polish restaurant (that he couldn’t pronounce if it could save his life) and considering it was _December_ , Amy is likely freezing her ass off. Then he would take her somewhere warm and cute, probably the state library. He would hold her hand and give her everything she loves before they go to Sal’s for dinner. Amy may _claim_ to hate the display temperature pizza but he’s seen how she inhales it when it comes out fresh from the oven. 

But Amy was with Teddy, and Jake had to get over that. He had to get over Amy. He made a vow, and he had to keep it, even if he was only her friend. “I don’t know. Got any ideas?”

“ _So many_. I have an official ‘ _Getting over feelings for your best friend list_ ’ that we’re doing today.” Alex sits up again, pulling a list off his bed and biting his lip.

“Alex, I’m trying to _get over_ Amy. And you make such an _Amy_ type list…” Jake sighs, ripping the list from Alex’s hands and begins reading. “ _Do homework_?? Are you dumb Alex? This is a serious question.”

“Okay, fine. Maybe some of the list are things you need to do, but it’s a distraction regardless.” Alex laughs again, putting one hand on his shoulder, “I’ll let you complain while doing your homework unlike Amy.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason!” Jake laughs, leaning momentarily into Alex and not quite catching the blush rising on Alex’s cheeks. “I hate homework, but we’re getting food after this.”

“Or we can get food now?”

“Now sounds _amazing_.”

~

Amy plans their little friend Christmas party exactly one month before Christmas. Ten dollar maximum, or homemade gifts. Jake’s nana had been graceful enough to offer to host and feed them for a few hours. They’ve done this for years; first it was just her, Jake and Gina, but gradually more people joined their small friend circle. This year Teddy would be joining her, and it made Amy nervous. The reaction from the rest of the group was hardly preferably, Amy might even say it was quite the disastrous reaction. But they came around, because they’re her friends and she really does like Teddy.

Teddy seems to like everyone as well, trying to fit in when he can. He especially tries to joke around with Jake who is the _least_ receptive to him. She recalls one time Teddy had made the worst possible title of your sextape joke, and Jake was silent the rest of the school day. Ignoring the both of them. It was dumb and immature, but Teddy was also not the funniest person. But he was comfortable, and an okay kisser, and nice. They had reasonable fun together, walks in the park and feeding birds, doing homework together and winning her second attempt at becoming class president.

Amy likes Teddy. Amy _doesn’t_ like how much Jake dislikes Teddy. She spends time she should be using to sleep trying to figure out how to fix it. To figure out _why_. Teddy is perfectly nice and Jake is her best friend, and if Jake doesn’t like him then she doesn’t know if a relationship could last with Teddy.

She’s hoping that the pure _joy_ of Christmas brings out a nicer attitude towards Teddy from Jake, that maybe they can get along. Amy knows she’s setting her expectations unreasonably high, but _maybe_ it could happen. If she still believed in Santa she would just ask him, but Santa was ruined _many_ years ago by David. 

Amy watches Jake and Gina as they chaotically decorate the small tree in the middle of Nana’s living room, screaming along to the Christmas carols playing in the apartment. “Amy, please watch your hands when you cut the carrots.”

“Sorry, Nan.” Amy shakes herself out her thoughts, continuing to slice the carrot in front of her into quarters. 

“Jake was telling me how excited he is to give you your gift this year.” Nana tells her happily, “He worked very hard on it.”

“Really? I couldn’t find the limited edition Ninja Turtles figure he wanted, so I got him some other dumb present.”

“He’ll love it because it’s from you.” Nana smiles, “So Jake told me you have a boyfriend coming.”

“Yeah, Teddy.” Amy begins to tell her all about him, including her worries about Jake and Teddy not getting along. It’s amazing how easily she’s able to soothe her anxieties so quickly. “I just hope it goes well.”

“It will, sweetheart.” Nana tells her, and minutes later the first of their guests arrive. She knows it’s Teddy, because he’s the only one that _would_ be on time besides her.

Nana’s apartment is soon filled with noisy teenagers, chattering or putting their presents under the tree. Amy doesn’t get to see how Teddy and Jake get along, as she’s busy playing her favourite role as the host but when he comes to the counter to grab a handful of chips, he’s smiling. 

“Ames, this may be my first Christmas party of yours I’ve been to, but I’m certain this is your best one _to date_.” Teddy had followed closely behind Jake. At the sound of her nickname she can see Jake tense, and it even gives her an odd feeling. 

“Wrong.” Jake says, mouth full of potato chips. “Christmas of ‘91. Gina punched David, Amy’s grandpa gave all of us fifty bucks and did I mention Gina _punched the crap_ outta David?”

“Please Jake, that party was a disaster!” Amy groans, “David bled into my potato salad-”

“Which was awful.” Jake interrupts, mouth still full of chips. “ _What_? I tasted it pre-blood nose.”

“Jake!” Amy slaps his hand away from taking more potato chips before she continues, “It was awful, so I appreciate your compliment, Teddy.”

“I mean it all, Amy.” Teddy says with a squeeze to her hand, “Awesome party.”

“Okay but like, _that_ party was a disaster! But it was memorable!” Jake defends, his hand creeping back to the chip bowl. “Every party you throw is the best party, Ames.”

Amy blushes at this, and before she can tuck her hair behind her ears she has to slap his hand away from the bowl. At that, Nana has to take the bowl away ‘ _so he has room for the main course_ ’ and Jake just complains before running back to where the rest of their friends are hanging out.

Gina is already looking through all the presents, shaking and listening for what is in every single one of them (even ones that aren’t hers). Jake starts trying to convince everyone why they should open the presents first - it’s not hard to convince a bunch of teenagers, but he continues with his passionate pitch regardless. 

“I believe that all of us teamed _together_ , we can convince Amy that _presents_ rank dinner!”

“Never thought I’d hear Jake Peralta put food anywhere below first place on his list of favourite things.” Rosa snorts with a fake look of surprise. 

“Dummy, you know my list goes one, Amy. Two, _Die Hard_ and three, food.” Jake keeps his focus on his friends in front of him because he really doesn’t _want_ to know how Amy is reacting to his list that he definitely spent time thinking about. 

“Who are _you_ calling dummy, dummy?” Rosa snarls and at the same time Charles whines; 

“I’m not even top 3!?”

“Don’t worry, I'm sure you’re top 10.” Alex pats Charles on the shoulder, all the while keeping him standing. 

“Yes, Charles you’re top 10 because I definitely made that list up right now!” Jake chuckles nervously as he continues, “Plus I think I ate too many chips and I can’t think about eating Christmas ham…”

“ _How did you get_ more _chips?_ ” Amy groans, “Doesn’t matter. We’re eating now because I know you’ll eat anyway.”

“Yeah, come on guys, let’s follow the schedule Amy worked hard to make!” Teddy steps in, his arm wrapped around her shoulder. 

Jake looks away again, and Gina groans from her dramatic placement on the couch. “We’ve been following her schedule for _six years_ I don’t think much will change now.”

Gina is right in the end. It’s not long before Nana announces that their food is ready and Amy is escorting everyone to their neatly written place cards. As soon as he’s sat down Jake is digging into the ham, gathering a huge pile of just about _everything_. Amy shakes her head at him and when he takes a moment to glance up from his plate, he pokes his tongue out at Amy. 

The seemingly telepathic conversation happens quick, a few looks and smiles and they’re laughing at each other across the table. Teddy is the only one shocked by this, having not known them for a long time meaning he didn’t understand the full extent of their bond. Everyone else at the table was used to the sudden outbursts of laughter from them and Teddy is desperate for an explanation as Amy begins to snort. 

“The _turkey leg_ , Amy!” Jake screeches, drooping his fork onto his plate.

“Jake, I can’t breathe! How is it this funny _every time_?” Amy is still snorting, and Teddy spots a tear fall as everyone around them chuckles, but not as hard as Jake and Amy. 

“I don’t understand, this is a ham.” Teddy leans over to Gina, his eyes still on Amy. 

“You see, there was this turkey-”

“GINA _STOP_!”

“I’M GONNA PEE!” 

It takes them another minute of hysterics before they can breathe properly again. Teddy goes without explanation as a precaution to make sure that Jake didn’t _actually_ pee at the dinner table. Still, their meal is filled with occasional giggles from both Jake and Amy. It’s a pleasant meal, and Amy is pleased once she calms down to see that Teddy is holding a conversation with Charles and Gina - and for more than 5 minutes. 

The end of the meal is signified by Jake falling into his food coma, his head resting in his hands and drool quick to dribble down his chin. It was like this every year, so it would be less than ten minutes before Jake was awake. 

“Presents?” Jake mumbles, opening one of his eyes like he just had a full nights sleep.

His attitude changes before she can take another breath, and he’s running ahead of everyone to get the best seat - right next to the tree. “I dibs being Santa this year!”

“Whore you _know_ I’m best at being Santa. Get off my chair!” 

“ _Neither_ of you are being Santa.” Amy huffs, pushing on Jake’s shoulders so he’ll roll off the chair, “That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.”

Amy reaches for the hat in Jake’s hands but he pulls his hand back. “Jake.”

“Amy.”

“Give me the hat.” Amy growls, staring down at him from the arm of the chair.

“No, I’m Santa.” Jake insists, patting his bloated stomach. “I’ve got the looks down.”

Amy reaches for the hat again and it’s then Jake rolls off the couch again, onto the floor where he manages to shove the hat down his pants. “Try to get it off me now!”

There’s more yelling as Amy jumps onto Jake attempting to pin him down, or figure out a way for him to take the hat out of his damn pants. Teddy watches this from behind everyone with a quiet curiosity. Their dynamic almost like a sibling rivalry, but deeper? There was so much more to it that made his gut drop in jealousy. They were fighting, but also laughing and everyone around them was cheering them on like they were part of it.

Teddy couldn’t help but feel out of it. He knew her friends didn’t like him, but he liked her _so much_ that he would really do anything to fit in. So he cheers for Amy and watches her pin him down before allowing him to be Santa. “You do realise this means you can’t open your present till the _very end_?”

Jake scoffs as he pulls the hat out of his pants, carefully placing it on his head so his curls aren’t completely covered. “I’m in charge here, so I say who gets their presents when. And Amy Santiago, you get them last.”

“That’s just plain unfair. I organised this whole thing.” Amy sits next to Teddy who’s rested on the arm rest. Jake takes his seat on the main chair, poking his tongue out before clearing his throat.

So Jake sticks to his word, everyone receiving their presents before he even spares a glance at Amy. It pisses Teddy off a bit, watching as Jake finally looks at her with a humorous raise of his eyebrows and picks up his own present. “Jake, if you wouldn’t mind I would really like to give Amy her gift now.”

“Teddy, it’s fine let him do-”

“No, _Amy_. He’s being so unfair, you worked hard to put this together and he won’t give you your present?” Teddy’s anger is growing as he talks, and Jake just looks at him with this stupid smug look. It’s not even important to him. 

“Well, _Theodore_ , may I call you that?” Jake chortles, bending over the side of the couch to pick up a few presents. “I was saving Amy for last since she deserves the best and you save the best for last don’t you?”

“I mean, I guess. You’re just being a bit of a _jerk_.” Teddy emphasised, causing the whole room to go silent. Amy’s eyes flick towards the both of them, her breathing shallow. It turns out it could get worse for Amy.

“Teddy, please. He’s just messing around, this is how we do things.” Amy’s hand is on his wrist, and he can see that she’s laughing and he’s just _so confused_. 

“But he’s-”

“My best friend who likes to tease me.” Amy laughs again, trying to calm down Jake with a touch of her hand to his knee. “Trust me, I get him right back.”

Teddy looks down at her hand, and back to her. She looks as if she’s done something wrong, and her hand slides off Jake’s knee and to her side. Teddy then sees as Jake looks almost _sad_ at the loss of her touch, and it just makes him more upset. What kind of friends are _that_ close? _Especially_ between a boy and a girl? It made no sense to him.

Teddy blinks, and Jake’s demeanor has changed rapidly once again, suddenly back to his cocky and _infuriating_ state. “Amy gets me, we’re just that in sync.” Jake shakes his head with a grin, “But to applease-”

“Appease.” Amy interrupts.

“To _appease_ you my lord, I shall give Queen Amelia her present from you before I open my own.” 

Jake looks through her small pile, and everyone around them is chattering. He forgets they’re all there because all he can focus on is _Amy_ and her weird relationship with _Jake_. Something does break through his focus though, and that’s Gina saying in a soft spoken voice, “This is why I should have been Santa. This weird crap would never happen.”

When Jake finds it, he throws the small parcel with a grin to Teddy. “Ho ho ho, Amelia!”

“I’m going to take away your present if you continue calling me Amelia.” Amy makes a stupid face at Jake, which he reciprocates with no hesitation. Amy smiles up at Teddy, who still looks uncomfortable by their whole interaction, but he relaxes when she begins to neatly open the wrapping paper. 

Amy is quiet as she examines the small box, opening it and looking at the beautifully engraved locket inside. It’s… Pretty. But Amy had never really been a jewellery person. The only jewellery she _owned_ was the necklace given to her when her abuela died, and even then she only wore it on special occasions. Like Christmas. 

Amy has to quickly calculate the appropriate reaction, a skill she learned from Gina years ago when her brothers kept on getting her the _worst_ presents but she wanted to be nice. “I _love_ it, Teddy.” Amy squeals slightly, but she falters only _slightly_ when opening the locket and finding a picture of Teddy inside. “ _Oh_ , it’s a picture of you! How cute.”

Amy glares subtly at Jake, who she can hear stifling a laugh with his hand. Quickly wiping the look off her face, she stands up in her seat slightly and presses the lightest of kisses to Teddy’s cheek. “Thank you, Teddy bear.”

“Anything for you _snookums_!” Jake makes a gagging noise, and Amy’s head whips around to glare at him again.

“Good lord, can we move on from this?” Alex groans, “Stop with the pet names, I don’t want to throw up all the food I’ve ever eaten.”

Everyone agrees, more so Jake than anyone who had just looked _distraught_ to an extent. He had tried to cover it up with disgusted noises but Amy could see through him, and she always did. He looks happier again as he opens the gift from Amy, his eyes sparkling as he examines the VHS tape in his hands. “ _Title of your sex tape_ …” Jake immediately snorts, and his eyebrows raise in confusion as he looks at her. “Uh, Ames.”

“ _I know_ it’s not that great! Your real gift is late and I had to get _something_ and my dad had a bunch of tapes lying around so I asked to use one-”

“What’s on it?” Jake giggles, a teasing grin now on his face, “What’s the title of my sex tape, Amy?”

“ _What_?!” Amy screeches, “It’s a blank tape you weirdo!”

“Maybe we can put something on it later!” Jake says innocently with a shrug, looking down at the handwriting on the tape. It takes him a moment to realise everyone had gone deathly quiet and looking up again, everyone is staring at him. “What?”

“Jake, that’s very inappropriate. Amy is my _girlfriend_.” Teddy crosses his arms, smoke probably falling from his ears (except they weren’t in a cartoon).

“OH! NO!” Jake laughs nervously, scratching his head and shaking his head. “No no no, I don’t mean! Me and Amy? No, are you _crazy_? She’s your girlfriend and _ew_ , Amy. She’s my best friend, that’s _gross_. I just mean- Not sex, okay? I didn’t mean sex - I’ve only kissed one girl for crying out loud! I meant regular tape things that you put on a tape!”

Everyone around them is still shocked into silence, Jake continuing to ramble and defend himself. He only stops when Amy begins to laugh, “Jake, you’ve kissed two girls. Don’t be so hard on yourself!”

“‘ _Don’t be so hard on yourself’_ TITLE OF YOUR SEX TAPE!” Alex whoops from the corner, obviously proud of his joke despite the mood of the room.

“Um, no, I’ve only kissed one girl…” Jake laughs, his cheeks turning a bright shade of pink.

“ _No_ there was two!” Amy scoffs, “You really do have the memory of a goldfish.”

“We know about Sophia, but who else, Jakey?” Charles seems to have teleported next to Jake out of overeager curiosity. “ _Ohhh_ ! Was it _Amy_?”

Jake and Amy both choke and sputter, trying to think of _anything_ to say. No one could know that they kissed, it was only _practice_. There was no reason anyone but herself and Jake needed to know. “I uh, _did_ , kiss Sophia but uh, the other girl was… Um.”

“Uh, it was Jenny Gildenhorn you dummy!” Amy snorts, punching him a _little too hard_ on his arm. “You know, _before_ Eddie Fung.”

“Oh, of course!” Jake rubs his arm where Amy had just _definitely_ bruised him, but laughs anyway. “I must have blocked it out from the heartbreak or betrayal. There was lots of tongue.”

“Ew. Not necessary.” Rosa grimaces slightly, “Should we move on from the presents? I need a break… forever.”

Amy protests since she was the only one who hadn’t received her presents, and Jake easily complied and laughed as Rosa pulled her beanie over her head. “She doesn’t need to be here for this.”

So Amy opens her gifts one by one, showing the same amount of gratitude for every person. Jake stares down at the last present in his hands, looking confused and unsure as he fiddles with the messy ribbon. “Is that mine?” Amy asks quietly, quick to notice the change in his demeanor once again.

“Yeah, uh, yeah. Here you go.” Jakes passes it to her with a nervous smile, avoiding eye contact with everyone but Amy. He especially avoids Teddy’s eyes, because he knows how much he isn’t liked by Teddy, especially after today. He doesn’t want more attention from him. Amy also remains quiet as the reads the letter, not even aware that Teddy was reading over her shoulder.

_Dear Amy,_

_Six Christmases. I’ve known you for six Christmases. I didn’t know we could become better friends but here we are. I love you, Ames. You’re my best friend forever._

_I struggled with a gift this year. I couldn’t spend much so your dad actually helped me with this. It’s a crossword puzzle with stuff only we’d know, like inside jokes like the TURKEY LEG. I couldn’t include it because when your dad tried to get a clue out of me I couldn’t stop laughing and he just left me to make it myself._

_But yeah, I feel like it’s special and I worked hard on it. Plus I got some of those fancy pens you like so you can use them to fill it out._

_Mcclanely,_ _  
_ _Jake_

Amy only takes a quick glance at the crossword in front of her, examining the pen set as well before she jumps off the couch to hug him. “This is so thoughtful and sweet, Jake! I love this so much!” 

She’s squealing, and she squeezes him so hard that his face is squished on his shoulder to a point of looking ridiculous. Teddy was watching from where he remained, and he’s squinting at them - not so much glaring, but just observing. Observing how Jake’s cheeks have never felt this hot and how he could probably _hear_ his heartbeat right in that second, and observing how _happy_ Amy was with the gift, the most genuine reaction he had seen from any of the presents.

“I was thinking we could do it together? Tonight?” Jake shrugs, his eyes only focused on Amy again.

“Why don’t we do it now?” Teddy suggests, and it feels just _awkward_. 

“Uh, no?” Amy squeaks, “I saw _one_ of the clues, and you know, you just wouldn’t _get it_.”

Teddy feels only confusion, and he watches as Amy makes eye contact with Jake and suddenly she has this _shy_ smile on her face. He’s seen that smile before too, after he kissed her on their first date. But there was _no way_ that was the same reason she was smiling at him like that. They were just close, they just smile at each other like that sometimes. Amy liked Teddy, and he really liked her back. 

But Teddy remains confused, and the party just continues on. 

~

The Christmas party _could_ have gone better. Amy isn’t sure exactly what she had expected. Going into it, she was aware of her friends’ vague dislike for her boyfriend. She also knew her friends were crazy, and it was rare when her plans didn’t descend into chaos. It seemed to always work out for her, but the only thing she had really wanted was for Jake to get along with Teddy.

But it got worse. Not only did Jake appear to feel the same about Teddy, but now Teddy had given up on trying to be friends with Jake. He still spent the whole afternoon holding her hand, and defending her when Jake was being an idiot. Which Amy didn’t need it, and she made sure to let him know that when they were saying goodbye. Teddy had been pissed, and he finally spoke his mind about not liking Jake. 

The _audacity_ for Teddy to even bring it up. To say he doesn’t like the way Jake was treating her? He doesn’t even _know_ Jake, he had no right to judge him. So she just had her first fight with her boyfriend, it was not a big deal, right? They would smooth things out with each other when they next saw each other, or they wouldn’t. 

But she did want them to work out, she liked Teddy and they really did have a good time when Jake wasn’t around. Jake was her best friend, and she doesn’t know how to not talk about him - he’s a big part of his life and it’s a learning process for her. Amy loves learning.

Amy knows the stress of the evening will dissipate once she joins Jake on the fire escape, but now she was every possible reiteration of the word tense. Jake had been there throughout the whole debacle, standing to the side and not even _listening_ but it still annoyed Teddy to no end. If Teddy couldn’t handle Jake being her best friend then their relationship certainly wouldn’t last, and it was a long conversation she planned to draft out the next day in her journal. 

She didn’t need to worry about Jake; he might not like her boyfriend which _was_ problematic to an extent, but she knew he would be supportive as long as she was happy. Her stress becomes obsolete when she finds him reading on the fire escape. “Jimmy Brogan again?”

“ _The Squad_ is the best book I own, Ames. It’s the best book in the universe.” Jake sighs happily, folding the corner of his page and dropping it into his lap.

“That’s debatable, and for another time.” Amy shakes her head as she sits down, crossword in hand. “ _Now_ , we’re doing this together.”

“Nuh-uh, I’m not helping you cheat.” Jake scoffs, opening his book again. “You’re the smart one, you can do it yourself.”

“I didn’t mean, _with_ your help, just while I’m _with_ you.” Amy rolls her eyes, “You can continue reading if you want to so bad.”

Jake does continue reading for a short while after she sits down, just to give her a chance to properly read her clues. There wasn’t a chance for her while she was at the party, being the host and because her boyfriend didn’t get along with her dumb friends so he had to hover next to her the whole time. She was lucky she had seen _one_ clue, enough to tell her that this was a very personal gift that her boyfriend definitely couldn’t see. 

Her eyes scanned down to the final clue, just to make sure she hadn’t been imagining it.

  1. _The kiss_



Amy takes another deep and shaky breath reading it again. She wonders if this means that _Jake_ thinks about it like she does. It usually comes to the forefront of her mind whenever she can’t sleep at night, or after the few times she’d kissed Teddy in the few months they had been dating. It was a lot. Surely Jake wasn’t really thinking about the kiss in any capacity beyond the joke of a cute gift. He had to go and be _cute_ about _everything_ , didn’t he?

She purposefully shudders to shake herself out of these thoughts. They were dangerous, thinking about her best friend potentially thinking about them kissing for more than practice in a _romantic_ capacity. It was too much. Her body continued to convulse after this, but this time it was because of how cold she was. Jake immediately takes action, is _cute_ about it, and takes off one of his layers to rest over her shoulders. He continues reading as if the cold didn’t bother him and she really does want to smack the stupid grin off his face. 

  1. _Your nickname_



“Too easy.” Amy mumbles with a smile, filling out _AMES_ with her brand new pen. 

“ _Too easy_.” Jake mocks, smiling and eyes still focused on his book. “Title of your sextape.”

Amy purses her lips at this, trying to keep her own chuckle to herself. “Number two, our favourite brother… None of them?”

“Don’t be mean, Ames. One of them is _okay_.”

“Oh yeah,” Amy laughs, writing her answer down. “Luis is chill.” 

“Go on.” Jake finally puts his book down, more focused on watching her figure it out than his third reread of _The Squad_. “Number three.”

Amy’s eyebrows crinkle as she reads the third clue and the more she stares at it, the more annoyed she is. “Jake, Orangina doesn’t fit here.”

“That’s because orangina is _wrong_.” Jake chortles, “The answer is _soda._ ”

“For the last time, orangina and orange soda _are_ the same! Fizzy, carbonated and orange flavour!” Amy argues, but she’s smiling regardless at how _cute_ the whole thing was. “I’m ignoring this one, because it’s wrong.”

“Amy Santiago! You would _not_ just skip over a crossword answer, when you know it’s _right_!” Jake acts to be genuinely offended, his hand clutching the shirt over his heart and looking to the sky. “Plus you need it for the next answer.”

“ _Fine_ , I’ll write it down. But orangina is still better!” Amy reiterates, rolling her eyes and writing the answer. “Gina agrees with me.”

“Gina only agrees because the drink has _her name_ in it. So foolish.” Amy raises her hand at this, pointing at him with a wide eyed, intense look. He only copies her, and they stay like that for a moment before she concedes with another roll of her eyes. 

She works quickly through the next answers. _Sixty seven_ suggestions for our gang name, which Amy had reprimanded for not blocking out the space in the answer. The next clue had her confused for a minute, but when she got it she had been over the moon with excitement. _Oui oui, beep beep._ It was the French horn of all things, she had just started learning the instrument so she could join the school band when they entered high school. Jake is always there for her practices, to tease her about her excitement but mostly to be the best encouraging friend he can be. 

The next answer was a jab at her not remembering his turtle Graham Crackers, and it earns him another concealed grin and eye roll with no further comment. 

_Something I’ve only said to you and my mom_. Four letter word, connected to French horn. Amy thinks hard about this one, it seems more genuine than the previous clues. 

“Jake,” Amy’s trying not to melt on the spot. It’s not a very common occurrence for Jake to make himself vulnerable on purpose. Of course she’s seen him like this many times, it was a privilege of being his best friend. Regardless, it warms her heart to see these words on the paper. He loves her, familial love, of course. “Don’t be silly, you say you love John McClane all the time!”

“Ha ha. You know exactly what I mean.” Jake’s face is serious, but soft enough that he doesn’t seem angry, and it stirs that strange feeling in her stomach again. 

“I do.” Amy agrees, finally filling out the four letters. _L o v e_. 

Now she was up to the one she had peeked at when she first opened the gift. Number eight, the _kiss_. A number that already had an _A_ and _I_ in it. But what was their kiss? Was he trying to ask her, trying to figure out what it meant? Because it meant nothing, but nothing didn’t work - not enough letters and there was no A or I. _Amazing?_ No, the letters were in the wrong place.

 _What the hell was Jake thinking?_ She had been staring at this final clue for more than a few minutes now, and she could feel Jake staring at her with the same intensity she could feel inside. Maybe he _was_ asking her what it meant? Her mind had gone completely blank of her extensive vocabulary.

It’s so silent and tense in the moment that she swears she can hear his voice crack, like he was going to say something before he snaps his mouth shut. But then the memory comes back again, and she remembers what the word was. _Practice_ kiss - he had been helping her practice. Amy writes it down with an internal sigh of relief that there weren’t any weird feelings being thrown into the fire of teenage hormones. 

Her heart swells when she looks up at Jake again, he’s smiling and his expression softer than ever. “This is the best Christmas gift, thank you.”

Amy moves in for a hug, and it’s so warm despite his having lost a layer due to her never ending coldness. It lasts a few long seconds and somehow when they separate the tension she felt before returns, and it’s ten times thicker than before. Her hands remain on his biceps, and her breathing feels shallow. She feels like she’s losing control over the situation as the butterflies that she hadn’t felt with Teddy rage inside her.

 _What is happening?_ Does Jake want to kiss her again too? His eyes flicker down to her mouth before he makes eye contact with her again, and this was _bad_. Amy has a boyfriend. Amy couldn’t be thinking about kissing another boy, especially her best friend. She wished she had a moment to process why she was feeling like this, why her body moved closer to his like a magnet. She needed to figure out why she didn’t care about Teddy in this moment, and why her eyes were fluttering closed as their faces got close enough for their lips to touch. 

“Uh, hey guys.” Alex clears his throat from down below, “Sorry to interrupt, but I really need to talk to Jake.” 

“Oh, yeah. No problem. I’ll be down in a quick second, immediately, right now. Cool cool _cool_. Bye Amy.”

Amy had never really understood the meaning of feeling like she just had a bucket of ice poured over someone’s head, and her brothers had actually _done that_ once. So many feelings flew around her brain as she watched Jake climb down the ladder and through Alex’s living room window. It was mostly guilt. She almost cheated on her boyfriend, with her best friend? This was a teenage drama hell she didn’t want to be living in. 

She didn’t want to have feelings for her best friend. 

So with a heavy heart, she climbs into her bed with her journal to start drafting a letter she _really_ doesn’t want to write. 

~

“Are you out of your _goddamn mind!?_ ” Alex screeches once safely in his bedroom. “Where do you think kissing Amy is gonna get you?”

“I’m _sorry_. We got lost, there was the crossword and then a _moment_.” Jake hides his face in his legs, groaning loudly. “I fucked it up didn’t I?”

“She’s your best friend. You’ve either screwed this up forever or you’ll work through it like you always do.” Alex sits quietly next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Amy loves you too much to let an almost kiss ruin your friendship.”

“You think so?” Jake’s eyes are teary, he knows the severity of the situation now. Alex smiles at him sadly, wiping the tears so they don’t soak anyone's clothing. 

“100% yes.”

Alex knows Jake and Amy would make it just fine - and this is because he knows what would ruin a friendship. What he’s afraid will ruin his friendship with Jake. Stupid crushes, and lists on how to get over said crushes. He’s not surprised he will have to revise it over again, not just for Jake, but himself too. 

It made sense to Alex when he first developed his crush on Jake. He had never felt any real affection for a girl. But Jake was one of a kind, all he wanted to do was be around him and to see him smile. So when he did his research, and he learned all about sexuality - it made sense.

He had no trouble accepting this about himself, because it was the only thing that made sense. Alex was afraid of the consequences of being himself. He’d seen the news, kids being beaten or _killed_ for being gay. Kids getting disowned or sent to church camps for their sexuality. People losing friends because they were gay. 

Alex didn’t want to lose his friends. He lost his mom, so his dad and his friends were all he had - he couldn’t bare to lose them because he liked boys.

So Alex made lists, figuring out how to not like Jake. Trying to make a _pros_ list about girls. Doing anything to make his reality _not_ reality. Even if it was the only thing that made sense to him.

“So I guess we should start another list?”

~

It was almost midnight when Jake makes his way back up the fire escape, drained of all emotional and physical energy. _He almost kissed Amy again_ , certain that he wouldn’t have regretted it. Amy _was_ leaning into it as well, she obviously wanted to kiss him back. But Amy had Teddy, a boyfriend. A boyfriend that was not Jake. It was a confusing loop in his brain that he knew that him and Amy would have an uncomfortable a long talk about. 

Sleep. That’s what Jake needed. 

There’s a note stuck to his window when he reaches his room, and it warms his heart to see Amy’s signature ‘letter handwriting’ scrawled out on the paper. He knew she was likely telling them that they needed to talk about what happened. It makes his stomach turn, hopefully it was a good talk and he hadn’t actually screwed up their relationship. 

Years ago he made a vow to always be her best friend, and in turn that meant not hurting her. He couldn’t break that promise.

_Dear Jake,_

_No doubt you also want to talk about what happened a few hours ago. Myself, I’m confused._

_I don’t know what came over me. We both are aware I have a boyfriend but I almost kissed you? That’s wrong, and you are my best friend in the whole world. If I messed that up I don’t know what I’d do._

_So I’ve come to a conclusion._

_We need to take a break from each other. Just for the rest of winter break. I need to figure out what I’m feeling and what any of this means. I think you need to do the same. Our friendship is way too important to me and I need to make sure we’re both on the same page about that. That’s what we are. Friends. I think._

_I’m confused. This is why we need time apart. So I must formally uninvite you from my family’s New Years Day brunch, and I know Alex can help you with the holiday reading and questions we were given._

_I love you so much, Jake, and this is why we need to do this._

_Forever your best friend,_ _  
_ _Amy._

He wouldn’t break that promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you ask, no. I don't know the turkey story. I want to know the turkey story.
> 
> Also yes, I apparently can't keep away from angst. But they're in their teenage years, so how do I avoid this?
> 
> I thrive off hate comments or compliments, you choose, I'll eat them up.


	10. i know you all over again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from i know you all over again by trixie mattel 
> 
> _And I'm growing older  
>  I know that we're over  
> The way we'd always have been  
> And then I see you...  
> And I know you all over again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i recieved a LOT of love for alex in the last chapter! i'm so glad you guys like him as well because i wanted to include him quite a bit more, and starting now he will be. he's my babie so enjoy him <3

_Dear Amy,_

_I wish you would change your mind about this._

_What happened, it was nothing. We were just tired or something, and nothing really happened. It was just an almost kiss._

_Remember when your grandma died? This is the worst way to bring that up but I was just thinking about your grandpa telling us how he always made sure that if he and your grandma had a fight that they would make sure to talk about it. So we need to talk about it, or I can shove it to the deepest depths of my brain and we can pretend it never happened. Whatever you want. I can’t lose you because of this, being your friend is more important than anything._

Jake sighs, scrunching up the paper in front of him and burying his face in his hands. “Amy is so much better at words. I wish I could ask her to write this for me.”

He looks to Alex sitting on the floor by his bed, quietly plucking at the strings of his guitar. “Don’t underestimate yourself, Jake. You always know what to say when you need to.”

“Well, I _need to_ now but I’m coming up blank.” Jake turns around, his leg bounces as his entire body radiates pure stress. “I can’t believe I screwed this up. Why did I try to kiss her?”

“Take a deep breath, Jake. How about we try for a musical apology?” Alex jokes with a genuine nod, his fingers changing so he was strumming a different tune.

_Hey Amy,_

_I’m really sorry I tried to kiss ya_

_Why don’t we talk about it instead of it breaking your brain_

_Plus Alex is really annoyed we can’t see The Lion King_

_Especially because he’s heard great things about it_

_So why don’t we talk about it instead of being super lame_

Alex stops singing, looking up at Jake with a smile and raised brows, ready for his praise. Jake only lets out a little chuckle, “I’m sorry, Al.”

“No it’s okay, it wasn’t my best work.” Alex shrugs, moving his hands behind his head, “Not enough rhyming, I’ll work on it.”

“I mean I’m sorry I’ve been such a downer.” Jake sinks onto the floor, making his way next to Alex. “I’m just really…”

“Scared? Of losing your best friend. I know.” Alex sighs, knowing all too well what that fear felt like. “Look, I just think you need to take a breath, relax and possibly give Amy her space.”

“What if she decides she doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore?”

“She won’t. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, she’s not gonna throw away years of friendship over this.” Alex pats Jake’s hand with only a slight hesitation, smiling again softly. “I say we go play some video games at the arcade, get some pizza. Relax. My treat.”

“Your dad’s treat.” Jake snorts, “Don’t act as if you’re richer than I am.”

~

Alex tries to hide how much money his dad really had. Most of his friends back in Pennsylvania wanting to hang out with him because he could buy all the candy he wanted. A dead mom and many cavities later, he was in New York and saved his pocket money instead of flaunting it in front of his friends. 

So Jake’s face when Alex pulls out his wallet is priceless, even more so when he puts all his one dollar notes in the machine to get change. “We’re going _all out_.” 

“Alex, I need you to be honest with me…” Jake says quietly, gripping his elbow. “Did you rob a bank?”

“ _No!_ ” Alex screeches with laughter, collecting his change from the machine.

“It’s time to bring out my detective skills to _detect the truth_ …” Jake puts his fingers together for a moment, before laughing and taking half the coins out of Alex’s hand. “But first, let’s race!”

So Jake drags Alex to _every_ game in the arcade. It’s fair for the most part, both having their epic wins and embarrassing losses. Alex comes across his worst loss yet about an hour into their arrival at the arcade. Jake claimed it to be his favourite game in the whole arcade, because he could pretend to be a cop, even if it was just a hunting game. 

Alex _expects_ to lose at this one, with no doubt whatsoever. He didn’t quite anticipate how _bad_ he would lose. Seventeen points to _two_. Jake has to bite his fist to stop the roarous laughter making his entire body shake, and while it makes Alex blush, he can’t help but laugh along with him. “Teach me how to hunt deer better!”

“Well, I don’t like to think of them as deer, but instead they’re a serial killer. You know, justice for murdering Bambi’s mom!” Jake says as he puts more quarters in and adjusts his plastic gun. “So just watch and learn.”

Alex watches, and he really tries his best to learn. Jake moves so fast and expertly, like he’s really a cop searching for a criminal, but really Alex knows that Jake has just played this game so much. But still, the way he’s focused reminds Alex of how he feels when he’s playing guitar. It was a confusing comparison, so he shakes himself out of it before Jake turns to find him staring. He puts in his own quarters in, attempting and failing to hit more than two deer again. 

Jake simply chuckles again and bounces on his feet, “Do you need some more help?”

“I’m a bit hopeless so yes please.” Alex chuckles despairingly, watching as Jake puts more quarters in and helps him to adjust the fake gun on his shoulders before stepping behind him.

“Is this okay?” Jake puts one hand on Alex’s shoulder, the other hardly touching his hand. Alex is glad the the arcade is mostly empty so no one could see the intense blush turning him into a tomato; but he manages to nod. “Okay, so you want to focus on the red circle on the screen, not where the gun is facing but aim with the cursor.”

“Like this?” Alex focuses on the screen in front of him before pulling the trigger a few times, only missing a couple unlike previous rounds. “I did it!”

Jake hugs him from the side, squeezing his shoulders as he cheers before he readies himself for another round. It gives Alex a moment to breathe, and to make sure he doesn’t pass out from how fast his heart had been beating during that interaction. Glancing at Jake, he looks to be just as red as he feels _but_ the heat was blasting and there were so many other reasons Jake could be flushed as well. Any reason but what Alex was feeling; and Jake liked Amy anyway. The sound effects of the game pull him out of it, and they’re back into competitive mode.

Alex still loses - but not as horribly as he had been earlier thanks to Jake’s expert training. He makes sure to brag about this as well as winning before Alex drags him to one of the games he _knows_ he can beat him in. Alex beats him at _Streetfighter_ six times before they run out of quarters and decide to finally get pizza.

The walk to Sal’s is filled with lighter chatter, Alex mostly talking about the new songs he was learning on his guitar or a new book he read. It was really like hanging out with Amy except their nerdiness was _different_. But regardless, they both loved learning and their passion for it showed in every interaction Jake experienced with them. Other than _Die Hard_ , it’s what really drew Jake to Alex. He had never cared about learning as much as they did, but something about Amy and Alex made him love it. He’d never admit it or they’d make him do homework - _for fun._

They spend the rest of Alex’s money at Sal’s, after much reassurance that he has more money in his piggy bank and he wouldn’t be dirt poor after their day out. Jake fills up on pizza to a point where he almost falls asleep in it, and Alex has to stop his head from hitting the table too hard. Alex eats slowly, allowing Jake to digest his food without falling asleep. 

Jake smiles down at the carvings on the table that they had all done during their last summer. He had taken Rosa’s pocket knife, thinking he was some rebellious kid carving property that wasn’t his. But then Sal had walked past and gave his approving nod to his most regular customers. It didn’t feel as cool after that _but_ it did get Amy on board, who had refused to break the rules. Jake had carved everyone else’s names but Amy had snatched it out of his hands to carve her own initials right next to his. Now Jake sat in the same seat, tracing her initials and potentially having ruined his friendship with Amy. 

“Stop thinking what you’re thinking.” Alex sang, putting his pizza down. “Amy is still your friend and she always will be.”

“How do you know?” 

“Because the only universe you’re not destined to be best friends is the one where you’re a zombie and shoots your face!” Alex decided confidently, “You two are peanut butter and jelly, just perfect.”

“I like to think I could charm Amy into being my friend _even_ as a zombie!” Jake speculates, a sneaky grin creeping on his face. “I’ll prove it to you.”

Jake begins to groan in his seat, tilting his head to the side and leaving his mouth open. He waves with a floppy wrist and attempts to smile in his zombie state and Alex only chuckles to himself, not giving Jake the satisfaction of his participation. 

But Jake doesn’t relent even when they leave Sal’s, able to show off his excellent zombie limp that he’d been practicing. _Was Jake already thinking about his costume next Halloween?_ Of course. So Jake continues to be his friendly and charming zombie self until he makes Alex burst out into laughter just as they reach their apartment building. 

Alex stops before Jake does, having recognised Amy sitting on the steps of the entrance. Jake notices moments later but freezes when he does notice her. Amy looks up at them, her eyes wide and worried as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. Jake opens his mouth to say _something_ ; to ask if she was okay and if she was ready to talk to him or _anything_. But he doesn’t and Alex walks again so he’s between them and he’s apparently doing the talking for him. 

Amy reveals that she was waiting for Teddy to show up for a date, but he was _late_ which was so _unlike him_ and Jake was ready to implode. He didn’t need to hear about Teddy, not with the image of Amy about to kiss him still so clear in his head. Amy was ultimately right, this space was good for them. Feelings had to be gotten over so their friendship could thrive. Jake had to forget about Amy’s cola flavoured lip gloss, and how stupidly wonderful it felt to kiss her. 

Jake stays quiet throughout the interaction, and eventually he sees Teddy approaching so he tugs Alex’s sleeve. He could handle being near Amy at any time, but being near Teddy _and_ Amy might send him into a coma. Jake waves at Amy with the weakest smile he thinks he’s ever mustered and walks inside with Alex, who immediately wraps his arms around Jake’s shoulders with a comforting squeeze. 

“Do you want to make fun of Teddy? I’ve thought of at least three good insults in the past minute.” 

Alex was the best person. Always putting others needs before his own, and doing anything to make someone happy. There wasn’t a time where Jake couldn’t lean on his shoulder, even when things were good with Amy, sometimes Alex was easier to vent to. Jake almost felt like he wouldn’t appreciate Alex as much when he was with Amy, but the more time they spend together, the more it changes. Not that he loves Amy any less, but rather his love for the both of them grows and he couldn’t be any luckier. 

“It’s okay, Al, I’m with you.”

~

Jake spends the end of 1994 with his mom. She doesn’t push when he says that he just wants to spend it with her since he was ‘fighting’ with Amy and Alex had gone back to Pennsylvania for the new year. So they cuddle on the couch for most of the night, watching the ball drop on their small TV while munching down a large bowl of sweet and salty popcorn. 

Before going to bed he steps out onto the fire escape for just a moment, forgetting. Looking down to her closed window hits him harder than the icy breeze that he’s starting off 1995 without his best friend. Hour nine of the new year and he’s lying in bed with nowhere to go. 

“Jake, get up you need to get ready for the Santiago’s brunch!” His mom gives a quick knock before opening his door and placing her hands on her hips, “You know Amy will be up that fire escape in a minute to make sure you’re ready.”

“No she won’t.” Jake mumbles, burying his face in his pillow. “I’m _uninvited_.”

“I’m sorry?” She’s pulling his blanket off him now, “I can’t understand you when you talk to the pillow.”

“Amy uninvited me. We’re fighting.” Jake still mumbles, but he’s facing her so she can here. “So can I please have my blanket back so I can be sad in my warm bed?”

“Well, Victor and Camila sure seem to be expecting us downstairs in an hour.” She huffs, rolling her eyes but smiling as she ruffles his hair. “Get out of bed and shower.”

“But she _uninvited_ me, mom. That means I’m not invited.” Jake rolls around again which earns and amused noise from his mom.

“Amy can’t just uninvite you, even if you’re fighting.” He peeks at her standing at his door frame, “If you aren’t in the shower in ten minutes, I’ll drag you there.”

Her voice is calm, but Jake _knows_ how serious she’s being. He’s ashamed to admit that it had happened before and it was not something he wanted to experience. Groaning and making sure to share his disdain as he walks past his mother, he gets ready. The day would be mediocre if Jake was lucky, and there would be no further ‘fighting’ with Amy. He would just chill with Luis if it meant he stayed out of the way and gave Amy her space. 

His plan was thwarted when he was suddenly stuck in his mom’s car _with_ Amy and with the dessert she made in the front seat so they had no choice but to sit together in the back. “I don’t know what’s wrong with the two of you but I suggest you put it behind you so we can have a good day!”

Amy begins to obviously chew on her lip, crossing her arms and looking over at him. Jake rests his hand facing up for her to hold if she needed, but she only stares at it for a few seconds before turning her gaze to the passing scenery and somehow biting her lip harder than before. Jake tries to keep his annoyance to himself, looking out his window to the Brooklyn streets. 

He must have been so good to receive a miracle such as no traffic on their way to her abuelo’s house. Sure it’s the longest forty minutes of his life, but at least it wasn’t over an hour like it usually was. Amy _sprints_ out of the car, before his mom can even fully park and Jake hangs back to carry in the dessert. “She’ll come around Jake. I remember life being hard at 13.”

It makes Jake move faster so he can get away from the adults being all knowing, so he can find a Santiago who doesn’t currently hate his guts so much that they can’t bear the sight of him. He ends up being pulled into a game of cops and robbers with the younger of the Santiago brothers, and it keeps him thoroughly distracted. Even if Amy was just on the patio watching him with her abuelo.

~

Amy tries her best not to miss Jake. Even when she has a fight with Teddy because he got too in her business about why she wasn’t talking to Jake. It had been a boring two weeks, just like it always was when they weren’t stuck to the hip. The previous night she had been told she can’t just _uninvite_ Jake without a valid reason; with the reason being that she kissed Jake and now she had all these confusing feelings for him that she definitely couldn’t divulge to her parents. 

So she endures the most painful car ride of her life, every few minutes checking to see if Jake had wiped the sad lost puppy look off his face. He never did. It felt like she was choking on air so when she had the chance to get out of the stuffy but freezing car, she did. Her abuelo saved her with all his hugs and praises about her grades for the first half of the year. 

Her abuelo definitely knows something is wrong, but he’s old and has the wisdom to not ask her about it until they have some quiet. When they do have some privacy from their loud family, she spills every bean she could possibly hold. Besides Jake, her abuelo was probably her most trusted confidant - he was the best listener and gave the best advice every time. 

“You need to share these feelings, mija.” Amy groans when he says this, which only makes him laugh. “The woes of teenage love.”

“ _Love?!_ Abuelo don’t be absurd.” Amy scoffs, her face heating up without her express permission. “It’s just, you know… It’s not _love_.”

“Okay, whatever you say.” He stifles his laughter with his hand, “But you can’t let this go on forever. You’re best friends, don’t let that go. It’s so rare to find a soul that matches your own so well.”

“Like you and abuela?”

“Yes, exactly.” He nods with a soft smile, “You know we were friends for a long time before we got together? And it was vital every time we fought, whether if it was in our friendship or romantic relationship, that we communicated. That’s my advice to you.”

Amy simply thanks him before resting her head on his shoulder, letting his information sink in as they both watched Jake play with her little brothers. So her idea of getting any semblance of space wasn’t working too well, having only felt more confused since she wrote that letter to him. Over anything, she just needed her best friend back. 

It felt bad not having Jake next to her during the fireworks. It was one of their many traditions and she had pushed him away instead of talking about what was wrong in the first place. She knew he wasn’t handling it well either, as she’d been told by Alex. He did his best to make her not feel bad, but she was the one that asked, so it was on her. It was all on her.

She’s shocked out of her thoughts when Carlos runs up to her and tugs on her arm, “Amy! Come play, Jake sucks.”

“Jake _does_ suck, his form is all off.” Abuelo jokes, Jake calling out from afar in protest.

“Sure, I’ll join just to prove how much better I am at playing cop!” Amy makes proper eye contact with Jake for the first time in weeks, his glare turns curious as she jumps up and runs toward him. “Get ready to be caught robber!”

It’s the friendly rivalry she’s been missing for weeks. Just having fun with Jake began lifting her spirit about everything confusing in her mind and she just felt free. It wasn’t weird, not even when she tackles him to the ground and wins for the third time in a row - it’s just them. 

It’s _hours_ before they’re alone together. Well after sunset and when everyone is either in front of the fireplace or reading, or if they’re Manny, passed out on their mother's lap. Amy simple nods her head to the side, and just like clockwork, Jake understands and moves towards the spare bedroom. 

“Hi, Jake.” Amy says quietly when she meets him upstairs only a few moments after he gets there.

“Hi.” Jake averts his eyes, scratching his head before smiling at her again. “Haven’t talked to you since last year.”

Amy lets out one of her more embarrassing laughs before she rushes to wrap her arms around him, hugging him tighter than ever before. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.” Jake whispers, his arms wrapping around her just as firmly.

“I’m sorry for handling things the way I did.” Amy sighs, separating so they can sit on the floor together. “I should have just talked to you like a mature person.”

“Don’t apologise. It was a weird thing, but we’re moving past it?” Amy nods enthusiastically at this, “The most important thing is that we’re talking now.”

Amy relaxes at his smile, it never failed to make her feel warm and happy to see him happy. They were back in sync, the way things should be. 

“Now let me share with you the worst Christmas in the history of my life.” 

Amy isn’t dramatic when she says this. She knows she’s definitely not wrong when she sees every miniscule reaction on Jake’s face. From shock about David buying her a ballerina Cabbage Patch kid doll ( _What are you 5?_ Jake had commented), to pride when she tells him of the wrestling match that she wins and finally to anger when he finds out that she was grounded for a week.

“It didn’t matter anyway. You know, since we weren’t talking…” Amy shrugs, “How about yours?”

“We didn’t do much, since we already did Hanukkah with Nana.” Jake explains casually, “Went for a walk and watched Christmas movies mostly.”

“I’m so glad we’re okay now.” Amy reiterates, “Let’s never do this again over the holidays.”

“I promise to never make things confusing or say stupid things near the holidays.” Jake holds out his pinky which she immediately grabs. “Can’t make any promises for April though…”

“Oh, shut up.”

~

“I DIBS BEING PREGNANT!” Jake yells as he walks into health class first thing in the morning _._

“You can’t be pregnant, Jake.” Amy does her classic eye roll, reserved only for him - which he always takes as a challenge.

So Jake goes to the front bench, taking one of the babies and stuffing it under his shirt. He pauses to smile down at his lumpy ‘bump’ under his shirt. “Oh, I can’t wait for my dearest baby to arrive.”

“Who’s the baby daddy?” Alex chuckles, his arms crossed next to Amy.

“You won’t believe this,” Jake gasped, his hand splayed on his chest. “ _Santiago_ is the father! That’s right, I’m carrying _Amy Jr!_ ”

“Are you saying I knocked you up!?” Amy gives into the bit, responding just as seriously as he dished out.

“You _sure did!_ ”

Their little scene is broken up when their teacher walks into their room, pulling out the baby from Jake by the foot hanging out of his shirt before gesturing them towards their seats. Things had gotten even better since making up with Jake - their friendship remained extremely close despite Amy removing all factors that could be considered romantic, just to prevent further confusion for both of them. In turn, that made things even better with Teddy. 

He had started to get along with everyone in her friendship circle, and Amy even noticed Jake pretending to like Teddy for her sake. She didn’t need to say it, he knew how much she appreciated this. Teddy’s ability to fit in the group was only troublesome when they were in class. There were only so many seats in a row so now Alex sat with Jake at the end of the row while Amy sat next to Jake _and_ Teddy which meant Charles had been forced to sit with Gina and Rosa which only irritated them more. 

“Okay kids, we’re finally on our last topic of health class before you move onto _high school!_ ” Ms. Landon walks to her whiteboard to write the topic in the same dramatic way she always did. “We’ve gone through sex, protection, STD’s, and pregnancy and finally we’re at infancy. And for this, you’ve only got one task.”

The class erupts into excited chatter before Ms. Landon shushes them again, “You’ll be paired with _who I choose_ to look after one of these battery operated babies. They will pee, poop and cry and they are your responsibility for the next two weeks. Hopefully this will deter any teenage pregnancies!”

Most of the class start to complain, but Jake only nudges her with a knowing smile, _they had this in the bag._ Together, her and Jake had more than enough experience in looking after _real_ babies especially when Manny came around. It was going to be so _easy_ to deal with an electronic baby. 

Ms. Landon begins to call out names, pairs walking to the front to collect their babies. “Jake Peralta and Teddy Wells.”

Amy winces at the same time she hears Alex snort; this would either be helpful or absolutely disastrous. Sure, the second half of the school year had been going well but that doesn’t mean Jake and Teddy were ready to work closely on a task for a _whole_ two weeks.

“Okay so Tedster, I’m thinking Blaze Peralta? What do you think?” Teddy rolls his eyes, and not as much of an endearing eye roll as Amy usually would, “You wanna hyphenate? Blaze Peralta-Wells? I think Peralta sounds better by itself but anything you want my dear partner!”

“Blaze Peralta is fine.” Teddy mumbles, watching as Amy switched to Jake’s spot.

“I hope you don’t name your actual future child that!” Amy criticises.

“I’m sorry but Blaze Peralta sounds _cool_.” Alex interrupts, “Sounds like a cool up and coming comic superhero!”

“THANK YOU, ALEX!” Jake lets out some noise, which perfectly expressed to everyone but Teddy his appreciation for support. It only made Teddy flinch.

“Amy Santiago and Alex Foster.” Amy woops in celebration, high fiving Alex before he runs up to collect their newborn child.

“Amy! It’s a _girl!_ ” Alex cries, cradling the babies head, “Look how beautiful she is!”

“What’s her name?” Amy asks, taking the baby as if she were real and fragile.

“What do you think of Marceline?” Alex suggests, his eyes wandering to Jake who was awkwardly looking at Teddy who was adoringly staring at Amy. 

“Marceline is gorgeous.” Amy says softly, “I’m so happy we’re doing this together!” 

Alex then bursts into laughter, and she knows she won’t have a problem completing this assignment with him. Amy’s even able to forget about the awkward situation behind her as Ms. Landon calls attention to the rest of the class for the rest of their lesson.

~

Lunch time comes around too slowly, and everyone in the class quickly realises that Ms. Landon was serious about how realistic the babies were. Amy and Alex had been lucky, their baby had only cried twice since taking her from their health class, but Teddy and Jake’s baby had about four meltdowns within the past hour and were both extremely flustered. 

Amy remembers how frustrated her parents had been with Manny, who had been extremely fussy for the first few months of his life. Their entire family would be up at three in the morning trying to soothe the colicky baby. Thankfully, the robot baby couldn’t get colic but the way Jake’s was acting almost convinced her otherwise. 

Once they’re outside under their regular tree, everyone lies their babies on Jake’s jacket. All except Gina, who had pawned off her baby to her partner then took off with Rosa to walk around the school instead. Jake immediately falls asleep on the grass in between Alex and Amy, and Teddy has her arm around her, “It’s only been a few hours but this is the most tiring thing I’ve ever done.”

“I’m tired but I’ve had three baby brothers so I’ll survive.” Amy laughs softly, picking up her lunch. “You’ve only got your older sister don’t you?”

“Yeah, I don’t even have any cousins.” Teddy frowns. “Jake and Alex are lucky they’ve had experience with your brothers at least.”

“My whole life has been preparing for the moment I become a father.” Jake opens one of his eyes, smiling dreamily. “I thank your brothers for how ready I feel.”

“Oh shush.” Amy pushes his shoulder, making him laugh and sit up. 

“You’re just jealous because you know Teddy and I are going to make our baby _so_ much happier than you and Alex.” Jake prods at her side, poking his tongue out.

“Please, Marcie is going to be the happiest robot baby on the planet.” Amy jabs him in the same spot and Alex on the other side of him groans.

“Not another bet pl-”

“Wanna bet?” Jake speaks over the top of him, raising his eyebrows.

“What are the stakes?” Amy questions. “Oh, I know. If you lose you have to cut your hair.”

“NO!” Charles screams, “It’s taken him so long to grow these luscious curls, anything but that Amy!” 

“Ames, you know how long I’ve been trying to grow my hair.” Jake whines, brushing through the hair just below his ears.

“What? Afraid you’re gonna lose, Peralta?” Amy pokes her tongue out at him, then smiling at her snickering partner. “If you’re so sure, then bet the hair, pretty boy.”

Jake groans, balling his fist before agreeing. “Okay but what about when you lose?” 

“I’ll do the same!” Amy offers, “Remember sixth grade? The embarrassingly short hair? That was awful.”

“Please, Ames! You looked adorable.” Jake giggles, “The pigtails? Amazing.”

“Okay, sure.” Amy dismisses him casually, “Loser cuts their hair super short.”

“Deal!” Jake shakes her hand, before looking past her to Teddy, who had been watching quietly. “Ready to smash this Tedster?”

“Uh, sure.” Teddy laughs nervously, “I don’t have to cut my hair if we lose, do I?”

“Out of solidarity, I think you should.” Jake shrugs, before laughing at his falling features. “All jokes, dude. The bet is between Amy and I, you’re just in the crossfire.”

“Being in the crossfire is _not_ a good thing, Teddy.” Alex reminds him as one of the babies begins to cry, and Jake jumps on it straight away. “Competitive Jake and Amy are the most annoying Jake and Amy.”

~

At the end of the first week with the baby assignment, just about everyone in their grade is exhausted. It was lucky they were in the final weeks of the year without major tests or they’d be screwed, but it made classes all the more interesting. Their math teacher just allowed them to take a nap during class if they needed for the sake of their sanity. 

The weekend was a blessing, able to spend time resting in between looking after the fake baby instead of trying to learn at the same time. Teddy had insisted that he come over to help Jake with the baby over the weekend, and that way he was able to hang out with Amy while still doing his schoolwork.

“This will be fun, right Jake? A sleepover looking after a fake baby.” Teddy jokes. It lands completely flat judging by the lack of a reaction from the guy that reacts to everything. “Is Alex joining us?”

“No, he’s staying in Amy’s room with her brother and her. You know, since they’re partners.” Jake says blandly, attempting for the third time to swaddle the lifeless fake baby. “They’ll be up soon, probably.”

Teddy nods silently, laying out his sleeping bag on the floor as he watches Jake continues to struggle. “We could be friends, you know?”

“Sorry?” Jake finally clips the blanket together and leans against his bed rest, “Aren’t we?”

“No?” Teddy replies, his voice rising an octave in questioning. “We’re acquaintances, for Amy.”

“Does it need to be more than that?” Jake shrugs.

“Well, I’d like to be better friends with my girlfriends best friend if you wouldn’t mind?” Teddy grumbles, standing up straight. “So you can tell me fun stories, like the sixth grade hair story? Or the _turkey leg story!_ I’ve been so curious about that.”

Jake has to bite his fist to stop himself from laughing, and it takes him a moment before he can speak again. “Look, I’ll do anything to make Amy happy, and I’m friendly with you which makes her happy. So this is fine.”

“She always calls you fun and upbeat, always blabbing jokes. But we’ve been alone together for an hour and you haven’t told a single joke.” Teddy says, his hands on his hips.

“You want a joke?” Jake was starting to get visibly irritated, moving to the edge of his bed. “Why did the duck cross the road?”

“Why?”

“Because the chicken had a day off.” Jake says plainly but somehow it sends Teddy into a laughing fit.

So amused, that he’s bent over with his hands on his knees. “That’s _good._ I didn’t think Amy meant that kind of funny!”

“Dude, that wasn’t a good joke.” Jake mumbles. It’s then that the window to his bedroom opens and Amy is climbing through with the baby in her arms, looking quizzically towards Teddy.

“Amy, you have to hear this joke Jake told!” Teddy wheezes slightly.

“Oh?” Amy looks towards Jake with the sweetest of smiles, now eager to hear the reason Teddy was laughing so hard.

“Why did the duck cross the road?” Jake says, a little more cheerful than when he told Teddy alone. “Because the chicken… Had a day off.”

Neither Amy or Alex laugh for a few moments, but Teddy sets off in another fit of laughter. So Amy begins to laugh so it’s not extremely awkward, and Alex joins in obvious discomfort. Alex sits with him as Teddy’s laughter dies down while Amy moves closer to kiss his cheek. While none of them actually found the joke funny, it started off their afternoon in a much better light than anyone had expected. 

Time was spent on answering the questionnaire that was to be completed during the time they had the babies. Now that Amy and Alex were around, Jake was able to lighten up and actually tell his usual jokes, which had Alex and Amy rolling at the ground at one point. They were surely sleep deprived and found everything a thousand times funnier than they were, but it didn’t impress Teddy at all. He only chuckled slightly and watched as Amy lost her balance whilst laughing.

Working together they were able to finish all the homework for the class. This mostly meant Alex and Amy putting their brains together while Jake entertained them and slowly absorbed the information. It was a very typical hang out for them, and he could see it was only making Teddy more upset. 

Jake tried to care, but it was his own problem if Teddy couldn’t be okay with their close friendship. It was his loss.

~

Amy and Alex stick around Jake’s apartment until after dinner, and at that point they were too exhausted to have any more fun so they decided to retire for the night. Amy had the best time; regardless of the few awkward moments, but Teddy seemed to be getting along better with Jake ever since the dumb joke. Anything to get Teddy on board with Jake was okay with her. 

David decides to sleep on the couch that night, not wanting to be woken up by the fake baby. Once they had the baby in bed, Amy sits on the floor against her bed with Alex who was reading _Peter Pan._ “How many times have you read that?” Amy asks as she stretched her legs out in front of her.

“I lost count.” Alex shrugs, “It was my mom’s favourite.”

“Oh?” Amy breathes deeply. “You don’t talk about her much.”

“It’s hard.” He shrugs, placing his bookmark back inside. “Her name was Marceline.”

“Oh that’s so sweet.” Amy chews on her lip slightly, “I think she’d like that.”

“She would totally gush about it.” Alex giggles, “I would name my own kid after her but I don’t know if I’ll ever have one…”

“Why?” Amy is shocked by the sudden confession, and to be so decided at a young age was confusing to her. They had all the time in the world to decide things like this; the whole class was just a stupid training exercise. “I know I do. Three kids, hopefully not all boys like my mom.”

Alex bites on his nails for a few moments after she stops talking, deep in thought and it makes Amy nervous. “You can tell me anything, Alex.”

“Anything? And you won’t stop being friends with me?” 

“Never. I swear, and I won’t tell anyone if need be either.” Amy promises, “Not even Jake.”

“Okay, well.” Alex takes the longest breath and closes his eyes. “I think I’m gay. Well, not think. I’m pretty certain I’m gay and I’m so afraid everyone will hate me and not wanna be my friend simply because I like boys and I- ugh. _Please_ stop me.”

Amy only smiles at him before hugging him. “Thank you for telling me.”

Alex chokes on a sob as he hugs her back. She lets him cry, stroking his back as he lets out all the emotions he’d obviously been holding inside for a while. 

“You’re the first person I’ve told.” He admits when he’s able to breathe properly again, “I’ve been wanting to for a while but there was no right time and I was so _afraid_ , Amy.”

“You are so brave, Alex.” Amy takes a moment to wipe the tears still falling on his cheeks, “And you know you can still have kids, honour your mom if you wanted to.”

“I know, but I’m 14. I think I’m good with not seeing it in my near future.” He laughs, still shaky. “I want to focus on me for now, living my life the best I can as a closeted gay teenager.”

“Well, I’m here for you anytime.” Amy loops her arm in his, leaning on his shoulder. “And I know that when you’re ready to, everyone else will be just as supportive.” 

They end up falling asleep in sitting as they were, being awoken only a few hours later by the robot baby. Amy only groans and rolls onto Alex’s sleeping bag on the floor.

“She’s your namesake, look after her.”

~

The second week goes much faster than the first. Kids in their class were used to waking up multiple times a night, and stopped complaining _so_ much, but they all looked forward to a regular sleeping schedule again. Especially Amy. While the baby had been calmer than Jake’s in the first week, the second week it had been a lot more crazy and Amy even forgot her homework at home because of it. 

But it was finally over, their last class on Friday, they handed in their babies and the homework to go along with it. They were rewarded with free time, mostly so Ms. Landon was able to mark their homework so she didn’t have to waste time on her own weekend. Amy spent most of her time reading _Peter Pan_ over Alex’s shoulder, sticking close to him as she had since he had opened up to her. 

It had brought them a lot closer, which confused Teddy, but she had just told him it was because of the assignment. It wasn’t even a lie but she was afraid that him already being jealous of Jake, and now Alex, was a bad mix. Amy tried not to worry about it, because if Teddy loved her then he would be okay with it. 

Teddy was not okay with it. She finds this out once they get their grades back and she wins her bet with Jake. The remaining time in their lesson is spent bickering with Jake, playing with his hair and trying to decide how short he had to get it cut. He didn’t react at all during the class, but afterwards he had pulled her aside with the notion of _having a talk_.

Amy felt nervous at that, since most of the time when someone hears that, it’s not good. 

He begins by ranting about how she would neglect him, because of Alex or Jake, and moves on quickly to claim that she had deep feelings for Jake. It’s like he knew about the kiss, and the following almost kiss. Or maybe she was that obvious that he didn’t need to know. 

They had been together for almost 8 months (maybe the longest relationship in middle school history) and he was telling her how miserable he was the whole time because of her friendship with Jake. That infuriated her, and she let him know, because he didn’t have to stick around if he wasn’t happy but _he did._

Teddy storms off in the end, after reinforcing his opinion that she had been an awful girlfriend. Amy wants to cry, but she’s not sure if it’s because she’s angry at Teddy or because her first real relationship with a boy was ending. She’s lucky to find Jake waiting at her locker, his arms open as soon as he sees the tears on her face.

“I’ll kick his ass, Ames.” Jake growls, one of his hands stroking her hair in an attempt to soothe her in his anger.

“No, just let him go.” Amy sniffles, “Let’s just go home.”

Despite her new rule about no holding hands, Amy allows Jake to do so on their walk home and as they sit on the fire escape that night. “Teddy is a jerk.”

“Agreed.” Jake huffs, “He doesn’t deserve someone as amazing as you.”

“Maybe it’s for the best, since we’re about to go into high school…” Amy sighs, “So many opportunities! It’ll be easier to not have a boyfriend, since I’ll be getting to know all our new teachers.”

“Ah yes, you gotta earn your place as teachers pet really quick.” Jakes snorts, pushing her shoulder. 

“Shut up, it benefits you too.” Amy gripes, leaning her head on his shoulder as they fall into silence. “It also benefits you that I won’t make you cut your hair.”

“Oh, _thank god_. I thought I was gonna die, Ames.” Jake dramatically sighs in relief, but smiling warmly at her. “For realz.”

It’s nerve wracking, thinking about going to a whole new school with a whole new layout and faculty. She knows there’s nothing really to worry about, because all her friends were luckily going to the same school again. It was all the support Amy needed, plus, she had _all summer_ to prepare her strategy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow its currently 3am as i post this and i tried my best to edit it well but please excuse any mistakes but i loved this chapter a lot anyway
> 
> i hope to get one more chapter out before 2020 so hopefully i'll see you all soon!!
> 
> as always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated <3


	11. changes (turn and face the strange)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the start of high school - we got more drama, more horrific cuteness - be ready for a wholeass mess.
> 
> chapter title from changes by david bowie 
> 
> _I watch the ripples change their size  
>  But never leave the stream of warm impermanence and  
> So the days float through my eyes  
> But still the days seem the same_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been exactly a month since i updated here and i would feel bad but i do think it's worth it!! i'll try not to go this long again but no promises from my procrastinating self.
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

Jake would summarise his summer with only one word: betrayal. 

In retrospect, he was probably being dramatic but also Alex and Amy could eat his farts. Jake had just spotted them from the fire escape, arm in arm walking from their apartment building, without him. Why weren’t they involving him in their activities? He wanted to be involved, so why wasn’t he? It had been going on like this for months.

He didn’t put too much thought into it at first, because they were just as good of friends as he was with the both of them. Doing nerdy things together without him wasn’t uncommon _but_ it had only become more frequent. 

Once they disappear around the corner, Jake is glued to where he’s sat trying to figure out _why_ they were suddenly excluding him. Did he do something wrong to make them mad? He and Amy had been working hard all year to make sure their communication was better. This definitely didn’t feel like it - this felt like he was being shut out, put to the side. Part of him knew he wasn’t good enough for either Alex or Amy. That one day they would throw him to the curb, realising they could do way better than to have a friend like Jake. 

Jake was tardy and annoying, and he wasn’t exactly the brightest. Whereas Alex and Amy were both extremely smart and talented people, basically perfect for each other. _Hold up a minute,_ Jake stumbles to his feet to climb back into his room as the realisation fully sinks in. 

_Alex and Amy were dating... Behind Jake’s back._

It made sense. They had started hanging out alone a lot more around the time Teddy broke up with Amy. The pieces just _fit_ so perfectly! Jake would walk up to them whispering or giggling at something but then they’d turn quiet when he got near enough. Why didn’t they trust him?

Jake was even more confused as to why _they_ were dating. Amy and Alex. Sure, they were two peas in a pod but the thought of _them_ together? He hated it. Alex knew about his feelings for Amy, even if Jake was attempting to bury them deep for the sake of his friendship with her. Why would he ask her out when he knew how important she was to him?

And why would Amy date Alex? Not only was it so soon after Teddy, but it was _Alex._ If she was willing to date a friend as close as Alex, why couldn’t she go out with Jake? There was just as much at stake with Alex if they broke up; their entire group would crumble around them. 

That couldn’t happen. There had been so many close calls and there was not a chance he would let the two of them screw it up for everyone else. 

Forget his own feelings of hurt that he wasn’t trusted, this was for their whole friendship group. If they had just told Jake he would find a way to be happy for them, but now this would be screwing everything up. He thought they were past keeping secrets. So Jake had to fix everything before it all fell apart again. 

They don’t come back for almost two hours, he knows because he hadn’t moved from the fire escape since he got there five minutes before they left. From what he could see, Alex was holding a shopping bag and they were _still_ walking with their arms linked together. He didn’t even need their confirmation to know he was right and it’s not like they would tell him anyway. 

Most of the time when they arrived home together, they would return to their own apartments through the fire escape. But it had been a whole hour since he saw them, and no sign of Amy climbing up into her room. They’d spent most of the day together already, was she just not going home? It was summer, and since she was usually upstairs or downstairs with one of them, her parents didn’t mind if she wasn’t home until a bit later. 

Jake can feel the jealousy bubble up in his chest and he just had to get away from the idea of _them._ So he spends the rest of his afternoon with his mom, who just makes him clean and help with dinner. “Mom? Have your best friends ever kept a secret from you?”

“Well, yes. They have.” Karen stops stirring the pot in front of her and turns to face Jake. “Friends do that sometimes. They did it to protect my feelings, even though I was smart and figured it out myself.”

“What was the secret?”

“A grown up secret, maybe I’ll tell you one day.” Karen sighs, “What secret is Amy keeping from you?”

Jake remains quiet for a minute, his head resting in his hands. Karen goes back to her pot to make sure everything doesn’t set on fire like the last time she made this meal, and it’s when she’s mostly distracted, he tells her. “Amy and Alex are dating behind my back.”

“Oh?” She turns the knob on the stove down before turning and leaning on the bench again. “Did she tell you?”

“No.” Jake grimaces, because she wasn’t immediately taking his side and comforting him. “But they hang out all the time, and without me. I saw them with their arms linked looking all _happy._ ”

“I think you need to talk to her Jake.” 

“No, I think I’m gonna be a bitch.” Jake grumbles, “Wait till she finds the guts to tell me and boom, I’ll tell her I knew all along.”

“Jacob.”

“Fine, I’ll talk to her.” Jake slumps his shoulders as he slides off the stool, “Why do you have to be so wise and all knowing… _Ugh._ ”

He retreats to his bedroom until dinner’s ready, mostly moaning and groaning about how he doesn’t want to. Jake doesn’t _want to._ Amy wouldn’t be on the fire escape until well after dinner, so he had time to complain about it to his mom, who nodded and listened without fail. But she also reminded him to have an open mind and heart, because even if it was an uncomfortable situation, she was still his best friend. He had to be supportive.

That’s what has Jake biting at his nails, waiting on the steps by her window. Jake is going to deal with it in a mature way, because _he_ is a _good friend._ He really does try to hold back his pettiness as he prepares how to approach the subject, but then Amy doesn’t show up through her own window. 

She’s climbing out of Alex’s window a floor down, _laughing._ The audacity. 

But Jake will remain the _mature_ friend that he is, remaining silent as they finish off their laughter and hug goodnight. Alex looks up at Jake, overlooking his obvious tense stature, “Hey Jake! We still on for bowling tomorrow? Amy said she can come now!”

“Great. Yeah. I’ll be there.” Jake digs his nails into his arm, to ground himself. There’s no reason he can’t be happy for them, he should be happy for them. He will be happy for his two best friends.

Alex only raises a brow at him before retreating back inside, and when Amy climbs the next step, she has the same expression. Jake once again struggles to keep up his demeanor when he sees how concerned she is. “Jake, what’s wrong? Did your dad come back again?”

It only makes sense that her conclusion of his stance was related to his dad. He only ever felt this angry when he felt really betrayed, and that was _usually_ Roger betraying him. But it wasn’t this time, and why she couldn’t see why he was upset only infuriated him more. More than the gorgeous lipstick he’d never seen before today.

“Everything is fine, Ames.” Jake says quietly, “How was your day?”

“Good…” Amy slowly sits down next to him, her hesitance obvious in every movement. “Just went shopping with Alex, bought some crosswords.”

“And lipstick.” Jake adds, rolling his eyes as he hugged his knees. “I bet Alex really likes it.”

“Uhm…” Amy shifts on the spot, chin pulled back in her adorable confusion with stupid purple lipstick. “Yeah? We picked it together, I guess.”

“ _Great._ ” Jake forces a smile on his face, “I’m glad he loves the lipstick.”

“Jake, what the hell is going on?”

“You and Alex is what’s going on.” Jake hisses, spite raging inside him as he finally lets down the facade. “I know you’re dating and you’re keeping it me!”

Amy’s mouth drops open, her eyebrows drawing in confusion and she’s obviously trying to formulate some _sensible_ excuse for keeping it from him. It didn’t matter - he was mad already. He continues to watch her fumble for an answer because while he’s hurt, he’ll still hear her out.

“Jake, I’m sorry…” 

“Sorry? That’s all you have to say?” Jake laughs bitterly, “I’m going to bed.”

“Jake!” Amy huffs as he gets up, grabbing onto his wrist. “You need to hear me out.”

Jake doesn’t move, and he doesn’t move his arm so she’s still holding onto his wrist with her eyes pleading up at him. “Just tell me, yes or no. Are you dating?”

Amy’s voice is quiet, uncertain almost. “Yes.”

He storms off then. Sure, he’d had the information to himself all day, but it had been speculation. Only a sneaking suspicion that he knew was so unlikely, but he didn’t have any reason for it to be incorrect. As he climbs into bed, he resolves to talk to them tomorrow - to get some answers so he can try to be happy for them.

Jake was still a work in progress when it came to Amy, his feelings towards her specifically. He would always support her, and the same with Alex. But it irked him in a way he really couldn’t stand. They just didn’t keep secrets from each other.

~

Jake Peralta is ready first thing in the morning. During the summer.

It feels strange, but he’d spent the entire night tossing over Alex and Amy. What was the point in trying to sleep more when he knew he wouldn’t be calm until he had answers? So instead he puts his best bowling gear on and gets out his only notebook (that Amy insisted she buy for him) to put his more coherent thoughts to paper.

  * _Why did you keep this from me?_


  * When did this happen?


  * HOW???


  * WHY??



So maybe his thoughts weren’t as together as he thought they were. Regardless, they were more put together than the day before and he was ready to be calm, to listen and hopefully support them if he didn’t explode first.

Even Amy is still in her pyjamas when he knocks on her window. He waits silently outside until she’s ready, grasping his piece of paper tightly. She looks just as concerned as she did last night as she follows him down the fire escape and through to Alex’s room. 

Alex is sitting on the floor, still dressed in his pyjamas as well, with his guitar in his arm and the notebook he writes his songs in is next to him. He looks just as shocked and concerned as Amy did about him being awake, aware and _dressed_ at this hour. “Hi?”

“Heeyy.” Amy waves awkwardly behind him, moving forward and kissing his cheek. “Good morning, _babe._ ”

“Wh-what?” Alex leans back, looking at Amy’s desperate and wide eyed expression.

“You can drop the act, Alex. I know.” Alex looks utterly terrified, especially when Jake averts his gaze. “I know you two are dating.”

Jake can see them having a silent conversation in his peripheral vision, Amy looks panicked but Alex seems to have calmed down, smiling softly at her before he looks back at Jake. “You deserve to know the truth.”

“Alex-” 

“Amy, it’s okay.” Alex smiles at her again. “Yes. Amy and I have gotten closer over the past few months but that’s because… I’m gay.”

Jake lets out a soft exhale, all the tension leaving him immediately as he sits down in front of Alex. “Amy was the first person I told, so… Yeah.”

He was an _idiot._ Jake had spent all his time worrying about his feelings and everything they were doing wrong. It was Jake who was being a bad friend, to not notice that Alex was going through something as big as this. He wants to take back all the disdain he’d shown towards the both of them in the past day.

Jake shifts forward on his knees to hug Alex, who lets out a soft cry and immediately hugs him back. “I’m sorry for being stupid, guys.” Jake croaks, “I’m really happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me.”

“Don’t worry, Jake. You didn’t know…” Amy squeezes his shoulder, and not a moment later she’s joined their hug. “I’m glad you know now.”

They stay like that for a few minutes, the air as light as it had ever been between them. There was no care in the world but being with each other. 

“I’m glad that you’re conclusion to this was that Amy and I were dating.” Alex laughs once they’ve separated. “That means maybe I can pull off being straight until I’m ready for others to know.”

“You can do literally anything, Alex.” Jake nudges him, making Alex blush. “And if anyone brings you trouble, Amy and I will have no trouble beating them up.”

“Jake.” Amy scowls.

“ _Okay,_ Amy will rat them out and I will look dashingly handsome and at least somewhat threatening!”

~

With Amy’s very detailed diagram and handwritten plan, she has no doubt that she’s ready for high school. She’s done her research on the clubs and facilities, the staff and the impressive library collection - this information she mostly collected from her older brothers. 

The only problem she had yet to solve what was to wear. The night before their first day as freshmen and she was pacing her bedroom whilst Jake and Alex observed the outfits she laid out on her bed. “I can’t look too nerdy or I’ll be paired with all the nerds and while I’m proud to be a nerd, I don’t want that negative attention from other students you know?”

Amy is ranting like nothing else, and Jake has to bite his lip while he looks at Alex to stop himself from bursting into laughter. “I’m not trying to be popular or anything, I don’t want that attention on me either. I just want a nice, normal high school experience without the ramifications of how I may choose to dress!”

“Well, if you’re not going for popular then get rid of outfit number three.” Alex suggests, “Very nice and fashionable but save it for a party.”

“I agree, we just want to be chill.” Jake rests his hands on her shoulders, easing her down into her desk chair. “I like the scrunchie though, you can’t go wrong with that.”

“You want to be presentable enough that your teacher’s respect you.” Alex strokes his chin, “But fashionable enough that people won’t make fun of you for sucking up to the teachers…”

“That’s a tough like to walk, Ames.” Jake remarks, “I think you just need to let it go, be comfortable and yourself. Take me for example, I’m a flannel and my jeans, just like I do every other day because it’s comfy.”

“And I’m being myself by wearing a _Green Day_ hoodie.” Alex adds, “Expression, but subtle.”

“We don’t know more than half the people at this school, I just want to make a good impression.” Amy groans, sliding in her seat. 

“Okay, how about this.” Jake walks to her neatly stacked pile of clothing on her bed, “Blue overalls and the pink top with your scrunchie. Alex?”

“Yes, that sounds just perfect.” Alex picks out those items from her pile and sets them at the end of her bed. “See, Amy, you have nothing to worry about.”

“I think you might be too prepared for tomorrow, now I say, pizza!” Jake steps up with a confidence that has Amy giggling. 

“High school is going to be fun, guys.” Alex sighs happily on their way to Sal’s, “Just think of everything we have to look forward to!”

“Yes, _Amy’s quinceañera,_ and prom!” Jake shouts, nudging Amy before returning to a normal volume. “Also Tony told me that there’s a two day field trip to Connecticut in freshman year. We haven’t been since Luis graduated college.”

“That’s something else to look forward to!” Amy claps, “College applications!”

“You’re the only one thinking that, Ames.” Jake snorts, “There are so many other exciting things but sure!”

~

Jake doesn’t like the loud wake up call from Amy the next morning. He actually hates it. Everything Amy does was adorable and endearing, but not the 6am wake up she did when she was nervous. 

“Jake Peralta, I will not be late-”

“-on my first day of school so I better get my butt out of bed before you drag me out.” Jake mumbles as he turns to face her, “I think I know the drill by now.”

“Do you?” Amy hisses, “You would have been out of bed fifteen minutes ago if you did!”

Jake laughs in response, rolling out of bed as she attempts to keep up her storming out facade while awkwardly climbing out the window. Her exit is followed by Alex’s entrance, who is ready with his bag on his back and the exact hoodie he’d planned to wear on. “Come on dude, we’re getting first day bagels.”

“Oh, I forgot about the bagels.” Jake groans, “Maybe I should have gotten up when my mom woke me up…”

Alex only rolls his eyes, setting his bag on the floor and opening the book he’d been holding while he waited for Jake to change. It takes him a few slow minutes to get ready, but by the time he’s dressed, Amy is climbing through the window looking perfectly ready with her bag on her back. 

She had neatly tied up her hair into a high ponytail with her velvet scrunchie, the curls from her stress-braiding falling nicely on her neck. Even though she had recently started enjoying make-up, she stuck with wearing only a shiny lip gloss for the day - and he knew if it weren’t for the apparently calming taste of cherries on her lips, she probably wouldn’t wear it. Amy pushes him in the direction of the bathroom to clean his teeth while she packs his backpack, and politely asking Karen for her sons bagel money. 

They still make it out of the house with plenty of time to get their fairly new traditional first day bagels. Everyone is their when they arrive, sleepily munching on their bagels and sharing their last weeks of summer with anyone they didn’t see. 

Amy looked exceptionally more relaxed now that they were all together, munching down on her own bagel as Rosa tells her with little to no detail what she had done all summer - of course Amy and Charles eat every word up. Jake feels himself finally waking up properly, being around all his friends at the same time for the first time in months. 

“So are you over your crush?” Alex sidles up to him, surprising him with the question.

“Oh, um, I think so.” Jake shrugs with a hesitant smile, “I’m just really happy things are back to normal.”

~

Luck doesn’t quite match how their group feels when they receive their class schedules to find they shared the same home room. The locker allocations were all over the place, but Amy squealed when she found out her locker was right next to their homeroom, and subsequently, their homeroom teacher’s office.

“So Mr. Holt is apparently very strict and doesn’t have time for shenanigans.” Amy explains as the line up by her locker, waiting for the first bell. “But he’s also very smart and wise. Out of all the teachers my brothers have told me about, I want Mr. Holt to be my mentor.”

“No shenanigans?” Jake whines, “Too bad, I’m still gonna _shenanigise!_ ”

“What makes you think that’s a word?” Amy questions, glaring at him as he just shrugs with the goofiest grin. “Please don’t ruin this for me.”

“I can’t help it sometimes!” Jake raises his hands in defense, “Someone wants me to behave and oops! I’ve made a bad joke!”

“You’ve never said a bad joke in your life.” Charles scoffs.

“Jake, _please._ ” Amy clasps her hands together and does the cutest puppy eyes she can muster and not a moment later, he gives in.

Jake knows how important it is to her to get her good first impression, and he’s not going to be that big of a jerk just for the fun of it. “That does mean I need to get my goofiness out now, Ames.”

Amy just affectionately rolls her eyes as he begins to predict what their homeroom teacher would be like, and it’s not long before he’s doing a ridiculous robot impression. “Meep, morp, zeeeeep.” 

Amy stifles her laughter when an authoritative man shows up behind Jake, and she can only assume it’s their teacher. “ _Jake._ ”

“Is that what you think?” His voice was low and calm, meaning Jake immediately is both intimidated but also wants to annoy him into being liked by the man. 

“ _Hey!_ You must be our new teacher! Mr. Holt, not a robot.” Jake claps nervously, Amy’s glare burning through his skin. “You look nothing like a robot.”

“Please, continue to share what kind of person you think I am.” Holt stares as him for a moment, before Jake is repeating his lacklustre impression of a robot. 

“ _Rooobot…_ ” 

“That was a terrible robot voice.” Holt turns quickly, signalling the rest of the class to follow him. 

“ _Unbelievable!_ ” Amy pinches the back of his arm as they walk inside, the scowl prominent on her face until she’s happily seated at the front. She refuses to let him sit there and instead Rosa’s taken the seat, an amused huff escaping her. 

“Welcome to your high school education.” Holt writes his name on the chalkboard as he speaks, “I am Mr. Holt and I will be your home room teacher for the duration of your high school career, and if you are so lucky I may also be your English teacher.”

Amy raises her hand to the air, waving it frantically to make sure she gains his attention. “Please, refrain from asking questions until the end.”

She attempts to keep up her confident facade as her hand sinks down back to her desk; Jake is behind her but he’s certain her eyes are wide in embarrassment. “I will not tolerate any buffoonery. You interrupt my class, it’s a strike. Three strikes equal detention. Understood?”

“Do we also get gold stars if we’re angels?” Jake snorts quietly, only to himself. But it would seem that his new teacher had _god-like_ hearing.

“That’s one strike, Mr…?” The man squints at him, waiting for Jake to complete his query.

“Santiago. My name is Amy Santiago.” Jake spits out in panic - a habit he picked up when wanted to tease her, and this was _not_ that moment.

“ _Jake!_ ” Amy spins in her chair immediately, her eyes wide and deadly. 

“Ah, Jake Peralta.” Holt nods, glancing at his class list. “That’ll be a second strike for blaming your classmate.”

He makes a noise from the back of his throat, but Holt only lifts a finger and he quickly shuts up. Jake’s first day of high school was going exactly as he expected - Amy being perfect, making the best impressions and him, ever the class clown and in trouble within the first fifteen minutes of their day. 

~

Amy’s first day of high school was going _perfectly._ She had been assigned all her dream teacher’s according to the information from her brother’s experience _and_ a random girl complimented her outfit. Amy Santiago was winning. 

Part of her struggled to enjoy this, seeing Jake suffer. In many ways he had deserved the warnings from Mr. Holt, especially after he had _just_ laid out the rules. But Jake was her best friend of course, so she felt bad. He had been sooking ever since; even if he didn’t admit it, Jake definitely cared about what people thought of him and it took a toll on him if he knew he made a bad impression. 

His mood eventually perks up once they reach their lunch break. It was still warm out even with a cool breeze - it was both of their favourite weather _and_ his mom had packed some sour worms with his lunch without him noticing. 

“I’m sure we’ll find a new hangout spot in no time, but can we just sit somewhere and _eat?_ I’m _starving._ ” Jake complains.

“We need a spot before all the good ones are taken.” Gina insists, “High school is the most important time to have a good lunch spot. I don’t want to be sitting in front of the dumpsters.”

“I told you we’re allowed to eat in the library here so we could-”

“You already know she’s gonna reject the idea.” Alex shakes his head, but he’s just as disappointed as Amy.

It takes Gina another fifteen minutes of trailing the football field to find a clean area under the bleachers. “Are we drug addicts now? I feel like a drug addict from a movie.” Charles squirms.

“Yeah, Gina, are you a crackhead?” Jake trails, “You want us to join a cult?”

Gina only glares at them, “If you paid any attention you would have seen the drug kids at the abandoned playground next to the school.”

“Oh, I thought they were just making use of the poor playground.” Amy remarked.

“Sweet sweet Amy.” Gina chortles, “I guess your books don’t teach you how to spot a drug dealer.”

“Why would they?” Amy retorts quickly and Gina shrugs, “Forget it. Charles, why weren’t you in homeroom?”

“My dogs were humping the furniture so my dad and I had to get them to stop or they would have destroyed the whole place…” Charles says nonchalantly.

“Just chop their penises off already!” Jake lets out an exaggerated noise of disgust, but everyone ignores him.

“What did I miss? Who’s our homeroom teacher?” Charles follows everyone as they sit down on the ground. 

“Mr. Holt. He-” Jake isn’t able to continue before he’s interrupted by Amy. 

“Mr. Holt is so awesome, Charles!” She squeals, “ _My dream teacher,_ he’s strict and tells Jake off when he’s being a butthead. I want him to be my mentor!”

“He sucks, Charles.” Jake insists, “He was so uptight he gave me _two_ detention strikes things for no good reason!”

“Because you were a butthead immediately after his rules were explained.” Amy retorts. “I’m sure you can redeem yourself with some hard work.”

“Does anybody get a bit of a gay vibe?” Gina whispered, leaning closer to the middle. “I pride myself on having amazing instincts.”

Amy’s eyes flicker from Jake to Alex; she can spot his well hidden panic but it quickly vanishes. Even if Gina knew about Alex, she wouldn’t simply tell everyone. “Is it any of our business?”

“What Amy said,” Alex jumps in, his voice steady. “It’s not our place to speculate about that kind of stuff… _If_ he is and he wants us to know, he’ll tell us.”

“I’m just picking up what he’s putting down, that’s all.” Gina shrugs, “My psychic tells me to _always_ look for the signs.” 

~

It’s a steady downhill path to self destruction from their first day of high school; for Jake at least. Amy was well and truly thriving under all her new teachers wing - it was so unlike middle school, where their teachers found her eagerness annoying. He recalls hearing Mr. Holt telling Amy that it was refreshing to see one of his pupils excited to learn about _Romeo & Juliet. _

Jake took only a week before he got his first detention with Holt. He really doesn’t get why Amy was so captivated by him. Everyone seemed to get what Holt was about except for Jake, who only kept butting heads with him and not doing his best as a result. 

Not even Amy, Jake’s personal favourite teacher, was getting through to him. “But like _why_ does it end in double suicide? _What am I missing?_ ”

“The Capulets and Montagues disapproved so the only way they felt they could be together was in death. So she fakes it, but he thinks it’s real so he does it for real and she loves him so much that she can’t live without him and kills herself too.” Amy closes her locker as she explains this, watching as Jake’s face contorts in further confusion.

“Shakespeare is weird, Ames.” Jake shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter now anyway because I _definitely_ failed that test.” 

“Exactly how many times have you told me that and you’ve done so much better?” He shrugs at her question, “I recall at least seventy-six times since I’ve known you.”

“You really counted every single time I doubted myself?” Jake snorts softly.

“Yeah, I started keeping an official tally after the fifth time in two months.” Amy divulges, counting on her fingers as she speaks, “To be fair, you were adjusting to a new school and it was a stressful time but it was weird.”

“Thanks?” 

“My point is that you’re smart and capable and I wish you would see yourself that way too.” Amy did her saved-for-Jake affectionate glare, “You’ve got this, Jake.”

“I’m so glad my dad is a jerk so I got to meet you.” He stops her just outside the classroom, his soft touch on her elbow. “Thank you for always believing in me.”

Amy’s the one to pull him in for a hug, because no matter how many times he needs it, she’ll be there to be his hype woman; she knows he’d do just the same for her. Usually Amy would sit with Alex for homeroom and English, but for the sake of moral support Amy had insisted she sit with Jake. 

She watches as his leg bounces throughout the entirety of homeroom and the first fifteen minutes of class before Holt finally announces that he’ll be handing out their grades. Jake’s bouncing changes from just his legs to his whole body vibrating so much that he almost fell off the chair as Holt approaches them. 

“Ah, Eleanor Roosevelt?” She spots the corners of Holt’s lips turn up when she nods, and she’s almost sure she might explode with excitement. _She made Holt smile._

“Eleanor Roosevelt? I thought she just came in her normal clothes!” Gina says from across the room, high fiving Rosa. 

Amy ignores her with a huff and a roll of her eyes, “Yes, I saw this dress in a thrift store and I was so _inspired_ especially after our history class with Mr. Cozner.”

“You did very well, Miss Santiago.” Holt nods plainly, reaching out his arm to hand her grade to her.

“Thank you, sir.” Amy gently takes the paper from his grasp and she fails to contain her glee when her eyes fall on the A+ in the top right corner.

She brings herself down to earth quickly as Holt moves across to Jake, commenting on his mediocre and last minute halloween costume (which was a skeleton onesie from _years_ ago which was too small). Jake’s joking manner soon fades when Holt hands him his paper, telling him to stay back after class. He places it face down, but Amy catches a glimpse of the F on the paper.

~

Jake doesn’t say another word for the rest of the class. He knows Amy saw the grade, but she doesn’t comment and he hopes she never does. It’s embarrassing how bad he did, and after such a nice pep talk from Amy. He failed.

Now Holt was probably going to call his mom and make him resit the test. He dreads both, spending the class stress doodling in his notebook up until the classroom is empty of everyone but himself and Holt. Jake doesn’t look up from his closed book, he’s truly never felt this humiliated.

“Due to your abhorrent performance in this test I will have to call your parents for a meeting.” Holt begins with a sigh, “Did you even study? Most answers were blank and if you did write something half of them were references from _Die Hard._ ”

“I _did_ study, with your best student by the way, but I got here that day and I sat down all confident and… Nothing.” Jake’s jaw clenches when he closes his eyes, “It’s like my brain just stopped working and I’m so stupid no matter how hard I try!”

“I believe you, that you studied.” Holt sits down in the seat Amy was in earlier, folding his hands. “And don’t spew that nonsense. Just because you did bad in one test does not mean that you’re stupid. I’m sure with some more help that you will do well in the next test.”

“Next test?” Jake looks up at him finally, “What about the resit? I failed so I get to do a resit of the test, right?”

“That is usually the case, with most teachers, but I do not believe in resitting tests. It gives an unwarranted advantage over the rest of the class.”

“ _Advantage?_ I literally failed because of how dumb I am!” Jake’s voice raises, but he catches himself when Holt squints his eyes. “Even with the smartest girl of our grade helping me, I failed. I need a second chance.”

“I simply ca-” 

“ _Please._ I can’t disappoint my mom again.” Jake is quiet again, this time his voice cracking with emotion. “How can I convince you to please let me retake the test. To prove that I can dedicate myself to do better.” 

Holt is silent for a moment, his mouth twisting to the right as he thinks. Jake huffs out of frustration, “What if we make a bet? I’m really good at those and my dedication to that can serve as my dedication to doing better in a retest.”

“What exactly would that entail?” Holt tilts his head, his unadorned demeanor showing a fraction of interest. 

“I bet I could steal something off your desk without you noticing!” Jake perks up, waving his hands around as he talks. “I could take… OH! Your special pen, you know, the one that sits on the special pen stand thingy.”

“Ah, yes. The pen my husband gave me for Christmas last year.” Holt face remains stoic, but Jake swears he sees a real sparkle in his eyes. Gina was _right._ “And what would happen as a result?”

“When I win I can retake the test and prove that I’m not that dumb and if by some crazy twist of fate, I… _lose…_ Then you can fail me and even call my mom _and_ my absent dad for a fun meeting to let them know I suck.”

“I’m still not on board with you retaking this test.” Holt strokes his chin for a moment too long which continues to irritate Jake.

“But-”

“I wasn’t finished.” Holt firmly interrupts. “I may be on board for this inane bet of yours if instead of resitting this test, you write me a personal essay as extra credit to make up for this grade.”

“What would I write about?” Jake feels the early flutters of a new assignment deep in his gut, but he knows he’s got to do it. He won’t disappoint his mom, or Amy. 

“I want you to write about a big event in your life. It can be positive or negative, but I want you to say how that event affected you personally.” Holt instructed stepping up from the desk and walking around to stand in front of him. “If you can steal that pen on my desk and are able to keep it from me until the end of the day, you may complete this extra credit assignment.”

“ _Oh!_ Also if I win you have to call me an amazing detective slash genius!” Jake pokes out his tongue, eager to make it a little more fun.

“Why?” Holt’s nose scrunches in confusion.

“Why _not?_ ” Jake stands up when Holt shrugs in agreement before he lifts his hand up for a shake, and Jake eagerly takes it in agreement before he’s dismissed. Amy is waiting outside the door of the classroom, obviously anxious in the way she observes every passing student moving towards their own classes. 

“Okay we have five minutes until our next class starts. If you don’t want to talk about it now, just say the word and I’ll shut up.” Amy rambles as they begin to walk towards their next class. “I just want to know if you’re okay.”

“I will be okay.” Jake bites down on his lip to contain the huge grin fighting to escape. “I just made a crazy bet with Mr. Holt.”

“You did _what?_ ”

Jake stops her from walking to explain the bet, revealing his plans in great detail which he had miraculously formulated from shaking Holt’s hand to seeing Amy. “I just need you to distract Holt during lunch, like tell him a fight broke out in the library.”

“What do I even get out of it?” Amy squirms, speaking quietly. “Mr. Holt actually likes how much I care about school and I don’t want to ruin that...”

“No, it’s fine. I get that you want him to be your mentor and that…” Jake takes off again, barely giving Amy time to react. “I’m sure Alex will be on board.”

“Jake!” Amy catches up to him quickly, grabbing onto his elbow to stop him. “You getting the opportunity for a do-over is more important.”

“So… We’re heisting?”

“Welcome to the Halloween Heist, baby.”

~

“Mr. Holt?” Amy knocks on the teachers door as the hallway clears for lunch time, and at the sound of his voice clearing her entrance, she walks inside. “Hi, I was looking at the notes in my test and I was wondering if we could go to the library and go over it!”

“The library? We could just stay here and review your test.” Holt crosses his arms. “How do I know you aren’t apart of Peralta’s scheme for our little bet?”

“Sir, I would _never._ In fact, I was extremely against the idea of this bet when he told me.” Amy’s fake gasp had become very convincing over the years, and she surprises herself that she can lie to her favourite teachers face so easily. “I just thought a change of scenery might be refreshing is all.”

“Well, in that case. The library sounds great.” Holt nods, “If you will leave me to eat my sandwich, I shall meet you there in approximately eight and a half minutes.”

Amy gives a curt nod before leaving the classroom and meeting Jake around the corner. “You need to fix the skeleton make-up before we take Manny trick or treating…” Amy grimaces slightly, “You’ve been stress rubbing your face.”

“I’m _stressed,_ okay?” Jake lets his head fall on the locker behind him, “What did he say?”

“He’s meeting me in the library in about eight minutes, suspected me to be involved but I convinced him I was on his side.” Amy informs him quietly while taking out her pencil case. “You’re going to replace Holt’s special pen with my own special fountain pen, which are basically identical.”

“You two really are meant to have a mentor slash mentee soul mate relationship…” Jake spaces out jokingly for a moment before he takes the pen from Amy’s hand. “Matching pens, so adorable.”

“You’ve got this in the bag, Jake. As soon as you’ve got it, put it in your pencil case so you don’t lose it.” Amy instructs further, pulling him in for a quick hug. “We’re proving to him how dedicated and smart you are, okay?”

“Okay.” Jake nods with a deep breath, smiling when she pulls away. “Now go, you wanna be there before Holt.”

~

The actual acquisition of the pen is quite simple and fast expedition for Jake. It only takes him five minutes to check the halls, before checking if anyone was in the classroom before sneaking in and replacing Holt’s displayed pen. 

He does as Amy says, stashing the item in his pencil case before running off to their usual hangout spot. The effortlessness of the heist was concerning to an extent, and he never stopped thinking about how it could all go wrong. _Maybe Holt was just humouring him, and he was still going to fail._

Amy eases his anxieties once she’s done revising her test with Holt (which was done as a distraction, but Jake knew better). She’s more thrilled than Jake about the prospect of a personal essay, and she’s already rattling off ideas of what she would write about. 

“I think I would write about the first atlas my dad bought me…” Amy cerebrates. “That was a special day, my fifth birthday so before I met you.”

“I have no clue what to write about, Ames.” Jake sulks, laying back on the grass. “Maybe I could write about when my mom got me Graham Crackers but that didn’t really affect me in a special way. I just had a turtle, it was so cool.”

There’s silence for a few moments before Amy speaks up again, “What about your dad?”

“What _about_ my dad?” Jake retorts.

“Well, him leaving definitely affected you.” Amy suggests gently, “Remember how you wouldn’t let go of the toy car he had given you? But then it made you too sad so you gave it to me…”

“I remember…” Jake mumbles.

“If he hadn’t left… Maybe we wouldn’t have met…” Amy shrugs at him, and he shakes his head with his eyebrows furrowed.

“I refuse to believe that.” Jake began, “I like to think that if we didn’t meet now, maybe we would meet as two sexy police detectives and we’d be enemies because we’re so different but eventually we’d be best friends. We’re soul friend mates…? You get it, we’re destined to be friends.”

“I know what you mean, Jake.” Amy giggles softly, “But I think it’s a good thing to write about. You’re dad left and that’s a huge thing which brought you to our apartment building and now we’re here, best friends.”

“Yeah, best friends. And I couldn’t be happier.” Jake agrees, “I think it’s a great idea. And you’ll help me?”

“Of course.” She’s laying down next to him as she speaks. “Don’t you start thinking I’m going to write it for you now.”

~

The visible shock on Holt’s face when Jake shows up, Amy following close behind him, with the pen in his hand makes Jake want to scream out in joy.

“How?” Holt pick up the pen already on his desk, observing the pen in the holder next to the one Jake places on the desk. “This pen is almost identical… How?”

“Well, it seems you and Amy have very good taste in fancy pens!” Jake exaggerates his voice, acting more surprised than he was. “I noticed that about a week ago, so when I had the idea to earn my honour back in this heist I knew _that_ had to be the item up for grabs.”

“And Santiago? You said you discouraged this behaviour.” 

“Well, sir, I want to say I’m sorry but Jake is my best friend.” Amy shrugs shyly, “If winning a crazy bet means he gets another chance to prove himself for the smart person I know he is, then I’m up for any shenanigans.”

“I must say, I’m very impressed with yours and Peralta’s friendship and loyalty to each other.” Holt nods simply, placing his own pen back in it’s holder. “Very well, I want your personal essay on my desk Monday morning.”

“And…?” Jake bites on his tongue, rolling on the balls of his feet. 

“You’re dismissed?” Holt feigns bewilderment, but Jake _knows_ that he knows - the stare down last another few seconds before Holt sighs. “Peralta... you are an amazing detective slash genius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a lot happened. shenanigise is my new favourite made up word. 
> 
> i wanna thank becca once again for the amazing person she is for helping me through the dips i've had, no one's doing it like her !!
> 
> now to get ready for competitive and soft jake and amy!!! so absolutely nothing different to normal~!!
> 
> kudos and comments are truly appreciated


	12. lean for me, and i'll fall back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from human by dodie
> 
> _Paint me in trust  
>  I'll be your best friend  
> Call me the one  
> This night just can't end  
> Oh_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a bit of a rough time with this chapter, and i’ve just been struggling with my confidence levels as of late but i worked my ass off to make it as perfect as i could and i really hope y’all enjoy 
> 
> sorry it’s a bit on the shorter side

“Well, it seems that the both of you did sufficient research for this debate and I’m highly impressed by the both of you.” Holt looks up from the papers in front of him, “You both get A’s.”

Jake and Amy struggle to hide their disappointment in front of the class. Not because of the grade itself, but because it meant neither of them _won._ The winner of the debates were up to their class so they were depending on grades to determine the winner - but they tied. 

Ever since receiving a B- on his personal essay, Jake started searching more and more for Holt’s opinion. He was trying a lot harder, mostly in Holt’s classes but he was improving in others as well. Finally having the belief of a teacher did wonders to his enthusiasm towards learning. Competing with Amy was always a great motivator for Jake too. 

Fighting for the attention of Holt was their new favourite activity. They were the star pupils of all the English classes that he taught, Holt’s words. 

“Is there a percentage grade, sir?” Amy questions on her way back to their desk, “I’m just… curious.”

“No, these are letter grades only.” 

“It’s no biggie!” Jake shrugs, slumping into his chair. “An A is an A, Ames. Whoa, there were too many A’s in that sentence…”

Amy rolls her eyes at Jake as she sits down, ignoring his further jabs as Holt calls up the next pair to debate. Alex watches from the desk behind them, baffled. 

Only months earlier was Jake basically in love with Amy. But now somehow he was completely normal around her, bickering and fighting just as they used to when he first met them. 

How many hours had Jake sat in Alex’s bedroom complaining about his feelings? _A lot_ was the answer. 

The awkwardness had vanished. Jake had either buried his feelings very deep inside or his crush was simply a silly crush that faded away. It didn’t seem so simple to Alex. 

Alex had countless lists and instructions on how to hide his feelings. They worked for the most part but the only list he couldn’t find the correct method to was _how to get rid of feelings._ His own crush on Jake had developed from cute butterflies to a raging ocean intense emotion that he couldn’t grasp. Especially if he was alone with Jake - which rarely happened anymore. 

This was mostly his own doing. Jake figured out how to deal with his feelings with time and space, so that’s what Alex would do. He still hung out with him at home when Amy was around, and obviously at school. It wasn’t hard to include Amy - she _was_ his best friend, why wouldn’t he want to include her? 

Jake would never like him like that. It was something Alex had to accept and move on from. If Jake could get over Amy and still be her best friend, then Alex could get over his dumb crush on Jake. 

~

 _Why do we make New Year’s resolutions when they’re so dumb?_ Jake rifles through his disorganised desk, his chest tight and breaths short as tears blur his eyes. _Fuck Roger for ruining their family._

Jake finally finds what he’s looking for, and he lets the tears fall as he sinks to the floor. 

**_New Year's Resolutions 1996:_ **

  * Impress Holt and beat Amy
  * Eat more sour candy even though mom told me not to
  * Learn to skateboard
  * Talk to my dad more



He reads over it too many times to count before scrunching it up. Jake should have known his dad wouldn’t magically become a Bruce Willis God-like father just because they talked on the phone once a week. How was Jake supposed to know that his dad would get a new girlfriend and a _new family_ and abandon him to marry this new family?

Jake had opened himself up to his dad again because family was important, that’s what Amy always told him. And it was for Jake too - _Amy’s_ family was important to him, as well as his mom. His dad was only biologically his family and he didn’t _have_ to include him in his life. He could just shut himself off again, not go to his stupid dad’s wedding.

But _nooo,_ his mom finds out and insists that he supports his father in his happiness. _That’s what family does, Jake._

Did Jake think that maybe one day things would work out and his parents would be happy together? Maybe. It’s something he never told anyone, that he was still rooting for his parents to get together. He blames Amy for that - he read her _The Parent Trap_ on the fire escape all of last month which only strengthened the hope that him talking to his dad on a regular basis would result in his parents getting back together.

What a dumb idiot he was. He climbs onto his bed, burying his head in the pillow which is quickly soaked by his tears. The last time he had cried like this was the first incident of his dad completely abandoning him and his mom, then before that was the initial separation. It was _his_ fault that they separated.

Jake was acting up in class so that meant his parents _had_ to come in and Mrs. Langford _had_ to suggest they go to family counselling. Therapy then caused all these issues and here they were. If Jake had just been obedient and didn’t ruin anything, then they could all be happy. 

He doesn’t hear Amy sneaking in through his window, only noticing her presence when her hand is on his shoulder and she’s asking what happened. Jake struggles through the words, but he tells her and she’s soon lying on the bed next to him with her arms wrapped tightly around him. 

She doesn’t mind his wet pillow, or how her shoulder was rapidly dampening with his tears. He feels like a complete fool, but with her whispers and fingers playing with his hair, Jake quickly calms down to quiet hiccups. 

Jake put all of his heart into his personal essay - he really wouldn’t be who he was today if it weren’t for his dad. Roger left them, and then Jake met Amy. The only reason he got a B- grade was because he was still greatly flawed in the way of words and general grammar. 

“So your mom says you have to go?” Amy finally asks, pulling back from their hug to focus on his answer.

“She was so happy that we were talking again and she doesn’t want my relationship to get worse.” Jake inhaled deeply in an attempt to steady his shaky breath. “I guess… I don’t want it to go bad again too…”

“Of course you don’t.” Amy threads her fingers with his, “I think you should go too, but do it for you and not for your parents.”

“Can you come for moral support?” He flashes his best puppy eyes, “That way if it sucks then it won’t be completely horrible because you’d be there.”

“Yes! As long as I’m allowed to.” Amy flips her hair over her shoulder, a smug look creeping on her face. “I’ve been working on my dance moves.”

~

The anger and sadness over his dad remarrying dissipates when he’s given permission to invite Amy. Jake doesn’t expect April to come around so quickly, but the morning of the wedding he wakes up a bundle of nerves. 

A bundle of nerves that had been non-existent since Amy agreed to tag along. The combined pep talks from Alex and Amy do nothing to help. 

Jake was going to have step siblings and stepmom. He had met them a few times, and they were completely opposite to the familial company he expects from the Santiago’s. The two kids, whom were both younger than him, were mean and cold towards Jake but really liked his dad. The few times Jake had been forced to go to lunch with them, as well as the hell on earth rehearsal dinner the night before, he would come back home in the worst of moods. Amy had seen him cry, even yell out in anger but he always tried to keep this mood out of her line of sight. 

But Amy had been there, every time, to make sure he was okay. 

She was there first thing in the morning on the day of his dad’s wedding. Not that it was hard for Amy, she _woke up with the sun_ \- her words, not his - and she had both their outfits packed in a bag and some snacks hidden in the pockets. Jake knew that Amy had everything planned to make this the most fun unbearable day for him. 

They hold hands the entire ride to the venue, throwing the rule they had made only a few years earlier to _not_ hold hands. Jake defensively reminds himself that he was over Amy and he’s been able to be affectionate without almost losing his mind. He was mature about it now.

His dad’s wedding day was either going to be disastrous or mildly infuriating but Amy was with him so Jake wouldn’t rip his head off.

~

The nervous jitters return when Roger pulls him from Amy’s side to have a private talk with him. They had already had the best man talk, and Jake had _shown_ him the speech Amy helped him write so he would approve. _What else was there to talk about?_

“Jake, have a seat.” Roger starts - he’s rubbing his hands in circles and pacing back and forth in an anxious manner he remembers from when they told Jake they were divorcing.

Jake does as he’s told, his own leg bouncing as a nervous habit of his own. “Are you excited to get married?”

“Yeah, so much.” Roger breaths lightly, a calmer smile appearing on his face. “I really love her, Jakey.”

“I’m glad, dad.” Jake replies genuinely, as much as he can be. “And thanks again for letting Amy come with me for company.”

“Of course, anything to make you happy, bud.” Roger still looks slightly stressed, and it makes it hard for Jake to relax in the moment. “Look, I’ve got something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?” The twisting in his gut only gets more intense the longer Roger takes to speak, “What’s going on, dad?”

“I’m… Well, me and Maureen are moving to Cincinnati. To be closer to her mom.” Roger slumps his shoulders, as if he felt genuine distress at the thought of abandoning his son once again.

Only this time it was to be with someone else - a _new_ family taking priority over his first family, his only son. Jake has tensed up, but keeps his features stoic so Roger can’t see the pure heartbreak Jake was feeling inside.

Jake was foolish to think Roger would change. 

Jake doesn’t give him the pleasure of a response, walking out of the room as quickly as his legs would allow. It’s _fine_ that he’s leaving, it’s good even. He did put all the effort to salvage his relationship with his dad so that he could move to another state. What exactly did he expect Jake to say anyway? Why had it been so important to tell him this before the wedding?

Amy is only sitting metres away when his Uncle Steve tugs on his arms, leading him to the front of the room where his dad was standing awkwardly waiting for the ceremony to begin. His eyes remain on Amy, comforting him with a simple smile and nod. 

He performs his part of the ceremony flawlessly; his task had been menial, passing his dad his paper where his vows were written. Jake is so desperate to get back to Amy’s side by the end of the ceremony that he completely forgets the photos that he had to take as part of the bridal party. 

She stands behind the photographer the entire time since she was there for nobody but Jake, but he’s still shaken without her presence right next to him. “Jake, you need to talk to me eventually.”

“Why do I need to?” Jake mumbles, a forced smile plastered to his face as Roger puts a hand on his shoulder for a photo of the groom and his son. 

“That was some pretty big news I told you back there.” 

“That is a fact, glad to see you passed school.” 

They’re silent for a minute more before Roger speaks up again, “It’s been on my mind for a while and I couldn’t get married without telling you that.”

“Oh so you’ve known for a while and you just haven’t told me?” Jake scoffs, his disdain flashing for a moment before he’s able to put on his best smile again. “That makes it a lot better, dad.”

“I’ll be back for a few weeks every summer, and Christmas.” 

“Wow, that’s more than usual.” 

“Jake.”

“No! It’s fine, I’m glad you’ll be happy with your new family in Cincinnati who you’ll probably cheat on like with mom.”

Jake refuses to stay any longer at that point. He can’t leave the wedding, not until his mom picks him and Amy up, but he can storm away and ignore Roger for the rest of the night. He takes Amy’s hand before breaking into a spring which she barely stumbles to follow. 

“Jake! What’s going on?” He doesn’t stop until they’re in a corner in the depths of the reception hall, they’re both slightly out of breath when she finds a sofa for them to settle on. “What happened?”

“Good ol’ Roger strikes again.” Jake laughs sarcastically, shaking his head. “He’s moving to Cincinnati with his new family.”

“That _jerk._ ” Amy falls against the wall with her eyes closed. “I don’t want to use any language that my mom would disapprove of but… He’s a complete asshole.”

“Oh my god! Amy!” Jake gasps, his hand against his chest. “You better hope Camila isn’t around the corner with _la chancla._ ”

“I’ll hit you with my chancla in a second.” Amy glares at him, her gaze softening after a mere fraction of a second. “I’m just mad that you put effort into a relationship but he doesn’t. He just leaves.”

“I mean, should we have expected better?” Jake shrugs, “He’s got a lousy track record.”

“Probably not…” Amy sighs, resting her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s… fine.” 

“No, it’s not.” Amy groans, her eyes squeezed shut again. “You deserve so much better.”

“I have that. Better.” Jake claimed, his anger fading and confidence rising. “My mom is the best person on earth. Your parents are basically my parents too, and then I have seven brothers that I’ve known since I was seven. And of course my friends, Alex, Rosa, Gina, Charles… And then you of course - my best friend in the whole world who comes to my dad’s god awful wedding just to make sure I’m okay? Trust me, I do have better.”

“Do you wanna go cause havoc on the dancefloor?” Amy takes his hand again when he nods enthusiastically. “Roger Peralta’s not gonna know what hit him!”

~

Dancing is an understatement of what they do. Jake and Amy practically tear up the dance floor. Amy had shown him a new dance move a few days earlier which featured too much forearms and a little bit of elbow, but he was having so much fun that he could hardly be embarrassed by these awful moves.

“If only David could see me now!” Amy chortles, clearly out of breath as the song ends. “I would destroy him in a Dance contest… Like what if they had a show where they pitted siblings against each other in dance contests… I would _totally_ win.”

“Yeah you would beat _David_ and David only.” Jake says as they walk to the side of the dance floor. “Ames, do you think I should have done the speech still?”

“Nope.” Amy straightens herself after stretching, “You wrote a wonderful speech that he didn’t deserve.”

“Yeah, yeah you’re right.” Jake nods, “I can’t wait for my mom to pick us up.”

“Need to get back on the dance floor?” Amy suggests. 

“To _I’m All Out of Love?_ ” Jake scoffs, “You can’t use your forearms in a slow dance, you know.”

“I’ll live, plus I’m tired and swaying sounds nice.”

Amy follows him back to the dance floor, not hesitating to resting her head on his chest. Jake’s heartbeat is steady for the first time all day, the entirety of his worries feeling like light years away. It was just the two of them, no crappy dads or friendly rivalries at school. 

“Jake, when exactly did you get tall?” 

“Oh, that happened about two weeks ago.”

~

Amy falls asleep in the car ride home, spread out in the backseat while Jake explained everything to his mom. She’s just as furious as he and Amy had been, assuring that she was going to have a stern talk with Roger. 

Jake helps Amy into bed, mumbling his thanks once again before she begins to snore. He couldn’t be more thankful for her - his best friend. 

Alex is waiting by his window reading when he finally makes his way up to his room. “Hi.”

“Hey, Jake!” Alex jumps at his presence, slamming his book shut. “How did the wedding go?”

“It was a crapfest, but it was also fun.” He takes a seat next to Alex with a huff before he explains the events of the night, “Only reason it was fun was because of Amy, of course.”

“Wow, your dad really sucks.” Alex shakes his head. 

“Understatement.” Jake snorts, “Amy called him an _asshole!_ ”

“You’re joking.” Alex covers his mouth to keep his laughter in. “Amy _swore?!_ ”

“I swear I’m not.” Jake slaps Alex’s knee as he begins to laugh a little louder, “She really did it. I’m so proud.”

Jake and Alex giggle uncontrollably for a few minutes, feeling himself heat up from pure joy in the cool spring night. Once they stop laughing neither are able to wipe the grins off their faces and Jake doesn’t want him to stop smiling. 

It’s a weird feeling, one that was familiar but completely new to him. Almost like butterflies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?


	13. you know i find it hard to understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from sweet tooth by cavetown
> 
> _Sweet tooth for you  
>  My dreamin' space  
> It's filled with scribbles, tore the page  
> Decipher them with coloured paint  
> Repair the stitches in my face_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this has climbed the ladder to be one of my favourite chapters i've written once again. it's very important to me as well so enjoy!!

“Come out when you’re ready, mija.” 

Amy sighs, turning to observe the back of the most ridiculous piece of fabric on earth. “Jake and Alex, promise not to laugh?”

“Of course we won’t!” Alex assures her from behind the curtain.

“I make no such promise!” Jake yells, but he’s _definitely_ lying because she can already hear him attempting to stifle his laughter. 

“I’m not coming out until Jake stops laughing.” Amy crosses her arms, facing the mirror again until Jake’s giggles die down to mostly inaudible.

When he’s quietened down for thirty seconds is when she steps out to where her mom, Alex and Jake are waiting. She’s not surprised when Jake screeches out in laughter, falling slightly on Alex’s shoulder before rocking onto Camila’s shoulder. Alex is giggling as well, but Amy suspects that it’s mostly at Jake’s reaction, not how ridiculous she looks.

Her mom has the reaction that she was expecting, crying. Camila stands up, her arms open as she walks closer to observe the dress. “Amy, you look so beautiful!” She wails, taking Amy’s gloved hands in hers, “Just wait till your father sees you, oh, he’s going to love it!”

“Mom…” Amy shifts uncomfortably, her eyes falling on Jake who is genuinely trying to hide his laughter now, “Is there anyway I can get a dress more…”

“More what?” Her mom lifts her face up gently to make eye contact, and it makes Amy squirm even more.

“I think she wants more puffs in her sleeves!” Jake butts in, earning probably the coldest glare in the entire time they’ve been friends.

“Fashionable? Fashionable, it’s 1997, mom.” Amy tells her, letting go of her mom’s hands to run her hands down the silk. “It’s _fine_ but it’s also just too poofy and not great. It’s not the 80’s!”

“The puff sleeves look amazing, mija.” Camila waves her hand dismissively, “You’re overthinking it.”

“I really hate the puff sleeves, mom.” Amy whines, “Jake already can’t stop laughing, Gina will not stop making fun of me for at least 6 years. INTO THE NEXT MILLENIA, MOM!”

“Keep your voice down!” Camila warns, “We can take a look for one with ‘less puff’ which I frankly find ridiculous.”

Amy isn’t _ungrateful_ for her quinceañera, it’s the opposite. She loves seeing her entire family, and the few quinces she had been to had been some of the most fun parties she’d ever been to. There was always at least one fight that everyone gossiped about for weeks and there was cake. She didn’t have anything to criticise about the event itself (besides the very misogynistic history of it); what Amy couldn’t stand was her mom and dad _planning it._

Amy was able to admit that she could be a major pain when she would plan her study sessions, and birthday parties, _and_ _just about everything she ever did._ But it wasn’t her fault she was like this, it was her parents’ fault.

So when Camila and Victor were planning an event, it was like Amy on steroids. Was she admitting to herself that if she met herself that she couldn’t deal with her type-A personality? Completely and unabashedly. 

Her parents had mentioned her quinceñera in passing over the years, but when she started her sophomore year of high school is when her mom had revealed _the binder._ It’s the thickest binder she had ever seen filled out; she had seen it on shelves in their favourite stationary store but she had only dreamed of using one before. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen; that was until they sat her down and unleashed double the Santiago planning anxiety gene on her.

Amy knew she’d grow to be just as intense as they were, but it was a lot more tiring than she expected it to be. She just wanted to plan it at her own pace, have _fun_ with it. Fun was not dragging her and two of her best friends to the dress shop for a last minute dress fitting she had completely forgotten about.

“I’m sorry you were dragged along.” Amy sighs, “I wish we could be back home playing Monopoly, I was really about to bankrupt you both.”

“I’d rather be here watching _this_ than being bankrupt by you, Ames.” Jake giggles again, a lot more in control than before. 

“And this is a once in a lifetime experience!” Alex adds, “You can bankrupt us anytime but your quinceñera only comes once.”

“We intend to savour it like that caramel cake you had on your fourteenth birthday…” Jake stretches his arms behind his head and leans back, “Are you having a caramel cake for this too?”

“Yes.” Amy rolls her eyes, plopping onto the couch in the middle of Jake and Alex. “I know I said I hated the dress but I love these gloves.”

“I’m sure whatever dress your mom picks out next will have just as amazing satin gloves.” Alex snorts softly, “I’m seriously okay with being here and doing this but I could really go for some ice cream right about now.”

“Ugh, me too.” Amy groans loudly, suddenly using their shoulders as support to get up as her mom walks back into the room with more dresses. 

“Okay, I hope you like one of these otherwise I can’t help you.” Camila lays the dresses gently on her seat before putting her hands on her hips, “This is the only new dress I’m buying you until your wedding, so be grateful.”

“Until my wedding?” Amy sucks in a breath, a deep frown forming on her face. “What about homecoming and senior prom??”

“Homecoming, thrift store. Prom, we’ll see.” 

Amy doesn’t push it, smiling politely at her mom before taking the dresses into the change room. One of these dresses would be the one, and if her mom refuses to buy a new dress for prom then Amy could just learn to sew and make her own dress somehow.

It only takes another hour before they find the _perfect dress_ \- not by Amy’s standards so much, but her mom left exhilarated - and had all the adjustment measurements taken. Jake spent the whole time still laughing with Alex of course, but she only rolled her eyes in response and warned them when they left the store.

“Get your laughter out now, boys. On the day, I need you two to be praising the ground I walk on so I don’t feel stupid.”

~

 _When did the library get so big?_ He never remembered the library being so damn big whenever he was here with Amy, but now that he’s been there without her for a total of two minutes, he feels completely lost.

Jake decided to take up Amy’s level of research, even went as far as to take Amy’s library card _without her permission,_ so that he could do it. He had managed to store the few instances of those feelings in the back of his mind, but any time he had been alone with Alex they would creep back and Jake would go back to his room utterly confused.

Jake had crushes on multiple girls in the past; Sophia, Jenny, _Amy._ So Jake felt butterflies around a boy. _One time._ That didn’t mean he was gay. 

That’s why Jake was in the library on a Thursday night surrounded by books on sexuality that the librarian had very hesitantly suggested to him. Every sentence is more overwhelming than the last; there was so much to sexuality that he just didn’t understand.

Maybe he was overthinking it. It happened over a year ago, and there had only been one or two instances where the butterflies had returned but _that_ was certainly because of the memory and not actual feelings. There was nothing wrong with it of course, Jake was just extremely confused. One of his closest friends was gay and he had openly gay teachers and he loved them all, so there was nothing he had an issue with. 

He’d considered bringing it up to Amy, or his mom or even Holt, who might be the most understanding of his confusion. But if he was overthinking it, he didn’t want to seem stupid. The library was his best bet - _god Amy would be so proud of me._

In the third book, tracing his finger down the contents page, he sees a subject he hadn’t seen in the other ones. _Bisexuality._

He ravages the four pages dedicated to it, searching for answers. An explanation for any of the feelings he was having. All the book does is give a definition, rattling on about how it was disputed by many.

Liking men _and_ women. The best of both worlds in writing, but confusing as hell to come to terms with. Was he bisexual?

In the end he leaves the library more confused than he was before. Maybe keeping it in a box in the deepest depths of his mind was the best choice. But Amy was getting busier with her quinceañera planning and that meant Jake was going to be spending a lot more alone time with Alex and with _this_ on his mind, it made everything not so fun. 

Not checking out any books with Amy’s card is the best choice. Maybe he should talk to Alex, or do something so fun that he has no time to think about Alex’s laugh or smile or the way he makes Jake so happy with just a few words. The latter felt like a better option to Jake. 

He arrives home to find Alex and Amy doing their homework on the fire escape, laughing and having a good time. The way Jake’s stomach twists as he climbs back into his bedroom without a word makes him wish he had never gone to the library in the first place. 

~

“Amy, there’s nothing to be upset about, we’re just going to the arcade today.” Alex pats her shoulders gently, “You’re missing out on nothing but me kicking Jake’s ass.”

“But seeing his ass get kicked is one of my favourite activities!” Jake scoffs at the same time Amy whines and slumps into her desk chair.

“I never should have helped you get better at arcade games…” Jake crosses his arms, failing to keep the smile off his face with the passing seconds. 

“Please, I was a natural.” Alex brags nonchalantly.

“Natural?” Jake squeaks, “Define natural - do you possibly mean to say it took you four hours to get to a point where you weren’t losing horrendously?”

“Nat-u-ral!” Alex insists, poking his tongue out at Jake. 

“Okay, they must have updated the definition in the Oxford Dictionary…” Jake retorts, grin only growing.

“As if they would just _change_ the meaning of a word.” Amy rolls her eyes at them, “That’s besides the point, I don’t want to spend the whole day with my parents ignoring what I want and then taking hours to decide on something. It’s infuriating!”

“This is karma, really.” Jake strokes his chin, as if he were some wise professor. “Don’t you think, Alex?”

“Why yes, Jake.” Alex doesn’t hold out with his acting, bursting into giggles when Amy’s glare intensifies. 

Once the laughter dies out and Amy looks _less_ like she wants to murder them both, Jake stands up and wraps an arm around her shoulders, “Okay, but what if I promise we won’t have too much fun?”

“Yeah! I’ll let Jake win so you won’t miss out on him losing!” Alex adds with another breathy laugh. 

“I’ll write notes…?” Jake interjects, satisfied when he grabs Amy’s attention. 

“Ohhh, I _like_ that.” Amy brings her hands together, tapping her fingers before they fall to her side. “Last time you forgot.”

“I won’t this time, I promise.”

Amy shouldn’t be shocked that he forgets. She spends the whole day with her parents bickering and manipulating the way they want her to choose, and she goes along with it just to make the day easier. To say she was thrilled to hear about his more exciting day with Alex was an understatement, but standing by her window, she only finds Jake to look panicked.

Initially, she thought he’d forgotten to take notes, but Amy wasn’t _that_ scary to provoke such dismay that was obviously plaguing him. Amy knew Jake better than she knew herself, and the same was true for him, so she _knew_ this mood. It was something bigger. 

Maybe his dad had come back? The thought alone enrages Amy, but it’s the only viable option to get him to this level of patent anxiety. Jake doesn’t notice her presence by the window until she finally climbs through.

“Oh, hey, Ames.” Jake immediately perks up when he sees her, “How was the day of planning?”

“Never thought I’d say this, but horrible.” Amy chuckles as she sits next to him. “How was your day?”

“I forgot to write notes…” Jake scrunches up his nose adorably, “Sorry.”

“Hey, no, don’t worry about it.” Amy rests a hand on top of his hand, squeezing lightly, “Did you have a good time?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jake nods quickly, the smile on his face roughly forced.

He avoids eye contact with her, instead looking at their joint hands. “Jake, are you okay? What happened?”

“Nothing happened!” Jake shakes himself out his stupor with a large grin. “I think I’m just tired from beating Alex at video games all day.” 

“Are you sure? I can talk to you, or lend an ear.” Amy knows he’s lying to her so she adds her other hand for emphasis, seeing as his expression moves from happiness to panic to softness within a few seconds.

“I would love a third ear, specifically on my right pec, but I think I just need to go to bed.”

Jake hugs her tightly, and Amy can feel how hard his heart is beating. It hurts that he can’t confide in her what’s bothering him; all Amy wants is to make everything okay for her best friend. She doesn’t know what to do as he climbs up the ladder to his room, all she can really do is stare out at the bright city around her and do her own planning.

_Figure out what’s wrong with Jake._

~

Jake didn’t understand how he could be simultaneously not confused but more confused than he had ever been in his entire life. Amy was starting to get suspicious and he had no answers for when she would eventually confront him about his weird behaviour.

What’s worse is that Alex seemed to be just as curiously aware as Amy was. At least Jake thinks he was, he could just be overanalysing every interaction he’s had with Alex in the past day. There was no doubt in Jake’s mind that he had a full blown crush on Alex now; this still freaked him out and confusion didn’t quite fit how he was feeling anymore. The acceptance of these feelings lead to Jake behaving just as awkwardly around Alex as he had back when he liked Amy. 

_God,_ liking Amy felt like an eternity ago - and when he liked Amy he was around Alex _all the time._ So Alex was _definitely_ catching onto him.

Jake had the best day with Alex, and all the doubt of what he was feeling was crushed to smithereens. The only vibe he had given to Alex _and_ Amy was that he had an awful time. 

It had been up and down the entire time with Alex; they would have the best games and laugh, but then Jake would get quiet because the butterflies would return and wreak havoc in his brain. The conversation got less weird and more comfortable on their way to Sal’s, Jake feeling like his brain was getting back in order before they arrived. 

“Alex, can I ask you something… personal?” Jake begins twisting his hands together as he sits down in the booth across from him.

“Yeah… Of course.” Alex’s eyes pop out a bit in apprehension of Jake’s sudden nerves. 

“When did you…. No, like… How did you...” Jake shakes his head harshly, doubt crashing on him as he sees Alex’s concern grow. _He shouldn’t be asking him._ “Never mind, it’s dumb.”

“Jake, what’s up? You can tell or ask me anything.” Alex smiles reassuringly at him, thanking Sal quietly for the pizza as Jake tackles the maze of feelings and confusion in his head.

“How… did you know…” Jake looks down at his display temperature pizza, picking at the pepperoni piece that had slid onto the plate. “...that you were gay?”

“Oh.” Alex jaw drops the slightest, but he’s able to fix it so quickly that Jake almost misses it.

“You don’t have to-”

“No! I want to.” Alex shakes his head, but he’s smiling.

“I just wanted to know, you know? You never talked about it.” Jake feels like he nailed the excuse, but his earlier behaviour he was afraid might have been a dead giveaway. 

“Of course, I’ve never really talked about it.” Alex takes a bite of his pizza before he continues talking. “There wasn’t a specific moment, I don’t think. I just never had interest in girls, I had probably one or two close friends - a girl and a boy. People would make jokes about us getting married and I had zero interest. 

“I didn’t think much of it, really - just thought I never had a crush on the _‘right girl’_ per se. But then there was this new boy in our class who had the prettiest eyes and kindest face, and I was just obsessed with him. We became friends and after a while it kinda just came to me, _oh I like this boy._ And I was freaked out for a little bit, but the more I thought about it the more it all made sense to me. It felt right in my bones and once I really accepted it, I had never been so at peace. 

“The world sucks and says what I’m feeling is wrong but it’s the only thing that makes complete sense to me.”

“Is it that simple?” Jake asks quietly.

“Oh no, definitely not. I just gave you the daisies and sunshine version.” Alex laughs, a hint of faded frustration in his voice. “I say I freaked out for a bit but it was two years I was confused and putting myself down for what I was feeling. It was only a few months before I moved here that I really accepted myself. Now I’m living my best secret gay life.”

“Sounds fabulous.” Jake chuckles.

“It is so fabulous.” Alex replies, “But yeah, it’s a scary process and taking your time is what anyone needs to do if they’re questioning their sexuality. It doesn’t need to be figured out right away or you die or anything dramatic.”

“Thank you for sharing that.” Jake smiles sincerely, finally building the courage to meet Alex’s gaze. 

“Anytime.” Alex shrugs happily, his gaze soft, knowing and ultimately comforting.

So yeah, Jake inadvertently came out to Alex. The advice given from Alex had been worded like it was advice he would give anyone, but Jake knew it was for him alone. Alex was the only one he was close with that would really understand, so no one else would find out until Amy broke him down and figured it out for herself. 

Jake felt so brain dead that he couldn’t determine for himself if the day had really been a disaster as he initially thought or if this day was great for him. He wasn’t lying when he told Amy that he was exhausted from his day with Alex, it was just for a completely different reason.

Even though Alex had assured him he could take his time, Jake probably felt the most confident than he had in a year. The butterflies thinking about his day with Alex didn’t feel as terrifying as they had only hours ago. 

~

Amy didn’t get much sleep. 

A lot of her night she was overthinking reasons that could make Jake that upset and possible solutions to this behaviour. His worries were her worries after all, and he had been acting up like this on and off for a few months from what she can recall. 

Only getting three hours sleep put a damper on her mood when her mom woke her up to drag her to the cake shop so they (her mom and the baker would be more accurate) could discuss the decoration of the cake. Amy was lucky enough to choose the flavour, as well as the luxury to bring Jake.

Her main concern was finding a time where she would be able to talk to Jake and her mom _wasn’t_ eavesdropping. She didn’t want to be pushy but it was eating her alive knowing something happened that he didn’t tell her. They told each other everything. 

Jake seemed to be okay when she first saw him that morning, his sleepy grin as dopey as ever. He sleepily remarks how he never thought he’d be so happy to be awake so early during the summer, but eating cake with Amy was worth it. It makes her almost forget the previous night altogether.

But there was something wrong still. The car was silent - which wasn’t completely abnormal this early in the morning - and Jake was staring out the window, his eyes flickering to every object he’s able to look at in the moving vehicle while chewing on his bottom lip. The stress was as clear as the blue sky and Amy didn’t like not knowing _why._

Amy had narrowed it down to four options. Number one was an obvious one, Roger. He was always up to _something_ that always ended up hurting Jake so he was a high contender on her list. Second was a new issue that had only appeared in the last year, Trevor. Jake had finally believed that his mom had found a nice boyfriend; _Trevor had a limo for crying out loud,_ he was awesome. But the coolness factor didn’t last long when his mom caught him cheating and flaked. So maybe his mom had a new boyfriend? And he was afraid of another Trevor? 

The third possible reason was that Jake did something bad and he was hiding it from Amy. He’s definitely done that before, like one night before Halloween he went out with Alex and Rosa, teepeeing and throwing eggs at a bunch of houses. Amy had been with her abuelo that night so she came home to a very embarrassed Jake who wouldn’t talk to her when she knocked on his window that night.

Amy had later found out what he’d done and learned that he’d been grounded for two weeks and wasn’t allowed to go to the Halloween party at Gina’s house. 

The final reason was her least favourite; that _she_ had done something wrong and Jake was mad at her. It’s the reason she spent most of her night drafting apology letters and hoping that would give her an idea of what she might have done wrong. The only serious wrong-doing she could solve was when she didn’t let him lick the crumbs off her dessert when she was done. 

Amy hadn’t had a serious argument with Jake for a while, but the longer she thinks about this the more she feels one stirring within her. She was his best friend and whatever he was going through, she wanted to be there for him. Did Jake feel like he _couldn’t_ come to her? If that were the case, Amy can’t fathom why he couldn’t.

Jake looks to be more bright and relaxed when they arrive at the cake place. Amy genuinely can’t place the shift in his mood despite her list of reasons _why_ he was in these moods.

“Cake, _cake,_ cake, _cake!_ ” Jake starts singing quietly to himself as they make their way inside. Amy decides in that moment to let it slide until they’re able to be alone, bouncing along to his not-so-original tune.

She barely notices how quickly the time passes, or how her worry for Jake completely fades in the relaxed presence of him. They had always had that effect on each other, and it’s probably why he didn’t seem upset about his troubles the entire morning. Amy only remembers to bring it up once they arrive home for lunch. 

Jake and Amy manage to escape to her room right away, too full on cake to possibly think about toasted sandwiches for lunch. It was too hot to sit out on the fire escape, so they were lucky to find that David wasn’t moping around in their bedroom so Amy could _finally_ use the amazing detective skills she had learned from her dad to crack the case - the case being Jake, of course.

She sits him down at her desk before slowly walking around him to stand at the side of the desk. Placing her hands gently on the desk, she softens and asks quietly, “Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Uhh, what’s going on?” Jake tries to hold back his chuckle, able to see from her face that she wasn’t joking.

“I know something has been bothering you.” Amy reiterates calmly. “You’ve been really weird lately, especially the last few weeks and you haven’t talked to me and you always know I’m here to talk when you need-”

“Ames…” 

“Please, just… I want to be your friend.” Amy sighs dramatically, “I want to help with whatever is troubling you.”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Jake repeats as he did the night before, the smile on his face only a fraction more convincing. 

“Jake!” Amy groans loudly, stomping her foot as nicely as she can. She may be frustrated but she doesn’t want to be _mean._ “I know you’re lying.”

Amy begins rattling off her mental list of what might be wrong, and by the end of it, Jake is struggling to keep his composure. “It’s not funny, Jake! I know when something is upsetting you and I’m trying my best to help but you _won’t tell me!_ ”

“Ames, Ames. Please, come here.” Jake pulls her back to reality and physically back to the desk. “I promise you did nothing wrong.”

“Then _what?_ What is it?” Amy cries out, squeezing his hands.

Jake goes silent for a full minute, his eyes drifting from her face, to their hands and to her desk multiple times. His nervousness seems to peak, and he opens his mouth a few times as if to say something but nothing comes out. This behaviour sends Amy’s nerves on fire, _what was he going to tell her?_

“I can’t tell you.” Jake tells her quietly, and her jaw drops. “Not yet, at least.”

“Wh-why?”

“This… It’s something I need to figure out myself and it’s really hard but I have to.” Jake explains, and this time he’s the one squeezing her hands. “Can you trust me when I say it’s nothing against you?”

“I- um, of course.” Amy nods furiously, not entirely sure what to do with the new (or old?) information. “But you know I’m here for you, right?”

“I love you, Amy. So much, got it?” When Amy nods, he stands up to wrap his arms around her tightly.

Jake isn’t able to stay much longer after that, so she’s left alone with her mom the rest of the day completely addled. He openly admitted to not telling her something, and that _hurt._ But Amy also trusted him to tell her whatever it was when he could, she knows it has to be something serious to not outright tell her after she berated him for it. 

She just had to be patient with him.

~

So Amy was patient as a Santiago could be. 

It had been a few days since that strange interaction and Amy still wasn’t handling not knowing very well. That was to put it lightly; it was driving her absolutely insane. She even made word clouds as an attempt to crack it but she felt no closer to an answer.

Jake had even been avoiding her. Not so much avoiding but being honest and telling her he needed time to himself instead of coming to her final dress fitting with Alex. Amy had considered asking Alex if he knew anything, but she doesn’t want to cross any lines so she remains in a state of near paranoia over her best friend’s secret. 

Maybe she wouldn’t feel this anxious about it if she had an inkling of what it was. Did he commit a crime? Ridiculous idea. On the less outrageous spector, Amy thought that Jake had a crush on a girl and he didn’t want to tell her. 

But that was just as crazy to her as Jake committing a crime. She always knew about who he liked; Sophia and Jenny Gildenhorn being the two main ones. Why would Jake try to hide yet another crush from his best friend? Maybe he had liked more girls and didn’t tell her, but then why couldn’t he keep it a secret now? 

Unless…

Did he have a crush… on her?

 _No._ That was insane. But she had been suspicious before that he had a crush on her. Plus her brothers were always teasing her about Jake liking her and vice versa. 

Jake didn’t like her, that was the stupidest thought she’d ever have. 

It would explain his weirder than usual behaviour. Jake had never been great at lying but it was stupid how good she could read him and whenever it was just the two of them, he was awkward and quiet. Only when they were with their entire group of friends was he as loud and obnoxious as she knew him to be. But if it was just Amy and Jake, and even sometimes when Alex tagged along, there were just periods where Jake would seep a particular brand of awkward.

How did Amy even feel if that were the truth? Jake _like_ liking Amy was a serious thing. They were best friends. If they dated, or whatever, and it went south then that could be disastrous. There was also the question, did Amy want to date Jake?

It was fundamental for their friendship that she figure out how she felt about him before he could possibly tell her. If she was even right, it was possible she was completely off and he was deathly ill and couldn’t figure out how to tell her. No, this made more sense, he definitely wouldn’t keep _that_ from her.

So, how did Amy feel about Jake? She _liked_ Jake of course, but was it more than being her best friend since she was six years old? He was Jake; goofy, kind, hilarious… A thousand more adjectives came to her mind of how to describe Jake Peralta. He was so many things to her. He was her first kiss, which technically wasn’t romantic, at all. But it counted, and it was nice. He was a better kisser than Teddy ever was. 

Amy didn’t know how to come to a conclusion to how she felt. How does she simply decide she has feelings for a boy she had known since she was a little kid? None of the books she’s read prepared her what to do in this situation. 

There was no way to approach it in which she could find a definitive answer. Amy was screwed. 

~

Jake had already felt a steady stream of anxiety for a few months now, but now that he knew Amy was onto him, well to put it simply Jake was freaking the hell out twenty-four seven. He was _so bad_ at keeping secrets, especially from Amy, and he really doesn’t know how he’s been able to keep all of these feelings to himself for months on end. 

So now both his closest friends were suspicious of his behaviour. This wasn’t just in his head either, both Amy and Alex had come forward and asked him why he was being weird. Alex had been the next day, asking _how he was_ and if there was _anything he wanted to talk about_ because of their talk from days earlier.

Jake had obviously panicked and got out of the situation as fast as he could without raising even more suspicion. He was doing just _fine._

Except that his feelings were growing so rapidly now that he couldn’t doubt that he liked Alex. Jake thinks he’s pretty sure that he is definitely probably bisexual. But now he doesn’t know what to do. He feels just as helpless, if not _more,_ as he did when he liked Amy. Does he act on his feelings? Or just hopelessly pine after said love interest like he was in a dumb rom-com?

Although, if he were in a rom-com he would come across some homeless man or something who would give him the inspiration to go after what he wants. But it was real life, and he didn’t want to go out to find a stranger to give him wise life advice. So instead he was stuck on Alex’s couch, only inches away from the boy he really liked, watching a movie he couldn’t care less about if he tried.

Alex, however, was very invested in the movie. Jake couldn’t even remember the name of the movie but Alex was being all adorable, perched up on the edge of his seat as he watched the climax of the movie. 

Jake was glad Alex was glued to the television so he wouldn’t catch Jake staring so obviously. He had tried to shake himself out of it too many times to count but he always found an excuse to glance at him even if just for a second. 

It’s honestly a shock to Jake when Alex sinks back into the couch, turning his head to smile at him, “Did you like it?”

“Uh, yeah, I really liked it.” Jake doesn’t know if Alex thought he was staring, but he’s blushing regardless and looking back to the credits. “The ending… was, uh, really good?”

“Okay, that’s it.” Alex huffs gently, hooking his legs underneath him so he was completely facing Jake. “I know you’re going through... stuff. And I just want to you to know that I’m here to talk. I can tell it’s eating you up, Jake”

“The only thing eating me up is my need for more popcorn…” Jake chuckles nervously, reaching over the armchair only to find the bowl empty. “Damn.”

“Jake…” Alex repeats quietly, “I want to help.”

“Uhm… Yeah, okay, I guess… Here it goes.” Jake crosses his legs on the couch so that he’s also facing Alex, “So, uh, basically, I think I like this boy… And we’re pretty close and I guess I’ve been questioning if it’s nothing or if I _like_ like him which is dumb but also not I guess. I was just really confused because I definitely like girls, but also I’m quite certain now that I like boys too.

Don’t tell Amy this but I even did research at the library, it might kill her with happiness. But yeah, basically I don’t know what to do now because I really like this guy but I don’t want to mess things up, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Alex takes a moment to pick out his next words, “I had a feeling, when you asked about how I knew I was gay, that you might like boys. My advice on that is… I guess, follow your heart. It’s cheesy but if you really like them it’s worth trying.”

Jake doesn’t say anything after this; they just spend a minute or so looking at each other. Most of the minute consists of an internal battle inside Jake’s head - to tell him or not to tell him. To kiss him or not to kiss him. _Follow your heart,_ that’s what Alex had said. Jake had spent way too long fighting off these feelings for Alex, and he’d screwed up like this before, not taking a chance when he really wanted to. He wasn’t going to do that again. 

Near the end of the minute is when confusion begins to creep into Alex’s features. Jake takes a deep breath, his eyes flickering to Alex’s lips and when he looks back up, Alex does the same. He’s certain that his heartbeat is audible to everyone on their block as he leans over awkwardly on his crossed legs, pressing his lips to Alex’s.

It only lasts a second and a half before Jake pulls back again, breathless and _wow_ he just did that. Alex looks just as awe struck and they _really just kissed._

“Boy did I make the wrong assumption…” Alex giggles, shyly picking at the couch. “I thought you were gonna say you like Charles.”

“Charles!?” Jake screeches with laughter, and it sends the both of them into another fit of laughter. Nothing had really changed, except that he didn’t have to hide his feelings anymore. Jake could just take his hand and not be weird about it, so he did.

Their laughter lasts a few minutes before they relax again, Alex kissing him softly again and letting him tangle his fingers through Jake’s hair. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.”

Neither of them want to move from the couch, living in their little bubble. So they don’t, for hours. They remain on the couch, finally talking without having to hold anything back. Alex tells Jake how he had feelings for Jake for a long time, and Jake tells Alex the moment he started questioning everything.

The time passes so fast that they’re not prepared for the jingling of the keys at eleven at night as his dad returns home. Alex immediately jumps back to the corner of the couch, acting as casual as he can to ward off any suspicion. Alex follows Jake to the fire escape when his dad tells him to go back home before his mom notices, obviously wanting to say goodbye in private.

“So…” Jake swings his arms, struggling to keep his grin from taking up his whole face. “Tonight was fun.”

“Yeah! It was!” Alex lets out an giddy noise, not trying as hard as Jake to contain himself. “Can I kiss you again?”

Jake nods silently, meeting him halfway for another peck, less than a second. He keeps obsessing over how long they are because it still feels so unreal that it happened. Jake also knows he’s likely not going to get enough sleep because of how stupidly giddy he is. He just has to hope that Amy doesn’t kill him for messing up the dance.

~

Amy isn’t surprised when she’s woken up at an ungodly hour to set up the venue for her quinceñera; what she’s surprised by is Jake’s friendly face and gentle taps on her shoulder. She can’t fight the grin when he begins singing happy birthday quietly, letting out a laugh when David hits Jake with a pillow on the top bunk.

“This is a nicer wake up call than I expected.” Amy whispers, rubbing her eyes.

“I figured it was a nicer than your mom dragging you out of bed without time to process that it’s your fifteenth birthday!” Jake responds in the same volume, “It’s quinceañera time, Ames.”

“We’ve been planning this for months and I’m no where near mentally prepared for any of this.” Amy chuckles as she sits up, scooching over so that Jake can sit next to her. “Jake, I said you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“The only reason I took that summer job at Sal’s was so I could get you a present, Amy.” Jake rolls his eyes, placing the box in her lap.

“Also free pizza.” Amy retorts with a quiet snort.

“ _Also_ the free pizza.” Jake resigns graciously, “Now open it.”

She’s careful as she slides the ribbon off, underneath was written in his neatest handwriting. _Quince._ That alone makes her heart explode with happiness. Amy doesn’t expect to gasp so loudly when she unfolds the tissue paper. “TICKETS TO MEET ANN M. MARTIN!? AUTHOR OF THE BABYSITTERS CLUB AKA MY FAVOURITE SERIES????” 

Amy had only been whisper screaming, but it still earns the reaction of David throwing his pillow down at them again with a loud grunt. “Shut up.”

“No, you!” Amy squeals softly again, kicking his mattress so that he groans again. “I’m meeting Ann M. Martin!”

David jumps down from the top bunk, holding his spare pillow and blanket and glaring at Amy, “You’re even more annoying at fifteen. I’m gonna go sleep on the couch.”

Amy lets it roll off her back today, not even the stupidity of her brother could get to her today. Once David is out of sight, she wraps her arms around Jake for a tight hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!” 

“I knew you’d love it.” Jake chuckles, “It’s all organised too. We’ll be going to your abuelos next weekend and he’s taking us.”

“You’re the best friend a girl could ever have.” Amy sighs, holding the tickets to her heart.

A fraction of a second later, Amy’s mom bursts into the room, practically dragging them both out of her room for breakfast. From that moment on it’s absolute chaos, Amy barely has the time to breathe while they help set or to talk to any of her family that is also helping out. She barely manages to escape for two minutes just to _pee,_ she thought that maybe because it was her _‘big day’_ that maybe she’d be allowed some time to just breathe. Apparently the running around on the previous days getting manicures was her time to breathe.

Not even Jake can get a word in during their final dance rehearsal with the court filled with her friends and cousins. She only gets to _finally_ relax when she’s sat down with Rosa, Gina and a few of her cousins to get their makeup done. 

“Okay, I’m placing my bet now.” Gina sighs as she sits down, “Either Jake or your cousin Theo is going to screw up the dance first.”

“It’s definitely Theo.” Rosa adds sharply, “Jake deserves _some_ credit.”

“I agree, Rosa.” Amy closes her eyes to allow her aunt to do her makeup magic, “Jake has worked really hard to nail the dance.”

“Title of his sex tape?” Gina states, not entirely sure of herself.

“I mean sure.” Rosa snorts softly. “I can’t wait for this hell to be over.”

“You and me both sister.” Amy sighs.

“This is a celebration of your womanhood, Amy. Be grateful that your parents are throwing a party at all!” Her aunt scolds, for which Amy opens her eyes to peak at her. “Don’t flash those cute eyes at me, kid.”

“I’m not, tia, I’m not!” Amy lifts her arms in defence which only makes her aunt laugh.

“I’ve been to my sisters, my own and now yours.” Rosa tells them, “Three is too many.”

“I’m still devastated that you didn’t invite us, Rosa.” Gina groans dramatically, glaring in Rosa’s direction.

“And let you have more leverage on me? I don’t think so.” Rosa retorts, “You’ve already seen me smile way too much.”

“Just imagining you in a big poofy dress, oh god, it’s the funniest image I’ve ever seen.” Amy has to cover her mouth to stop her from laughing too loud.

“Oh shut up, you’re about to spend a whole night in a big poofy dress.”

Their time spent just sitting down altogether flies by. To Amy’s dismay, when they’re done, it was time to get dressed. The poofs on her shoulders feel less embarrassing as they did the first time, and looking at her reflection in the faded peach coloured dress, she doesn’t completely hate it.

By the time she gets to the father daughter dance and following waltz with Jake and her court, she actually kind of loves it. Especially when Jake is holds her gloved hand to walk her to the dance floor, leaning over only to whisper, “You look beautiful, Amy.”

Her heart begins to beat a mile a minute, and it has nothing to do with her worry of forgetting all the dance moves. She doesn’t remember the name of the song, but for the beginning the both of them are mumbling the lyrics in Spanish as they perform the steps flawlessly. The way he smiles at her for the duration of the song, it makes her feel at home.

Jake was everything to her, and if he felt the same way, then she would be happy. It was a weird time to realise it, but whilst dancing a dance they’d rehearsed for a long time, surrounded by her friends and family, it finally hit her that she had real and deep feelings for Jake Peralta. 

Part of her thinks they might have been there for a long time, and that she never put any thought to it because she didn’t think there was a chance of it. With how weird he had been acting, she really believes he could be professing some deep profound love for her.

Maybe she’s in dreamland with the whole _professing love_ idea but her feelings are coming in strong and fast and it’s hard to grasp onto as she feels a full body blush forming. At the end of the song, he’s bowing along with the other boys to kiss their partners hand, and once they’re done, Jake takes a step closer.

“Estoy tan orgulloso de ti.”

“What? Why are you proud of me?” Amy’s eyebrows crinkle together in confusion, walking off the dancefloor so they can sit for at least a few minutes. 

“Just for being you, ya know.” Jake shrugs, before smirking mischievously. “And for not turning into a child murderer because your parents drove you insane.”

“You’re a weirdo.” Amy shoves lightly on his shoulder, making him laugh. “Thank you for everything, tonight has been great and that partly wouldn’t be without your keeping me sane abilities.”

“I know, I know, I’m a hero.” Jake raises his arms humbly, bowing his head again.

“My hero, Jake.”

~

The party goes until _late._

Amy doesn’t remember what time they arrive home but she somehow manages to take her makeup off and fall straight into bed. Something she doesn’t expect is soft knocking at her window at four in the morning, but having no doubt that it’s Jake, she goes to open it albeit slowly.

“Hey, Ames. I know it’s late but…” Jake bites his lip before he looks at her again. “Can we talk?”

“Oh, of course.” Amy shrugs casually, hiding the fact that her heart began beating a million miles a second as she moved to get a coat for the chilly summer night. 

It takes a few minutes for her to get outside and relax next to Jake, who was laying a blanket over their knees as she got comfortable. “What’s up, Jake?”

“Remember our talk the other night? You asked me if something was wrong?” Amy nods at this, eager not to interrupt him. “Well, I’m ready to tell you what that is about.”

“I’m listening.” Amy lays her hand facing upwards so he can hold it if he needed it.

“Well, for a while now, I’ve been having these… feelings.” Jake begins, and Amy feels her head spin because this was really happening, _at four in the morning._ “And they’ve gotten harder to ignore over the past few months so I did some research and… Well, I wanted to tell you that I’m bisexual, Amy.”

Amy’s jaw drops as soon as the words come out of her mouth. She was an _idiot._ Of course Jake didn’t have feelings for her, and she can vaguely hear Jake explaining more about what that meant and she’s taking it in but also ignoring it all at the same time. Her head is spinning more than ever and she wants to be upset that she’s not hearing what she wants but that was selfish, and she could tell by the way Jake was rambling that she had been silent for too long. He was freaking out.

She decides then that she needs to drop all her feelings of _whatever_ and support him. In that moment, she lets go of his hand so that she can him in her arms for a comforting hug. It’s a few seconds later that she can feel a few tears soak through her shirt, and this outpour of emotion doesn’t stop her from reciprocating with more tears. “I love you, Jake. Oh god, I thought you were going to tell me you were gonna die or something and I’m so sorry I tried to pressure it out of you the other night that was so rude of me-”

“Ames, please, no. You didn’t pressure me, you didn’t know, it’s okay.” Jake sniffles as he pulls back from the hug, wiping the tears off his cheeks. “I knew you would be okay with it and all, because of Alex, but there was part of me that was scared that you wouldn’t look at me the same… It’s dumb I know…”

“No, it’s not. I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me because that way I can tell you that you’re still my best friend, and I see you no differently than before.” Amy takes a deep breath as she fixes the curls on the side of his head. “You’re still the smart, funny, brave and weird best friend that you always have been.”

“I love you, Ames.” Jake pulls her in so that she’s cuddled into his side where they stay for an unknown amount of time, but it’s nice. 

Whatever feelings she had realised in the past twenty four hours would be put on pause for now. Amy’s new goal was to just be his friend as long as he needed it, and it something happened, well then she would face that as it came along.

“Also I want to tell you something else...” Jake begins slowly, and it starts the racing of her heart once again. “Alex and I kissed.”

“ _Oh._ ” Amy sits up straight again; _this_ she definitely didn’t expect. “You two kissed?”

“Yeah.” Jake nods, smiling shyly down at his hands. “I like him, Ames. And I think he likes me too.”

“So, what? Are you two dating now? A thing?” Amy _is_ excited for him, but she can feel her heart breaking into tiny little pieces at the same time. She was his best friend, supporting him was the most important thing.

“I don’t know…” Jake shrugs, his grin still bright and not fading whatsoever. “We haven’t talked about it properly but, yeah. I really like him.”

“Oh Jake, I’m so happy for you.” Amy squeals softly, going to cuddle his side again. 

Amy wasn’t going to be jealous over Alex a second time over. They were her friends and no matter the heartbreak, she would be cheering them on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love conflict and drama 😃
> 
> but for realz, there was a reason that the sophia/jake storyline was so early and short; that reason was jake/alex!! i really love them but remember at the end of the day this is a peraltiago story :)
> 
> i would LOVE to hear your thoughts and feelings about this chapter 😊


	14. truly you've shaken me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from if i'm being honest by dodie
> 
> _You blew me up like a big balloon far too soon  
>  I'm left a stuttering teen  
> How did I get here?  
> It's all so quick, and I feel sick  
> Red pushing down on the green_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO IT FEELS LIKE IT HAS BEEN MANY YEARS SINCE I POSTED THIS FIC!!
> 
> work got real busy + had a big ol' writing slump but i got there eventually!! special thanks to becca for supporting me through my brain not working the way i wanted it to 💞
> 
> enjoy!!

Alex misses Jake _so much._

It’s been four days, six hours and forty two minutes since Jake kissed him. It’s also been one day, sixteen hours and nineteen minutes since Jake left with Amy to New Jersey to meet her favourite author. 

Alex and Jake hadn’t had any sort of _talk_ since their kiss. Alex didn’t know how to initiate that kind of talk, and what do they even talk about? It’s not like they can date, not really. People are judgemental — people _hurt_ people like him and Jake. He knows how it is, but he’s not sure that Jake knows this. 

He _really_ likes Jake, and he has for a while. They’ve kissed and Jake likes Alex back, so what did that mean for them now? They hadn’t had another moment alone since _that night,_ Amy was usually around so their interactions were limited to group conversations and sneaky grins directed at each other. 

The kiss hadn’t left his brain for a minute. The _three_ kisses if he was being specific. Short and sweet.

It hadn’t been his first kiss. Alex didn’t like to think about his first kiss; it was probably his worst memory next to losing his mother. Alex thought he could trust Olivia, she had recently moved to his school and they had immediately bonded. Alex had been in deep despair about possibly liking boys, so he had dated Olivia, trying to convince himself that he liked girls. 

It all went very downhill once he kissed Olivia. Alex did _not_ like it, but he really liked her as a friend so he trusted her and opened up to her. He thought that Olivia had reacted just fine, but he had naive and by Monday morning his entire middle school knew. 

So Alex was forced to come out to his dad when Alex had only just figured it out for himself. After many talks with the school principal and guidance counsellor, his dad had told him of a ‘spontaneous job offer’ in New York. Alex was smart, he could put the dots together but he went along with the job offer excuse so just to avoid more drama.

During the move, Alex missed his mom like nothing else. He remembers very clearly yelling at his dad about it the day he met Jake and Amy. He _still_ misses his mom, so bad. She never knew he was gay, but he didn’t think she’d disapprove — he’d seen photos, she was a total hippie. There was only so much he could talk to his dad about.

They were close, sure, but his dad was very typical macho man. He’d barely shed a tear when his mom had died years earlier, even though Alex knew it was killing him inside. His dad was supportive, but how did he approach him and say, _‘Hey dad, Jake and I kissed and now I don’t know what to do.’_

His mom was a superwoman, she always had the answers.

But she died when he was 9 years old. Some rare and hard-to-detect disease that Alex couldn’t remember the name of anymore. It’s likely he blocked it out, just like most of that year. Alex was happy here in New York, and so was his dad. They both needed to escape their small town in order to breathe again.

Living in Brooklyn had mended so many scars between them, made them so much stronger. Alex had real friends, ones that he could trust and confide in. 

Not only that, Alex had a potential boyfriend. It brings a range of positive emotions rushing inside him again just thinking about it. _Ugh,_ he really had it bad for Jake.

And Jake liked him back. 

These feelings were so exhilarating but it didn’t stop the gnawing anxiety of what came next. Alex didn’t want to tell anyone else but his dad and Jake’s mom, and he would even like to avoid that. He was definitely close with Gina, Rosa, and Charles but what if they found out he was gay and told the entire school just like Olivia. Then he would have to move again, away from Jake and everything that made him happy.

Keeping it quiet was the best option if he wanted any sort of relationship with Jake. 

How exactly Jake would take this he didn’t know. Alex had told him so much about why he moved to New York. What if he didn’t want to keep it between them, and of course, Amy? He was very new to this world of liking boys, and he didn’t really know how much it could hurt to do so. People had ugly sides to them that raged inside them until someone was vulnerable enough to be true to themselves and boom, the horrifying monsters came out. 

Alex didn’t want to scare him away. The reality of it was scary and Alex wished with all his might that he could protect Jake from that forever. 

He knows he’s spiralling, going over the same points over and over until his head is throbbing. Only fifteen hours and twenty-four minutes until Jake was home. Then this headache would be over.

~

Jake was buzzing with a nervous energy he thought even scientists would find difficult to identify. 

For one, he was the happiest guy on the planet, he was sure of it. Screw people getting married or becoming parents — Jake Peralta was the happiest person on earth. It had been a few days but Jake was still in disbelief that he really kissed Alex, and he finally opened up to Amy about what he was going through. It was so unlike them to not share every detail of their lives with each other, so it was an understatement for Jake to say it felt like a weight had been lifted off him when he finally opened up to Amy.

Jake had been eagerly awaiting this trip ever since he (with his first official paycheck from Sal’s) bought the tickets. Amy was just as excited as Jake had predicted, just as hyperactive as he was feeling when they met in the morning. They were both a bit apprehensive, however, because it would be their first long-ish trip with just the two of them. Jake was sixteen, and Amy fifteen, so they were truly surprised when their (mostly Amy’s) parents agreed to let them catch a bus and train to New Jersey to meet up with her abuelo for Amy’s birthday book signing. 

Of course they had taken the subway together without parental supervision, but that had always been within Brooklyn. Even their last trip to Manhattan, Amy’s mom insisted that David join them for safety’s sake. Neither Jake nor Amy have a clue what had changed since the beginning of summer, or maybe David simply refused this time so they had no choice but to send them alone. 

Amy’s abuelo was to meet them in Newark, where they would then go back to his house to stay for the weekend. The journey through the subway was easy for them, but finding their bus to New Jersey had been difficult. Amy almost had a panic attack when they had almost missed the bus, only making it with a minute to spare. 

Jake had seen Amy like this a few times since he had known her, and it wasn’t pleasant. Not that he couldn’t handle it, but her distress upset him and then neither of them could really think clearly. They always, no matter the situation, managed to calm each other down. He hated seeing Amy like this, but it warmed his heart that they were so close that they could calm each other’s anxieties. 

On the bus Amy passes out on his shoulder from sheer exhaustion. Her soft snores tickled his neck the entire time but Jake didn’t want to move her; he knew once they got to her abuelo’s they wouldn’t be resting or taking any naps even after the stress of almost missing a bus. Amy frankly needed the rest after the _months_ she had been planning her quinceañera, plus now going to meet her favourite author.

It gives Jake a lot of time to really soak in the joy he was feeling about the week’s events, in between playing on his Gameboy of course. It was mostly a singular loop of thoughts rotating since the day he had kissed Alex. 

_I actually kissed Alex._ Then, _I like Alex and he likes me._ Then his initial spiral had started, _Oh my god Amy’s gonna hate me._

Of course she didn’t, and he knew that now. But the days before her quinceañera had been a time of the worst anxiety than he knew even existed in the universe. Jake had spent a lot of that time with Alex, who had been constantly reassuring him that there was no way Amy could hate him for any reason, especially the reason of liking boys. 

Jake had been selfish those few days. They did enjoy each other’s company and all, but any emotional talk had been focused purely on Jake and what Amy’s reaction might be. Alex had been the best through his multiple freak outs; he knew how important Amy was to Jake, and that it was probably her opinion he cared about most.

Before leaving for New Jersey the day following her birthday, Jake was able to chat with Alex only briefly. Jake had blushed so intensely when Amy joined them, and he revealed to Alex that everything went perfectly well with telling Amy. Alex had also been a bit shy about it, but Amy had been so radiantly happy for them that they had both relaxed in an instant.

All was going way better than Jake could’ve expected. He was on cloud nine, truly. From there his mind wandered to whether cloud nine was _really_ the highest one could go. Jake keeps his eyes glued to the window, watching them as they passed through cities and towns while Amy slept. He doesn’t realise they’re even in New Jersey until they’re pulling up to the bus station, Amy now reading a book with her head still on his shoulder, and seeing her abuelo enthusiastically waving at them from the ground. 

It seems the sleep she had on the bus was exactly enough to keep her energetic for their afternoon, which was non-stop even for a second until after they had helped clean up for dinner. Jake is surprised when he doesn’t immediately pass out sitting on his assigned bed. Amy’s room was next to his, but of course she had immediately followed him to his room simply because. 

“What am I going to say to her, Jake?” Amy begins to pace back and forth as he adjusts so he’s propped on his elbows to watch her. “Like it’s all been so surreal but I’m really meeting her. _Tomorrow._ ”

“Wow, you’ve got a great grasp on time, Ames.” Jake teases, laughing softly when she whips her head to glare at him. 

“I’m serious, Jake.” Amy whines once her glare fades, “I don’t wanna sound like my idiot brothers whenever they speak.”

“It’d be hard for you to achieve that since you’re the smartest person on this planet, but I get it.” Jake shrugs with a soft smile, patting the spot next to him when she finally stops pacing. She stares at the spot he gestured to for a split second before making the move to sit next to him. 

“Do you have any ideas to stop my brain from melting when I meet her?” Amy sighs, head landing gently on the wall behind her. 

“We can stick a popsicle in your ear to keep your brain cool.” Amy doesn’t bother glaring at him again, just letting out a snort before he speaks again. “What if you write a letter? So if you end up acting like a giant nerd then you can still say what you want to say but in writing.”

“And that gives me a chance to think of what I want to say to her.” Amy continues for him, her grin widening as she absorbs the idea. “You’re a genius, Jake Peralta.”

Jake twirls his hand, giving a small bow in response. It’s not long before her energy levels dive down for the worst, and soon enough she’s snoring, a small spot of drool on his shoulder where her head had fallen once she got tired. Her soft snores are adorable to say the least, and it makes him wonder if this is what it would have been like to be her boyfriend.

It hits him, hard, how long it had been since he thought about her in that capacity. It was so strange to think that he used to be consumed by the idea of kissing her, holding her hand and going on dates with her. Those feelings were so in the past, and Jake couldn’t be more relieved that he really got over her. 

It would have been so weird. Jake loves Amy with his entire heart and soul, she’s his best friend ever. Their connection was on another level of awesome and he couldn’t believe he was willing to give that up just to be her boyfriend — she’s too important. It would have been such a disaster and he could have _lost_ her.

Jake had been pretty good friends with Sophia back in the day before they dated, but now, Sophia wouldn’t look them in the eye. Not even when they were assigned in a group project together. It makes him shudder still to think about Teddy, because he and Amy got along so well and they seemed to really like each other at the time. He remembers when Amy broke up with Teddy, she was so devastated, and she told him about a promise they made to each other when they started dating. If they were to break up, they’d still be friends. 

Of course, that didn’t work out. They tried, but Teddy was so obsessed with getting Amy back and Teddy was _so boring_ that one day he just stopped appearing to hang out during their lunch hour. Unfortunately, his obsessive nature reigned and she still received the occasional love letter from him. So yes, it was good that Jake was too much of a coward to ask Amy out. It was better, for their friendship’s sake.

Plus Jake was with Alex now, and he was so happy. He had his best friend and (non-official) boyfriend. Those feelings for Amy would never dissipate, mostly because they grew into something more in strengthening their bond as family. They were in it together for the long haul, and he knows Amy feels the same. 

~

The next morning Jake was woken up with a rough prod to his ribs. He knows it’s Amy because that’s how she wakes him up when he’s unresponsive on weekends. There’s no other option since it was usually Amy or his mom to wake him up, and they were in New Jersey. He’s shocked when he opens his eyes and her abuelo is smiling widely at his sleepy form.

“Buenos dias!” He laughs, a little too loudly. “Get out of bed to help with breakfast while Amy’s in the shower.”

“Hmf.” Jake nods as he rolls out of bed, sleepily walking as he’s led to the kitchen and made to set the table. Amy’s abuelo is one of three people that have the power to actually get him to do stuff without much begging, the other two being the only other two that can wake him up efficiently.

He only truly begins to brighten up in the car ride to the bookstore, where Amy is chatting with a great pace where Jake could barely keep up, even if he were fully awake. It takes a minute to catch onto the fact that they were speaking Spanish, something she mainly does with her abuelo and when arguing to her parents about her brothers because _they_ don’t study the language like she does. 

With the mostly regular private lessons she gives him, he’s able to catch up to what they’re talking about. She’s giving a particularly passionate review about a book she had just read, a romance, which he only remembers because he teased her about the book cover. He _almost_ regretted it after receiving a fun lecture about not judging a book by its cover, but the blush on her face had been worth it. Amy goes on about it being one of the best books she had ever read, but again, it was a thing she said about a lot of books. 

Jake loved his nerdy best friend, he really did. 

It’s an overwhelming scene when they arrive at the bookshop. Amy’s jaw had dropped to the floor, in awe of the floor to ceiling shelves and the sheer amount of books they held. Jake was personally distracted by the ladders helping customers and employees alike to find the story of their choosing like they were in freakin’ _Beauty and the Beast_ and he would definitely make it his mission to climb one before they left the store. Jake had been to a book store before, of course, but they had never been to one of this size or capacity. Loads of people bustling through each aisle squishing up and down the stairs in attempt to move past the long line they were about to endure.

Amy’s eager bouncing multiplies by a thousand when they finally join the line. This was a big moment for her, meeting her favourite author, and he knows she’s not going to stop talking about it until Christmas at the least. He has no regrets at all, seeing her so happy made his heart soar. _Now_ he was certain that cloud nine couldn’t be the highest level of happiness as Amy browses the shelves along the line.

The line moves relatively fast, and the closer they get to the desk where books are being signed, the paler Amy becomes. He doesn’t remember her taking a hold of his arm, but he notices as her grip tightens up the dimly lit staircase, the people around them speaking in hushed tones. 

“Hey Ames? Do you want to go over what you wanna say to her?” Jake suggests quietly, taking her hand off his arm so he can hold her hand reassuringly.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” Amy nods, her voice trembling and eyes flickering down to their hands before she stares at the railing next to him. “Miss Martin… Your book is… I… The reason I read… You’re my hero, essentially, and Mary Anne! She’s great...”

“Wow, that was almost worse than your Thanksgiving speech to Mr. Holt.” Jake snorts loudly, “‘ _You’re like… When I was a little girl…_ ’ God, that’s still funny!”

Amy lets go of his hand, punching him as hard as possible in the shoulder, “Shut up and focus!”

“Amy, don’t worry, she’s going to love you.” Jake tells her sincerely as he rubs the spot where she hit him, “ _You’re_ amazing and _you_ can talk to your idol _without_ pantsing her.”

“You really need to tell me the full story of that incident…” Amy shakes her head in disbelief, letting out a short laugh before she leans her head on his shoulder again. “Also, she’s behind a table, of course I’m not going to pants her.”

“You can never be too careful…” Jake gazes into the distance, memories unbearably flashing in his head for a moment before he can shake them off.

“You _will_ be telling me that story later.” Amy insists, trying to hold back her giggles. “The _horror_ on your face! I need to know!”

“Why don’t you just focus on what you’re going to say and I might tell you tonight.” Jake rolls his eyes, hoping desperately that she’ll forget about the conversation with all the hype of meeting her idol.

Jake had been right in his belief that she’d be okay after all, because once Amy’s at the front of the line, she’s standing so confidently with the biggest smile on her face as she walks up to the table. Her voice is clear and words concise, no trace of any tremble she had earlier as she tells Ann Martin how much she admired her.

It’s sweet, seeing Amy interact with the person who essentially turned her into the giant nerd she is today. “You’re the reason I fell in love with reading.”

Ann signs the book before taking Amy’s hand and genuinely thanking her. Jake is surprised she keeps it together then. Another moment passes, she says something else that makes Amy tense, before she replies herself. The noise level had been increasing since they had reached the top of the stairs, so he isn’t able to hear the rest of what they’re talking about, but the woman is looking at him with a kind smile.

He wants to walk up and find out what they were talking about, but it’s Amy’s moment. Plus, not a second later is Amy’s abuelo next to Jake, pushing him gently towards them so he can take a photo of them together. Jake stands opposite to Amy, watching as her discomfort transforms into her signature smile, photo ready.

They thank her altogether, Amy especially, before they all head downstairs. Amy’s gone into her contemplative mode, her eyebrows scrunched together in thought as she hugs the books she just had signed, including the brand new one that had just been released. 

“What did you talk about? It looked pretty intense at the end…” Jake questions cautiously.

“Oh, nothing!” Amy’s upbeat attitude returns in a heartbeat, “I just had a very important… question to ask. Just thinking about that.”

“What was the question?” Jake asks, hoping for _some_ type of elaboration on why she was being so weird.

“You wouldn’t understand it, because you haven’t read the books, silly!” Amy shakes her head with a glowing smile on her face, “This was really the best birthday ever, Jake. Thank you.”

~

Preparing for school is… weird, to say the least. This is a time where Amy normally thrives, of course, but walking through the stationary store with Alex and Jake trailing and _smiling_ is weird. They weren’t being couple-y per say, because they had to keep their relationship a secret, but _she_ knew and it was weird for her.

Weird isn’t the right word to describe her situation — having just realised she _liked_ her best friend like that just as he’s jumping into a relationship with another close friend. It’s more bewildering, stupefying, flabbergasting and dumbfoundingly _weird._

She could go through an entire thesaurus to try and pinpoint what exactly she was feeling or not feeling, or something. Normally, if Amy was dealing with anything feelings related she would go straight to Jake, no problem. But it’s like they were fighting, because the last thing she can do right now is talk to Jake about it because _he_ is the topic of the damn discussion.

If Amy went to her dad, or one of her better brothers, or even her abuelo she would only face endless teasing and/or lectures. The same went for any other of her friends — after years of teasing them about being a couple when they so clearly _weren’t_ and were never _going_ to be — it would call for them never letting her hear the end of it. Still, with all that was happening, Amy wasn’t jealous. She had repeated this to herself so many times just to set it in her brain; she had done that before and it wasn’t going to happen again, feelings or not. 

Amy could only dream about living in a romance novel.

“Hey, Ames, are you okay?” Amy jumps at Jake’s voice, not having noticed his sudden appearance by her side. “You’ve been staring at the same binders for five minutes.”

“Oh, uh, you know how I am with binders. Need the strongest spine.” Amy thinks she’s acting natural. She believes she’s in the clear, because when Jake is as blissfully happy as he is now, he won’t notice if she’s acting a tiny bit strange.

It’s definitely not working, because Jake squints his eyes curiously at her for a moment, but he lets it slide and when he looks up at the binders in front of them, Amy lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. _Of course_ Jake read her like a book and knew she was being weird. She had been dumb enough to underestimate him for a milisecond, but lucky enough that he wouldn’t bring it up while they were out with Alex. This was something she needed to get over, and fast. 

She’s distracted from her thoughts again when Jake reaches up for her favourite binder. A beat passes, and it hits her. _When did Jake get so tall?_

When they first met almost ten years ago, she had been taller than him. It was around middle school that Jake caught up to her and they had been growing at the same rate, and she never noticed any significant height differences. But right now, Amy was practically looking right up into his nostrils as he reached for a _second of her favourite binders._ How does he even remember her favourite binder by heart? 

If Amy hugged him right now, she could easily snuggle into his chest and— no, these were thoughts she was _not_ having because she _didn’t_ like him like that. What the hell was happening in her brain? _When the hell did Jake get tall??_

“Amy, are you sick?” Jake bends his knees so that he can catch her eyes at the same level, placing his hand gently on her shoulder, and she’s taken aback even further. “I got your binders, we can just grab our stuff and go home if you need…”

“No, uh—I just… When?” Amy gestures to him and shrugs, her eyebrows almost joining her hairline. “Tall?”

“I’m sorry, _what?_ ” Jake sputters, looking back at Alex who is equally confused. “Did you just ask when I got tall?”

“Yes?” Amy cringes internally. _Play cool, Santiago._ “I just didn’t notice is all.”

“We’ve definitely had this conversation but I’ll tell it again… It was the twenty seventh night of June, I had just eaten broccoli for the first time ever…” Amy snorts, pushing him lightly. “At least you have a tall friend to reach for your favourite binders for you.”

“There’s a stool right there, Jake.” Amy points just past them, where Alex was standing to reach for _his_ favourite binder.

 _Why_ did her favourite author on the planet have to ask if Jake was her boyfriend? It was so embarrassing — he was right there, after all, and he could have heard as she vehemently denied it. _Jake and I?? Pff, no. He’s my best friend, we could never be lovers!_ The awkward laugh that came out of her after that had made her want to bury herself alive. _Lovers?_ What an idiot.

 _Then_ Miss Ann freakin’ Martin goes on to say that she thinks he really likes her, that she could _see_ it in the way he looked at her. Pure _blasphemy_. She goes on to say _Mary Anne wouldn’t hold back_ , but Amy reminded herself that Mary Anne was a fictional character, who was _she_ to say what a fake person would do. Not the freakin’ author!

Amy hadn’t even picked up the new book since that day a week and a half ago, she was mad. Obviously, she had no real reason to be, but she was. It’s just like her whole family, assuming because they were a _boy_ and a _girl_ that they were dating. Why couldn’t they be best friends in peace? And why couldn’t she get the image of holding Jake’s hand with her head leaning on his shoulder out of her head?

_That boy is enamoured by you, Amy. I can see it, in the way he looks at you. And I can tell you like him too._

Stupid brilliant author being able to read her like one of her own stupid books. Stupid Jake being tall and cute and dating Alex. Maybe she is sick, if one considers nonsensical denial a sickness. Amy eventually agrees to going home earlier than planned, because she needs to _rest_ and not think about Jake for a few hours.

Maybe it was time for her to get stuck into a new romance novel. What a way to navigate her own romantical woes.

~

The moment they all arrive back at their apartment building, Amy is running off to her own apartment without another word. It wasn’t the first time she acted weird in the past month or so, part of him is genuinely worried and wants to confront her about whatever was bothering her. But on the other hand, when he asked why Amy hadn’t started reading her the book she got at the signing, she got even weirder and shut him down.

It hurt a little bit, being shut down so harshly by her with no reason that he could remember. It was entirely possible he did something to annoy her, he was like that, but a whole week had gone by without explanation. It was irritating as hell, but if he did do something wrong, the last thing he was going to do was make it worse.

Jake is finally brought back to reality when he and Alex reach his level. Alex is fumbling with his keys, his arms full with shopping bags full of stationary ready to be organised. Jake moves fast to extract the bags to make it easier, “Let me.”

Alex grins shyly at Jake as he’s finally able to find the right key, opening the door for the both of them to enter. It was a weekday in the summertime, so his dad wasn’t home and _finally_ they have some real time alone for the first time in what feels like a year.

They stand there awkwardly for a few minutes, neither really sure what to say because it was all still so new. Usually there would be a parent, or Amy’s brothers or Amy herself to buffer, giving no time for them to really talk. But sitting there on the couch, just a measly foot apart, Jake is lost for words. Partly still having the issue of Weird Amy on his mind, but also because Alex is really cute as he plays with the threads of the pillow in his lap.

“Do you think Amy has been acting weird lately?” Jake asks after another beat of silence, a frown appearing on Alex’s face.

“Do you want to elaborate?” Alex mutters gruffly, obviously not expecting their conversation to move in this direction. 

“Like for the past few weeks, she’s just been acting weird around us, and I’ve searched my brain if I did anything wrong but I can’t find anything for the life of me.” Jake sighs, wiping a hand over his face in frustration. 

Suddenly, Alex’s frown transforms from annoyance to sincere hurt, “Do… Do you think it’s because of us? That we make her uncomfortable…?”

“No, no, of course not, no!” Jake scoffs nervously, clearing his throat to regain confidence before speaking again. “Amy’s been nothing but supportive! She’s never been weird around you and it’s been years, Alex. She was so excited to hear about _us_ and I know the others are going to be just the same.”

“I’m sorry— the _others_?” Alex sputters, his eyes wide. 

“Our friends?” Jake repeats, head tilted in confusion. “You remember them! Charles, Gina, Rosa—”

“I _know_ who our friends are, I’m just confused where you got the idea where you thought we could tell them about us...” Alex takes a deep breath, his usual techniques to calm down not working. 

“Alex, look at me.” Jake faces him completely, legs crossing and hands held out so Alex can take them. “You know them and they’re a weird bunch but they would support us.”

“I mean… I’ve told them I’m gay and they were _fine_ but what if they’re just pretending to be fine, Jake?” Alex is watching Jake’s fingers brushing his knuckles. 

“They’re not pretending, Alex.” Jake squeezes his hand reassuringly before he speaks again, “You know that idiots can’t hide their feelings.”

Alex’s eyes fall back to their hands, intertwined as he tries to process this. Jake wants to tell their close friends so bad, but he does understand the hesitation. Alex had opened up since he came out about why he and his dad moved to New York. It was a story only he knew and Jake knows that it developed a deeply rooted anxiety for ever since. 

It was like they were two sunflowers in a field. The sun was out now, but it was as if Alex saw a storm constantly looming. Jake would be there when the sun disappeared, because that’s what the sunflowers did when the sun disappears: they turn to each other to keep themselves upright — but Jake saw nothing but sunshine. Not a cloud in the metaphorical sky, only the brightest of blue skies for miles around them. 

He would defend Alex to the end of the world if he had to, and just because he saw nothing but sunshine doesn’t mean there wasn’t a storm coming. Jake didn’t love the idea of keeping their relationship a secret, but if it meant keeping the storm at bay for Alex, he would do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please let me know how you feel in the comments!! whether you like alex and jake together or not i would really LOVE to hear your thoughts!


	15. your words in my head, knives in my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from human by christina perri
> 
> _If that's what you want  
>  Be your number one  
> I can fake a smile  
> I can force a laugh  
> I can dance and play the part  
> If that's what you ask  
> Give you all I am_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me taking a whole month to write this chapter nuhuh we PRODUCTIVE in this household (This is a Bold Lie)
> 
> I do apologise for taking forever to upload this chapters but I really take my time to perfect them as much as I can and in that case I really hope you enjoy it!

At the beginning of junior year, this is definitely not where Amy expected to be. 

Of course, she’s more ready than ever to dive head first into her education, with another year of beautiful unofficial mentorship with Mr. Holt ahead of her. But part of her is dreading it. The main source of her dread is the new-found feelings for her best friend and subsequently not knowing how to deal with them.

She needs to quash these feelings, and quickly. Jake is happy with Alex now, and regardless, Amy and Jake as a couple, _together_ , would be a bad idea. Horrendous, even. They were such good friends, but complete opposites, so it was just a bad match. Teddy had been a good match for her, technically speaking. He was kind, and they had a lot of nerdy things in common. If he had even an _inch_ of personality Amy would consider trying that relationship again, but he didn’t, especially when compared to Jake. Not that it would help if he was interesting, because she’s quite sure that he despised her anyway. 

It was vital that she get over the jealousy that burned her insides when Jake would hold Alex’s hand when they were together, or when they would simply smile at each other, Jake’s nose scrunching in an adorable way he had only done with her before. Amy needed to stop imagining what it would be like if he held her hand like that while watching a movie, or if he wrapped his arm around her shoulders while walking to school.

Amy wonders if Jake will still leave her cute letters in her locker, or if that would be a treat exclusively for Alex now. Would she get to drown in his apple scented shampoo when they would cuddle up on the fire escape, or would they stop hanging out there altogether? That was unlikely, since it had been a tradition for so long now, _but_ Jake hadn’t had a serious girlfriend-boyfriend-person since Sophia, so she didn’t know how things worked now that they were older.

Their study sessions would be different. Amy wouldn’t be the one sitting close to Jake as she explained the particularly difficult math problem to him, it would be Alex. He was better at math than she was, anyway. Alex would be Jake’s priority in every way, shape and form, and Amy was _not_ okay with that. Jake would more likely complain to Alex how bored he was, distracting him instead of her. The only positive side to that is she would get her homework done _before_ dinner instead of having to sneak it into bed.

Amy walks behind them now, their hands a mere inch apart since they couldn’t hold hands in public. She had dubbed herself their bodyguard if they decided they did want to hold hands, but for now it was a secret. Feelings or not, she wouldn’t let anyone hurt either of them for their relationship.

They’re laughing at something that she’s not a part of; when she was younger and initially jealous of Alex’s presence, it had been much easier to hide it because it definitely didn’t hurt as much as it did now. Well, of course, Amy didn’t really know that, but she would much rather feel platonically jealous over wanting desperately to be that person making Jake laugh so hard. Not even two seconds later, Alex had him blushing, and Amy _needed_ to get to school before she exploded. 

At school, she could avoid them both. Hang out in silence with Rosa and Gina, or volunteer at the school cafeteria with Charles, she would even help stock the shelves of the library with the loudest senior assistant, _shudder,_ Terry. If she was lucky, Mr. Holt would finally agree to entering an early mentorship. Lucky meant she had to build up the courage to _ask_ first, which was a whole other stressing factor making the vein on the side of her head throb. 

Seeing Rosa and Gina waiting out the front of the park near their school fills her with an unprecedented amount of joy, causing her to run and envelop them in a bigger hug than they would usually allow from her. “I missed you guys _so_ much.”

“Arnie, you saw us last week, chill out.” Gina complains as Rosa successfully peels her off them. 

“Yeah, one time out of three times in the _whole summer_.” Amy scoffs, ignoring the dig at Gina’s pet name and looking behind her at Alex and Jake who were still happily walking at a slow pace. “I’m sick of those idiots.”

Those two idiots who were seemingly perfect for each other in every way possible. They both loved _Die Hard_ , they had a bond over lack of parents, and they both had great hair, among other dumb stuff that made them a wonderful match. She knew _nobody_ could be perfect, but she was _so close_ to being perfect, and having a crush on her best friend was without a doubt the reason she couldn’t reach perfection. 

Amy hooks arms with Rosa and Gina, who reluctantly agree and walk with her the rest of the way to school in silence. She doesn’t mind as long as they’re away from the romantic giggly energy that they weren’t great at hiding considering _they_ wanted to keep it a secret. 

By the time they actually arrive at school, the girls were so far ahead of Jake and Alex that when Amy looked back, they were nowhere to be seen. If it were her, she would have taken Jake to the side, just to give him a sweet good luck kiss for the start of the year. But it wasn’t her, so instead as an easy distraction, she got stuck into sorting her locker. 

Very unfortunate for Amy, she does spot them walking to Alex’s locker in the corner of her eye. This detail was especially important, because Jake’s locker was in the opposite direction — he was going out of his way for Alex. Her locker was also out of his way, and Jake had maybe only once or twice gone out of his way to go to her locker before his. Things were already changing.

~

“The final announcement I have for you today is the homecoming theme…” Holt continues on, the only thing that had really grabbed Amy’s attention since Jake had declined the seat next to her. 

It wasn’t a big deal, not at all. They have so many classes together, and he doesn’t even sit next to her every day in homeroom, but it sucked. Jake didn’t even look at her as he walked in with Alex, sitting in front her, _taunting her_. She acts as if she doesn’t live right next to him, like she was deprived of his company when he was always there when she needed him. 

What Amy wanted was the sneaky smiles, the hushed whispers late at night when their parents thought they were asleep, sweet kisses under the stars… She’s had that all with him, and still does to an extent. The only thing lacking was the sweet kisses - she remembers her first, with Jake, under a particularly bright starry sky in the city. She’s lost in the memory, his soft but slightly chapped lips, his hand softly on her jaw as her hands tangled in his curls. 

The memory alone has her blushing, and she completely misses the announcement of the homecoming theme, frightened back to reality when everyone begins chatting excitedly. Obviously no one takes note of her exasperated expression, too busy with their own discussions about the upcoming dance. 

_Who does she even go with?_ She can’t ask Jake, and there are no other romantic prospects for Amy to explore at this dumb school full of dumb jerks. She also wouldn’t live it down if she went alone, being one of _those_ girls, stupid misogyny. Usually they all went as friends, but now everyone would have _someone_ except her.

The only boy she knew more than the name of outside of their small friendship group was _Teddy_ and that wasn’t an option. Holt finally gets the class to quieten down, and she can see the slight quiver of a smile, a note of amusement. He continues to share the details of the homecoming, effectively giving Amy a gift from the universe.

“There are requests for student volunteers, which I understand could be a hassle, but I promise it is more of a thrill to chaperone than it is to dance the night away…” Holt lets slip a more obvious smile that has a lot of the class mumbling to each other in shock, but he lets it slide. “Come see me after homeroom if you are interested.”

It’s not at all surprising when she’s the only one that is left behind when the first bell rings. Even Holt is taken aback by her presence at the end of the class, but upon regaining his composure, he’s pleased at her eagerness to join the schools’ _Nationally Accredited and Registered Chaperone_ team. He tells her of her initiation would be held at the end of the second week, gifting her with a stack of papers an inch thick.

There’s a sense of relief as she makes her way towards her next class that she’ll have something extra to occupy herself for a short time, and she’ll probably take up every new opportunity as long as it keeps her mind off _him_.

~

Exhaustion isn’t quite the word she’d use to describe how she felt by the end of the day. Spending the whole day with her best friend she was crushing on _and_ his boyfriend in almost every class wasn’t deserving o f the word exhausting. ‘Crush’ also didn’t feel like an appropriate word, too juvenile. She was fifteen, damn it, and crushes were such a twelve year old behaviour. 

But was she in love? Did she even know what love was? She loved Jake, of course, they had known each other since she was six years old. There had to be love there or they wouldn’t be friends. When she thought of love, she thought about her parents, but her mind usually drifted to when her abuela was alive. Amy would look up to the way her abuelo treated her, and thought to herself, she wants to be with someone like that. He always bought her flowers, told people everyday how smart and wonderful she was, and he never let a day go by where he didn’t let her know it either. 

When Amy and her brothers would sleep over, their abuela would tell the story of how they met, of how they fell in love. It always started with the dramatic reenactment of her abuela punching her abuelo for a school play audition. She can’t help but aspire to have their love when it’s literally made of a romance novel.

So how did Amy figure out whether she was in love or not? Does she call abuelo? No, he would rub it in her face like the rest of her family. Not that anyone she knows _wouldn’t_ not make fun of her for liking Jake. She just has to rip the bandaid off and talk to somebody about it. 

“Gina? Rosa?” 

They’re all standing outside of the school, Gina and Rosa waiting for one of their parents while Amy waits for the secret lovebirds to make their way out here. They had been annoyingly attached at the hip all day, so she’s not the least bit surprised when they walk down the front stairs together in stitches. “You were saying something?”

Gina has to snap her fingers in front of Amy’s face again before they have her focus again. “Can I hang out with you two today?”

“Did you and Jake fight again?” Rosa groans, tipping her head back. “I can’t handle that, you’re both… ugh.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Amy shakes her head, waving it off. “It doesn’t matter, just let me come home with you… I _need_ someone that isn’t Jake to talk to.”

“O M G, girl, this is serious?” Gina puts her hand to her cheek dramatically, and at the strange looks from Rosa and Amy, she elaborates. “OMG is oh my god, catch _up_ , because it’s gonna be huge.”

“You can come. But if you try to make us do homework, you’re out.” Rosa adds with a huff of laughter. 

Jake and Alex finally appear, calm and collected. Jake is confused but accepts when Amy decides not to go to a movie with him and Alex like originally planned. It’s more of a relief when they depart, Jake and Alex nowhere in sight to taunt her. Rosa is silent the entire ride but Gina spends it trying to get _any_ detail out of her.

Amy keeps her eyes on the moving city, still trying to process any type of emotion. Was she being smart in telling Rosa and Gina? Amy is confident in Rosa keeping her secret, but Gina was her wildcard — would she tell Jake, who’d she had been friends with for years longer than her? Gina loved gossip too, would she… No, Amy was her friend. She could deal with Gina’s teasing but if she asked, it would stay a secret.

Gina’s room explained her personality to a tee. Posters of boybands and movies were spread on any surface available, lucky enough to have a double white poster bed at age sixteen. There’s a small mess but in a more organised way, neater than Jake in every way. Her desk is the most fun part of her room, small plants spread throughout it and even if she appears to not care for school, her study materials sit arranged nicely. Stickers littered the desktop from when she was younger and there are small trinkets on her bookshelf as well as her actual books. 

Amy had only been there a few times since she knew Gina, it always being easier to get together at hers or Jake’s apartment. She doesn’t know what to do now that Rosa leans on the bedpost, looking uninterested in her direction and Gina, spreading out on her bed with her head in her hands. 

“Okay so what’s so urgent that you can’t talk to your BFF!?” Gina asks, an unsettling curiosity making her voice squeak, at more silence, she groans. “Come _on_ , guys! You know BFF is best friend forever!”

Amy shrugs at whatever reference she was making, she wasn’t one to keep up on the slang or culture of teenagers her age. She’s very content learning new words that no one else would understand from reading, but she doesn’t have trouble believing that people are saying _BFF_ everywhere. Rosa and Gina are still looking at her expectantly, and she’s stuck on what to say again. She reads so much but she can’t seem to find the words to tell her friends she might be in love with her best friend.

“I think I have… _feelings_ for Jake....?” Amy twists her hands nervously when she finally looks back up at her friends. Rosa’s expression barely changes, as expected, but it surprises Amy that Gina looks as if she’s still expecting Amy to say something. “Strong… feelings?”

“Aw man, I thought you had done something interesting for once in your life!” Gina rolls her eyes before her face lands on her pillow. 

“Isn’t this interesting enough?” Amy is offended by this, her love life involving one of their best friends was apparently not high on the list of what was important. “I’m kind of freaking out here, I don’t know how to process _any of this_! How do you figure out if you’re in love with your best friend?”

“Been there, done that.” Gina shrugs, “You two have been in love since you first met is what I’m trying to say and _we know_ and you’re both annoying.”

“Super annoying.” Rosa chimes in, “Just grab each other's asses and get it over with.”

“I’m on board with that, but only if you don’t turn into a disgusting gooey couple.” Gina adds, shivering at the mere thought. “I won’t stand for that but also you’re perfect for each other, blah, get together, blah, but no making out in the middle of the hallway etcetera.”

“That doesn’t help me at all!” Amy sighs, exasperated with their rambling. “I can’t even figure out how I feel and even if I did, Jake definitely does not feel the same!”

“How do you not see the ‘Amy smile’ he has on anytime he’s around you?” Gina groans, slamming her head into the pillow a few times more before Rosa stops her.

“I mean if he’s liked her since the day they met then he’s probably got the same smile that is probably no different to her.” Rosa suggests with a shrug. 

“How can two people be this clueless for _this long_ , Rosa?” Gina shakes her head in defeat.

“They’re dumb, that’s why.”

“I’m right here, guys.” Amy is trying to hide her frustration, but the smirk on Gina’s face tells her that she isn’t very successful. “Jake definitely doesn’t like me, not like that.”

“What logical reasoning brings you to believe that?” Gina knows her well enough to understand the way to approach Amy’s feelings, and as much as she makes fun of Amy for having said feelings, she cares about them. “What’s changed?”

“Is there another girl?” Rosa asks.

Amy tries to hide her reaction, a feeling of oddness at the suggestion of Jake having a girlfriend when it was the opposite of that. She knows she’s given it away when Gina begins naming off girls from their school one by one, waiting for Amy to give in and tell them. But she can’t tell them, because Alex would surely hate her, it was supposed to be a secret between the three of them. It was too sensitive of a matter for Amy to tell them without risking her friendship with both Alex and Jake.

“I can’t tell you who…” Amy goes back to looking at her hands to avoid her discomfort. “But the point is, I can’t be with him and I don’t know how to handle it and I just really need a friend.” 

“What if we paint each other’s nails and you can talk us through it?” Rosa throws out the idea, standing up to grab the nail polish of Gina’s drawer set. To have Rosa suggest talking about feelings was a big deal, she wasn’t a listener, so to have her listening to her problems was the only evidence she would need if anybody questioned Rosa’s loyalty.

Sitting in a circle on the floor, they focus on painting each other’s toenails, Amy able to get her feelings out there in the open without spilling Alex and Jake’s secret. It’s quality girl time, not something that Amy gets very often. Her only girl friends had been her cousins and family, other than that all she had were her brothers for a long time. Her first real friend had been Jake, but he was still a boy and it wasn’t until she met Gina _because of him_ that she made an actual friend in a girl that wasn’t blood related.

Another stupid reason she loved Jake Peralta.

~

Not being able to hold Jake’s hand in public sucked. Every day they were at school together, Alex’s thoughts always drifted back to holding Jake’s hand. It was fine now that they were home, hidden away from the world on the fire escape. Alex knew that Jake was struggling significantly more than him, being an open book to just about everyone. For someone who had been hurt on more than one occasion, by none other than Roger Peralta, Jake was able to radiate a positive energy that brought everybody to life. 

It was what Alex liked the most about him. Even now, their friends completely out of the loop about his personal life, and Jake remained positive. Jake was loyal, so if Alex wished to keep their relationship a secret, he would do it. 

This upset Alex the most.

It wasn’t Jake being loyal that upset Alex, but that Jake was so loyal that he would let himself hurt over not being honest with his friends. It made Alex feel like the worst boyfriend ever. He’s never had a boyfriend before, and what if Jake broke up with him because he held him back? Regardless of if they ever break up, it was going to be Alex’s fault.

“Alex, what’s wrong?” Jake’s thumb brushes over his knuckles, his head bent in an attempt to catch Alex’s attention. 

“Are you… happy?” Alex asks, cringing at the question as soon as it leaves his mouth. “No, that’s not what I mean but… Like, are you still okay with keeping our relationship a secret from our friends?”

“Oh.” Jake chuckles quietly, his spare hand moving to the back of his neck and shrugging. “I’m not great at keeping secrets when I’m excited about it... _but_ I’m fine with keeping it on the down-low for you.”

“If you were with anyone else you wouldn’t have to…” Jake shakes his head vigorously at this.

“That’s not the point, Alex. I’m with you, and whenever you’re ready, we can tell our friends.” Alex can feel himself relax at his affirmations, his head falling to Jake’s shoulder. He was the sun shining bright and Alex was a sunflower, no one else to turn to but him. So as long as Jake was by his side, he knows that everything would work out for the better. Not a cloud in sight for miles ahead, all was well.

“I want to tell them.”

~

Amy is completely blindsided when Jake announces to their group of friends that he and Alex are dating. There’s a general murmur of approval, excited but respectful enough to not bring attention to them, but in that moment Amy can feel her heartbeat in her ears and both Gina and Rosa have their eyes on her. They know now, so there was no hiding the extent of her heartbreak from them.

She had been impatiently waiting for lunch to arrive so she could get lost in her friend group, away from being stuck with Jake and Alex but now all any of them were talking about _was_ Jake and Alex. She was supposed to be used to this feeling by now, but the tightness in her chest persists as Charles asks them for every detail of their relationship. It’s a great relief when Rosa stands suddenly, announcing that she needs to go to the bathroom, her eyes flicking between Amy and Gina. 

It turns out that Rosa genuinely needs to use the bathroom, but used it as an excuse for Amy to escape the nightmare that was Charles’ overbearing personality. Gina doesn’t say much as Amy leans over the sink, willing herself to be swallowed whole. “Did your psychic predict this, Gina?”

“No… my mom’s psychic is a fraud remember. _But_...” Gina appears next to her, stroking Amy’s hair comfortingly, “This is a plot twist no one could see coming, Amy.”

“I’m surprised he got over you.” Rosa finally contributes after exiting the stall. “I thought maybe he’d die having a crush on you.”

“ _Rosa_! Wait--” Amy quickly turns to face Rosa, almost losing her footing in the process. “Jake had a crush on me? _When_?”

“I would say about… the third day he met you until whenever he and Alex got together…” Gina quips, making sure to emphasise her acting as if she had to think about it.

“That’s insane, Gina.” Amy rolls her eyes, it was one the most outrageous things she’s ever been told, but there was an annoyed sincerity radiating off Gina, and Rosa was nodding along, so maybe it wasn’t so crazy. “Rosa?”

“Don’t you see the dumb puppy love eyes he does at you?”

“ _Yes_! The ‘Amy eyes’, ugh, it’s so annoying.” Gina trails loudly, lucky for Amy they were the only people in the bathroom. 

“ _Amy eyes too?_ Wha— It doesn’t even matter anyway, Jake likes Alex now.” Amy deflates once again, because his feelings had changed, and there was no positive way to look at his alleged feelings. “And not to mention that he’s my best friend and I wouldn’t date him because it’s too risky.”

“Sure, I’ll let you believe that you believe that.” Rosa snorts with a shake of her head.

“You two are going to give me headaches into my dying days, aren’t you?” Gina groans, “Is there a skip button to the point where you get together?”

“Gina, stop.” Amy shakes her head, “Jake is with Alex and they’re going to fall in love and be happy together and get married and I’ll probably have to get a cat because I’m allergic to dogs because I’m gonna be alone forever!”

“At least you have time to prepare.” Gina shrugs with a look of guilt on her face as soon as the words leave her mouth.

“You’re definitely not going to be forever alone, Amy.” Rosa crosses her arms, “We’ll be there for you, whether you’re buying a cat or getting married.”

“Or when buying another boring pantsuit for prom.” Gina adds sarcastically, patting Amy on the shoulder.

“You _know_ it’s because I’m a chaperone but even then I stand by that pantsuit, it looks good on me.” Amy rants, trailing behind them as they leave the bathroom. “And I won’t be wearing a pantsuit to our _prom_ of all events!”

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Ames.” Gina loops her arms with Rosa and Amy, creating their own little blockade as they make their way back to the rest of their friends. “I’ll believe it when I see it...”

~

Amy had been on a non-stop high ever since the start of spirit week, with constant band practice and meetings for the homecoming dance meaning she had no time to dwell on certain unnamed topics. The only time she had really seen anyone was during class or briefly after school and it’s exactly what she needed.

She should be upset that their football team got virtually slaughtered by the visiting school, but the first band performance of the year always had her on cloud nine, even despite the teasing from her friends. Amy is walking off the field when she spots her friends sprinting down the steps of the bleachers, the smiles on their faces contrasting to their disappointed classmates. 

“Amy, you killed it!” Alex reaches her first, hugging her from the side. 

“Yeah, Ames, watching you play made me real _french horny_ …” Behind Jake, Rosa’s eyes go wide as Gina covers her mouth to keep from bursting into laughter, all the while an intensely obvious blush is creeping up Amy’s neck. Alex’s face has also fallen next to him, and Charles is the only one actually laughing at the joke. “You know, because she plays the French horn…”

“Yeah, we get it, Jake.” Rosa cuts in, “It’s just not funny.”

“Damn, I’ve been waiting to say that joke for _years_.” Jake shrugs, mood unaffected by the lack of response. “If you had chosen trombone I would have said you give me a _tromboner_ , but french horny was still great and I don’t care what any of you say.”

“See, tromboner is actually kind of funny.” Gina says, wrapping her arm around Amy’s shoulders. “You really did great, Amy.”

Jake is grumbling about how she should’ve chosen trombone, but Amy ignores it easily, never more thankful for Gina’s ability to chime in without a care. Rosa and Gina finding out about Jake and Alex’s relationship had really done something for their friendship, taking rotations to sit with Amy when Jake inevitably decided to sit with Alex over her. Amy had convinced them to start doing their homework together so that she didn’t have to do it with _them_ , so they basically started doing everything together like she and Jake used to.

It helps to an extent, that is until she waits for him on the fire escape every night and her heart swells ten times too large each time he sits next to her. Jake will usually take the time on the fire escape to discuss his latest obsession, and she would just nod along happily until it was her turn to tell him about a book he didn’t know about. But since he got with Alex, it was all he could talk about, and it became increasingly difficult to listen without it draining her emotionally.

Jake having a boyfriend changed a lot for their friendship, too. It had hardly been six weeks but he had already started going to Alex more with his feelings, whether he was mad at a teacher or had come across one of their classmates making out in the janitor’s closet. She used to be that person he went to with every little thing, and this is what she had been afraid of when Alex first moved into their apartment building, that she would lose her best friend. 

She’s pulled back to reality when her parents finally catch up to them, her duffle and garment bag containing her specially made chaperone suit in hand. “Amy, you did fantastic!” Her mom comments with a kiss to her cheek, “Now, I trust you’re going to behave at Darlene’s! Don’t eat too much food or go to bed late otherwise you’ll be too tired to chaperone, sweetie.”

“Yes, mom, I—”

“ _Oh!_ And do _not_ forget to take photos!”

“ _Yes mom,_ I packed the disposable camera and the spare batteries.” Amy insists, patting the bag as she slings it over her shoulder. “And I’ll be home with Jake and Alex before eleven!”

“That’s my girl.” Amy’s dad rubs her shoulder affectionately, kissing the top of her head before her mom hugs her again. With that, they gather up her younger brothers tackling each other on the field and left. Gina’s mom doesn’t show up for another twenty minutes, so they hang out on the side of the football field, everyone laughing at an impression Jake was performing involving Amy’s band hat _and_ her French horn.

“Oh baby, you makin’ me _french horny…_ ” Everyone is laughing at the second version of the joke, the old timey voice and the fact he’s not saying it _at_ Amy even makes her laugh.

Lynn and Darlene show up at the same time to pick up their kids and respective friends, but they’re stuck there for longer when, to Gina’s dismay, they begin talking. Gina leaves to attempt their departure happen quicker, and Rosa, Charles and Alex go to take their bags to respective cars, leaving Amy alone with Jake.

“Hey, I know I was teasing a bunch but you did really good out there, Ames.” Jake wraps his hand around her forearm, giving it a friendly squeeze. “You guys could go to National’s.”

“Please, with those incompetent idiots?” Amy scoffs, “But thanks…”

“And uh, thank you, in advance for tomorrow.” Jake shoves his hands in his pockets, his head downturned. “I don’t think Alex would have wanted to go at all if it weren’t for you…”

“Anything for you two…” Amy says softly, both her hands comfortingly on his biceps. “You deserve to have fun without worrying.”

“You’re amazing.” Jake surprises her, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her closely. She holds him back, just as tight, taking him all in and trying to remember the last time they hugged like this. “Seriously, the best friend anyone could have.”

“Same goes for you.” Amy bites the inside of her cheek, hoping to fight the blush from creeping onto her face. “I’m glad you’re mine.”

“Always?” Jake holds out his pinky finger when they seperate.

Amy doesn’t hesitate to link their fingers, a smile on her face. “And forever.”

~

Despite her mother’s warning, they do stay up late watching movies and she regrets it to say the least. For Rosa and Gina, it’s not an issue if they sleep in, because they don’t need to start getting ready until the afternoon. But _Amy_ had to go to a chaperone’s meeting at ten in the morning, meaning she had to walk to school on a Saturday.

Lucky for her that Gina’s house was the closest to school and there’s a cute little coffee shop on the way so she isn’t entirely upset. Plus, she got to get ready with them which meant plenty of time for photos and dinner before she had to be back there for her chaperoning duties. The meeting had been stuff she had already read in the guide he’d given out, and she was the one out of the six other students to answer _every_ question. 

She had her senior mentorship in the bag at this point.

When she arrives back at Gina’s house, she’s having an intense and hushed conversation with Rosa, playing around with how to style her hair. “Just tell me, Rosa! Up-do or out?”

“Ugh fine, up.” Rosa pinches her eyebrows together in frustration. “No! Wait... out.”

“I didn’t take you as someone to be so indecisive about hair…” Amy sits next to Rosa, head tilted to the side before she takes over for Gina and makes adjustments. “There, half up half down with the gold clip.”

“I like it.” There’s a hint of a smile on Rosa’s face and Amy takes it as a success.

“Oh damn, you _do_ have a stylish bone in your body.” Gina nods in appreciation, taking the gold clip in her hand to secure Rosa’s hair. “Okay, we’re finally done. Now to get _you_ ready, Amy!”

“Oh, no no.” Amy shakes her head furiously, “I’m a chaperone, I just need a pony tail and my suit.”

“At least put a scrunchie in your hair and let me put some gloss on you!” Gina whines, “I promise it won’t take too long.”

“Fine.” Amy relaxes in her seat, tilting her head back with eyes closed to let Gina do her magic. “Do you want to hear the plan?”

“Shoot.”

She appreciates the lack of judgement that Rosa and Gina show at her plan. They understand that ultimately, Jake and Alex should be able to have a night to be stupid and dance without the judgment of others getting in the way. Jake had come to her one night, fuming that Alex refused to go to the homecoming dance, specifically that _they_ couldn’t go to the homecoming dance. It was one of the biggest events of the year, so if Alex didn’t want to go then Jake wasn’t going to go. The school was very supportive, with Mr. Holt proudly out, but it didn’t mean the students weren’t. 

That lead to Amy showing up in Alex’s room at six in the morning with a fresh binder she’d been saving for something special with her plan to make homecoming achievable. It did involve her risking everything she’d done to guarantee her spot as Holt’s mentee, but with the scheduling Holt had devised and Amy’s planning, they’d be able to avoid the teachers as she… _slacked on the job_. 

Amy had planned it perfectly so that they could have a magical homecoming together, and she would have to spend the night just watching. She can’t be upset for doing the job that she volunteered for. 

Alex is visibly sweating when they meet up at the restaurant a few hours later. He had been fine when they were taking photos together, he complimented her outfit enthusiastically down to the high pony and shiny lipgloss so Amy thought he was good. But he doesn’t eat, and Jake is anxiously looking to him every thirty or so seconds, checking up on him. Alex being nervous made Jake nervous which made Amy nervous. 

Something changes in the time between her leaving dinner early and them arriving at the dance. Probably a famous Jake Peralta pep talk, he was very influential when he wanted to be, she knows from years of personal experience. Alex and Jake are beaming as they rush up to her, dancing awkwardly as they gets close enough. There was definitely a pep talk involved in their change of mood.

But luckily happy Alex meant happy Jake which meant happy Amy. 

There was still a high amount of tension for her, keeping an eye for any students that were grinding too hard or getting suspicious of her friends, switching dance partners every song so that Jake and Alex had the opportunity to dance together with no strange looks. Every adult chaperone were focused on the horny teenagers so for the most part it was all going according to plan.

Amy even gets to have some fun of her own, catching a few couples from sneaking out to a supply closet for a sneaky hookup. Jake even drags her to the dance floor for _Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now_ , one of their favourite songs to battle out to since they were nine years old, their friends forming a circle around them as they both get lost in the air guitar solos. It was against the rules for her, but she wins this round, so it’s worth a mild scold from her math teacher when she makes it back to her post. 

The nerves creep up on her when the slower part of the night arrives. Jake and Alex keep up the same pattern even then, dancing with Rosa, Gina, Charles and his date in a rotation and hyping it up as a so called joke. It’s sweet, when Jake’s done joking about dancing with Alex and he grabs Alex’s hand, a genuine smile creeping on his face. No one else was watching them as they swayed closely together, and Amy is able to breath a sigh of relief.

“I see why you have been neglecting your chaperone duties tonight.” Amy jumps at Holt’s voice behind her, it’s quiet in comparison to the music and it’s stable as ever. 

“Sir… Let me—”

“That is enough, Santiago.” He gestures, gentle but firm, as he speaks, “It is very brave what you have done for them tonight. You have been diligent and smart about every move you made, I’m impressed.”

“Thank you, sir.” Amy takes a deep breath and clasps her hands together, at least he wouldn’t get Jake and Alex in trouble. “I’m sorry for breaking the rules.”

“I would normally berate you for breaking the rules like this, but your loyalty to your friends is quite admirable.” Holt smiles down at her, a _real_ smile, with _teeth_. It takes every ounce of self control not to break out into her signature Santiago victory dance right there in front of him. “I must say, you’d make quite the leader, Amy.”

With that, he walks away to his previous station by the punch which has _definitely_ been spiked now with his absence. Looking back to the dancefloor, Jake is still swaying with Alex, his eyebrows scrunched curiously. Amy simply smiles in response, hoping it relays every positive thing that just happened in the past minute. 

Amy wishes that she could convey every damned emotion she was feeling, to tell him how hard it is to slowly fall in love him while supporting him unconditionally in this new relationship. She wanted to go back in time so she could warn or herself, or have them get their shit together so she didn’t have to deal with the icky feelings of jealousy. Amy just wanted her best friend back.

The grin that spreads across his face tells her that he understood exactly what he needed to understand, glancing around him to see if anyone was looking at them before resting his head against Alex’s. Amy has to look away to keep herself together, spending the whole night watching them dance together did nothing for her aching heart. She’s scanning everywhere but their area, looking for _anyone_ to separate for being too close, so she doesn’t notice Rosa and Gina walking up to her.

“Dance with us, Ames.” Gina says softly, a hand in her shoulder so she doesn’t jump through the ceiling.

“I’m chaperoning.” 

Rosa shakes her head, both her and Gina taking a hand and pulling her to the dance floor. “You deserve at least one slow dance.”

“It’s our duty as part of the ASPS…” Gina’s smile is warm and gentle as they wrap their arms around each other in a weird dance hug. “It’s our best idea yet.... The Amy Santiago Protection Squad…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIENDSHIP IS MAGICCCCCCCCCCC is how i felt writing this whole chapter ok we stan supportive friends
> 
> i'm gonna try up my writing speed so hopefully it wont take me another month to upload
> 
> pls share your thoughts and feelings in comments for a cookie :)


	16. i like me better when i'm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from i like me better by lauv 
> 
> _I don't know what it is but I got that feeling (got that feeling)  
>  Waking up in this bed next to you swear the room  
> Yeah, it got no ceiling  
> If we lay, let the day just pass us by  
> I might get to too much talking  
> I might have to tell you something_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy season 7 finale day!!!! Have a chapter!!! Are you shocked to see me so soon?? I am!!!!
> 
> CW: underage drinking and anxiety attacks
> 
> Enjoy!

“Can you tell me the story of you and abuela again?” 

For the most part, Amy had been doing good since homecoming. That was mostly due to Gina and Rosa, who she was growing closer to months into the school year. It’s not like she had gotten over these feelings, but they had been dulled through constant distraction and limiting alone time with Jake.

Jake had been so busy with Alex that he barely seemed to notice. Not that he didn’t care for her, because he did, always making an effort not to be one of those people that lost sight of their friends because they were in a relationship. First and foremost, they were still best friends and she loved him for his loyalty among other things.

“It’s been a minute since you requested that story, mija.” His voice comes off raspier than normal over the phone, but it’s soft and caring nonetheless. “Is everything okay?”

Amy twirls the chord of their home phone with her fingers, sighing as she rests her head on the wall. It was nights like these where she wasn’t doing well. Her parents had gone on a date night, leaving Amy stuck with David in charge with her youngest brothers while Benji was out with his friends. This paired with Jake hanging out with Alex meant Amy was in a horrid mood.

“I just haven’t heard it in a while, that’s all.” Amy shrugs, despite him not being able to see it. “Manny, get off the coffee table!”

“No!” Manny, now five years old, proceeds to then jump off the table in a fit of laughter before running away to find a different sibling.

“Get him!” Amy hears Carlos shouting but she turns to face the opposite direction, not having the mental capacity to deal with their games.

“So, where do I begin?” Abuelo teases, and she can see the smile on his face clear as day. She misses him so bad, but Christmas break was coming soon, Amy just had to be patient. “Right, so you remember how your abuela is the most fantastic actress in the entire world, correct?”

“Of course, the Thanksgiving and Christmas plays deserved to be a red carpet event.” Amy laughs softly.

“Well, we auditioned for this school play together… I can’t remember the name of it now, but I’ll remind you, it was violence free.” Her abuelo’s voice flourishes with each word, “But maybe, you’d also recall how she punched me in the audition!”

Amy laughs at this, how ridiculous that this was their first real interaction beyond seeing each other in the hallways of their college, but it made the story that much better. “As you can guess, we both got the part for our wonderful performance. Her and I, romantic leads in a play. So that meant we’d spend so many of our days together, learning our lines and our characters.

“But for some reason, she did not like me, Amy. It baffled me, but outside of that rehearsal space, I was a stranger to her. We had many classes together and every time I’d try to talk to her she would brush me off! It was really just heartbreaking, because I was so… smitten… by her presence, but she didn’t like me back.”

“Why was that?” Amy knew the answer of course, but she enjoyed the call and response of his storytelling.

“Ah, we’ll get to that part, Amy. Be patient.” She bites down on her lip to suppress the smile growing in anticipation of the rest of the story. “Cut to opening night, she still doesn’t seem to like me, even in a friendly way. That only intrigued me more, the curious man I am. So that night I bought her a bouquet of lilies, her all time favourite flower, she had mentioned to me once. She asks, ‘How did you remember my favourite flower?’ and from that day on, she wasn’t so cold to me.

“Probably about five years, we were good friends. And eventually I learned that the reason she had been so put off by me is because she mistook me for the campus bad-boy, which I still take as a high compliment. It wasn’t long before she was my best friend, and one day out of the blue, she asks me out! You know how uncommon it was in those days for girl to ask a boy out, so I was shaken to my core but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“She is my number one feminist icon.” Amy butts in quickly. “I miss her.”

“Ah, me too, Amy.” He takes a shaky breath, and she wishes they were in the same room so she could hug him. “She was, and always will be, my soulmate.”

Amy turns on the spot, the back of her head still attached to the wall, checking if any of her brothers were within hearing range. “I think I love Jake.” 

“Oh?” She can hear him shifting in his seat, his interest freshly piqued. “Is that why you called?”

“Yeah…” Amy’s voice is barely above a whisper, so afraid that David would walk in and hear her and immediately run to tell Jake. “But… He’s with someone else.”

He hums, taking a moment to collect his thoughts, and Amy is restless waiting for some life changing advice from him. She’s ready to stop feeling so guilty about her feelings so she can whole-heartedly support Jake’s relationship with Alex. Amy desperately needs him to say that these feelings would fade with time and that their friendship wouldn’t change because of them. She needs anything but what he actually says:

“Be patient, remember your abuela and I were with many people before we had each other.”

“But I don’t _want_ him, abuelo!” Amy insisted, a little louder than intended, but there’s no movement from her brothers. “Like, this is my best friend and the last thing I want is to jeopardize what I have with him just because of my teenage hormonal feelings of attraction. Make it make sense, abuelo.”

“Love doesn’t make any sense. Never has, never will...” He trails off for a moment, “That is until you are in love. The best thing in the world is to be in love with your best friend, or did you not listen to my story at all?” 

“Of course I listened…” She grunts, her voice falling back to a whisper. “None of this makes sense. I can’t even tell if it’s love or if it’s just an attraction to a life long friend that I obviously love _because_ he is my best friend.”

The phone call is rudely interrupted by David charging in with their little brothers, all holding weapons of their own creation. She barely gets to say goodbye to her abuelo before the first wack of a toilet brush hits her leg. The battle goes on for fifteen minutes before Jake unexpectedly walks out of her bedroom. 

She’s got David pinned to the ground with her knee while she fends off attacks from her smaller brothers, her bun hanging off her head haphazardly. Jake has his hands on his hips, a huge grin on his face. “Need some backup?” 

“ _Please_.” Amy laughs, finally managing to wrap her arms around Manny as Jake sneaks up behind Carlos and Mateo, picking them both up. “Victorious!”

“Ugh, I let you win.” David groans when she finally relinquishes Manny from her grip and her knee from David’s back. “I’ll get you next time.”

The boys disperse, leaving Amy alone with Jake. Amy shuffles awkwardly on the spot, the conversation with her abuelo back in the forefront of her mind. “Weren’t you hanging out with Alex tonight?”

“When you’re stuck with David and the devils? If I left you in a time like this, I’d be a bad best friend wouldn’t I?” Jake pondered. “I missed you, dork.”

“Fire escape?” Amy suggests.

“No way, too cold.” Jake shivers dramatically, taking ahold of her hand and dragging her into her room. He closes the window with a genuine shudder. “How great is it having your own bedroom now?” 

Amy lays back on her new bedsheets on her _double_ bed. There was a perk, she discovered, to being the only girl amongst seven brothers. It meant that her quinceanera gift was _big_ , the only thing she wanted in life after another full summer of living with David Santiago. It was finally her room again, with Tony moving out, David was able to move into Benji’s room. The official present had been a new bed frame, but mostly, _freedom_ from her worst brother.

“I feel like I live in a cloud, if that makes sense.” Amy giggles, sitting up to find Jake brooding against her desk. “How are things with Alex?”

“Great.” Jake nods, a pout forming slowly. “Are we good? Things have been weird.”

“What do you mean?” Amy replies casually, not sure how much her face is giving away. 

“I feel like I’ve been a bad friend.” Jake shrugs, “We barely hang out, and I know it’s my fault but…”

“Uh-uh, don’t go there.” Amy shakes her head vigorously, “Having a boyfriend does not mean you’re a bad friend.”

“Did you get the invite for Dylan’s house party?” The change of topic has her surprised, his voice more chipper than it was a second ago. 

“The guy that’s friends with Terry, right?” Jake nods. “Nope. Remember how I’m one of the least popular people in the school? Not that I really _care_ but I don’t get invited to anything.”

“Ames, give Teddy _some_ credit. You’re definitely cooler than a lot of people there.” Jake prods at her side, Amy giggling and swatting his hand away. “How about we go together? You know, have some quality friendship time avoiding others in a corner at a party, it’s the dream, really.”

“Jake, you haven’t been a bad friend and you don’t need to make it up in any way, okay?” Amy takes a hold of his hand, “I don’t feel neglected at all.”

“No, I just though, uh, we could go together. Just you and I, as friends.” Jake shrugs, his thumb brushing over her knuckles. “I just want to do better.”

“I will agree to come, but _only_ if you understand that you haven’t been a bad friend.” Amy tries to ignore the way he holds her hand, “Please, I need you to know this.”

“Okay… I believe you.” Jake nods slowly as a grin forms on his face, “So we’re going?”

“We’re going!” Amy giggles, clapping and bouncing on her bed. “Oh my god, this is gonna be the first high school house party I go to… What time is it? What do I wear? _Wait_ , is there going to be alcohol? There’s always alcohol at these things, didn’t you go last—”

“Ames, Ames, please.” He raises his hands in a calming manner, the smile oh his face never fading. “There will be alcohol but you don’t have to drink.”

“I don’t want to be the only one not drinking…” Amy returns to fidgeting with the edge of her jumper, “Are you?”

“Probably, I have before so...” Jake trails off for a beat before he looks to her again. “I won’t if you don’t want to.” 

“No, I think I want to.” Amy mumbles, excitement growing at the idea alone. “Maybe? I’ll think about it.”

“Well, the party is next Saturday so you have time.” Jake reassures her, his hand back on hers and she nods in reply. “Okay, also have you done the homework for science? You’ll be surprised to hear that Alex and I have done zero homework.”

“Ugh, yes, I have.” Amy rolls her eyes, moving to her desk. “Go get your books, dummy.”

~

There was no rhyme or reason to how the human brain worked. Sure there was dumb science but what did science prove? Everything? _Pff_ , Amy wasn’t buying it. She was done with stupid bullies and their stupid brains not knowing how to be nice to someone who was tutoring them. Amy just about feels her soul leave her body when Jake appears at her locker with a slam, “Oh my _god_ , where did you come from?” 

“You told me to meet me at your locker.” Amy nods, agreeing with a huff. “And here I am.”

“I see that.” Amy sighs, closing her locker and following his lead to their next class. “I wanted to talk about the party… I’m nervous about… drinking…”

“Huh? You don’t have to drink, remember?”

“I _know_ but you and Gina made it sound fun and I thought _maybe_ I’d give it a try?” She begins speaking in hushed tones, looking out for an adult who might slap them on the wrist for even _talking_ about underage drinking. “But now that I have the opportunity to do so... It has me a little _tiny_ bit anxious.”

Jake hums softly, taking a moment to think as they turned a corner. Amy opens her mouth a few times, trying to choose her next words carefully. “I was thinking, what if I had ...a practice run, of sorts?”

“What? Practicing…” He drops his voice dramatically, to an almost inaudible whisper, “... _drinking alcohol?_ ”

She rolls her eyes at him, wacking his arm before replying, “That way I can master all my disgusted reactions, become familiar with it and all.” 

Amy had thought about it in the days since he invited her; it could be vital to her final years of schooling to have jocks back off her by thinking she was at least kind of cool. 

“So just you and me drinking? As practice?”

“Yeah, your mom is working Friday night, isn’t she? And I know you know where she keeps her alcohol.” Amy murmurs, a hopeful glint in her eye. “Deal?”

“Okay, deal.” Jake shakes her extended hand, a sneaky grin forming on her face. Jake laughs. “I cannot _wait_ to see what drunk Amy is like.”

“Agreed.” He keeps hold of her hand for a moment, just to spin her and let go. “This is gonna be so cool!”

It’s only two days later, standing in front of the alcoholic beverages Jake had placed out on his desk, when she feels nervous again. He also had a large bottle of orange soda, as well as what she thinks is water, but could very well be another alcoholic drink. Too many possibilities were running through her mind, her main worry being, _what if they were caught?_

Amy’s cover had been pretty tight — she had told her parents that she was working on a school project with both Jake and Alex, and since they had known them for so long, there was no logical reason not to trust him. Alex wouldn’t be there; and _thank god_ , she had thought to herself, because if she were to get drunk _then_ deal with them as a couple, she might just explode and it would definitely be the alcohol's fault. His dad recently had re-introduced a weekly pizza night just for the two of them, something about him getting older and wanting to be close to his son. 

Alex was pretty upset. Another person that couldn’t make it, and was absolutely devastated by it? Gina. She had actually gone to the library during lunch time when she found out just to write the synonyms of betrayal that she felt. Only later did she remember that she would see Amy drink at the party, but still requested that notes were taken so she didn’t have to do so at the party. 

“Okay, so what are we thinking? Orange soda with vodka or this one with the fancy name… with orange soda?” Jake separates the plastic cups in his hands, placing them down and hovering his hands over the two drinks until she decides.

“Vodka feels safer than fancy name alcohol.” Amy bites down on her lip as she watches Jake pour a shot of vodka into their cups like he was some professional. She doesn’t know how exactly a professional does it, but he damn well looks like one. “I can’t believe I’m doing this… And Benji called _me_ the angel kid, pff.”

“You’re definitely far from the angelic one, even before this.” He teases, closing the lid on the orange soda. “Here, I present to you, your first ever drink.”

Amy takes the cup from him with a restrained grin, keeping her cool as best as she could as she lifted the cup to her lips and taking her first sip. When the taste hits her tongue, she goes through what can only be described as a journey. First it’s confusion, because it tastes like orange soda, but _not_ — another second passes and the intense but not _horrible_ taste of vodka sinks in. She takes a larger sip next, but it’s worse, spluttering about the horrid taste of it before she takes another small sip, enjoying it again.

“It’s not bad.” Amy shrugs. Jake is laughing uncontrollably, having to put his drink back on the desk to rest his hands on his knees to catch a breath.

“Ames, please.” Jake basically wheezes, and she’s momentarily worried for his asthma but he recovers from his laughing fit with a few chuckles and picks up his drink. “That face journey is something I’ll never forget.”

“Shut up.” Amy rolls her eyes, lifting the cup for a third round, taking down a gulp a lot easier than before. “I like it.”

“Wanna watch _Clueless_?”

It’s a fun way for them to start the night. Neither in a rush to be super drunk, it’s nice to relax on the couch together for the first time in what feels like months, just the two of them. But mid-way through the movie, her first drink is done and she finds herself completely spacing out. Well she doesn’t notice this until the characters on the screen start screaming, making her jump. 

“You okay, Ames?” Jake seemed completely calm and collected, like his first drink had no effect on him even though she knew it was just his experience showing.

“I think I’m starting to feel it a bit.” Amy giggles softly, all of her was warm, and considering Jake’s apartment was _always_ cold during the winter even with heating, that was something. She had of course researched what it was like to be drunk so she _could_ take note of it, but she felt all warm and fuzzy and she really wanted to cuddle into Jake for the rest of the movie.

The thought has her at full attention again, sitting up straight again rather than slowly sinking into his outstretched arm like they used to when he didn’t have a boyfriend. Movie nights weren’t the same, she damn well knew this, but everytime she spaced out she would start moving closer. Stupid alcohol, surely this wasn’t all there could be to it.

She stumbles to the kitchen table where Jake had moved the drinks, fumbling with the lid for a moment too long before she’s able to successfully make her and Jake another drink. Definitely used to the taste now, Amy has finished her second drink by the end of the credits.

“You know, I just want Jared to get off my back about being a big nerdy loser girl.” Amy’s words are becoming noticeably slurred but loud, as she puts her drink back on his desk. “Not that I care about what he thinks so much but maybe if he thinks I’m not lame then he’ll stop being a rude butthead.”

“Wait, Ames, you said you would tell me if Jared was bugging you again.” 

Jared has been the bane of her existence, even more so than Teddy, ever since he first transferred to their school the year before. He’d been a big time jock at his old school, so he quickly fell into the stereotype there too, especially when getting accepted onto the football team so fast. The entire first year there, he honed in on Amy. He never physically touched her, but he’d done a great mental toll on her, her grades even dropping to an all time low of B- in one of her classes. 

It was the worst year of her life. Jake stepped in, of course, defending her on a day Jared had been particularly cranky. So he punched Jake, which had Amy so furious that she then punched Jared, followed by a devastating kick to his groin and some (a lot) of shouting. Parents then got involved, and Jared was forced to write an apology letter to her. Since then things had been just okay, he still made snide comments from time to time but it was easy enough to deal with. 

But agreeing to tutor him _just_ because she wanted to avoid being around Jake and Alex? Worst choice of her life. He started off simply calling her a nerd at the end of the sessions, but one name led to more and more to the point where she dreaded going to the library again. 

“It’s really nothing.” Amy shrugs nonchalantly, “Nothing compared to last year, anyway.” 

“Asshole should’ve been expelled.” Jake grunts. “Is this why you want to drink at the party? So he might stop being a bully?”

“Yeah.” Amy shouts, covering her mouth when Jake flinches at her volume. “Sorry, I don’t know where that came from…” Jake laughs and shakes his head. “It sounded like a great idea before you said it.” 

“You make bad ideas sound good and I make good ideas sound bad, it’s our whole dynamic, Ames.” Jake rests his hand right next to hers so he can shift to talk to her directly, and she has to clench her hand into a fist so she doesn’t inch closer, he notices. “Hey, I got your back.”

Amy’s starting to see the negative effects of alcohol as well, because suddenly, she really wanted to kiss Jake. Like, really _really_ badly. His lips were so nice on his face and it was overall appealing in every way possible and just _wow_. She couldn’t possibly stray away from her thoughts of kissing him if she tried. It would be a bad idea, he was in a relationship and she was drunk and _he was in a relationship_ withAlex, her _friend_. 

She knows she’s been silent for too long, her eyes subconsciously flicking to his lips before his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. Laughter bubbles out of her suddenly, falling onto his shoulder, the tension diffused when he laughs along with her for no reason. “This is fun.”

“You’re really really good at facts, _Amyyy._ ” Jake drawls, giggling more when he can’t seem to stop. 

“And you’re really good at being funny, like all the time.” The compliment battle goes on for another forty or so minutes, broken up by hand clapping games that are harder to master now more than ever. There’s another little while there dedicated to pouting at Jake when neither of them want to get up and pour another drink. Jake challenges her to a staring pout contest which he inevitably loses, because even when drunk she still has the best self-discipline between them.

So when he’s making them another drink, she switches the channel over to MTV, lightly bopping her head as Mariah Carey’s _Honey_ played on screen. “He’s hot.” Jake says, carrying their drinks back slowly.

“Hmm, agreed.” She smiles into her cup as she takes her next sip. “He should be in every Mariah Carey video… I wanna dance with him, Jake. Like, _dance_ with him.”

“Amy, I’m right here, you don’t need Mr. Abs man!” Jake crosses his arms, refusing to look at the TV for more than a few seconds, looking at her instead to catch her reaction. 

“But if you’re dancing with Alex then _I_ need a dance partner so _I_ choose Mr. Abs man!” Amy pushes on his thigh with her foot, almost spilling her drink as she attempts to roll off the couch before he can grab her foot. 

“I think Mariah Carey already chose Mr. Abs man.” Jake says, a sly grin on his face. 

Amy takes another few gulps of her drink as she gets on her feet, “Okay, well I’m perfectly capable of being my own partner.”

“Oh yeah? Please share these skills you have, Ames.” Jake relaxes on the couch, his arms crossed as the introduction of the next song comes on. “Yes, this is _perfect._ ”

There’s no thought put to what song is playing in the background, Amy just starts dancing, arms flailing wildly as she attempts to sing along. Elbows are brought into the mix halfway through, and Jake hadn’t stopped laughing from about five seconds into the song but he somehow laughs harder. 

“Why are you using your elbows?” He’s wheezing now, rolling off the couch in the process but she doesn’t stop dancing.

By the end of the song, Amy is on the floor next to him, the giggles never truly fading even as they calm down from the high. This is what Amy missed, the fun side of their friendship. The side of their friendship where Alex wasn’t a romantic aspect or where romance wasn’t even a passing thought. Jake would make Amy laugh on a regular basis usually, but the opportunity was never there anymore without her finding a way to make it awkward.

So when he helps her to bed a few hours later, part of her feels really sad. It could be the alcohol, but she really doesn’t want the night to end. He’s just as drunk as she is but he’s taking care of her, sneaking around her apartment and risking getting caught by her parents just to get her water and drugs for the morning. 

“Jake, you’re my best friend.” Amy slurs quietly when he walks back in the room. “Promise me we’ll always be friends?”

“You’re mine too.” Jake whispers, stumbling a moment before sitting on her bed. “We made that vow, remember? That hasn’t changed.”

“Oh…” Amy’s eyebrows scrunch together, “You remember that?”

“You can’t forget a vow you make to your best friend.” Jake chuckles softly, his eyes solely focused on her though he should be thinking about leaving to his own bed.

“Good, I never want to lose you.”

“You never will, Ames.” Jake has his hand covering hers now, “Not if I have a say in it.”

“Goodnight, Jakey.” Amy smiles one last time, her eyes too heavy to think anymore. 

“Night, Ames.”

~

Alex doesn’t find out about Jake and Amy’s little party until the next morning when he struggles more than usual to get Jake out of bed. Unintelligible mumbling isn’t a behaviour unusual for Jake in the morning, but it was concerning when he can’t physically sit up or open his eyes without wincing.

“Ames, I’m dead.” That’s what Jake says when he finally opens his mouth, and it has Alex raising a brow. “Find a new best friend, I’m _dead_.”

“Jake.” Alex shakes his shoulder again, which finally has Jake turning around. “Good afternoon.”

“Hmf.” Jake peaks an eye open, the smile instant when he sees Alex. “Morning.”

“No, _afternoon_ , Jake.” It’s then Jake seems to register the annoyance in his voice, and his head jerks up to glance at the clock on his bedside table, muttering a curse word under his breath. “You were supposed to meet me almost an hour ago.”

“I _know_ and I didn’t forget, it’s just…” Jake pauses so he can sit up in bed successfully. “Remember how I invited Amy to Dylan’s party? Well, she wanted to _practice_ drinking and we stayed up a lot later than I thought we would…”

“Dylan’s party? What are you talking about?” Alex crosses his arms, wondering who Dylan was and why Jake wasn’t inviting _him_. 

“Dylan, you know Terry, that senior that hangs out with us sometimes? It’s his friend.” Alex nods, vaguely recognising the name. “He’s having a party and Amy didn’t get an invite so I thought Amy and I would go together.”

“What about me? Didn’t you think maybe I’d want to go?” Jake rolls his eyes at this. “What?”

“Alex, you _hate_ high school parties.” Jake says softly, a smile creeping on his face. “Remember the apple cider debacle?”

Alex visibly shudders at this, but it doesn’t change how he’s feeling. “You should’ve still asked me.”

“Alex, do you want to go to the party with me?” Jake juts out his bottom lip the slightest bit, taking hold of Alex’s hands and he has to resist the urge to melt.

“Yeah, I really do.” Alex bites his lip, looking down at his feet. “It’s gonna be fun, going to a party together.”

“Yeah, drunk Amy is a blast.” Jake snorts, “I think she had three drinks? But she was gone, Alex.”

“So that’s why you couldn’t get pizza with my dad and I…” Alex is confused, and maybe hurt? It’s hard to pin down, because Amy was just his best friend, and there wasn’t any logical reason for him to be upset about the two of them hanging out.

“Yeah, but we made those plans before you asked so…” Jake simply shrugs before stretching his arms out, “How about I shower real quick and we can catch the next movie?”

“Sounds good.” Alex nods slightly, trying not let his mind wander as Jake jumps up to kiss his cheek and run out of the room. 

The only viable argument that appears in his mind from time to time is the memory of Jake being almost certainly in love with Amy the year before he and Jake got together. It was completely irrational to think this way, but if Alex was especially gifted in one area, it was overthinking. So the thought of Jake and Amy spending a night alone together _drinking_ , did not make him feel good. 

Jake is a good boyfriend. He’s loyal and in no lifetime would he ever cheat, and Alex feels like a bad boyfriend for even thinking about that. Alex just wants to be free of the neverending worry that he isn’t good enough for Jake; that in the end, it’s Amy he’s going to end up with. It’s negative thinking like this that led to break ups and it’s obviously the last thing Alex wants. 

Was it so bad that Alex wanted Jake all to himself? He loved Jake, and any chance of Jake leaving would be detrimental to him. Alex didn’t want to feel this way; he wants to be friends with Amy without the worry that she’d steal Jake away from him, but she had been there first anyway, did that mean she had first dibs over him?

That was ridiculous that the thought even occurred to him. Jake wasn’t anyone’s to have ‘dibs’ over, he was a person. It showed just how bad his habit of overthinking was, thinking so posessively that he thought he could simply have dibs over his boyfriend like he was some inanimate object.

It was just a stupid high school party, the point of it was just to have fun with his boyfriend and his friends, what could go so hellishly wrong?

~

“Okay, so you didn’t write any notes which is _very_ uncharacteristic of you, Amy.” Gina is walking with Amy, ahead of their friends. “This tells me that drunk Amy is _wild_.” 

“I’m not wild, just forgetful, I think.” Amy explains, holding just a bit closer as a breeze passes by. “It’s a bit fuzzy, but I danced a bunch near the end.”

“There’s a bit to go off there but there’s still a lot to figure out, blanks to be filled.” Gina stares into the distance for a moment. “Wow, maybe I’d be a good detective. In a feature film, of course.”

Rosa’s waiting outside the subway station for them, dressed in a regular ensemble featuring only the best of her leather jacket collection. She links arms on the other side with Amy, greeting them both with a nod before looking back to Charles, Jake and Alex who were still a decent stretch behind them. 

Amy was a bit surprised with her disappointment when she found out that Alex was coming, after all, it was something she should’ve assumed. Jake _did_ tell her it would be a night just for them, but also should have assumed that her friends would be going too. The time she had with him the Friday before _was_ the only time she’d have with just the two of them for a while and she just had to accept that.

It was still going to be an interesting night. Gina had heard a rumour that Dylan’s family just bought a ping pong table, and that was just another thing she could kick ass at. Even if Jake was joined to Alex’s hip at the party, she was determined to still have fun, it was the first weekend of winter break and nothing would stop her.

The subway is crowded on their way to the other side of Brooklyn, but being a Saturday night, it’s no surprise. The heating is broken, but she’s completely surrounded by Gina, Rosa and Charles so it does a great deal in making up for it. Amy just couldn’t wait to get some alcohol in her system so she wouldn’t have to worry about keeping herself warm, or anything really. 

The house is already packed full of students when they arrive; not every student was invited, but it felt like everyone was there. She had no idea of the circumstance of this party, were there parents anywhere nearby? All Amy could see was red cups and teenagers. 

It doesn’t take long before her anxiety starts to flare up. She prepared for these exact circumstances but she didn’t calculate the amount of people versus the volume of the house and that’s what had her almost hyperventilating as she searches quickly for a bathroom. The first one she finds there’s a couple making out on the bench and the next one there’s a girl busy comforting another who was sobbing.

She doesn’t feel the hand dragging her out back, but the cold air hits her and she’s back to reality. Jake is leading her to sit down on the steps of the porch, Rosa next to her as she tries to stabilize her breathing. Rosa has her hand on her shoulder when she says, “Amy, do you need to go home?”

“ _No_.” Amy pants, taking in a deep breath before speaking again. “I just need a moment…” Breathe out. “I just didn’t expect this many people.”

“Ames, it’s okay if you want to go home.” Jake kneels in front of her, his hands on her knees. “No one is going to judge you.”

Amy buries her face in her hands, taking a few moments to gather her thoughts and breathing. “I’m sorry I’m ruining the party so early.” 

“Ames, you didn’t ruin anything.” Jake insisted, “It’s your first big party, and it can be pretty scary.”

“I just need a minute, yeah?” Amy sighs, and Jake is looking to everyone else before they get the gist and walk back inside. “I didn’t think a high school party would trigger my claustrophobia so bad.”

“Are you sure you don’t just want to go home?” Jake ends feebly. “I can ditch this party and just take you home and we can watch _The Little Mermaid_ or something.”

“No, I really want to be here.” Amy says confidently, her posture returning to normal and breathing evened out. “The mission to prove I’m cool, remember?”

“I thought it was to have fun together?” Jake teases. 

“That too.” Amy laughs, “That was just an ulterior motive I had.”

“Well, I think with enough work we can achieve both.” Jake stands up, holding a hand out to her. She takes it hesitantly. “But if you feel overwhelmed or you want to go home anytime, just tell me.”

“You got it, Johnny McClane.” Amy salutes him when she stands and he looks simply horrified.

“You completely butchered everything about that reference.” He shakes his head as he opens the door back into the house, and it’s not as overwhelming the second time. 

There’s still way too many people there, but Amy has a tight grip on Jake’s bicep so she’s not going to get lost and she knows he won’t let anything happen to her, so she’s okay. They make it to the drink table where their friends are all deciding on something to drink. Amy’s nerves are still on high alert, so she starts off with a simple soda, Rosa keeping an eye on Gina so she doesn’t spike it when she turns her head.

“Ames, come on, it’ll help you relax!” Gina pouts and Amy just shakes her head with a laugh, assuring her that she will soon.

It takes her another half hour before she’s really used to her surroundings and informs Gina that she’s ready to drink. Jake is somewhere else with Charles when she’s pouring her drink, but she doesn’t feel so uncomfortable without him there. It’s different to what she had that night with Jake, but it was just as pleasant with the orangina. 

Jake comes back, taking a sip of her drink, cringing when he tastes the orangina. He’s already finished his first drink, so he’s flushed and way louder than usual, but she wouldn’t be able to hear him otherwise. Everyone’s laughing at whatever joke about orangina he just said, and she joins in. She’s in a weird state of in between the anxiety of the crowd and the alcohol entering her system, and it’s making her a little more dazed out than she remembers the first time. 

“Okay, so one drink Amy is spacey, not paying attention to anything.” Amy double takes when Gina talks, and she’s got a notebook out that she’s messily scrawling words onto. “So opposite, what the hell.”

Amy simply rolls her eyes, dragging Gina to a couch nearby where there was luckily nobody making out. Gina is still taking notes as Amy sits there, observing the party, and Amy is describing things to her, but she spaces out _again_ , forgetting what she was talking about. Gina is simply too excited to not yell about it, and it catches people’s attention before they go back to their own thing. 

She’s given her second drink by Jake around an hour later, and he tells her it’s a mystery concoction made especially by Charles. Amy hates it, basically gagging at the smell before chugging it down so she doesn’t have to deal with it. The drink hits her quicker than the one before, probably because of the speed it was drunk, but she’s yelling everything and anything. 

Gina is walking behind her, taking notes still as Amy talks to Rosa about the moon landing conspiracy when Amy spots the ping pong table. “ _ROSA_! Let’s play ping pong!” Amy is basically screaming at this point, and it makes one of her classmates flinch next to her, so she shouts what she thinks is a quieter apology.

“Come on! Rosa, me and you versus whoever is playing, we’ll kick their _butts_.” Amy whooped, “Rooooosa, please!”

“Okay.” Rosa replies, fighting a smile at Amy’s energy. “Don’t screw this for us.”

Dylan and Jared are playing when they make it, a crowd around them cheering them on. Amy doesn’t let the school bully’s presence affect her, standing tall as ever with Rosa by her side as she readies herself to challenge them. Rosa does the actual challenging, because Amy still isn’t quite used to being drunk and forming proper sentences in a row, but Amy does a grade A job at looking confident next to her.

“Okay, we’ll play.” Jared smirks, and he’s looking at Amy as he speaks. “What’s at stake?”

“ _If_ you win, I’ll do your homework for the first month back next year.” Amy tries her best to keep her voice steady, but she slurs a bit. “But when me and Rosa win, I get to write _loser_ on your forehead with a _permanent marker_.”

“No, that sucks.” Rosa cuts in, “If we win, we get to cut your hair.”

“No way, that’s not enough risk for you!” Dylan cackles, “How about you also go on a date with me when you lose and it’s a deal?”

“One month of homework, and I’ll write SAT notes for the subject of your choice.” Amy suggests, loudly, so that Rosa doesn’t have to submit herself to that torture for a game. 

“Hm, deal.” Dylan reaches out his hand for both Rosa and Amy to shake, and there’s a chorus of _oh_ ’s in the room that almost block out the music. He retrieves the extra paddles from under the table, getting ready as the room starts to fill up with even more people. 

Amy was beginning to feel the pressure, she was only really okay at ping pong _and_ she was drunk so she really had no idea of the outcome. Jake appears right before her first serve, his brows furrow together but he puts a thumb up at her in encouragement when he spots Jared. She’s so pumped to play that not even Jake turning to whisper to Alex, resulting in a loud laugh from him, is able to distract her. 

The first serve hits perfectly diagonal, and a minute into the game she has to admit the guys were _good_. They rally off each other for a while before the boys get the first point, screaming and chest bumping each other in celebration. Jake makes sure to boo them as loud as they’re cheering with each other, and it has her blushing when Jake smiles widely over at them. _Now was not the time to get distracted by Jake’s smile._

It’s a slow game, considering how well they were all playing. Halfway, Jake comes by with a towel to wipe the hypothetical sweat off her face as Gina continues to moderate through the small break, her notebook full of scribbles from what Amy can see. “You got this, Ames. Also if you want suggestions of how to cut their hair, I’ve got plenty.” Jake rambles, jumping on the spot like he was a coach. 

“I’ve got plenty of ideas.” Rosa’s smirk is simply terrifying, it’s more of a reward for her than for Amy; her reward is mostly kicking Jared’s ass. 

The game continues at a faster pace than ever before, the music pumping and most of the students in the house were now trying to crowd around the game to watch. Amy starts to genuinely sweat at one point, doing her best to keep focused while also stumbling so much that she almost falls into the crowd. A round of rallying eventually ends with Jared and his body sprawled half across the table just to save the ball. 

“FOUL!” Amy screeches, pointing at Jared with her paddle, “That’s a foul, your body isn’t allowed to touch the table!”

“Who even cares?” Dylan scoffs.

“You do.” Alex says matter-of-factly, “Because you’re about to lose.”

“Shut up!” Jared growls at Alex, and Jake is about to step to him when Amy cuts in.

“Hey! Don’t talk to Alex like that, this is between us, bucko!” 

That gathers cheers from the crowd, and Gina as the unofficial referee of the game, decides that Amy and Rosa get the point. It takes them to the game point; only one more point and Amy and Rosa would defeat them. It’s so much pressure, and it’s Jared’s serve, so he’s staring menacingly at Amy as he prepares to serve the ball. 

Her heart is beating so hard in the moment. Jared wouldn’t get to her anymore, whether she was going to win or lose. Amy had proven her worth to herself in the past hour, standing up to her bully even if it was while drunk and in the form of a ping pong match. She was proud and that’s why she was confident that she could win it.

It feels dramatic, the whole room has gone silent except for the loud music in the background, and it feels like the ball is being served in slow motion. That moment only lasts a fraction of a second before the longest round begins, rallying against them for ten whole minutes before Amy finally finishes them off. 

She won. _They_ won.

Both Amy and Rosa are jumping and screaming, spinning in circles as they pull each other in for a hug. She’d never felt so elated to win something, the whole room is yelling and she can feel the rest of her friends joining in on the hug. Their classmates are chanting their names as Jared and Dylan complain about losing to their supportive friends. 

Amy pulls herself away from the hug to shake her components hand, which Dylan does happily, but Jared is grouchy and hesitant to even touch her. It doesn’t bother her once again, absolutely psyched when Rosa appears behind her, reminding the boys of their punishment. A crowd of people including Gina follow them to the kitchen, but Amy stays back due to simply not being interested in seeing Rosa torture some boys. 

A few classmates approach her and talk to her vehemently about the match they just experienced, asking to learn from her sometime if they can. She replies nonchalantly, getting distracted when she spots Jake walking to her with two cups in his hand. “A drink for the champion ping pong player, milady.”

“Why thank you kind sir.” Amy curtseys back at him before she takes the drink, and it’s familiar in taste so she assumes he found the orange soda. “How awesome was that?”

“Ames, that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever witnessed.” Jake praises, shaking a fist in excitement. “Those fools thought they could go up against you two, HA.”

“Today has been a big day for all nerd kind.” Alex chips in, shyly. She almost forget that he’d been there the whole night, fading into the background mostly but always with Jake. It seemed he really didn’t want to be there despite what he told Jake. “I’m… gonna go get another drink.”

Amy watches him walk away as Jake continues to blabber on about how this party would go down in history. Every time she had noticed Alex around the party, he had been super weird. She was his friend and she thought for a split second about following him, but she was also drunk enough that the idea was gone a second later. So she stays there with Jake while Alex gets his drink, but he doesn’t reappear.

Neither of them notice this until they move to another room in the house where Alex is moping in a corner. It’s adorable to watch Jake’s expression change to genuine concern the instant he spots Alex, his caring and loyal spirit shining through the intoxication. He doesn’t say anything to her before he goes, simply nodding. Not even a second later Gina finds her again, tears on her face.

“Gina, what’s wrong?” Amy stumbles a bit, but once she has a hold of Gina’s shoulders, she can register the pure joy spread on her face.

“Ames, you gotta come see this.” Gina’s laughter is uncontrollable as she drags Amy to the kitchen, where they find Rosa finishing up the boys’ _creative_ new haircuts. Laughter bubbles out of Amy as well; Jared’s long hair is now shaved in the middle like a reverse mohawk and Dylan’s hair was now completely shaved at the top, but not the bottom like a weirdly styled mullet. They’re both embarrassed, but drunk enough to laugh along for a bit before leaving them. 

Amy had lost track of time by the end of her third drink, bopping her way through the house as she followed Gina and Rosa to talk to random classmates. A lot of yelling is coming from the room next to them, so they migrate there together wondering if there was somehow another competition going on.

_Everybody Rock your body Everybody Rock your body right_

There’s a scream of the next line, “BACKSTREETS BACK, _ALRIGHT_!”

Amy had obviously joined in this scream before running into the middle of the makeshift dance floor without a moment’s hesitation. A few people move to the sidelines when Amy joins the group, full intent on watching _her_ and it fills Amy with a pride she hadn’t experienced outside of doing well in school. 

Everyone is singing along on the sidelines, cheering on her signature dork dancing. She spots all her friends in the crowd too, but it’s not until she spots Jake and Alex that she actually stops dancing for a moment. Stumbling to them, she drags Jake to the middle where she continues her dance. Jake isn’t dancing with her, struck still in place as his eyes move between her and Alex who was still behind her. She stops to look at Alex behind her, and he has his arms crossed, visibly upset. She turns back to Jake, opening her mouth ready to ask what was going on but it’s that moment he starts dancing. Something is wrong, and she looks back to Alex who is pushing through the crowd to get away but Jake takes her hand to pull her focus back to the song.

The reassuring grin from him helps her to let go of whatever that situation is, falling into sync with Jake’s dance moves. He’s really her best partner in everything they do, including dorky dancing. Even for part of the song, she thinks they’re seriously dancing and he’s twirling her across the room — she feels like a freakin’ ballerina.

She’s _so_ dizzy when the song finishes, holding onto Jake as they exit the room to find their friends still cheering. Gina is the only one who isn’t cheering, because she’s scribbling more frantically than ever into her notebook. 

“Three drink Amy _dances._ ” She says, her voice loud and full of wonder. “This is some fascinating stuff.”

“You’re fascinating stuff, babe.” Amy attempts to wink at Gina before she walks off, giggling.

Amy was no longer struggling whatsoever, so pleasantly drunk that everyone was her friend. She had one or two more drinks in the process of _making friends_ , really having the time of her life and not regretting anything. Another classmate, she thinks her name is Maxine, is offering her another drink when it’s snatched away out of nowhere. 

Turning around, she finds Alex is the one dumping her drink away, “What the hell, Alex?”

“You are wasted and we’re going home now.” Alex holds onto her hand, much to her protest as she waves goodbye at the girl that actually might be named Denise. 

“Where is everyone?” Amy slurs, attaching herself to Alex’s arms, looking around the front yard for the rest of their friends.

“Just up there.” He sounds more sober than anyone she had talked to all night. She spots the rest of their friends a little while ahead of them, and when they spot her and Alex, they start to walk. “Charles threw up so we need to take him home.”

“Oh, is he okay?” Amy pouts up at him, his eyes trained in front of them at the rest of the group. 

“Yeah, Jake’s got him.” He tells her, wrapping his arm around Amy’s back to support her better. “You feeling okay?”

“I feel great!” Amy giggles into his arm, “Tonight was so much fun, did you have lots of fun?”

“Yeah, it was cool.” Alex is lying straight to her face, but she’s too out of it to notice. 

Alex’s night was the epitome of awful. The jealousy he had been dealing with over the past two weeks had not faded, and while he was fine in their usual group setting, the party brought out new sides in all of them. His ability to hide it was hindered by the alcohol, even after stopping after his second drink. 

“Alex, can I tell you something?” Amy whispers, clawing up his arm so she’s standing up straighter. “You can’t tell _anyone_ this…”

“What is it, Amy?” Alex chuckling lightly at her drunken state.

“I think I’m in love…” Amy whispers, before giggling loudly and burying her head in his arm, and it’s the next words that have Alex’s heart dropping to his stomach. “He’s so cool Alex, and funny. I want to kiss him real bad but I _can’t_.”

It’s not Jake. It’s _not Jake_. He repeats this mantra in his head for a few moments before he manages a reply. “Why can’t you?”

“I can’t _tell you_ , Alex.” Amy whines, “I don’t know what to do… Have you ever been in love?”

“Me?” Alex is taken aback by this, he’s never been asked this before.

“Are you in love with Jake?” 

Alex is having a rough time focusing on his breathing after Amy’s questions. Of course he loves Jake, and he is pretty sure he’s in love with Jake as well, but _why is Amy asking him this_? They hadn’t said it to each other yet; did Jake tell her they hadn’t said it? And if he did, does that mean that Jake loves him?

“Yeah… I am.” Alex bites his lip after the confession, waiting for whatever Amy might say next, but it never comes. “He makes me so happy, you know? Even when we were fighting earlier, I wanted to be with him. He’s the funniest person I know, and well, it’s just really hard to explain. But I love him.”

“I feel the same way…” Amy says immediately after, but she’s quick to correct herself. “About the person I’m talking about, of course.”

Alex nods. He can’t be certain without her saying the words, but he just _knows_ she’s talking about Jake. It was inevitable from the day he realised he liked Jake, because from the day he met Jake and Amy, he saw something in them. He saw a bond stronger than any he had ever seen in real life, maybe even more than his parents — and that wasn’t fair considering he can barely remember his parents’ relationship. 

If she did love Jake like that… It puts Alex in a difficult position. Following his instincts lead to heartbreak only for himself, because Jake would get over it and when he finds out that Amy loves him, all would be well for him. They would work it out no matter what, so why should Alex put himself in more pain by getting in the middle of that? But he doesn’t want to, he wants to be with Jake and so he should do the selfish things towards Amy and stay with Jake for as long as Jake wants him.

This was all hypothetical — considering Amy hadn’t specified _who_ she was in love with.

He was still at least eighty-five percent sure she was talking about Jake. Amy didn’t bring it up again once during the walk home, stopping by Charles’ house before Rosa’s, where Gina was staying too. So it left, Alex alone with Jake and Amy. 

It’s a mostly silent walk, but as soon as it’s the three of them, Amy switches to clutching onto Jake’s arm for support. He doesn’t bother to walk in line with them, and from behind Alex can see them giggling about _something_ that he’s not a part of. Alex would never be take part in their giggling sessions, because they were best friends, there was no room for a third best friend.

His mind is mostly made up by the time he gets home — Alex had to break up with Jake. It was going to hurt now, but he knows its the right decision so it doesn’t hurt as much later when Jake eventually comes to the realisation that his feelings for Amy never really dissipated. 

The confidence in his decision only grows when Jake boldly decides to tuck Amy into his own bed, before leaving to get her a glass of water and pain medication if she needed it. Would he have ever done that for Alex if he was beyond the state of comprehension?

Probably — because that was Jake’s character. A part of him that Alex loved very dearly, and watching him care for Amy this way was breaking his heart more and more every minute. He had to do this, _he had to_. Amy is snoring by the time follows Alex onto the fire escape, ready to escort him down the stairs to his apartment. It was now or never.

Jake follows Alex into his room, taking his hand so that he can pull him in for a goodnight kiss, but Alex does what’s right and turns his head. Even Jake’s lips brushing his cheek for the last time hurt so bad. 

“We need to talk.” Alex felt himself go into professional debater mode.

“Is this about our conversation earlier?” Jake retorts softly with a roll of his eyes, mindful of the fact that his dad could catch them anytime. “I thought we sorted it, I wanted to spend time with Amy because me and you have been spending _so_ much time together in the past months — which, by the way, I’ve mentioned many times how much I love the time we spend together.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it a bunch…” Alex closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “I think we should break up.”

“Over this? Are you kidding?” There’s an annoyed smile on his face, like he was being pranked. “Alex, I want to be with you, and you know exactly how much she means to me. I can’t neglect her.”

“I know she is.” Alex sighs, brushing his fingers through his hair. “I really like you, Jake, but we need to stop.”

“Why?” Jake raises his voice a bit before remembering the time. “Tell me the specific reason you want to break up.”

“It’s too complicated, Jake.” Alex shakes his head, looking away from Jake when he takes both his hands in his. “I just… can’t do this anymore.”

“Do you not like me anymore?” Alex shakes his head again, opening his mouth to speak, but Jake cuts him off. “Then why?”

Alex is at a loss for words, his eyes flicking around for _anything_ to distract him from their current predicament. He doesn’t want to — Alex wants to forget he said anything and kiss Jake until he also forgets. But he remembers Amy and her confession, he remembers that day in the hallway where Alex saw Jake spin her out of his arms like they were a cute couple, he remembers the days Jake would mope around because of his feelings for Amy. This is what was best for all of them, even if it meant Alex lost all his friends at school, it had to happen.

Jake should have never kissed him. They should have never gone out, because having Jake as his friend was better than losing him altogether. “How about… We talk about it in the morning?” Jake suggests, his breathing heavy and shaken. He’s crying. “We’re both drunk and emotional and I think you need to sleep on it.”

“Okay.” Alex looks down to his feet so he doesn’t have to face him. “See you in the morning.”

~ 

Jake doesn’t know what to do with himself. 

He only got to Amy’s level of the fire escape before he stops, furious at the interaction that he just had with Alex. All night he was angry at Jake for hanging out with his best friend for _no_ reason, and it was so unreasonable of him. It’s not like Alex jumped into a relationship with Jake not knowing about Amy. 

It made no sense that Alex was simply upset about Jake spending time with Amy, not even if he were sober does he think he could figure that out. He didn’t want to end things with him, even if he was angry as all hell in the moment, because Jake was pretty sure he loves Alex. It wasn’t fair of him to try and break up with Jake if he didn’t even have a legitimate reason.

Back in his room, Amy is still peacefully knocked out on his bed and for just a moment, warmth fills his entire body. His best friend, and apparently the reason his boyfriend is trying to break up with him. All Jake wants to do is climb into bed with her and cuddle like they used to — it was a coping mechanism for the both of them in the harder moments of their life, just to cry it out in one of their beds and fall asleep. For him at least, he always woke up feeling a thousand times better about the situation. 

He needed the comfort right now, more than anything. So he climbs into bed, which wakes Amy up instantly. She’s groggy, and definitely still drunk, but she can sense his mood, opening her arms so he can bury his head in her neck and let the tears fall. It was like they never stopped doing it, when in fact it had been over a year since they last had to.

One of her hands tangles in his curls while the other rubs circles on his back gently. “Shhh, Jake, it’s okay.”

He doesn’t say anything, just continues to cry in her arms for at least half an hour before he’s calm enough to speak. “Alex wants to break up with me.”

“What? Why?” It was the most sober Amy had sounded all night, and she was sitting up to pay full attention. Jake only shrugs. “Did he not say?”

“He just said ‘It’s complicated.’” Jake’s breath is still shaky as he makes his way through the explanation of the fight. “I don’t want to break up with him.”

“Of course not!” Amy declared passionately, “He has given no real argument as to why you should break up. Do you want me to talk to him?”

“No, don’t.” Jake is quick to shake his head in protest. “I just want to understand, but it hurts, Ames. What did I do wrong?”

His chin quivers again, a single tear slipping out which Amy is quick to catch with her thumb. “You did nothing wrong, I’m certain. But I promise it’ll be okay, and for now all you can do is get a good nights rest to talk to him in the morning.”

Jake simply nods as they both lay back in his bed, Jake turning to his usual position and Amy cuddling close to his back as he feels his eyes get heavy. It would all be worked out in the morning.

~

The earliest Jake was physically able to pull himself out of bed was eleven in the morning. He’s still in his clothes from last night, so as soon as he’s out of bed, he’s sprinting down the stairs of the fire escape. Arriving at Alex’s window, he finds it to be locked for the first time since knowing him. 

Even when Amy had been the most mad at him in the past, she never locked his window to prevent him from entering. He feels queasy, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol he consumed the night prior. He knocks the first time softly, just in case Alex isn’t quite awake. 

It takes four rounds of knocking on his window before he finally gets a response, “Go away, Jake.”

“You said we would talk.” Jake says, exasperated. He didn’t want this to be hard. “ _Please_ , I want to talk.”

Jake hears rustling, the curtains parting and a click. Alex looks just as exhausted as Jake feels, but when he opens the window, he doesn’t move for him to enter. “Talk.”

“Alex…” Jake’s heart hurts just saying his name, it was already going so much worse than he wanted. “I really really like you, and I think I might even love you. So I don’t understand why you want to break up all of a sudden. If there’s something I can fix, please let me fix it.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Jake.” Alex blinks frequently, and Jake can tell it’s to keep the tears at bay. “I’ve just realised… We aren’t right for each other.”

“How?” Jake pleads.

“We just aren’t compatible for the long run.” He tells him, “I really like you too, but I don’t want to lose you forever, so it’s best if we break up now and maybe… we can be friends again one day. I want to be your friend again.”

“I just don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry, Jake.” With that, Alex closes and locks the window again. Jake sits there just staring at the window for a while, just as lost as he was the night before. There was no closure, nothing to make any of it make sense to him, only dark stormy clouds raging inside him.

Jake doesn’t go to Amy right away, he couldn’t face her yet. He just wanted to go back to last night where things were good, and Alex was still his boyfriend. Nothing could be worse than this feeling, this was the only thing Jake could be certain of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo i'm sad... but we all knew it was coming eventually. but i hope you enjoyed the chapter regardless! i'm very proud of how it came out and it is largely from the feedback i recieved last week so thank you all so much for that 🥺
> 
> just want to reiterate that I do not condone underage drinking despite what is written here so if you're a underage babie,, don't drink!
> 
> thoughts? 😁


	17. what the hell would i be, without you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from sick of losing soulmates by dodie
> 
> _We will grow old as friends,  
>  I've promised that before so what's one more  
> In our grey-haired circle, waiting for the end?  
> Time and hearts will wear us thin  
> So which path will you take, 'cause we both know a break  
> Does exactly what it says on the tin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hello???? i'm on a roll??? i'm mostly emotional because of the comments i've been getting so thank yall so much! i put myself slightly through it writing this so enjoy!!

Amy finally gives in to her curiosity after a month into their second semester, approximately two months and one depressing Valentine’s day since Alex broke things off with Jake.

Alex had done well to avoid them both over winter break, having left to be with his family back in Philadelphia two days after their breakup. She doesn’t know how her friend was dealing with any of it, even spotting him ahead of them on their first day back to school, she wasn’t able to get a read on him because she was more focused on Jake.

Lousy was probably not the right word to describe the Christmas and New Year. Christmas had been the hardest by far. She had to leave him in Brooklyn while she went to New Jersey to see her extended family and due to unforeseen circumstances that involved a cousin’s new girlfriend and a near family blowout, Jake wasn’t able to join her like he usually would. 

Jake had been distraught by this break up, more so than he had ever been about Sophia. The two relationships contrasted heavily when Amy really thought about it, his relationship with Sophia obviously much less serious than with Alex. But the biggest difference she could figure out — the reason Jake was so upset — was that Sophia gave him closure. If she could talk to Alex and find out _why_ , maybe Amy could help Jake have some closure.

New years hadn’t been much better. Jake just wanted to stay home with Amy, declining a party invitation from Gina and not showing an ounce of care when his mom decided to go anyway. What worried her most was when he, Jake Peralta of all people, suggested that they do homework to pass the time. 

The last week of winter break had been their best. Charles came over a few times to distract him, as well as Gina coming over so they could all paint each other’s nails, and then Rosa even shocked them with a visit, albeit short — they _never_ saw her during the smaller breaks. The time spent with his friends had lifted his spirits; he was joking just as frequently as before and even watched _Die Hard_ even though it was a movie introduced to him by Alex.

She had been so scared of ruining his upbeat mood, so she didn’t ask why it didn’t make him upset, but he explained it anyway. “ _Die Hard_ really transcends him you know…” Jake starts softly, his head rested on her lap and her hand brushing through his hair. “Sure, he’s the reason I watched it, and it hurts a bit but… It’s so much more to me than something my…” His gulp was hardly noticeable from her view. “Something my ex-boyfriend showed me.” Jake closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into her hand. “It’s like you, it always brings me joy, no matter what.”

There was a certain confidence radiating from him the day before school was back in. Jake had completed all his homework over the break for once, which he knew Holt would be impressed with, and the time he lost with Amy over the last months had certainly been made up for. This progress was essentially decimated when running into Alex in the hallway, holding his bags, just arriving back from his family trip. 

Nothing actually happened per se, but it was just a moment, the first time they had seen each other since the break up. Alex attempted a smile and a wave, but Jake simply sunk his shoulders when he turned back around to go into his apartment. His appetite for Sal’s was gone, and he had simply asked to be alone as he ran back upstairs.

School did zilch in the efforts to improve his mood, not even when Holt praised him for his excellent book report he turned in, because Alex was still there. He sat in the back with the new kid, an opportunity for him sent down from the heavens to separate himself further from their group. Much thanks to her persuasion skills, she was able to switch partners around so that he and Alex were no longer paired together for their science labs. 

So there Amy was, standing outside the door to Alex’s apartment, almost two months after the break up and the day after Valentine’s day. She was prepared to get answers.

Alex’s dad is the one to open the door, a kind smile on his face the moment he spots Amy. “Hey there, Amy. How are you?”

“Hi! I’m doing well, and you?” Amy emitted probably too much positivity for the situation, but there was no reason for her to be rude towards him. “I was just wondering if Alex was home?”

His dad sighs, looking back over his shoulder into the apartment, probably at Alex, before looking back to her. “He’s shaking his head at me but…” He starts off in a whisper, “I’m going to let you in because I think he’ll benefit talking to someone about this.”

She doesn’t at all expect it when Alex’s dad leaves the apartment after inviting her inside. Looking to Alex wrapped in a blanket and the closed door, nerves encase her brain and she almost forgets what she was here to do. “Surprised you remember I existed.” Alex doesn’t look at her when he speaks, playing with the threads on the blanket in front of him. 

“That’s unfair, Alex.” Amy crossed her arms, but attempting to keep it civil, she keeps her voice steady. “I wanted to talk to you, see how you are.”

“It only took you two months.” Alex disses, stubborn in his position of not looking at her. “I’m doing fine.”

“Okay, well if you’re _fine_ then I’ll get straight into it.” Amy finally moved to the couch, sitting on the opposite end. “Why did you break up with Jake?”

She watches as Alex goes through a bountiful range of emotions — there’s flashes of anger, sadness, confusion before he forces his features back to a neutral expression. “It’s not something you need to know.”

“Well, it’s something Jake needs to know.” Amy struggles to keep her own stance calm, pushing without shoving and speaking sans anger. “He thinks it’s his fault, and if it is that’s fine, but tell him. If it is, let him fix it instead of letting him hurt like this.”

“It’s not his fault.” Alex mumbles, looking up at her for a split second, eyes shining with tears. “It’s me, _I’m_ the issue.”

Amy lets out a noise of disbelief, “Alex.”

“Amy, don’t.” Alex cautions, holding his hand up. “It’s too complicated.”

“Can you tell me?” Amy suggests, “I won’t tell him, I swear.”

“Absolutely not.” Alex snorts in a clearly unamused manner. “You’re the last person I would tell.”

Amy struggles not to take that personally, he’s hurting and she couldn’t force him to share that pain. It doesn’t stop the lack of trust from filling her with disappointment, and subsequently wanting to know more than ever why this was happening. It was so out of the blue, it was a complete one-eighty from what she knew about him as a person, he’d never been so cold. 

“Alex, I want to help you and Jake move past this, whether it means you get back together or you’re just friends.” Amy pleads, “I just want you two to be happy.”

“That’s definitely not happening.” Alex looks to the ceiling, willing himself to be anywhere else away from her. “You just need to drop it.”

“I don’t understand!” Amy can’t help the frustration that seeps out of her, “You were so happy together, did you just stop liking him? What happened?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Alex…” Amy says hesitantly as he stands up, walking to the other side of the coffee table. “Just tell me.”

“Tell me.”

“ _No._ ” He’s pacing back and forth, and she knows she’s pushing this too far, but she’s so close to finding out. She needs to know why.

“Tell me.”

“You happened, Amy!” The apartment had been so quiet that his voice almost came off as a shout, and Amy sinks back into the couch.

“Uhm,” Amy stammers to finds the words, her head moving in small nodding movements. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Do you remember the party very well, Amy?” Alex is so deflated at this point, but he keeps himself on his feet. “The end of it, specifically?”

“The end is a bit blurry… What…” Amy takes a deep shaky breath, she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she was the reason Jake was in his room heartbroken right now. “Did I do something?”

“I know you’re in love with Jake.” 

Amy’s eyes flutter shut, just for a moment as the words hit her. She _didn’t_ — surely, even drunk out of her mind, Amy would have _one_ brain cell left in her to figure out that telling him that was a bad idea. “You didn’t say his name then, but when asking if I loved Jake you agreed and I put two and two together so…” Alex pauses, and she opens her eyes in time to see a tear slip down his cheek. “Thanks for the confirmation.”

“That’s… That’s why you broke up with him?” Amy uttered softly. Alex nods. “ _Why?_ ”

“To be frank, I can’t compete.” Amy shakes her head furiously at this, she doesn’t want to hear what he’s going to say next. “It’s always going to be you for him, Amy, even if he doesn’t know it yet. So I had to get out of the way before it hurt more than it does now.”

“That’s absurd, Alex, and you know it.” Amy retorts weakly, “I had feelings for him but it meant in no way anything was, or ever will happen between us. You should have talked to me about this.”

“Had?” His voice is the quietest it had been the whole conversation, curious but afraid. 

“It’s hard to think about feelings for someone when they’re so completely heartbroken and he’s done nothing wrong!” Amy was seething; anger at Alex for taking it upon himself to make big decisions like this without talking to anybody, but mostly she was angry at herself once again that she had those feelings in the first place. “I was never going to get in the way of you two, it’s so unfair to you and to Jake.”

Alex takes a few deep breaths before tipping his head back before moving back to the couch. “Amy, I love you, and I love him.” He starts, “I couldn’t be in that relationship… _knowing_ that you liked him, and knowing that there was still a slim chance he harboured any feelings for you. I did this to protect you two, and myself.”

“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, Alex, and you’re so damn smart, okay?” Amy’s heart is breaking for all of them right now. It was her fault that Jake sat in his room, heartbroken. All because she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. “I would have gotten over it myself, and you two could still be happy, if you talk to him.”

“It’s too late, Amy.” Alex sighs with another shake of his head. “This is for the best, even if it hurts now.” 

“I can’t make you do anything, and I can’t tell Jake anything…” Amy starts reflectively, “But I urge you to talk to him, if not to set things straight then to give him closure. Neither of you deserve to hurt.”

“Are we still friends?” His eyes are downcast again, waiting for her to say what he thinks she’s going to say.

“I’ll never not be your friend, Alex.” Amy breathes, a tear finally falling free. “I don’t want to lose you, just like Jake doesn’t.”

Amy doesn’t hesitate for a second to move to the other side of the couch to hug him. His arms wrap around her too, his head buried in her shoulder for just a moment before he pulls back. Neither say anything after that, a knowing silence acknowledging that the conversation was over. Alex had to make his own choices now, and she just has to hope that it wasn’t her that ruined Jake and Alex’s chances of being happy together.

~

Alex runs to his room the moment Amy leaves, tears flowing steadily down his face for the first time in about two weeks. He was finally getting used to living without them, but Amy bursts through the dam he had been building himself, the outpour was devastating to the nature surrounding.

He could take Amy’s word, make things right with Jake and just be happy. He can close his eyes and see it happening so clearly, but even still in his imagination, Amy was there. Alex loved her like family, but when it came to Jake, she would always _be_ there. It wasn’t a bad thing, they were best friends, but he knows being with Jake would take away from them.

Anyone would say he’s being hard on himself, that just because Jake had a friend so dear to his heart didn’t mean that Alex couldn’t be special to him too. He just couldn’t see a possibility of friendship if they dated any longer then had a worse fallout. Alex could be friends with Jake again in time, he _wanted_ to be his friend again, that was the whole point of it.

They were better off friends.

But Amy gets to him too, Jake does deserve an explanation. It had been awful of Alex to spend almost two months letting Jake think that he was in the wrong for their relationship going south. It takes a few hours to build up the courage to talk to him, the longer he put if off now the harder it was going to be. Amy wouldn’t tell Jake, he knows this because that would mean revealing her true feelings. 

What if Jake hates him? If he didn’t already, then he probably would after the bullshit reason Alex gave him for the end of their relationship. Amy had given no hints on how Jake was feeling towards him either than _heartbreak_. He’s just standing outside Jake’s window, waiting for inspiration of how to go through with this with the least amount of hurt possible.

Another beat, a knock, and Jake opening the curtain obviously expecting Amy. It takes a moment for his face to fall, but he opens the window and steps aside for him to crawl through. Alex watches him as Jake attempts to figure out what to do with himself; he walks to the chair at his desk first, before changing his mind and moving to his bed before ultimately deciding to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room.

“Hi.” Jake’s voice is shy, unlike Alex had ever seen him, and he doesn’t like it. Jake was exuberant, funny and so kind to just about everyone he met — he didn’t shy away from people.

“Hey…” Alex bites down on the inside of his cheek, his stomach doing flips. “I wanted to talk.”

Jake nods, glancing down at his feet. The tension in the room was so thick, it felt like he was taking in no air no matter how much he focused on breathing. How does he start this conversation? Alex spent hours hyping himself up to have this conversation but now that he was here there were no words in his brain, and was unsure if there he ever knew words.

Jake deserved an explanation.

“First, I want to say sorry.” Alex began with very little conviction, he can tell by the way Jake’s nose scrunches at the sentence. “I know it’s probably not worth much right now, but I was dumb to just dump you with no explanation.” Jake scoffs at this, which Alex knows he deserves. “But today I realised that was really unfair and dumb, so I’ve come to explain my convoluted and messy feelings that brought me to my decision.”

He waits for any form of acknowledgement from Jake, but his face is scrunched up in distaste as he gestures for Alex to continue. “The reasoning derives from a lot of… insecurities, in a way. There was a few times before _it_ happened that I noticed that your feelings for Amy… That they never really went away, I guess.”

“That’s ridiculous—”

“And I know it wouldn’t be something you noticed or would understand.” Alex interrupts, he needs to get it all out in the open before he can handle Jake’s anger. “It was such little things at first, things one might mistake as two good friends and I hated myself for a long time to even think you would be with me if you felt anything for Amy. I knew if it were true that it was buried deep inside of you and I didn’t want to be a jerk so I didn’t bring it up.

“But time went on and you were missing her more than you were enjoying time with me.” Jake opens his mouth to protest but Alex shakes his head sternly. “You always wanted to make it a friend hangout again so you could see her for more than an hour, which is fine a few times but there was two weeks where it felt like we weren’t really dating. This isn’t your fault, I want to emphasise this, Jake. You and Amy have a bond I will never fully understand, so much so that you think cuddling in bed like a couple is okay.”

Jake lets out a shaky breath, remembering that morning very clearly. “You saw that?” Alex nods. “You know that we’ve done that forever, it’s so platonic that her parents hardly care. _Amy’s_ parents, for crying out loud.”

“I saw it, and as normal as it is for you, most people don’t sleep in the same bed as their best friend and cuddle the way you were.” Alex laughs to himself, “Hell, we dated for months and we never snuggled up like that.”

“So you broke up with me… because you think I have feelings for Amy still?” Jake seems to fully realise what he’s saying finally, and his upset frown only seems to grow deeper. “You know how ridiculous that is, right? I like _you_ , and I still really like you, Alex.”

“I know and me too _but_ …” Alex closes his eyes, shaking the urge to throw caution to the wind. “My obsession about how you were feeling about Amy at any particular moment in time is unhealthy. I never want to lose you, Jake, and if we continued the way I was going it would have ended in disaster. This is what’s best for us, for our friendship.”

Jake tries to blink the tears away, but they escape anyway and he’s quick to flick them away. “You could have talked to me, I would have helped you through it.”

“I didn’t want to lose you.” 

“You wouldn’t have, Alex!” Jake cries out, frustrated or heartbroken all over again. “I feel like I’ve already lost you.”

“You’re one of my closest friends, Jake.” Alex says passionately. “If we broke up later in the relationship, it would have broken us more and I don’t think we’d ever recover as friends. This way, we can heal and one day… we can be friends again.” Alex pauses, looking straight at him in the eye, “But if you say you don’t want to be my friend after this, I will accept that.”

“Did you not hear me? I don’t want to lose you.” Jake takes a step forward, taking his hands for a moment before quickly realising and dropping them again. “If you really believe this is what is best… then okay. I think I can get some sort of closure now.” He paused. “I just… Need a bit. Before we can be friends again.”

Alex nods with understanding, with closure, it meant it was really over. It hurt; Jake was the best thing that ever happened to Alex and always would be. He came into his life in a detrimental time for him, and he would never not be thankful for what he was. Jake was his first love, and it wouldn’t be his last.

~

Jake falls into a new routine following his closure with Alex.

Closure was a weird way to put it, more like stupid reasons to break up that left Jake angry and more confused than ever. There wasn’t much Jake had been able to do then, his mind had been made up. The promise that they could be friends again one day definitely made it easier to let go, because it wasn’t like Jake was losing Alex forever.

A lot of his new routine was getting back in sync with Amy’s outrageous study sessions, which had gotten way more intense with their SATs coming up so soon. Ugh, _tests_. It was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about, but he had to be thankful that his best friend was so damn smart and forced him to study. Like before, he played a vital role in these study sessions of preventing Amy from spiralling about her studies through the power of distraction. 

But now more than ever, she actually had him working. He guessed that _maybe_ getting a decent score would make him happy, and help him get into a decent school and not a low-grade college like he knew some of the teachers expected of him. So he made his own messy notes based on Amy’s outlines, and finishing them up felt surreal to him. It all felt a bit odd.

These were some of the beginning steps to their future. College, learning what you wanted to learn because you wanted to learn it, and them some debt that would take years to pay off? It sounded awesome, adulthood. It wasn’t going to be too long before Mr. Holt would go from his teacher to his best friend Ray Holt outside of the school premises, and not long until he and Amy would be going to different schools.

She was, of course, aiming high. Her dream school to get into was Columbia, partly because David had already been accepted so of course her motivations were largely influenced by competition. She had a few back up schools, but they were all big Ivy League schools because she refused to do worse than David by getting into a regular university.

Explaining this, Amy apologised about sounding demeaning but really, it had never bothered him. Jake had always known that Amy would get accepted into a far superior school than him and continue onto a career that would forever overshadow him. He was just thankful to be there to experience it all with her.

So the SATs were a lot more important to Amy than they were to him — she had a very small gap that could determine getting into her dream school or her backup plan. Jake didn’t think about her backup plan much if he could help it, because that plan involved leaving Brooklyn. If he was able to follow her, he wouldn’t have a problem with the decision to do so, but his options were pretty limited to the state of New York unless a miracle happened.

Amy would get into Columbia, Jake had no doubt of this. He shakes his head at this thought, making quick to knock on wood. He doesn’t know what he would do if Amy had to move to another state for college, so he clung onto the idea of her getting into Columbia more than anything. There was still a whole year of high school to get through before he really had to worry about anyone potentially moving away. It was inevitable, with SATs on his mind, their future was on his mind.

“Now I know it’s going to be a Saturday morning, and you want to relax but I don’t want to be late for the practice SATs…” Amy says frantically as she flicks through her notes, “I will leave you behind if necessary.”

“We’ve been over this six times in the past four days, Ames.” Jake chuckles, “I’m not gonna make us late for this stuff, it’s important to me too.”

“More important than Saturday morning cartoons?” Amy teases with a raise of her eyebrows.

“ _Ninja Turtles_ happens to be on the same level of importance, yes.” Jake says matter-of-factly, “But there’s reruns this weekend _so_ I’m all focused!”

Amy rolls her eyes at him, but she’s smiling, and that’s what makes him feel at peace about the past months. It had been hard but Amy had been by his side the whole time, so he knew because of that, anything that came in their senior year would be a breeze. He hoped that it was the same for her, even if she was a lot more stressed about these tests than he was. If he could be of any help to calm her nerves, his job as best friend would be achieved.

He hardly notices that he’s lost concentration on studying until Amy wacks him with her ruler from across the table, and he smiles up at the braiding stressed mess that was Amy Santiago. The two of them were going to be just fine.

~

Charles catching the lead in the school play was high up on the list of interesting things to experience in the school year so far. Amy had been almost non-stop stressed about the SATs coming up so when Jake suggests (after an incongruous demand that Jake be there from Boyle) that they go together to see _why_ it had him so out-of-character stressed.

Amy agreed to buy him flowers, yellow roses specifically, that they brought to the makeshift dressing room that was just a storage room with a few mirrors. Upon seeing them, he simply runs into their arms and almost ruins his make-up with the amount of tears on his face. Amy could see Jake attempting to hold his laughter back, and for a fair reason. With the bald cap on, Charles just looked like a crying egg.

The show took an ever stranger turn than what Amy had imagined. Her expectations had been more on worrying about Charles being so clumsy he falls off the stage, but to start making out with Becca Murse who was playing _Annie_ of all characters, well it was an event. Jake had simply stared at the stage in a confused awe until Lynn Boyle had pridefully yelled out, “That’s my son!”

From that moment on, Jake wasn’t able to keep himself together. He laughed from the moment Lynn started cheering until they reached the principal’s office where Charles and Becca were getting their ears talked off about how inappropriate it was and how they’d likely face punishments for such an outrageous act.

Charles told them the contents of the at dinner. He was completely unphased by this, with Becca next to him, their hands linked underneath the table and a radiant joy seeping out of every pore in their bodies. Amy had to pinch Jake’s thigh a few times in the first half hour of the dinner so he didn’t burst out into laughter, which was mostly successful. 

The night was perfect, that had been until Charles said _one_ stupid thing. “So, I’ve noticed both you and Amy have been single for a while.”

It felt like she was at a family reunion and her aunts were asking her if she had a boyfriend yet. Amy was lucky that Jake shot the question down _immediately_ , but it didn’t stop her from getting in her own head. What Boyle had just stated was indeed a fact; she was single and so was Jake. 

She thought about where Jake stood in terms of Alex. They were becoming more friendly to each other in classes, but in the month since their conversation, that was the only real progress made. Amy never caught him seriously upset anymore, a sign that Jake was moving on and healing. Whatever Alex had told him must have been good enough closure, and she knows Jake hadn’t been told about her feelings otherwise they would be in a much weirder place than they were. 

Even if Jake and Alex were on great terms, Amy wasn’t sure she’d be able to pursue any kind of relationship with Jake after being one the the sole reasons they broke up in the first place. They were in a very fragile place in time, like a house on an unstable foundation, even the slightest shake up could lead to its destruction. Amy wouldn’t be the cause of any more hurt than she already had.

As well as that, Amy was hardly sure of where she stood when it came to her feelings for Jake. With the break up, she had really put it all to the side for him, to comfort him without intrusive and inappropriate thoughts making themselves known. She never wanted him to hurt, so it was her own feelings that were put into a hypothetical box and packed away deep in her mind. 

Following the recovering of Jake’s broken heart was the nearing of their SATs. So really, any lingering feelings had been far away from her priorities. Things had been so damn good between her and Jake that she wasn’t sure she wanted any of those feelings coming back to the surface. 

Part of her was curious to how much of those feelings were genuine, or if a lot of them had been influenced by her best friend and another friend dating. Amy had been so caught up on the ‘what if’ of the situation that she constantly imagined those scenes for her and Jake, forming and curating feelings that weren’t actually there. It was some weird media influenced psychology that she almost wanted to bring up with her AP Psych teacher.

Jake and Amy were in a really good place in their friendship — it was stronger and they were closer than ever. She loved him, and he loved her — they were put on this earth to be each other’s friend, it was simple as that.

~

“Okay, so inhaler?”

“Check.”

Amy chews on her bottom lip as she ticks off her list, nerves getting the better of her being a gross understatement. “Two number two pencils with erasers?”

“Check.” Jake lifts up his ziplock bag, holding all his stationary. 

“Calculator.” Jake points to it in the clear bag, a huge grin on his face as she check it off the list. “Okay, you’re ready. Can you check them off for me too?”

“Ames, I know you already checked this list four times this morning alone.” Amy only passes him the list in response, pointing to the last square. “Check list five times.”

Jake simply laughs, too sleepy to argue with her in the moment. So he reads out the list back to her, checking it off for her as she pulls every item out of her clear pencil case before sliding them back in carefully. Amy was more ready than ever to do this test — after acing her practice one back in January then again last month, and not to mention many pep talks from Jake, there wasn’t a chance in hell she could do _bad_. 

Still, she couldn’t help stress braiding her hair on the walk to school. The entire school year had been preparing for this one test that would determine where she could go to college. If she didn’t get into Columbia, not only would she lose to David, but it meant she would have to move away for her backup schools. Amy shakes the thought out of her head, she needed to focus on the test in ahead of her.

On their way they stop to get a breakfast bagel, as written on the morning schedule she had handwritten underneath her checklist, and it’s a weird surprise to find Alex there too. It was only weird because they weren’t there together, it having been a tradition they used to do on important school days. She feels bad that she didn’t think to invite him, but Amy has no idea where Jake stands with Alex.

But getting in line behind him almost feels like they’re falling back into place. He greets them shyly like they hadn’t ever been that close, but when Jake replies in an enthusiastic manner, he relaxes. Amy offers to go over her checklist with him, but in turn he takes out his own check list and clear pencil case. It wasn’t until that moment where Jake was teasing them both about matching pencil cases how much she missed the three of them all together. 

They order their bagels as a group and despite not talking much in the months since end of their relationship, Alex insists on paying for them. Jake argues with him for a whole ten minutes after leaving the store, trying to slip a few dollars into his coat pocket, and then his bag but Alex had caught him both times. It really felt like he hadn’t stopped being friends with them, and this is affirmed for Amy when they meet up with the rest of their friends at school and he’s greeted with a warm welcome. Rosa even smiles for him.

After going through the checklist with all of them and replacing the eraser that Charles forget with her spare, their tester appears out of the front doors of the school gymnasium and starts to organise them all into their appropriate orders. Amy somehow feels calm but like she might explode simultaneously, and looking over to Jake just a few rows to her left, she knows he feels the same. 

~

Jake’s brain feels like its made of rocks by the time the test is finally complete. 

He’s quick to find Amy so he can fall asleep on her shoulder, but everyone meets up at the same time, so they start moving to leave almost immediately. Jake does stop, his hand on Amy’s elbow when he notices that Alex wasn’t there. “Shouldn’t we invite him?” They all look at each other with vague questioning, but they don’t seem bothered by the idea.

“It’s really up to you.” Gina shrugs, “It’s your ex.”

Jake doesn’t bother with an answer, moving to run back inside before spotting Alex at the bottom of the stairs. He’s talking to someone Jake doesn’t know, probably a friend made in the months they weren’t in each others life, but when calling out his name Alex instantly waves goodbye to that friend and joins them.

“How did you guys go?” Alex has a tight grip on the straps of his backpack, nerves radiating off him like he didn’t know what to do around them. Like they were strangers. “The math portion was so fun.”

“Did you get quest—” Amy starts, her eyes wide before Jake cuts her off.

“Hate to stop you two nerds from going off, but Alex, we’re going to pizza and I just wanted to invite ya.” Jake wets his lips before pursing them, waiting for an answer. “We’ll be doing all the nerd talk there.”

“Says who?” Rosa intervenes, “I just wanna eat pizza in silence.”

“You want to do _everything_ in silence, Rosa.” Jake lets out a scoff that turns into a laugh. “We’re just hanging out and if they want to talk about the test they can.” He turns back to Alex, “Are you in?”

Alex falls right back into their routine from that day forward. Well, it wasn’t exactly the same, but the important part was that they were friends again. Alex was going to work more time in for them again, but would still hang out with his new friends. Hanging out at Sal’s that day, Jake didn’t feel sad at any moment. It just felt good to have him back, laughing about that one question with a typo in it. 

“I can’t believe we can’t even relax for a second.” Jake complains with a pout, “I studied my ass off for the SATs just to go and study more for exams?? You know, I didn’t _ask_ to be born.”

“I’m really proud of how hard you worked on this, Jake.” Amy starts, Charles quick to nod in agreement. “I really think you’ll get the right score to get into NYU.”

“NYU?” Alex raises his eyes to Jake, “Like I suggested?”

“Yeah…” Jake looks down to his hands, expecting the melancholy to make itself known, but only peace came. “I really took what you said to heart.”

Unlike Amy, Jake had only started looking into colleges when they were forced to in the second week of the school year. It had been overwhelming to say the least, especially when Amy shared her own plans for Columbia. He knew that telling Amy this would likely lead to more stress through intense research so Jake had gone straight to Alex. 

His research had been more lax, with quizzes he found on what he might enjoy in university. Jake still was set on becoming a cop, and he almost thought about not going to college beforehand but he wasn’t allowed to go to the police academy until he was twenty-one, so college was good to fill in that time. 

Criminology did sound fun, and it had the chance of giving him a head start in the police academy. As much as Jake liked to put John McClane on a pedestal for being the sole reason he wanted to be a cop, a lot of influence came from Amy’s dad and abuelo. So at the mention of NYU, Jake had remembered how Victor had gone to school there and was now a cop. He wasn’t sure if there was a true correlation between those two things, but it felt like it was meant to be. But among hearing about what scores he needed to qualify, it meant he needed to get his ass in gear.

And so Jake did just that. With much encouragement and belief in his capabilities from Alex, and eventually from Amy, Jake now might be able to go to his dream school. There he would be only a thirty minute train ride away from his best friend if everything truly went according to plan. 

All Jake had to do now was keep his GPA up with stupid exams. 

~

Amy spends a large portion of May in a state of duress. The combination of waiting for their SAT scores and studying like mad for her AP classes had her skin a mess and her hair in a near constant frizz. She hardly bothered with contacts anymore, even wearing her giant dorky glasses to school, where people _saw_ her.

Not that it mattered, people still didn’t notice her. Her fame as the chick who beat Jared and Dylan at ping pong had only lasted a week or two before fading. It achieved most of what she wanted, which was for Jared to leave her alone. Tutoring him had been more pleasant when he was scared of her, especially when Rosa came to join them every once in a while.

Late May came around and none of her friends had received theirs scores in the mail. So _now_ they had to go into the exams with zero clue of if their efforts even mattered, and it was a stress Amy didn’t handle well. Despite how she handles it all, the first few exams go almost effortlessly.

June comes around with the news that their scores were running late — they would have to go through the rest of their exams not knowing what their future held. There had only been one thing that raised her spirits after being told of their delayed results, and that was the announcement of the pairings for those who signed up for the senior mentorship. 

Why this was posted on a bulletin board right outside the cafeteria, she doesn’t know. It just happened to be important enough to her, that she was able to push through the crowd of fellow nerds with ease. Once at the front, she pushes her finger to the page and drags it down until she finds the S, and dragging it across the page once she finds her name.

**Santiago, Amy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Mr. Holt**

The loudest yell of her life had been ripped out of her mouth, she didn’t care about the weird stares she got from her class mates and and other students. Amy got _Holt_ , literally the only person in the whole faculty she wanted to mentor her. Jake is there ready to jump in circles with her once she escapes the crowd, and if getting Holt as her mentor _wasn’t_ a good luck charm, she didn’t know what was.

Cut to a week later, their final exam, and Amy wasn’t feeling the same. It was her worst subject, math, which she had only been averaging at eighty percent for the entire year. She doesn’t dare say that out loud if she didn’t want to face the wrath of Gina or Rosa, who both hated math more than the average human was capable of. 

“Can you believe I have to do an exam, _on my birthday_?” Jake scoffs again, it was all he had been talking about all morning and Amy was trying to memorise formulas, she didn’t have time to console his life problem.

“You always have birthdays around exams, Jake.” Charles reminded him, his own formula book open in front of him. “We’re gonna have a blast after, I promise.”

“I know they are but I’ve never had one _on_ my birthday.” He grumbles, following their leads and opening his own book only minutes before they were to be let inside. “I just want to eat cake and not think about pythons or whatever it’s called.”

“Pythagoras?” Amy tells him, looking up from her book to see his sneaky grin and shaking her head at him.

“I wish Alex could do my exam.” Gina whines from the floor, “I wasn’t made for numbers except maybe for a game show I would host.”

“Alex is so lucky he got to do his exam last week.” Jake frowns.

“Yeah but he takes AP Calculus, do you really want to be in his position?” Amy questions, in which she gets an noncommittal noise from them all. “If I do well enough on this I’ll be able to join AP Calc as well.”

“Ames, then we’d only have like two classes together.” Jake groans, “You can’t do this to me on my _birthday_!”

“I’m not doing anything to you on your birthday,” Amy jabbed smartly, “I won’t know for months.”

“But I’ll know you achieved it on my birthday… The betrayal is the same.” Amy only replies by sticking her tongue out, which he throws back at her straight away. They’re interrupted by their math teacher inviting them inside. It was the last school final before they’d be free for the summer. The last summer before their senior year, before everything would change in ways they couldn’t imagine. 

The actual tests goes by in a blink, and it’s not long before they’re saying goodbye to all their friends, promising to see each other in a few days for Jake’s actual birthday party. All Jake actually had planned was a movie night with Amy and his mom, plus lots of cake — partying was reserved for the following Saturday.

Amy almost passes out when they enter her room first to find a letter placed on her desk. Her score, sitting now just in that envelope. Jake is also stunned silent, but with a few looks from Amy, he sprints upstairs to find his before he’s back, sitting on the bed with her.

“Want to open it at the same time?” Jake suggests, and her breath is shaky as she tries to come up with a coherent response.

“This is going to determine _a lot_ for the next five years of our lives, Jake.” Amy winces, turning the envelope in her hands. “What if it’s bad?”

“There’s no way you’re going to do bad.” Jake prods at her arm, trying to grab her attention.

“No, like bad as in the only school I have a chance getting into is in another state or in freakin’ Ithaca.” Amy shudders at the thought of moving so far away, probably one of her worst fears as of late. “Columbia isn’t just about beating David but it’s the closest Ivy League to home, family... to you.”

“University isn’t going to change that, Ames.” Jake has reiterated this to her time and time again, but it didn’t quell the growing anxiety as they got closer to graduating. “Our vow will still stand even if you’re hours away.”

“We’ve barely been apart since we met, what, almost 10 years ago?” Amy laughs nervously, “I can’t imagine not seeing each other every day is going to be easy.”

“We’ll be okay, so long as we keep our promise.” Amy closes her eyes, head falling to her shoulder as she soaks in the words. “Do you want me to open first?”

Amy nods shyly, biting down on her bottom lip as she watches him tear open the letter, his eyes scanning quickly across the page. The smile grows on his face, as he reads on, and she lets herself take a peak. It was exactly what he needed to get into NYU, and Amy watches happily as he jumps up from the desk and dancing around the room in celebration for a bit. He comes to after a minute, leaning against her desk and gesturing for her to go ahead. Jake left her the adequate room for dork dancing, but she was so nervous that it wouldn’t be necessary.

Amy doesn’t look at the letter as she opens it, and hardly feels the sting of the paper cut as she shakingly pulls out the paper. She can feel herself deflate as soon as she reads her score. So close, she had been. Everything had gone to well with her exams, and so the universe decided that she was not, in fact, going to Columbia University. 

She looks up to Jake, her eyes already giving him the answer he needs, but the word slips out of her mouth anyway, broken and defeated.

“Nope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it was a bit of a filler chapter but i really hope you enjoyed it anyway!
> 
> next update probably won't be as fast because im getting back into my uni routine but i'll still be writing on a regular basis because we really heading into the final stretch and i'm really excited for it!
> 
> thoughts? maybe any guesses for how long these two are gonna be dumb?


	18. as long as i'm here no one can hurt you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from everything i wanted by billie eilish 
> 
> _I had a dream  
>  I got everything I wanted  
> But when I wake up, I see  
> You with me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay every time i think i'm getting close to the end i have more ideas and im afraid this may go on forever... any complaints???? no??? good. 
> 
> enjoy (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤

Jake was seventeen, heading into summer vacation before their senior year, and now, he had to deal with the prospect of his best friend leaving him in a year's time. 

With the results lingering in the air for what Amy’s future held, his birthday was pretty much ruined. Amy didn’t want to talk about it, which made for an awkward night. It’s not that they don’t have a good time, time with Amy could never really be a _bad_ time, but watching her nervously bite her nails as she pretended to watch the movie he chose definitely dulled the excitement of it all. His mom doesn’t budge after he nonchalantly brushes off the question ‘ _Is everything okay?_ ’ 

They don’t hang out on the fire escape that night, she’s obviously worrying about it and he wants to take all her problems away, but all she manages a weak smile and a hug before leaving him on the fire escape. Alone.

His party was something he was really looking forward to, it’s what got him through the SATs and exams. It’s a _slight_ exaggeration but he was _really_ excited about it. It was the first party he was having with _no adults_. Charles offered to have the party at his house, his dad gone for the weekend on some work conference.Convincing his mom had been easy, too, somehow _trusting_ him to be responsible as if she didn’t notice him sneaking alcohol out of their topmost cabinet however many times in the past year. She has work, so she simply takes him to get the food he needs and drops it off at Charles’s with no questions asked. 

_Be safe._ She had told him as she climbed back into her car, a soft knowing smile on her face. So his mom _knew_ , no big deal. Jake wasn’t sure if it comforted him that his mom knew what they were up to, but he doesn’t have time to dwell on it before Charles is dragging him inside where Amy is already unloading their bags. 

Amy seems to be in a better mood, for the most part, quietly singing along to the radio as she sorted different snacks into appropriate bowls. He knows it’s an act, because he’d do the same to make sure she had the best birthday ever. They’ve always been able to read each other easily, so he knows it’s simply eating her alive that she will likely move away for college. Jake isn’t handling it much better. Four years without seeing Amy’s face everyday isn’t something he can comprehend without a tight feeling in his chest that doesn’t really budge no matter how well he distracts himself

There wasn’t any chance Amy _wasn’t_ going to an Ivy League school, so not going to Columbia meant that she definitely had to move away. He had a whole year to prepare, to spend more time with her if it were possible—it’s not like he wouldn’t make an effort to see Amy. Her next choice was only a three hour drive away, so maybe if he finally stopped being lazy and got his license, he could visit.

Yes. Jake would just spend the next year turning into a person who followed schedules enough that he could go visit his best friend every weekend… Sounded easy enough. _Maybe if I make a binder?_

Before he has time to reflect on how much he sounded like Amy in that moment, Charles is interrupting him to take his duffel away to put it upstairs but he simply shakes his head before taking it himself. Charles’s house was just as one would expect knowing any of the Boyle family. Portraits of their family and dogs displayed on the wall evenly up the stairs, all perfectly staged in a tacky but professional setting. 

Upstairs there are more family photos, his extended family which was _huge_ , covered almost every inch of space possible while still managing to look neat. There’s a lot of beige and brown and it feels dull, but Gina was bringing her disco lights so it’d be more lively in no time. Finally, he finds the guest room he hadn’t really stayed in for years. Usually he would go to sleep on the floor in Charles’ room, followed by Charles forcing him into his bed before taking the floor for himself. 

When he gets back downstairs, Gina has the lights set up and Rosa is also there, doing nothing. Is he really that stuck in his thoughts that he didn’t hear Gina Linetti arrive? If they were here that meant that more people would soon be arriving and he had to get a fucking grip or the night would be a disaster.

An hour later and the house is full of half the people in their grade, red plastic cups already littered everywhere. He also has a cup in hand, but it’s just orange soda. He really doesn’t feel like drinking, but he didn’t want to make a fuss about it so he pretends. He thought about really drinking, to make himself feel better, but when Terry is basically passed out on the couch two hours in, he doesn’t regret it. But still, Jake pretends.

“I’m king of the woooooorld!” Jake yells, jumping off the unstable coffee table into the dance circle they had formed. His attempt at break dancing was _something_ , but it really helped give off the drunk aura. It helped that everyone around them was also drunk, their ability to read his level of drunkenness was limited.

He finds it _very_ easy to pretend. 

All he has to do is slur his words, laugh at least ten times louder than normal and stumble from place to place, and there are no questions asked. Jake almost convinces himself that he’s drunk with how _good_ he feels. He’s never felt better than right in that moment, on cloud nine and only rising higher as he takes another gulp of his fake orange soda-vodka. Everything was going great, his friends were having a good time, the future was _bright_. 

That was until he ‘drunkenly’ finds Amy in the corner, keeping up the effortless act as he stumbles towards her sipping through a straw, not listening to a word of the random classmate in front of her. His arm droops over her shoulders, and she’s smiling softly at him as the guy realises she wasn’t listening to him, huffing as he walks away. “Aaaamyyyyyyy.” 

“Jaaaaake.” He can tell by her voice that she hasn’t been drinking either, but she’s not trying to hide it. “Are you having fun?” 

“So much fun, Ames.” Jake leans against the wall, a sense of a calm washing over him. “This is the best party probably ever thrown. Even better than when that laser tag place opened on my birthday...”

Amy’s eyebrows scrunch together at that, and she just watches him for a moment which makes him _sweaty_ regardless if he were drunk or not, like she was figuring out every piece of the puzzle that didn’t seem to fit. “Nothing beats laser tag…” 

“My opinion can change, Ames.” Jake scoffs, and he’s slurring his words enough that he thinks Amy won’t catch onto it. He can’t ruin the night with his dumb emotions, he won’t. “Laser tag will always have a soft spot in my heart but—”

“You’re pretending to be drunk.” Amy crosses her arms, an eyebrow raised in an instant to instigate conversation. “Not even drunk Jake would say anything was better than laser tag… You’re overcompensating.”

“Your _butt_ is overcompensating.” Jake retorts, and now that he’s trying to act _more_ drunk to convince her, it’s coming off even worse than before. “I’ve been drinking _all_ night.”

“See, you almost got me.” Amy laughs sarcastically, snatching his cup from him and bringing it to her nose. “You emphasised the wrong word… See, it should be ‘all _night_ ’ not ‘ _all_ night’ if you’re trying to make a point.”

“And your point is?” Jake gives up the act, shoulders slumped — she probably would have called him out no matter how brilliant an actor he was. 

“What’s wrong?” Amy rolls her eyes, the question obvious to her. “There’s no reason that you shouldn’t be enjoying your _birthday party_.” 

“Why aren’t _you_ drinking?” Jake points to the lack of drink in her possession, her frown deepening. 

“How do you know I’m not drinking?” She crosses her arms when Jake takes his drink back from her. 

“Gina’s drunkenness scale has _some_ backing to it.” This has Amy’s eyes rolling to the back of her head, he knows how ridiculous she finds this theory but she also knows there was some truth to it.

“Why do I have to be drinking anyway? Is it so crazy that maybe I don’t feel like drinking?”

“Well maybe _I_ don’t feel like drinking so _boom_ ,” Jake says, his stance now unmoving as he challenges her with a raise of a brow. “Nothing wrong.”

Amy shifts to match him, her gaze just as intensely stubborn, “I know you, don’t be ridiculous.”

“I should be asking you what’s wrong.”

“ _Jake_.”

“ _Ames_.” 

“You’re impossible.” Amy almost growls, glaring at him before she’s walking away, easily blending into the crowd. He shouldn’t have been so defensive, because of course his best friend would catch onto the fact that he wasn’t having a good time.

Probably because she was having a worse time than him. Jake should have cancelled the party as soon as they got their results. He especially wasn’t going to have a good time as long as Amy was miserable. He doesn’t try to act drunk anymore, spending the rest of his night looking for Amy. There were so many people there that even the most sober of people couldn’t find what they were looking for, and part of him is worried she left.

Amy is smart though. She isn’t going to go home, _alone_ , on a Saturday night back to the other side of Brooklyn. Not without telling anyone, especially him. Her old cell was broken, so if she left there wasn’t a way he could contact her without calling home and he wasn’t about to send her parents into a freak about her location.

He eventually finds Amy in the furthermost room in the house, a study, stuck in a book he couldn’t see the name of. It was just past two in the morning, so people were either starting to leave or passing out on whatever surface was available. 

“I’m appalled that I didn’t think to come here first.” Jake says tentatively, his fingers brushing the desk as he moves closer. 

“I went to a few other places first.” Amy doesn’t look up from the book, her finger trailing quickly across the page. “Are you ready to talk about it?”

Jake shoves his hands in his pockets, ignoring the sticky sensation of melted candy as he avoids her eyes. Amy had finally looked up from the book, looking very at home in the office as if it were hers and she invited him in here to tell him off — any other scenario and he’d make a dumb sex joke and she’d slap him in the shoulder before she laughs. But he was smart enough to know it wasn’t the time. 

“I… I don’t know what to say, Ames.” Jake drops himself on a small sofa on the other side of the room, patting the spot next to him for Amy to join. “It was just easier to pretend for the night that everything was okay.”

“I get it.” Amy tucks herself into a ball when she finally makes it to the couch. “I don’t know how to have fun when I know I’m going to have to leave my friends in a year… to leave _you_...”

“The thought of not seeing you everyday makes me sick to my stomach.” Jake shudders, keeping his eyes focused on her fidgeting fingers. “For ten years, you’ve been there every day and now you’ll be moving to a whole new place and… We won’t be together.”

“I’ve been trying to think of any way I could still make it to Columbia but my score is… Well, it’s my score, and I have to deal with that.” Amy sighs, “I think it’s good that we’re talking about it instead of bottling it up more.”

“I wouldn’t be a Peralta if I didn’t bottle up my feelings at least a little.” Jake chuckles halfheartedly, “Brown... is only three hours away… I’ll finally get my license and get a car somehow...”

He trails off with a defeated shrug, his head falling softly on hers when she leans on his shoulder. They stay in silence for a short while, and her breathing is so soft he thought she might be asleep until she wipes her face with a groan. “Even with my score there’s no guarantee I’ll get into Brown.” Amy scrunches her face in concentration, “So I might have to move even further away than planned, and it’s not like we can drive back and forth every weekend.” She buries her face in his shoulder again, “Columbia was my only option and I screwed it up.”

“You know that’s not true.” Jake says, “You’re so smart and Columbia will weep the day they realise the passed up a genius because her SAT score was twenty points below their dumb requirements.” A soft giggle escapes her, and he takes it as a small success. “But regardless, Ames, we’ll be okay.”

“I know we’ll be okay... I’m just not sure I can handle not seeing you every day! Jake, we’re not going to have fire escape hangouts for _months_ and that time is sacred and keeps me sane and—” Amy sucks in a deep breath, “I’m going to miss you.”

“Time is moving too fast, Ames. Before we know it you’ll be gone and I don’t want to think about what life is gonna be like when you’re gone.”

“Let’s not think about it then.” Amy lifts her head up suddenly, a new determination settling in her features, nodding with a growing smile. “We still have a whole year to enjoy together! Okay? We can’t waste this time wallowing in despair... We have to make memories to get us through the time apart, like _prom_.”

“Wallowing in despair is easier.” Jake sighs, still slightly dejected despite her changing attitude. “How are we going to have our daily chats about dumb things tourists do?”

“I’m saving up for that new cell phone, remember?” Amy counters, “We’ll be able to talk almost every day. And I’ll even be able to send _texts_.”

“Fancy girl over here.” Jake teases, smiling coyly as he comes to terms with her words. He always knew they would be okay, but to finally talk about it brought him a great relief. Not seeing each other every day even had the potential to strengthen their friendship if that were possible. They were freakin’ Jake and Amy, best friends since they were kids— distance wouldn’t change that.

“What if we make a list?” Amy starts, an excitement growing that he can only associate to organised fun. “Things we want to do before college, you know? So like, getting our drivers licenses and… and oh! How long has it been since we’ve done Jimmy Jabs?”

“Three years?” 

“Exactly, too long.” Amy jumps up suddenly, moving to rummage through the office before she finds a notebook and pen before falling back next to him. “I should write these down.”

Fortunately enough Jake’s birthday party ends on a high. He’s not really sure how long they’re coming up with things for their _Jake and Amy’s to-do before the end of high school list_ , which he insists on finding a shorter name for later. But he definitely passes out somewhere in between dot point twelve and nineteen, his eyes droopy as he rests on her shoulder and the most at peace he had felt since getting their results.

This peace was on a plate of borrowed time; there’s seemingly a lot of it, but before they know it, their time together would be up and Amy would be moving away to whatever university she was accepted into. It feels cramped, almost. Jake has ten years of memories with Amy in the bank, and he’s sure there will be so many more, but the list they create has him more aware of the actual time they have left than ever before. He gently removes the list falling out of her hands when he wakes up; reading it doesn’t scare him though, it only excites him for the wild year they had planned.

**Jake and Amy’s to-do before the end of high school list**

**Get driver’s license**

**_JIMMY JABS_ **

**~~get Amy to watch all episode of teenage ninja mutant turtles~~ _no way_**

**get Amy to watch Die Hard _maybe_**

**more laser tag**

**_Prom!!_ **

**_Get Jake to read at least five books that aren’t school books._ good luck with that ames _It will happen even if it kills me._ plz dont die over this _Read the books and I won’t! :-)_**

**DEFEAT WARIO!!!**

**_Time capsule_ oh! and we could make that a group thing and with holt too _Yes! Brilliant!_ title of my sex tape haha _:-/_**

**Skip school at least once __ _Jake…_ once! _Fine._**

**_Go on a road trip_ **

**get holt to smile WITH TEETH _oh good one_**

**snowball fight but in our swim suits _Why???_ why not??? _Okay???_**

**_Watch a sunrise together_ **

Jake quickly forgets the rest of the list as he searches for a clock, but he’s distracted when he looks outside through the window and finds the dark blue sky with a sliver of light making itself known. He turns to her again, shaking her softly, “Ames, wake up.”

Amy groans in response, searching for him to snuggle deeper, only opening her eyes when she can’t find him and falls face down into the couch. “Whattimeisit?”

“Time to do number fourteen on our list.” 

“Sunrise?” Amy mumbles, rubbing her eyes as she sits up. “I can’t believe we fell asleep on the couch.”

Amy takes a moment to really get up, using his arm as an anchor to lift herself off the couch. She doesn’t let go of his arm as they explore the house to find the perfect sunrise viewing spot, stepping over a few friends in the process and eventually finding a small balcony just outside the master bedroom. Leaning on the fence, it doesn’t take Amy long to fully bury herself into his embrace, murmuring about how cold it is as an excuse.

He leans into the embrace too, soaking up every moment as they watch the sun slowly rise over the horizon. The trees a mere silhouette against the morning sun, pointing out the different colours appearing before they turn a light shade of blue. When she wrote the idea down, he thought it would be such a mundane experience, but now he can hardly take his eyes off the sky. He can only tear his eyes away for seconds at a time to watch Amy’s everchanging awe and it has his heart growing ten times the normal size.

There was nothing for him to worry about, he was here with his best friend watching the most beautiful sunrise and not even the ticking clock counting down their time left together could ruin such a picturesque moment.

~

It’s a strange experience watching the exchange of money and keys between two people. Really it was three people, his mom adding her own stack of cash to Jake’s to hand over to the man. She knows it isn’t his dream car, that being any old mustang ever, but he had saved up money since starting work with Sal for the summer. It wasn’t a lot, but enough to convince his mom he was serious before she dipped into her savings to help.

The car they chose was far from new, with paint chipping off the roof and colour of the seats faded. All that had really mattered to Jake was that there was a working cassette player, so here he was eight hundred dollars later with his own _car_ with the freedom to go wherever he wanted. Amy had been there through a lot of ups in Jake’s life, but looking back now she’s unsure of whether she’s ever seen Jake this happy. 

The driving lessons they went to together only weeks earlier had been torture. Their teacher was lazy, and by the way he taught them it almost seemed as if he had never actually driven a day in his life. But Jake passed his test, and there was only another week before Amy would take her test. 

Summer had always consisted of a mess of random adventures for them, but with Amy finally turning sixteen and Jake getting his car, it felt like the summer had only just begun when in reality they would be back to school in a month. Their senior year looming over every day they spend together, threatening to ruin their fun in a heartbeat if they let it.

Amy shakes herself out of her stupor just as the older guy finishes up counting the cash, patting Jake on the back as he tells him to enjoy the car. Jake is simply bouncing with energy, twirling the keys on his fingers as his mom continues to talk to the man. It’s adorable how excitable he looks when he looks back at Amy, his smile blinding as his eyes suggestively move to his car. It’s hard to fight the grin that then creeps up her face, pushing herself off the building she was leaning on and walking to the passenger window. 

The adults vaguely acknowledge them leaving as Jake turns on the engine, and it’s exhilarating— they’re alone and free. 

“So, where are we going?” Amy blurts after they’ve been driving around in palpable excitement for a few minutes. “Are we going on a wild road trip? I mean, I have to be home by ten per usual but it’s only ten in the morning I’m _sure_ there’s time for some kind of road trip.” She pauses for a fraction of a second before suggesting, “Should we go see abuelo?”

“Let’s go to Niagara Falls.” Amy laughs in disbelief at the suggestion, and he turns to look at her when he’s stopped at a traffic light. “Hear me out, Ames. We tell your parents we’re—”

“They’re not gonna fall for any of this.” Amy makes a point to cross her arms, trying to convince herself not to fall into his schemes.

“Seriously, we tell them we’re going to see abuelo and we grab the rest of my savings and a map and we _drive_ to Niagara Falls!” Jake offers again, his enthusiasm for the idea growing by the second. “Why don’t we, Ames? This takes care of number eleven _and_ nineteen on the list, road trip and do something wild.”

“I was thinking we’d get fake IDs for that or something!” Amy shrugs, “Not go to a place we don’t know _seven hours away_ from anyone we know!”

“Ames, I’ve had a fake ID for over a year.” Jake snorts, “Does it work? Not really, but that’s _hardly_ wild.”

The light turns green again and she allows herself a moment to think as he starts driving again. Jake was a good driver, sure, but driving for a full seven hours could be dangerous. They both had savings, but she part of her still worries if they go, what if they run out of gas or food money? There was great potential for this spontaneous trip, and it would truly be beyond her wildest dreams but it was also tremendously risky. 

“What if we tell Abuelo? That way we’re not being _so_ sneaky but we get to be a little sneaky.” Jake suggests, tapping on the steering wheel. “We can call him tonight and leave in the morning, so we can pack food so we don’t go starving and you can plan our itinerary so we don’t waste any time.”

Jake finally pulls into a parking spot a small walk from their apartment, his tongue sticking out as he attempts to parallel park successfully. She trusts him, and she always has, so why should that be different now? It was a chance for her to jump into a new, possibly uncomfortable, environment with the safety of her best friend being there — it was an adventure. Turning the ignition off, he finally looks to her again and after watching him drive confidently through the city, she comes to the conclusion.

“We better start packing if we’re leaving in the morning.”

~

It all goes surprisingly to plan. 

The first thing on their agenda had been to call Abuelo — before Amy could lie to her parents, she needed to know that he wouldn’t rat her out like she was scared he would. He’s quick to voice his support, and that it was good for them to go out and explore the world before he jumps head first into a story about him and her abuela, which she really unfortunately has to cut short when David storms into her room to snatch the phone away so he could call his girlfriend. 

Jake leaves when Amy asks her parents. It’s daunting for her, knowing she’s lying to them about _where_ she’s going, and it adds an element of shock when they quickly approve of her plans. _They think you’re just going to abuelos for the weekend._ She must have kept it cool reacting to their approval, because they don’t question it further, and even give her _pocket money_ to spend. 

The next morning Jake’s mom has snacks prepared for them while Amy’s dad has packed their lunches. It’s confusing, they know they’re going to abuelos and it makes no sense why they would need this much food, at all. It occurs to her as Jake pulls out of their street that _they might know their true plans_ , but it’d be crazy if they found out — the only other person that knew was her abuelo and he was chill, he wouldn’t tell on them — that’s how Jake reassures her anyway.

“This doesn’t feel as rebellious as I thought it would.” Amy makes a face as they cross over into New Jersey, “I mean, everyone was so supportive.”

“They think we’re just going to New Jersey though.” Jake says matter-of-factly, “We’re going to see one of the greatest places on earth… second to Nakatomi Plaza, of course.” 

Amy nods along with it in an attempt at relaxing herself into the spontaneity of the trip. She couldn’t go through life just by playing it safe, she had to _live_ even if it was scary. It gets her thinking, how this hardly applied just to going on adventures with her best friend, but it was preparing her to move to another state entirely. Was this intentional on Jake’s part? Had he planned with her parents to take her on a seemingly unplanned trip to prepare her for leaving home? It would make sense why they agreed and were so eager to pack them snacks.

It was either thoughtfully planned out by her best friend or it was some intervention of the universe giving her what she needed to leave home. Either of the possibilities were cruel, the experience to prepare her for next year didn’t account for Jake not being with her. It’s really hard not to let the thought of the coming year overwhelm her after talking it out with Jake so many times since the party, not to mention the rest of her family and friends giving her the same assurance when they found out.

She instead decides to occupy her mind with picking out a cassette to listen to. It was a hobby of Jake’s, making his own mixtapes, and he had ones for different moods and then some just for Gina when she would take over the music. He had even made one just to help relax Amy; it was mostly orchestral pieces, and it was something she treasured deeply. As much as she’d appreciate it now, she had left it in her cassette player at home -- plus she doesn’t want to put any damper on their trip by playing her ‘ _I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed_ ’music.

Conveniently at the top of his stack is a cassette labelled ‘ _summer road trip feelz_ ’. Jake doesn’t hesitate to scream every word to _Wonderwall_ once she presses play, and once she joins in they don’t really stop singing until the tape is over. Amy is quick to replace the tape, but her own singing turns into fits of giggles as Jake puts on different voices for each song. 

It’s really everything she would expect out of a road trip with Jake—hardly a moment goes by where she’s not smiling, whether it’s caused by his dumb singing voices or a joke he just thought of or even how he points out every city entrance with a newfound joy like he’d never experienced. Going on a road trip with Jake right before their senior year is frankly what they both needed, it wasn’t just Amy going through this major change. 

They would be going from best friends that had been neighbours for over ten years to essentially strangers. She would call, of course, but Amy was only coming home for the holidays — it was all mapped out in her life calender — to live on campus first, and eventually get her own apartment in the city with Jake. The plan had been so easy but now she had to alter every aspect, there was no way she would be able to afford to come down for everyone of her family’s birthdays, and Jake wouldn’t be able to drive up to her so easy without falling behind— and it’s something she _knows_ he’ll try to do. 

This could only be a one time spontaneous road trip; Amy wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she was the reason he fell back in his studies after forcing him to work hard for so long. It was stupid just _how much_ she was going to miss him.

Amy doesn’t remember falling asleep, it was sometime after their first gas station stop but when she wakes up, they’re parked at another gas station and he’s got his old gameboy out. Stretching her limbs as much as she can in the cramped car space, she asks, “Where are we?” 

“Scranton, Pennsylvania.” Jake replies, his eyes still glued to the device. “Just needed a break from looking at nothing but the road… Also blue drink.”

“Did you get me some?” Amy grabs the plastic bag off the floor, looking at the _four_ blue drinks. “You know we have water right?”

“I know, I just wanted blue drink.” Jake rolls his eyes in a joking manner, “Take one, I’ll be ready to drive soon.”

Back on the road a short while later, Amy pulls out a book as Jake continues to softly sing the next cassette he pulls from the middle of the stack. She’s lost in her book for over an hour, not taking notice of her surroundings until Jake begins tapping non-stop on the steering wheel. His eyes flick between her and the road a few times before she closes her book.

“What’s up?” Amy asks, her voice soft as it usually was when she was in a reading mood. She’s seen this mood countless times, where he’ll be so bored hanging out with her when reading or doing homework that he’ll bounce around and do just about anything to distract her. It’s not like she can blame him right now, the only thing he can do is drive.

“Let’s play I Spy.” Jake bites down on his lip to contain his sneaky grin — he knows exactly how she feels about that game.

Her hatred for the game goes back to a time before Jake Peralta made her brothers more tolerable. Road trips stuck in a car with her mean brothers thinking of hard things for a six year old to spot, and it led to a lot of fighting— so much that it was officially banned from all future road trips at the ripe age of seven.

Jake had been the cause of the ban, unfortunately. He had been the same fidgety self he was now, bored a half an hour into their many hour trip to upstate New York with Amy’s mom. They had been stuck in the car with David and Benji, so when Jake suggested they play I Spy, all hell broke loose. A lot of yelling in Spanish that Jake didn’t understand at the time and a slapping fight he got stuck in the middle of ended in Amy crying because she couldn’t play I Spy with _them_ because they were _meanies_. 

Amy remembers worrying if Jake would even want to be her friend anymore, but it turns out he was just as scared that he screwed up their friendship by causing such a big family fight. In the end they hugged it out, but I Spy was still banned _for life_.

“How bad can it be without my idiot brothers?” Amy laughs, moving from her completely relaxed position in her seat to look around their surroundings. “I spy with my little eye…. Something beginning with A.”

“ _ALIENS_?” Jake gasps genuinely, and Amy snorts before shaking her head. “Agclackloo.”

“ _What_?”

“Um, Applebee's!”

“I mean, _close_ , but ugh! Nevermind.” Jake glances at her curiously for a split second before he focuses his eyes back on the road, “We were passing an apple tree orchard.”

“Oh… Well, my turn!” Jake is unphased by his loss, happiness still radiating off him as he observes their surroundings as best as he can while still driving. “I spy with my little eye…”

Their game goes on for a while before Jake gets bored of it, but it was definitely more fun to play it with just him over playing with her brothers. It helped that they were older and Jake kept spotting the wackiest things that took her ages to figure out, but then she’d do the same to him. It was the same ebb and flow that they’d mastered over the years of knowing each other, because she knows if she had to go on a road trip with anyone else, she’d be driven mad by now.

Amy says all the time that Jake is her best friend, but the people she tells this to don’t quite understand the extent of that friendship. Jake knows her quirks and flaws and everything about her better than she knows herself, then he continues to love her regardless. It was the same for him, she knew he had an incorrigible inability to concentrate when she was trying to work, he was hilarious and he had the kindest heart of anyone she would ever know — she doesn’t need to go through life to know this for a fact.

He doesn’t need to ask her to put the next cassette tape in, because she’s already a step ahead of him. They were so in sync with each other that it came to no surprise to Amy now when people asked if they were a couple — any time in the last year that question might freak her out, but now it was easy to brush off because no matter where their lives took them, Jake would always be her best friend. 

~

By the time they reach Buffalo, only a mere half hour from their destination, Jake’s stomach is basically screaming in pain. Not literal pain, but Jake is so starving he feels like his stomach might start eating the other organs in his body just to survive. Amy told him not to eat the sandwiches until later in the trip, but she took _so_ long in the gas station bathroom and her dad’s bologna sandwiches were _to die for_. 

Amy didn’t reprimand him, simply saying, “Don’t complain when you’re hungry an hour from our destination. We have a schedule.”

So he kept driving, focusing on the road and the song playing instead of the ravaging storm inside his stomach. “Ames, there’s a McDonald’s just up here.” Jake whines, “Just a cheeseburger will get me the last however many hours we have left.”

“We are ten minutes away from the diner—” Amy scolds, “ _Jake_ , do _not_ get in that turning lane.” 

He doesn’t change lanes, mostly too afraid of the wrath he might inspire if he goes off schedule. The remaining ten minutes of their journey don't feel like forever like before, his legs like jelly as he stumbles out of the car and into the diner. It’s a quaint, family owned business — he could tell by the multitudes of family portraits spread over the walls, blending in with the retro decoration. The uniforms are just as vintage, black and white stripes with puffy sleeves making their waitress look straight out of a movie. 

Jake is so hungry he doesn’t remember what he orders, ready to scarf down whatever is put down in front of them. Amy doesn’t even _try_ to take any breadsticks placed on their table. She obviously _wants_ to say _I told you so_ but she doesn’t want to mess up the tranquility of the moment with bickering, because then they’d never stop. 

“Huh… We really drove to Niagara Falls, didn’t we?” It seems to hit Jake all of sudden, right in between finishing his waffles and starting his burger. His eyes start to widen in amusement and he almost drops his food, “Your parents are going to _kill_ us if they find out.”

“Hey, I’m supposed to be the worrier, not you.” Amy reaches out for a fry, which he smacks away quickly. “Even if they find out it’s not like they can stop us because _we’re already here_.”

“I don’t know I feel like they’d find a way to ground me too…” Jake ponders, and she takes that moment to steal a fry off his plate. Scowling at her, he continues, “You can say they aren’t my parents all you want, they have a certain gravitas that my mom loves.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Amy giggles, gesturing to her plate for him to take whatever, which he passes with a wave of his hand. “I wonder if that’ll be any different when I’m gone…”

“Amy…” Jake rests his hand face up in front of her, her eyes trained on her fork playing with her meatballs, but lets her other hand fall into his. He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and when she does look up at him he’s deep in thought, likely formulating a new way to distract her. “Isn’t there a retest right before school starts?”

“I don’t know…” Amy averts her eyes once again, failure related anxieties beginning to resurface. “I… can’t do it?”

“What do you mean you can’t do it?” She can see Jake go through a handful of emotions in the corner of her eyes, but the most prevalent is pure disbelief. “You’re Amy fuckin’ Santiago, you can do everything.”

“ _Jake_.” Amy looks up only to scowl at him, but his eyes are so filled with concern that she struggles to keep up her cross facade. “I just don’t think I can do better than the first time.”

“Give me one logical reason you wouldn’t do better.” Jake’s demeanor turns focused, more so than when he was actually trying to focus on something.

“Well, for one I haven’t revised the material once since the original test and the test is in two weeks.” Amy starts off, slightly more flustered at his sudden intensity. “Secondly, the school pays for the first test, but if you retake it, it’s out of pocket.” Amy sucks in a deep breath, blinking frantically and forcing any tears to stay back. “Also, Jake, what if I do _worse_ than the first time?”

“That would be a sign of the apocalypse, Ames.” Jake says sternly, “You could literally never do worse on a second attempt, you’re way too smart for that and you simply aren’t built to do badly.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”

“Oh absolutely _not_.” Jake grumbles, “Ames, you can’t just give up like this. Columbia is your dream school and the chance to get in is _right there_.”

Amy could feel the metaphorical fence posts keeping herself standing crumbling, her anxiety a forceful wind that would blow down her fences, forcing her to face the harsh reality of it all. _She couldn’t stand to fail again._ Jake’s belief in her wasn’t helping in the way it usually would, it only adds to her fear. If Amy tries again and fails, she not only fails herself, but Jake too. 

“Jake, can we not talk about this?” Amy’s face turns to stone, it was either that or fully crying in a public place. “I want to enjoy this trip.”

“No, we need to talk about this.” Jake insists, a seriousness in his tone she had only heard a few times since knowing him. “The way you talk about it, I _know_ it’s been on your mind, and seeing that you haven’t taken the initiative tells me one thing: you’re afraid of failing.” Amy tenses. “And not just in the sense of doing worse than the first time, but failing yourself. You don’t want to get your hopes up and then be disappointed, and worst of all, you don’t want to disappoint the people around you.” Jake pauses to squeeze her hand, Amy biting her lip to keep her emotions at bay. “I also know that pep talks when you’re this stressed only make it worse but you’re so strong and smart and so fantastically awesome that I know you can push past it and kill the test if you want to.”

“I _want_ to.” Amy softens, her shoulders slumping in defeat. “But I’m scared.”

“Scared is good isn’t it? Remember when Holt said ‘Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.’?” Jake says, a smile forming on his lips once again. “Who knew he was such a baseball nerd?”

“No, _that_ was Babe Ruth.” Amy corrects him swiftly, and it only makes his smile grow. “I guess I don’t want to look back and regret that I didn’t try my hardest to get into the school I want the most so… I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Jake bites down on his lip, a fist pumping in the air before he contains himself. “You’re going to ace it, Ames.”

It’s hard not to believe Jake when he’s in a state of such radiant certainty, which he usually was when it came to Amy. The silence between them is relaxing, and once their food is consumed, they walk out together to somehow sunnier weather. Maybe it was the lack of negativity in her head _or_ the weather actually got better, she can’t really tell, but it’s very welcome either way as they make their way to their next destination. 

It’s surreal — once they’ve shoved their way through the summer crowd, standing at the edge of the viewing point, it’s very hard to believe this whole road trip wasn’t a dream. Jake even pinches her side, which makes her jump, but looking at him she knows he feels exactly the same so she simply pinches him back. He wraps an arm around her waist and pulls her closer, his shaky sigh more obvious with her head against his chest. His heartbeat was steady next to the raging waterfall. Rainbows shot out from from the water as she watched one of the ferries move closer, there was just so much to admire about their view that she doesn’t register Jake’s lips on the top of her head until they’re gone.

It’s all too overwhelming to comprehend, but Amy had never felt so peaceful. “Excuse me, you two look so sweet together. Would you like me to take a photo?” Amy almost jumps out of her skin at the old lady next to her, but Jake’s hand is still on her waist and able to stabilise her quickly.

“Oh, uhm—”

“We would _love_ a photo.” Jake removes his arm just to go digging through her backpack until he finds the polaroid camera at the bottom. She almost stops him from giving the stranger her camera, but she was an old lady so she probably didn’t have anything to worry about. 

Jake turns her around so they’re facing the lady, and his hand resumes it’s position on her waist, his grin glowing brighter than the sun. The woman calls for her attention, Amy’s face heats up because she’s not sure _how long_ she was just staring at Jake but she manages to put on a matching smile and it’s only a second later the lady has taken the photo before handing it back to Jake.

“You know, you two remind me of myself and my husband back when we were your age.” She says, nodding furiously. “We had the best adventures, but there’s always something about being home… Together.” She sighs, “He had a heart attack six years ago, so… Make sure you appreciate _every_ moment together.”

With that, she walks past them before either of them have the chance to say anything. Jake looks dumbfounded, his lip jutting out just enough to be a pout and she feels a pull to lace their fingers together. A smile finds its way onto Jake’s features after that, and he lets go of her hand to look at the captured photo, chuckling, “We are a masterpiece, Ames.”

“I think the waterfall might be the masterpiece.” Amy snorts, taking the photo off him. “It will make a good addition into the scrapbook though.”

It’s still a while before they move on from the viewing space, mostly debating what they were going to do next whilst still admiring their view. They eventually agree to go on the _Maid of the Mist_ despite Jake’s irrational fear of boats — her winning argument being that he’d never actually _been_ on a boat so how was he supposed to know?

They’re a mess of giggles when they receive their ponchos, pulling on the hoods until their faces aren’t visible and bumping into the person in front of them. Amy forgot they weren’t in the city anymore, so her pleading apologies are met with a smile instead of the usual grunt. Jake doesn’t stop laughing though, his arm hanging off her shoulder. Amy is keeping him standing—she knows it’s coming before he says it and she has to prepare herself for it.

“ _Turkey legs_.” He’s bent over on his knee and now she’s the one leaning on him as the hysterical laughter takes over her too. The people around them are staring but they don’t care because they’re just too amused.

A story they’ve tried telling people countless times, Gina was the only one who could actually tell it because she was there _and_ was able to keep herself together while telling the tale. Amy had only been twelve when it happened, down in D.C. with Gina, Jake and her abuelo just peacefully eating dinner, when suddenly there had been a loud _thud_ and suddenly turkey legs flew over their table, one landing straight in Jake’s mashed potato.

It seems like a completely ordinary but funny story— the waiter had been so apologetic, so they had been able to keep it together. But it was only minutes later where the same thing happened, the outrageously clumsy waiter had tripped _again_ , this time a turkey leg had hit Amy in the head. It was preposterously hilarious to them, being so young, they were unable to keep their laughter together as Amy picked out the turkey leg out of her own food and bit into it.

Her abuelo looked uncomfortable like many other patrons as they watched the young kid get fired in front of the entire restaurant. Despite their obvious entertainment, the manager had offered to pay for their entire meal before stomping into her office. Now at sixteen, Amy knows that if it had been her she would be utterly humiliated, but they had been so deliriously happy that it didn’t phase her at the time.

Gina found it funny the first time recalling the story, but after the fourth recount of it, she was sick of it — so now it was only something that Jake and Amy laughed at. They’re only able to stop laughing when the people behind them point out the significant gap that had formed in their laughing fit, so she had to drag Jake forward with her. It was a thing between the two of them that if one was upset, the other could always bring up the turkey legs and all would be well for a moment.

Growing up together truly made everything they experienced together to be so much more special than with regular people—how often did people get to go through the biggest moments of life with their longtime best friends? And to stay friends as well, that was a feat yet to be discovered for Jake and Amy, but Amy knew with every fibre of her being that Jake would always be in her life. 

There were too many memories, like the ones they were making now as the embarking on the _Maid of the Mist_ , for Jake to ever not be in her life. She squeezed his hand as the ropes connecting them to the dock were lifted and the motor began running—but she didn’t need to, she realises, as his grin only grows as the boat moves further away from the land.

Being on top of a cliff, looking out onto the falls had been overwhelming—but finding a word to describe how she felt looking at them from the water was proving more difficult than she liked to admit. Jake’s curls were stuck to his forehead from the mist, but he made no move to wipe them off his forehead, his eyes trained on the natural wonder in front of them.

They’d seen countless photos but they didn’t hold a candle to what they saw in front of them. The sun shining on the water created the most vibrant rainbow that Amy had ever seen, more so than the one they saw earlier. How they’re going to go home and _not_ tell everyone about the experience, she doesn’t know, but part of her is so thankful that it was a moment just for the two of them — something they’d never forget.

~

Driving home was a lot less exciting.

It wasn’t long after the ferry ride when Amy started preparing for them to leave. They hadn’t planned to stay overnight in Niagara Falls so they had to get back to abuelo’s, where their family thought they were, before it was too late for Jake to drive. He insisted that they buy souvenirs, where he bought them matching keychains — a sweet scaled down painting of Horseshoe Falls with _Niagara Falls, N.Y._ imprinted at the bottom. It was the _first_ keychain for his car keys, and it felt so monumental that he’d done a whole ceremony to attach them in the car.

With a whole bag of snacks stashed in the front seat, they’re ready to leave again and that’s when he discovers how boring the drive home was. There were a lot of views they had seen on the way there, and in comparison to Niagara _freakin_ ’ Falls, it was quite boring. Amy moves between reading her books and playing different car games with him. She very annoyingly points out that he wouldn’t be sick of the music if he hadn’t played through all of them once on the way there, but she’s right and he’s still bored.

Jake lets out the loudest groan when he pulls up to abuelo’s house, his head resting on the steering wheel. “We’re not doing another road trip until you can drive.” 

“Agreed, you’re annoying.” Amy is biting down a laugh, Jake sliding out of his car with a roll of his eyes.

“ _You’re_ the annoying one.” Jake pokes his tongue out when Amy finally follows his lead, and she simply smiles innocently up at him. “Shut up, Ames.”

“I said _nothing_.” Amy covers her mouth as more giggles escape her, only able to stop herself when her abuelo is opening the front door with open arms.

She drops her bags, sprinting to him and _carefully_ wrapping her arms around him. He was getting kind of old, well old enough that a simple cold had him bed-ridden enough that he wasn’t able to come to Amy’s sixteenth birthday dinner a week earlier. He definitely wasn’t frail though, Jake notes to himself, watching him lift Amy off the ground with a laugh. 

Jake moves to pick up Amy’s bags before he catches up to them at the doorstep, where Abuelo stands aside to let them both in. He’s immediately face down on the couch after dropping their bags, and Amy goes somewhere else to talk to her abuelo while putting their bags into proper places that weren’t the floor of the living room.

His eyes are closed only for a few minutes before he’s digging through Amy’s backpack that she left downstairs, looking for the one photo. It’s probably his favourite photo they have together, and that’s saying something because they’re both incredibly photogenic people. The lady had told them how cute of a couple they were, it was something that he and Amy were pretty used to by now—it’s not like Amy could lecture every single person they meet on how girls and boys can be friends _without_ having romantic interest in each other.

As much he pushed it down into the deepest depths of his brain, his feelings for Amy tended to linger. Every time someone insinuated that they were a _thing_ , his brain would drift for just a second, _what if?_ They had kissed, way back when, but it was all circumstantial evidence— no matter which angle he looked at it he still came to a dead end. They were best friends. Still, he had to agree with the lady, they _were_ cute in that photo. Her hair is being thrown around in the wind, and she laughed as she tried to fix it, succeeding just in time for the photo to be taken. The idea of _them_ , it was a thing of the past—he would never _act_ on those lingering feelings, especially now. 

Now the most important thing was to make the most of their senior year of high school. There was still a ( _very slim_ ) chance that Amy wouldn’t be able to go to Columbia, still having to move away for university. There were still many things on their list to complete and classes to pass. Romance wasn’t where his mind was at and when it came to _Amy_ , it was the absolute last place it should be.

His thumb traces gently over their faces, this trip was what they needed before Amy began her intense preparation for school — he’s seen the plans and he desperately wants to unsee them. There was no way she wouldn’t do better retaking the SATs, Amy was ready for anything. The trip had rejuvenated her confidence right in time. If their parents found out and killed him, it would all be worth it because seeing Amy _this_ happy was worth anything.

~

It’s strange when they pull up to their street the next afternoon. 

Amy was in a sweet holiday bubble which was definitely about to get burst by her parents asking how their time was, and then having to _lie_ to them. It’s all she and Jake had talked about on the final stretch of the trip home, the stories of their time in Niagara Falls and twisting them so it seemed like they were simply in New Jersey. Jake was very good at telling stories, so he’d have no issue twisting the truth for them.

She also didn’t want to leave it because she had to face her next trial—whether or not she can take the SATs again. The few times she had looked into it, she remembers the final application date being somewhere in the middle of August, but she couldn’t pin the date because she had been too afraid to remember it. Just a simple phone call would determine her future once again.

Had she not screwed it up the first time then none of this would be an issue.

Jake doesn’t say anything when she procrastinates the first day being home—they’re both tired and family wants to hear stories so their time is mostly occupied with that. Then Alex swings by and their excitement over the _real trip_ excites them and has both of them spilling the truth, and Alex seems completely dumbfounded by Amy’s ability to be spontaneous like that.

The details they keep to themselves, partially for selfish reasons and so they aren’t rubbing anything in his face. Things were so much better with Alex, but there were still moments when they spilled too much about their friendship to Alex and they would all get awkward. Amy still doesn’t know if Jake knew the true reason for their breakup, but he seemed chill enough with her that he was still oblivious enough to the fact that she was basically in love with him not long ago. 

It was something she was really able to clear up with her abuelo the night before. They had left Jake downstairs and he had finally confronted her about the phone call _months_ ago, because whenever they got to see each other it was around their entire family and getting enough alone time to talk about something as serious as that was difficult. 

Amy attempted to brush it off as nothing, because it _was_ nothing now. The feelings hadn’t disappeared, because that was just something that didn’t happen unless it didn’t mean anything. There were more important things to focus on, their senior year was just ahead of them and neither needed that to be all confused because of feelings. 

Still Abuelo bugged her about it, and tried to make it out that this trip meant anything more than a fun road trip between best friends. Opening up to him about her feelings was a good idea at the time, Amy stood by that, but now he was acting like every other person who was rooting for them and saying they were _soulmates_.

These people weren’t wrong—Jake _was_ her soulmate—just not in the way they meant. He was her best friend in everything they did, her partner in crime ( _fighting_ , Jake would say, _I ain’t no Hans Gruber._ ) She was probably going to have to deal with this assumption her whole life because people couldn’t comprehend a girl having a friend that was a boy. 

Jake _does_ question her the next day, first thing in the ( _late_ ) morning.

The anxiety she felt when he was initially trying to convince her to do it returns and it feels like all her organs were about to shut down as she took the home phone from the living room into her bedroom. He’s waiting on her bed, and he kindly offers to leave for the calls but she grabs his hand because she _needs_ him now more than ever. 

If she was able to apply, he’d be the one driving her to apply without a doubt. Finding the number and dialing it is the most daunting thing she has done since being introduced at her quinceañera, all she can really feel is Jake’s hand on hers and the beating of her heart outside her chest. 

Listening to the man on the phone, she learns something important— Hope is for idiots. 

Jake hyped her up so much in the past forty eight hours and now she was back at stage one, disappointment. It wasn’t Jake’s fault, no. He was only doing his part as her best friend in encouraging her to be as good as she wanted to be. He was everything she had needed to push her to limits when she didn’t realise she needed it. 

No, she was mad at herself. Amy was _three days_ past the deadline for final applications. She was mad at herself for being a coward, too afraid of failure that she didn’t even give herself a chance to succeed—and now she actually couldn’t. 

Amy doesn’t register Jake taking the phone from her, quietly thanking the man on the phone before putting it away. His arm is strong and warm around her, and she just wants to disappear into his embrace so she doesn’t have to face her own stupidity. Now she had to move away from her family, her friends, and _Jake_. 

Amy _failed_. 

None of it feels real—the tears on her cheeks aren’t real until Jake is brushing them off with his thumb and their situation is absolutely not real until the next words fall out of his mouth.

“Amy, it’s gonna be okay.” Jake raises her head again so she has to look at him. His own eyes are glistening with tears, but she can see his resolve to keep it together for her. “You could go study in another country and nothing would stop us from being friends, you know that? Literally nothing could stop us from being friends.” Amy nods, a mix between a sniff and a giggle escaping her. “You’re going to kill it wherever you are and I’m going to support you from wherever I am, even if it means we’re apart.”

“I love you, Jake.” 

Jake pulls her closer so that her head is rested against his chest, heartbeat strong and soothing. “Love you more, Ames.”

~

Moving on from the idea of going to Columbia was like going through a messy breakup. Entire sections of binders are thrown in the trash, the sticker she had gotten from a tour over a year ago was now scratched off the side of her desk. Her college binder had been thrown out and started anew, and as bad as the competitive nature was between her and David, even he knew better than to bring it up.

All memory of it had to go. 

Amy had successfully configured all her plans to be ready for her new future, but it didn’t feel quite as exciting as it used to. The thought of leaving her friends and family was always dwelling in the back of her mind, but also she was going to a place where she had no friends—she would be starting fresh. People saw this as a blessing, but not Amy Santiago.

Amy _loved_ pushing her boundaries, but she preferred to do so in a known environment, so this was taking her so out of her comfort zone. Going to university and pushing herself to be the best would be a _lot_ easier if she was able to go home every weekend to see her annoying brothers and Jake—hearing them over the phone just wasn’t the same but it’s what she’d have to live with. 

Every time she got in her head about it, she had Jake’s voice there too—it reminded her, _we still have a year_. For the most part it helped, especially when they were together and it was actually him saying it. It just happened to be very heavy on her mind on their first day back to school.

It’s bittersweet, their last first day—truly a huge day for any teen to experience. 

Walking through the hallways to homeroom, she reminisced on all the times she would get bumped into because she had been virtually invisible. So, it wasn’t the place or people she would miss about high school, but the familiarity. She had perfected the art of dodging people in the hallway, every teacher loved her and she had her tight knit group of friends to get her through the every day chaos of teenage tomfoolery.

She didn’t doubt she’d do well at any school she went to, but it was the unknown that scared her. The unknown that was _two hundred miles_ from home.

The end of their first day arrives too quickly for her liking, and suddenly Jake’s assurance of them having a whole year feels more difficult to grasp on to. Her day isn’t exactly over, either. First day of senior year meant the first day of her one year mentorship with Mr. Holt. Amy was a mess of nerves as she waited outside his classroom, mindlessly rearranging her locker to keep her mind off telling him the bad news.

Before the SATs, but after learning that he would be her mentor, she had given him her spare binder for her university plans. The school year had ended before their results had come so she had no way of telling Holt that _no_ , she _wouldn’t_ be going to Columbia next year. She had been doing so amazingly average at not dwelling on it but the dread she felt had her internally spiralling over telling Holt.

She’s impressed that she _doesn’t_ jump when Holt finally opens his classroom door, nodding at Amy to follow him. He doesn’t take her to the classroom like she expects, but instead she finds herself being led to his office. It’s a place usually reserved for failing students, when they needed to _talk_ — Jake almost had been there but he’d really redeemed himself after their little heist years ago now. Amy feels like her nerves are setting her insides on fire, she already _feels_ like a failure, but to be brought into his office really just puts the nail in the coffin.

Her binder is on his desk, the Colombia crest centred on the front page and it makes Amy almost fall apart right in front of Holt. He sits down, a hand falling on the binder and one gesturing for her to take a sit. Her whole body is tense, and she discovers that she _was_ able to sit up straighter— a tease commonly used by idiots in her classes.

“I must say, this is a very well put together binder.” He begins, and the corner of his mouth up turns a fraction, making it so much harder on Amy. “Very thorough.”

She can see he’s about to continue, but she can’t let him or she will break. It was probably risking her mentor relationship with him to interrupt, but she does it anyway, “I didn’t get a high enough score for Columbia.”

His head slowly lifts up from the binder he just opened, mouth closed, but his eyebrows seemed to be drawing closer together in curiosity. “Oh. That is unfortunate.” Amy looks away from his stare, focusing down at her hands clenched into tight fists. He makes no movement himself, but they simply sit there in silence for a few minutes. It drives Amy crazy, she doesn’t need the silence to remind her of her disappointment— she _lived_ there.

“You know Amy, I will admit I did not get into my dream school, either.” He finally says, and it has her head snapping up to him again, her eyes wide and pleading. “I was readying myself for Columbia too, but I was not able to get in.”

“Where did you go then?” Amy asks hesitantly, not sure if it was where he was taking it.

“NYU.” He tells her, “A very fine university, good education, and it was close to home.”

“NYU _is_ an option.” Amy nods slowly, “I was very set on Columbia, and I think the binder makes that very obvious.”

“Yes, but do not settle like I did, Amy.” Holt begins flicking through the pages, and she knows what page he’s looking for. “You are certainly eligible for one of your backups, correct?”

“Yeah, Brown University is my next choice.” Amy states clearly, bending over the desk to flick to the exact page for him. “It’s good, just far from home.”

“I think Brown is an excellent choice for you.” Holt’s smile is more obvious than it was before, and the hope that shoots through her entire body has her feeling faint. “They have an excellent liberal arts program, which I know is an interest of yours.”

“It is!” Amy bites her lip to quell her joy at his words. “The only thing that held me back from it being my first choice is because I wanted to stay in New York, close to my family and friends.”

“Family will always be there, as well as true friends, no matter what. Distance should not hold you back from your potential.” He nods to himself, “I understand that fear though, since it was what held me back.”

“I never had the intention of letting it hold me back.” Amy admits, “But hearing this all from you… Well, it has me way more excited.”

“Good to hear.” He doesn’t hold back his smile, bearing his teeth even and she can’t _wait_ to tell Jake she achieved number twelve on their list without him there. “Now, should we get started on your supplemental essay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love a soft wholesome time, do you? everything is going to be just fine and we about to have some good senior year shenanigans so i hope you're as excited as i am
> 
> kudos and comments are very much appreciated (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤


	19. running away just made sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from arms unfolding by dodie
> 
> _But here I am with arms unfolding  
>  I guess it isn't quite the end  
> Oh, partner in crime  
> I'm going to try  
> To fall in love with you again_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so with all my assignments due and everything that's been happening with BLM, it's taken me quite a while to get this done, but here we are! this chapter is done! and so is a good chunk of the next! 
> 
> if you haven't already, i strongly recommend you check out the BLM carrd (link at the end) for petitions and places donate! it's not trending anymore but it's still important, change is happening!!
> 
> but meanwhile, please enjoy!

Amy’s head hits the desk when she hears her cell phone ring for the third time that day, knowing it would be Jake—it was him every single time without fail.

“Jake, stop wasting your minutes.” She repeats, again, for the third time. “Come downstairs if you want to talk to me.”

“ _I’m_ bored _, Ames_.” Jake whines, “ _Plus I’m just practicing for when we call every other day when you’re at Brown._ ”

“You’ve called three times _today_.” Amy huffs, lifting her head and glaring at her AP homework. “The quality is good, you just need to work on quantity.” 

“ _I find it hard to believe_ you _won’t be calling me just as much when you’re actually there._ ” She can see the smug look on his face, even though he was upstairs. “ _So… watcha doing?_ ”

“Uh, like I told you before... _Homework_.” Amy picks up her pen again and holds the phone between her shoulder and her ear. “What are you doing?”

“ _Nooothing._ ” 

“Don’t you have a test on Friday?” Amy puts her pen down again, twirling hair around her finger. “Isn’t it Spanish?”

“ _Yeah, but it’s easy._ ” Jake is almost fluent in Spanish at this point, able to have full conversations with only a little difficulty. It helped that he spent so much time getting in the middle of her and David arguing in Spanish. “ _I could do this test in my sleep._ ”

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t study.” Amy retorts in Spanish. “I mean, I’m glad you find _AP_ Spanish easy enough to consider a breezy subject.”

“ _I’m_ bored.” Jake switches back to English with a loud whine. “ _Come upstairs._ ”

“Only if you find some homework to do.” Jake groans loudly, “I have to finish this, Jake.”

“ _What homework do you even have?_ ” Amy can basically hear his pout, “ _You sent in your Brown application_ last week.”

“Ooh, maybe we can work on your application.” Amy suggests, “When is yours due? Beginning of January, right?”

“ _Yeah, but I have a better idea._ ” Jake murmurs, a hint of glee in his tone. “ _What if we do_ no _homework and instead… we watch_ Die Hard?”

“Jake, I told you we would on winter break.” Amy rolls her eyes, keeping her tone serious. It was on their list, but the more he bugged her to do it, the less she really wanted to— regardless, she promised him she would watch it during the _appropriate_ time of year. 

“ _I know but it’s late November so it’s basically Christmas break,_ Ames _._ ”

“There’s still midterms to do, _Jake_.”

“ _I just wanna watch_ Die Hard _with youuu._ ” His whine only increases in volume and she has to bite her lip to stop herself from laughing.

“I’ll tell you what, you let me work for one more hour without calling me, and I’ll come watch _Die Hard_ with you.”

Jake doesn’t even say anything else, the beeps of the hang up tone ringing in her ears. It was easy to take that as a _yes_ and so she got back to work, diligently working on her homework until she’s interrupted fifty-seven minutes later. Amy has to give him credit, with the level of boredom Jake was at, she was surprised he lasted more than fifteen minutes without annoying her.

He doesn’t bother to knock like she asks whenever she’s doing homework, simply sliding open the window before stumbling through. He sounds as if he’s sprinted miles just to reach her, taking in deep wheezing breaths as he speaks, “ _Die… Hard…_ time…”

“I’ve still got three minutes.” Amy doesn’t lift her eyes off her paper, but she doesn’t hide the teasing tone of her voice.

She can feel Jake staring at her as he catches his breath, and it makes her wonder if they should go for a run instead of staying in to watch a movie. Jake remains where he is for the final minutes, but Amy doesn’t really do any work to drag on his torture just for a few more moments. In the corner of her eye, she can see him carefully eyeing the watch her dad gave him for Christmas the year before. 

“Aaaand… _That’s_ an hour!”

Amy chuckles quietly, shaking her head as she closes her books, and she’s not looking at him but she knows he’s doing one of many happy dances he learned from the Santiago’s. When leaving her room, Jake becomes more restless as she informs her parents of her plans for the afternoon. There’s a reminder to be home by eleven since it was a weekend—had it been anyone else there would probably be a discussion if she’d done enough school work, but it was Jake, so they’re almost unphased and even allow her to take a bag of popcorn from their pantry.

She’s honestly surprised this hadn’t happened either. Jake had endless passion about what he loved, and that happened to be _Die Hard_ and her—so since he had first watched it, he wanted Amy to watch too. But as much as she loved Jake, she always wanted to abide by the rules—and the rules told her that they were too young for _Die Hard_.

Jake settles himself onto the couch with ease as Amy finds a bowl for their popcorn. The movie was already open on the TV, Jake probably prepped to start while waiting for her. Amy sits on the couch correctly, sitting in between Jake’s spread legs with her own crossed to hold the popcorn. When she’s relaxed, Jake pulls one of his mom’s knitted blankets over their knees before reaching for the remote and pressing play, unable to keep the pure giddiness off his face as the screen turns to black for a split second.

Watching _Die Hard_ with Jake was somehow not what she expected and exactly like she imagined over the years. He’d told her so much about the film that she knew who everyone was and their backstory as far as the movie told them— even Jake’s theories sat in the back of her head as the movie went on. She’s able to predict any explosion by the way Jake bounces slightly before, his hand diving to get more popcorn to try hide it. 

Amy mostly loves _Die Hard_ because of Jake— the pure enjoyment he experienced radiated off him like a highly infectious disease. She made her own mental notes, like how she hates how many times Bruce Willis’ feet are shown on the screen and the sheer amount of sweat on his body at all times makes her uncomfortable— but halfway through the movie she takes one glance at Jake and she’s _really_ able to see it through his eyes. He’s so fascinated as if he hasn’t seen it a thousand times before, his lips moving along to every word falling out of John McClane’s mouth and it’s so cute that she finds herself cuddling closer to Jake when he relaxes after yet another explosion. 

She doesn’t have the heart to share her true opinions at the end of the film, his smile just as wide as it had been the entire two hours. He wiggles his eyebrows at her, waiting impatiently for her thoughts, “Well?”

Deciding to torture him just a minute longer, she brings her fingers to her chin, stroking it as if she had a beard and actually was thinking. It’s only when his leg starts bouncing when she finally answers, “It was good.”

“Yes!” Jake claps, the slap noise of his own hands making him jump. “What was your favourite part? Yippee ki-yay? Explosions? Holly punching that reporter dude?”

“Probably Hans Gruber.” Amy shrugs, her features remaining stoic as Jake attempts to read her.

“ _Hans_? Do you mean when he dies? Because that _is_ great.” Jake says, seemingly falling for it, but shaking his head in disbelief.

“No, I think he’s a really complex—”

“ _Amy!_ ” His hair seems to be fluffier than it was a moment ago, probably from running his hands through it out of distress. “HE’S THE BAD GUY!”

Amy doesn’t attempt to keep up the facade, letting a raucous laugh emit from her body that she’d been holding inside. It takes Jake a moment of confusion before he realises that she was messing with him, and he pushes her off the couch with his feet with a grumble. “You’re mean.”

Unphased by the fall, she picks herself up and climbs back on the couch, moving the popcorn before climbing directly on his lap. Jake sighs and dips his head back before he meets her eyes again, she laughs again, softer than before, “Messing with you is fun.”

“It is pretty fun.” Jake’s hand lands on her knee, giving it a light squeeze. “Literally the most boring thing would be fun with you.” 

“That’s precisely why I loved _Die Hard_.” Amy says honestly, looking away after a beat of just smiling at each other. “It’s a movie I would find boring if it weren’t for you being my best friend.”

“You thought it was _boring_?” Jake frowns. “I’m deeply offended by this.”

“ _No_.” Amy mocks his frown, he laughs. “You enjoyed that new book _Harry Potter_ , because I loved it, right?”

“Nah, that book was actually cool.” Jake shakes his head, “When does the next one come out?”

“Next year.” Jake groans at this, “I need more Hermione Granger in my life.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Amy giggles, patting his head as he rests on her shoulder. “We will be discussing it in length before we know it, Jake.”

“I just want Harry to live with the Weasley’s and never speak to the Dursley’s ever again!” Jake lifts his head, pouting, before his face softens, “I definitely read it _because_ of you…”

“I will forever _ya welcome_ like a jerk for making you read good books because I freakin’ told you so!” Amy pokes her tongue out and in response Jake simply pinches her nose. Jake wraps his arms around her waist to pull her closer as she rests her head on his shoulder.

“I do however only love _Baby-sitter’s Club_ because you love it.” Amy wacks his back, hiding her smile from him. “Wait, if I read all those books with you that means you have to watch _Die Hard 2_ with me!” Jake moves to get up, but she grips tighter to the back of his neck to keep him in the position they’re in. “Ames, let me go.”

“No, you’re warm.” Amy murmurs into his neck, “And I don’t wanna watch _Die Hard_ _2_.”

“Well, your curfew isn’t for three hours and we have nothing else to do.” Jake’s grip on her waist tightens as he begins to roll them off the couch. She has enough time to prepare herself but still lands flat on her back, Jake’s hands on either side of her head to stop himself from squashing her. Jake doesn’t move or look away from her, his stare intense and her own eyes flicker to his lips without a thought. The only noise in the room is the sound of the VCR buzzing—and she can feel the blush creeping up her neck before she can rip her gaze from his, wriggling out from underneath him. 

Once she’s backed herself up against the armchair next to the sofa they were sitting on, Jake clears his throat and jumps up from the spot to change the tape in the VCR. She doesn’t fight it because, well, her head hurts and— _what the hell was that?_

~

Winter break flew by—and Jake spent most every minute with Amy.

He meant that quite literally, since there was only one day where he had to go to his Nana’s and Amy wasn’t allowed to go with him for other family reasons. It had been a lot more fun than the year before, when Jake had been upset (fairly so) over Alex—but this year had been so much different. 

Amy got her _acceptance letter_.

Because _of course_ Amy was accepted into one of the top schools in the country. It had been in their first week of the break, only a few days before Christmas, and they sat in her room for a whole half an hour before she found the courage to open the letter. She had let out a distinct squeal before shoving the paper to his chest and starting her signature dork dance. It was one of those memories where he could close his eyes and see it happen all over again. 

_Jake hugging Amy, jumping together. Victor walked in, reading the letter before picking Amy up and spinning her around. He took the letter out with him, and when Jake looked at her again there were smudges of mascara on her cheek with the biggest smile he’d ever seen—radiant. The sadness felt when she wasn’t able to apply for Columbia had completely vanished now, and she even told him she’s_ happy _that she was going to Brown instead._

He was _so_ proud of Amy, he couldn’t quite put into words the extent of how much he thinks she’s the smartest person alive. She helped him with his own application over the winter break, working on it every other day except between Christmas Eve and New Years. The entirety of the holiday was spent in New Jersey with her abuelo—his mom wasn’t able to go that year so it was a miracle they both had their licenses and could drive to and from Abuelo’s with no issue whatsoever.

It’s probably the best Christmas ever, mostly because Jake had saved up, after getting his car, and was able to buy people real presents with money that wasn’t his mom’s. He’d gotten most of her brother’s gag gifts, but for Amy he bought a new fancy fountain pen with a laser pointer on the end like Holt had. It was simple, but expensive, and her appreciation shone through her squeals. Jake had even bought Abuelo a book he _thought_ he’d never seen on his bookshelf (he was very wrong) but he appreciated it anyway.

New Years’ had been a lot of the same, nothing special about it but Amy kissing him on the cheek like every year as the clock struck twelve, a tradition of theirs since they were kids—even after protesting strongly against it for years before he was ‘mature’ enough. The press of her soft lips to his cheek has his skin heating up more than he expects, but he can see that she’s blushing just as much—or maybe it had been the cold, but there wasn’t much time to think about it before Mateo came hurtling at him with an armful of snowballs.

It’s the most stress free holiday they had shared since they were way younger, and Jake really didn’t want it to end but it had to. Amy had jumped straight back into their homework and helping him with his admissions but once that was all done, their last few days before school had been bliss.

He tries to keep all this in mind while walking to school on their first day back, a freezing Amy clinging desperately to his arm for any warmth. The snow was falling slowly, with the visibility still good enough to see Charles waiting on the apartment staircase with Gina, both of them sticking their tongue out to catch snow. They stop the instant Jake and Amy come into view, cautiously meeting them at the bottom so they don’t slip on the snow.

Most of the conversation is related to college stuff— Amy is able to catch them up on the important news of being accepted into Brown, while the rest of them confirm that their own applications had been sent out. 

Rosa meets them at school, and it’s a relief to see her with an extra scarf hanging off her arm that Amy instantly snatches off her. It was their final semester of high school—Holt really drills this into their heads during homeroom. 

Jake is mostly confident he’s going to graduate—this was mostly because of the support he had from Amy and Holt, but there was always the little inkling of doubt that he would fuck up one way or another. There had been an abundance of pep talks from Amy to help him keep a positive attitude towards it— _I_ am _smart, I_ will _pass these stupid exams._ So graduation is the least of his worries with their looming final exams, because getting into a university meant _nothing_ if you didn’t pass your exams. His whole future was riding on how the next four months go for him. 

But Holt moves on to the less stressful housekeeping, like reminders of _prom_ and all their other senior activities they had to look forward to. He was the only teacher that Jake knew he would miss—he never gave up on Jake like some others had, Holt was always patient when Jake took longer than some students to understand the content. He seemed to care for Jake in a way that a father would, not that Jake would know, and over the years he had started to view him as a father figure to him. It’s something that he would keep to himself as to not risk being teased to death by classmates if anyone overheard him.

Jake was sure that Amy would keep in contact with him after school, some post-high school mentorship blabber which guaranteed Jake an excuse to keep in contact with him as well. There was so much change coming; he was going to go from seeing these people every morning at the same time to unknown periods of time between seeing his friends, and that was scary. In an instant, as if she can sense his distress, Amy’s hand is on his forearm, giving it a gentle squeeze.

He shoots a quick smile in her direction, but she doesn’t let go even though it’s sure to bring up the repeated rumour that they’re a ‘ _thing_ ’. It doesn’t really bother them at the end of the day, but there had been _moments_ lately that had him thinking of her in _that_ way again and he definitely had to shake that off. But it’s so nice to have her comforting touch on his arm as homeroom continues, he can hear unassuming murmurs from the back of the classroom but he ignores it because Amy was his person—regardless of the status of their relationship—so he would be as close with her as he damn well pleased. 

It’s weird when homeroom is over, Amy has to let go of his arm so they can go their separate ways, as it had been for the first half of their senior year. She was taking mostly AP classes this year, and it was so unusual to not be sharing a classroom together anymore except for homeroom and Biology. Jake knows it’s probably good to prepare himself to be separated from her for longer periods of time when she leaves, but they have been in the same classes for almost ten years. 

Ten years he had known Amy Santiago.

That’s why he was able to tease her as she let go of his arm, poking her in the side and making her squeal with her nose scrunched up. It never failed to make him feel like the first night they met, with her smile bringing him so much joy that his heart basically exploded and everything bad in the universe just faded to the background. 

It’s hard to go through math trying to copy off Charles instead of Amy, mostly because Charles would straight up give him the answers with no questions asked whereas he had to beg Amy for answers. Amy never did give him the answers, instead choosing to help him figure it out and letting him double check his answers with hers. But now the answer was in front of him and he had no idea how to get there.

In his free period later in the day he finds himself in the library. _Jake Peralta_ , in the library, and _not_ forced by Amy. Alex has the exact same sentiment when he spots Jake, rushing to his side to get a closer look to make sure he’s not an imposter. It makes Jake laugh which in turn has the librarian shushing them both.

Alex’s shock turns to concern when he sees Jake’s mess of scribbles trying to figure the problem out, and it’s truly like old times between them. With Alex’s help, Jake is able to understand the topic by the end of their free period—and Alex then joins him in walking to their next class. Over a year since they broke up and things were really back to normal—they were able to be alone without any awkward silence and now they’re actually laughing, having a good time together. They talk about prom, too—Jake finds out that he’s going with some of his other friends as a group. 

Jake doesn’t know where he’d be without Alex, just as much as Amy. He would probably still be confused as to why Bruce Willis made him _feel_ things, and hell, would Jake have even watched _Die Hard_ without Alex’s influence? That was crazy to think, he and _Die Hard_ were soulmates. Alex had brought out a different side of him that Jake didn’t know existed—he wouldn’t be who he was if it weren’t for his friendship _and_ relationship with Alex. After all that, they were still able to be friends—and most importantly, Alex was happy.

He smiles at Alex when he reaches his next class, Alex giving a nod and a small wave before he’s walking off to whatever class he has next. The next forty-five minutes are spent with Gina rattling on about prom and which invitation she’s going to accept from the seven she had received that day. Their history teacher had fallen asleep at their desk so no one was doing work, so he indulges Gina in her deliberations. 

Prom was the hot topic of just about everyone in every class he’s been to—he’s heard people discussing dates, dresses, corsages and it stresses him out that he hasn’t thought at all what he was going to do for prom. What the hell was he gonna wear? Who the hell was he gonna go with?

 _Did Amy have a date?_ He convinces himself quickly that this question only pops up in his head because she was an obvious back up if he couldn’t find a date. It felt mean, but he knew she would probably think the same about him and it’s something they needed to talk about—they needed a game plan.

He feels strange going into lunch— Amy is complaining about one of her teacher’s taking two marks off her assignment because of a technicality or whatever the hell she meant, and Jake just nodded and listened as the rest of the group had their own conversations. Once she’s over it, she joins Gina’s conversation about prom and his stomach is in knots.

Does Jake just want to go with Amy? What did that even _mean_ to him? _Of course_ going to prom with Amy would be fun because they had fun together. But why did he feel so nervous at the thought of asking to go with her? Did he mean to ask her in a serious manner? He’s so confused at his internal dialogue that he doesn’t notice when Amy asks him a question.

_We’ll go together if we don’t get dates, right?_

The question bounces around in his head even after he agrees—it’s not what he wants. Things had been weird between them, but in a good way he thinks, and those feelings that he thought he long buried were _possibly_ resurfacing? He thought about replying to her and suggesting they just go ahead and go together, but Charles had been there so he would have freaked out, and possibly even fainted, so it wasn’t worth it.

Plus, he had to _think_ on it. This wasn’t something he could rush into, liking Amy again wasn’t something he could take lightly. So it’s something he’s thinking about even as they go to Biology class together—Amy talking excitedly about what they might be studying in their final semester as she probably had been in every class he wasn’t in.

His brain goes into overdrive so much that he hardly processes being paired up with Amy for their final assessment of the year, and it’s a miracle really since the teacher kind of hated them (him) when they sat together. A final project to work on with Amy was definitely something to look forward to, but it didn’t stop him from overthinking every other moment in that class.

Jake desperately wants the day to be over so he can go hide in his room for hours. 

Amy doesn’t let him, of course—there’s too much homework for them to do on the first day alone and Amy wants to outline their final project so there’s no chance of them falling behind. He’s certain that he’s answered it all wrong and he’ll have to redo it later but he can’t concentrate when Amy looks so serene with her hair out in waves, providing a perfect backdrop for her profile and beauty and _fuck_ , maybe his crush on her was kinda back in full force.

It hits him all at once so much that he feels dizzy and he’s overwhelmed, but overall, not surprised. He was a dumbass to think he could keep them down for much longer. Jake _liked_ Amy and he wanted to go to prom with her where he could hold her close in a slow dance before the teachers ruined it—he could picture it clearly in his head. He just had to have the courage to ask.

He was able to do it with Alex, so why not Amy? He liked her so much on and off for _years_ and he was very much sick of having to hide it. The worst thing that would happen is her saying no, right? She might just say no, to stick with their original plan—Amy might even have someone that she wants to ask already, and he doesn’t like the feeling that arises in him at the thought. 

Was Jake a bad friend for developing feelings for her again? He promised, no _vowed_ , to be her best friend for life. Jake wasn’t sure on how things worked when you have feelings for a best friend of ten years—it has the potential to ruin everything, and he goes over it this fact every single time he thinks about possibly confessing his feelings. It was different this time, with Alex—they were really good friends, they dated and broke up and things were _fine_ now.

But they were just _fine_ — it was a hard fall from one of his best friends to simply a friend he hangs out with at school and occasionally with other friends outside of school. He can hardly imagine things being that way with Amy—they barely made it a few weeks without talking, even when they were fighting. 

It always comes back to this—their friendship is not worth risking over exploring what _more_ might be, and he was a coward.

So, where the courage comes from, he’s not quite sure, but it’s only a few minutes later when the words slip out of his mouth, “Do you wanna go to the prom with me?” Amy’s head shoots up, her eyes wide in confusion. “L-like a date, you know, so we don’t have to bother with asking our annoying classmates.” 

She opens up her mouth before closing it again, the crease in her brow deepening with each passing second. Jake could see it in the way her face softens before the crease returns, she’s confused. Was his intention unclear? He remains silent as she thinks about it, trying to bury his face into his history text book that he couldn’t care less about. _He shouldn’t have asked_ —he was fucking screwed.

“Let’s do it.” He looks up to Amy, she’s chewing on her bottom lip as she looks at him, _nervous_. 

_Did Amy actually feel the same? Was this a real date?_

But Jake simply nods instead of elaborating, he was too nervous to find out the answer now—he could happily live in denial about her intent. Maybe it would hurt later, and maybe he was setting himself up for disaster. For now, he would let himself get excited that he was going to prom with _Amy_.

~

Jake asking her to prom as his date meant nothing. 

Amy thinks it means nothing—because he said it himself, it’s just so they don’t have to go through the struggle of picking someone for their grade that was good enough to spend the night with. That’s all it was…

Then why was Jake so nervous to ask her?

There was that _one_ moment during their _Die Hard_ marathon, but she stored that memory in the deepest depths of her brain as a momentary lapse of judgement—teenage hormones and all. Nothing had happened since then, it was all so wonderfully normal between them. That was until the day before, when Jake asked _her_ to be his prom _date_.

She was there, she didn't need to keep reminding herself what happened—but the gears were grinding so loudly in her head she could hardly focus on anything else. Even when her teacher called on her earlier, she had to take a moment to remember what class she was in before she answered which garnered a _lot_ of strange looks from her classmates.

It shouldn’t bother her this much—she had gotten over her feelings for Jake long ago now and there was no reason she should dwell on them. There were too many tests and exams to prepare for her _future_. Jake would be there anytime if she ever felt like _exploring_ those possibilities, but now was not the time. There was never going to be a time for it. 

Sometime during the school day Amy finally manages to push some of the intrusive thoughts away. Like, there’s still a flutter of _something_ when she meets up with him for lunch and when he walks with her to class, even though his class is on the other side of school. But stepping over the threshold of the classroom it’s like a cloak of invisibility, the confusing spiral she had been on since the day before non-existent. 

She believes it’ll be the same going into her weekly mentoring session with Holt, but even as he opens the door and steps aside for her to enter, she’s still reeling from Jake’s goodbye. Every week without fail, he will forget what day her meetings are on, so he’s shocked and not sure what to do when she says he’ll be home later. That’s when he revealed he was going to take her out for pizza and go _window_ _shopping_ for _prom_. 

She had phased out after that, but she does pick up things like _colour scheme_ and _so we can match_. It throws her off because, well, that’s what couples do when they go to prom. She figured Jake would pick out the first cheap tuxedo to rent and be done with it. But he wanted to go _window shopping_ and discuss _colours_ so they could _match_ — it was safe to say she’s a little distracted going into her meeting with Holt. 

Amy went into automatic mode as her thoughts took over, opening her binder to where they left off the week before and pulling out a notebook. She understood everything he was saying, he was telling her about the perfect handshake, but when the words tried to register in her brain to write it down, Jake would appear and shove all that information right back out of her head—in one ear and out the next.

“Santiago, is everything alright?” 

“Huh?” Amy looks around the room as if she had no idea how she got there, or how long she’d been there. How long had she been staring blankly at Holt as he taught?

“Usually you are speed writing notes but you look… perplexed.” He says, “Is there something you do not understand?”

She should ask him— Mr. Holt was a smart man, and he was an _adult_ —so he could have the answers she needed to figure out her inner turmoil. Her mentor should be there to answer any questions she had, after all. But where does she start? _I think I might like Jake again_ —no, she would need to be more subtle, like, _Jake wants to pick out matching colours and I don’t know what to do._ It was still too obvious, she can’t reveal that Jake was the thing that was troubling her because it added a whole other layer of complication that she doesn’t want to burden Holt with.

“No, sorry, I understand.” Amy sighs, shaking her head. “Sorry, I’m just a bit worn out.”

“Anything I can help you with?” He offers calmly.

Amy opens her mouth, but she’s still coming up empty with how to go about it while keeping it casual and not specific. Was it fair to involve him in her teenage drama? She had been such a wonderful and professional relationship with him that was definitely worth jeopardising—just like her friendship with Jake.

“No, sir.” Amy says, straightening herself in a beat, “I’m ready to take notes— So handshakes?”

~

Amy agreed to go shopping for prom instead of important studying on one condition: Rosa and Gina got to come.

Part of it was wanting their fashion approval, and part of it was to keep her head from exploding from overthinking. They didn’t know this of course, because there was no way she could actually tell them— she could barely figure it out for herself. It’s a spiral she puts herself through every other day but she always comes back to the same results— it wasn’t worth risking their friendship.

Jake didn’t protest their presence, and she didn’t think he would have, but she was relieved anyway. If she felt too overwhelmed by Jake suggesting a colour— _turquoise_ , he exclaimed, _we’d look_ dope _in turquoise_ —Amy could just pull on Gina’s arms and ask her opinion, which she then rejects with a deep hatred without knowing how much Amy appreciated it. 

Jake was still browsing the dresses on the rack nearest the dressing room— they still hadn’t decided on a colour they both wanted so they were taking a break so that Rosa and Gina were able to find their dresses. “We need something that screams sexy but also super approachable and not too sexy, ya know?” Jake relays to her again, “You’re my priority for the night, obviously, but I gotta put myself out there before I never see any of them again.”

“If you want to flirt with girls all night then why did you ask me?” Amy asks, joining him at the rack when Gina yells that they need another minute.

“Well, I _want_ to go with you and… I don’t know, it’s our last hurrah and I just want to spend it with you.” Jake shrugs as he continues to flick through dresses, the blush evident but quickly forgotten as he pulls out a bright blue dress off the rack. “Is this the same dress Jenny Gildenhorn wore at my bar mitzvah?”

“Hmm, I think so.” Amy says, bringing a hand to her mouth to stifle her laugh.

“Amy, _please_ , wear this to prom. Please.” Jake’s eyes grow wide, as if they would turn into sparkly cartoon eyes that were simply irresistible, and he starts to beg. “Please, please, _pretty please_ , wear this to prom.”

“Absolutely not, Jake.” Amy can’t hold back her laugh anymore, taking the dress from him and putting it back on the rack. “I’m not going to do that to your poor little heart.”

“I would live, so long as you dance with me.” He juts out his bottom lip now, but Amy just pokes it back in. “Fine, don’t let me relive my thirteen year old dream.”

Before Amy can reply, Rosa comes out of the dressing room, quickly followed by Gina in a turquoise dress. So it turns out she only hated it because it was the colour she wanted— but Gina looked great in it so Amy could hardly be annoyed. 

“Do you think they’ll like it?” Gina twirls on spot, her hands trailing down her waist as she looks at herself in the mirror again. “I think I look hot.”

“They?” Amy tilts her head slightly in curiosity.

“Didn’t I tell you? I have six dates.” Jake audibly gasps next to her before Gina continues, “Mark, Sean, Luca, Danny, Mario and… uh, who else was it?”

Gina impatiently taps her foot, and Rosa interrupts, “Daniel.”

“Oh yes, it’s Danny _and_ Daniel.” Gina scoffs, “White boys.”

“How did you get _six_ dates?” Amy questions eagerly.

“The boys flock to me like birds.” Gina says dramatically, expressing with her hands. “I’m their momma bird, and they need the worms from me to _survive_!”

“Weird analogy.” Rosa snorts.

“Who are you going with?” Jake turns to Rosa.

“None of your business.” Rosa replies quickly.

“Is it an alien?” Jake mocks, which earns him a punch when Rosa makes it to him. “If it’s your cousin, you can tell us, Roro.”

She punches him again, holding back her smile before she replies, “It is a human male whom I’m not related to.”

“Who is it?” Amy joins in, Gina still checking herself out in the mirror.

“Roooosa.” Jake whines— Amy knows they won’t get an answer out of her like this, but it’s fun to annoy her with Jake.

She eventually leaves them to take her own dress options into the dressing room, Amy stuck in a fit of giggles with Jake—they would find out the night of prom anyway. The first half of the day is a success for Gina and Rosa only—and they’re ready to leave, but Amy begs them to stay since she and Jake were just _that_ hopeless. _Not_ because she didn’t know how to act around him. 

They agree, but only because Amy agrees to buy them lunch which they take with them to another shop while she sits down with Jake. Amy tries to avoid the topic of prom while they eat, but Jake is too busy devouring his pancake stack to notice this. He hasn’t been weird since the day he asked her to prom, which only made it worse for Amy and her notorious overthinking problem.

If Jake was playing some sort of prank on her, it was twisted and cruel—but it was Jake, so she hardly thought it would be that. Why then would he be so nervous to ask her but so relaxed about every other detail leading up to prom? Colour schemes? Corsages? Awesome, and absolutely no big deal to Jake Peralta.

Amy was good at learning new things, especially if there was a book related to her subject. Being cool and casual? Not yet to be found in a book, at least not in their local library. Maybe she could check the internet, but it was so big that she wouldn’t know where to even start to look for those answers. It comes back to her mind that she should ask Mr. Holt after all, but she quickly shakes the thought away.

She hardly makes it halfway through her meal before Gina is running up behind Amy and shaking her shoulders, causing Amy to almost choke on her food. Jake lets out a booming laugh, and she must have forgotten he was there for a moment, being so invested in her own thoughts and him buried deep in pancakes. Gina only stops shaking her shoulders when Rosa catches up to them.

“Amy, come on. We found the perfect dress for you.” 

Jake hardly gets to finish his pancakes before Gina is dragging him out of his seat. He does pick up Amy’s fries for her, but when they catch up, Rosa already has her in the dressing room and he can’t really help that they’re gone hardly a minute later. There’s a certain unease that settles in the pit of his stomach as he waits for Amy to get dressed, Gina is talking to him about different styles of tuxedos, but all he can focus on is if his nerves were based on guilt from eating her fries—or the fact that he liked Amy again and had done nothing about it but _ask her to prom_.

Does he need to do more than that? He felt like he was being pretty obvious, but Amy was calculated and smart in everything she did—so, he had been expecting some big talk about their feelings, whether it was to reject or reciprocate those feelings. But there was no discussion of their feelings, and still no returning of feelings—just a whole crap load of weirdness ever since he asked her. 

He knew the risks of asking her, but he went ahead with it anyway. No thought of where it might leave them— but it was also all he thought about. It was one of those really _really_ big loops on a rollercoaster, not a fun one at all, but it was Amy—he had to go on it. Did she want to do the same for him? To go on a really confusing and scary rollercoaster? Amy liked to have everything planned out right in front of her, perfectly organised by her, and not knowing would come next would definitely stress her out. Where did their friendship end up if they were to be a couple and break up? This rollercoaster didn’t necessarily guarantee safety for her, so would she get on it?

This analogy does two things to him— gives him a head splitting headache, and makes him really want to take Amy to an amusement park. Jake is thankful when Gina opens the curtain to her dressing room with a flair he can only associate with Gina. He doesn’t want to deal with her dramatics though, as she announces Amy like the M.C. at a party, he’s just trying to look around Gina to spot Amy in whatever dress was chosen.

Jake doesn’t know how to describe the feeling really, he kind of just blacks out— because, well, Amy looks really fucking good in the dress. He wants to say something, he really does—every single positive adjective comes to his mind at once, yet another strong influence of Amy Santiago. He knows big words because of her, he loves reading because of her, he has his best friend because of her.

He’s definitely stared for too long by the time he clears his throat, looking down to the floor then up to take her in again. He can form a coherent thought, but it comes out all messed up, “Uh, you lo— that dress is very nice. Colour good, and uh, yeah, you look pretty.”

“Thank you.” She turns to observe herself in the mirror, fixing a crease on her side and tilting her head. Jake can see the slight tint of red on her cheeks, and the weird energy was back again— he had been doing so well at not being weird. What was worse, Gina and Rosa had decided now that Amy was happy with her dress, that they could leave. It was fair, the rest _could_ be completed by just him and Amy—there’s no choice anyway, saying goodbye before Amy goes back into the dressing room to change.

He watches Gina grabs Rosa’s hand, dragging her out of the store and leaving him alone with Amy. The nerves don’t disappear like he wants to when she reappears in her normal clothing— she doesn’t simply stop being cute in her normal clothing, it’s just that Jake usually had an easier time pushing it down. But she’s just as bad, quickly glancing over to him before she hand off her dress to an employee to get packed up before they’re taken to find Jake’s suit. 

The woman leaves after suggesting a few suits, their style range in the most miniscule ways and offering Jake a cummerbund that would suit Amy’s dress nicely. He can feel his face heating up the longer she talks about how _nice_ they looked together, and how _nice_ their photos would be. He doesn’t dare look at Amy as he takes the first tuxedo from the pile and storms into the changing room. 

Jake takes a few calming breaths when he puts the clothing down, resting his head against a wall. He would get over this feeling like he did last time, there was no good outcome of him making it weird. He almost considers suggesting asking other people to prom, but it was much too late for that—everyone in their grade already had dates and were deep in their own preparations, and he can’t just leave Amy dateless. 

He’d be just about as useless trying to find a new date as well, and then they’d still end up going together—it would be a full cycle of pointless messy weirdness. 

Changing into the tuxedo is a more difficult task than he initially thought, with his mind so full of Amy related feelings garbage. Jake could barely get the buttons through the tiny holes, but what he’s truly flummoxed by is the bow tie. His dad showed him how to do it once, at his wedding with his second wife—but he didn’t remember, there was one loop there, and there might be another.

Jake didn’t need a dad to teach him this crap, he was doing just fine without knowing how to tie a tie—just not in that very moment. With a huff, he gives up before exiting the change room, where Amy is very focused on a loose thread on the hem of her skirt. She only looks up when he tries to clear his throat, but it gets lost somewhere and it comes out as a tiny little grunt.

Amy looks up at him stunned, eyebrows raised—he’s good at reading her, but he doesn’t know where to put her emotion in the moment. They’re both tense, that all he can really tell. “I forgot how to do my bow tie.” Jake says quietly.

“Oh, I’ll do it.” Amy jumps up from the round sofa, “I’ve done it for my little brothers before, and my cousins, and pretty much every boy in my family.”

“They’re smart but they can’t tie a knot for the life of them.” Jake lets out a hesitant laugh, and Amy laughs with him.

“Same goes for you.” Amy retorts with a roll of her eyes. When she reaches him, Jake does his best to focus on the bow tie—if he’s focused on that, it means he doesn’t flinch at the touch to his shoulders or when her hand brushes the skin of his neck when readjusting his collar. Focusing on the bow tie meant that his breathing remained steady, he didn’t let himself think about how close Amy was.

They’ve been this close so many times in the past years, and even when he last liked her, it wasn’t like this. Now it was charged with an energy that was growing thicker by the second. Jake could tell she was focused too—on breathing and tying the knot on his bow tie perfectly. It meant she was feeling this too, maybe she was also thinking about how close they were. 

Damned teenage hormones making him feel this way—it’s what he puts it down to anyway. It couldn’t be more than that. 

Jake loses focus for half a second and it’s all it takes for him to finally look at Amy. He was right, Amy was so intently focused on his bow tie, fiddling and straightening it for another five seconds before she finally looks at him. He can’t ignore the way her breath catches and he feels like it was way hotter than a few seconds earlier. It was March, so the heater was still on in the store, and this tuxedo was thick—and not to mention Amy’s eyes were still locked on his.

Was he supposed to make a move? This was getting ridiculous—she seemed to be into him to a degree, and if he didn’t do something now would he ruin any future chances they had together? How long could they drag this on before it blew up in their faces?

Amy finally breaks away from his gaze, forcing a smile, “It looks great, Jake.”

“Uh, thanks.” Jake shrugs. 

He feels really warm, but he hopes the blush isn’t too intense. They almost fall into another moment before the front bell of the store rings, and Amy takes a step back. 

“We should get going if we want to find a corsage and boutonniere before the mall closes.” Amy falls back into work mode, the window closed. “You like the tux, right?”

It was too warm, but he couldn’t stay in there any longer. “Right.”

“Prom is going to be so much fun!” Amy squeals, pushing him back into the changing room as if none of the past ten minutes had transpired.

Prom was going to be a fucking disaster.

~

Amy doesn’t let the events of the dress shop repeat themselves. 

That means she makes rules—stay at least three feet away from Jake at all times, don’t be alone in each other’s bedroom, and don’t—under any circumstances—look him in the eyes for more than four seconds. Jake isn’t aware of these rules, but he seems to follow them well enough anyway. It was better these rules were in place now, so they could go to prom together with no issue.

It was still a few weeks away, so there was so much time to force the tension away.

Maybe it was ridiculous, and maybe she should get over it and just tell him how he feels. It was absurd, she felt so strongly but she was too much of a coward to do anything. There was always the same excuse, one that she’ll come back to over again even when he actually showed interest in her—it just wasn’t worth it.

She had to remind herself of this frequently, especially when meeting on the fire escape as much as they did. It had been a long day at school, so she really has to remind herself that their friendship was more important than a sympathy cuddle. None of it made any sense, but it was for the better, right? The sun was setting, and checking her watch she finds that Jake is a few minutes later than he usually is. 

Her back against the cold metal keeps her grounded, helping to keep the stresses of her sixteen year old life at bay. The sun kept her skin warm even as it sunk below the skyline of the city—it was serenity packed up nicely in a small moment, quickly ruined by the slamming of Jake’s window and stomping of his feet down the steps of the fire escape.

“Amy! My letter came!” Jake yells, and she understands his urgency as he sits next to her. Even sitting down, he’s still bouncing on the spot. “I should open it. Can you open it?” He holds the letter in front of her, and she smiles, ready to take it for him—but he snatches it back. “No! I want to read it!”

Amy laughs, watching him tear open the letter—internally, she’s wincing and wishing she had a letter opener on her—but more importantly, his contagious energy is spreading to her and now she’s bouncing on the spot. He definitely got in, she didn’t really doubt it for a second that he would. The final few seconds of waiting were the worst, almost worse than the day she got her own acceptance letter.

Unfolding the letter, she’s never seen his eyes move across a page so fast. Jake’s smile turns from nervous to genuine, and the next moment he’s waving the letter in the air with a loud _‘WHOOP’_. Amy cheers along side him—and ignoring her rules for such an important moment, she hugs him.

As well as celebration, it’s healing for herself and their relationship she thinks. It had been so awkward and it was so hard to fix, but in that moment, it felt alright. She messed up his hair, and whispering how proud of him she was. Feelings be damned, this was a moment for them—this was something they had been working towards since the beginning of high school and no awkward tension between them could ruin their celebrations. 

When they go upstairs to tell his mom, after smothering him with proud kisses, she immediately moves to the phone to order celebratory Chinese. It strikes Amy with an idea that sticks in her brain throughout the whole night of celebrating. Their list, she had promised him a day where they would both skip school—and this was really the perfect reasoning for it. 

She could plan it all out, picnic on the roof, and driving to the other side of the city for no good reason—the spontaneous trait that only he brought out in her. She couldn’t go wild as Niagara Falls again, but he definitely deserved a day of ice cream and laying in the grass.

There were no tests coming up for a week either, so she needn’t stress about breaking her permanent record streak for her best friend. This was exactly the wild side he brought out in her. Amy put him through years of torture so that he could achieve this and she couldn’t be more proud, her heart swelling a hundred times it’s size. This had nothing to do with any type of romantic feeling, and she wouldn’t let it be about that. She loved him too much for anything to ruin the moment.

So a good majority of her night is spent organising their day out—Amy could spontaneously decide to skip school, but she _would_ have a plan for it. 

**9:00am** \- Pretend to go to school with Jake

 **9:30am** \- Pancakes when mom and dad go to work

 **9:45am** \- Watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

 **11:30am** \- Order pizza and set up rooftop picnic while Jake is still stuck on TMNT

 **12:00pm** \- Pizza picnic (also get orange soda from his fridge) 

**1:30pm** \- Drive to New York Aquarium 

**3:00pm** \- Park and ice cream 

**4:00pm** \- Go home/Die Hard marathon

There’s definitely a blurred line of where her love for him as a best friend and romantic feelings met, but at two in the morning, she frankly didn’t care. Amy loved Jake, and he deserved the best skip day possible.

Amy feels like a zombie dragging herself out of bed the next morning, but she gets ready, and says goodbye to her parents under the impression that she’s going to school. Climbing into Jake’s room, he’s sleepy but ready to go, lazily eating a banana. 

“Come on!” Amy drags him to his feet, and out of the apartment. “Let’s go!”

“Ready to go, Ames?” His smile is dopey, even as he wakes up a little more with fresh air. “Another day of important study for this future NYU freshman!”

“Forget that.” Amy shakes her head, chewing on the inside of her cheek to contain her excitement. “I have better plans.”

“What?” Jake’s awake now, an intense worry in his widened eyes.

“Today, we’re celebrating.” Amy starts, turning to him with a sneaky grin. “Today, we are skipping school.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll answer your questions now—no, the teenage drama will never end. we in mutual pining city my dudes!!
> 
> and next up we have prom so get ready for that ¨̮
> 
> kudos and comments are loved and cherished like a child srsly 
> 
> https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/


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